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Seduce Me Review

Andy Chalk | 15 Jan 2013 18:00
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As you increase your rating with the ladies, you'll be able to engage with them in different sorts of fantasies and activities, each of which requires a minimum ranking in one or both attributes. Like all of the game's character interactions, these erotic payoffs are hand-painted images that zoom in on a particular part of the "action" across two or three overlapping frames. Once you've gawked to your heart's content, it's back to the mansion to move on to the next encounter. For a game that's ostensibly about sex, it's not terribly exciting.

The character art is competent but a bit spartan, laid over a cel-shaded representation of sun-drenched European excess, and the smooth, synth-driven soundtrack, while admittedly just a slightly-higher-than-normal class of porno-cheese, is actually kind of nice. The interface couldn't possibly be simpler: A click of the mouse "unlocks" the screen so you can look around to decide where you want to go next, and movement is accomplished by clicking on either a location or one the windows along the bottom of the screen that represent adjacent rooms. There's no inventory or puzzles of any sort; Seduce Me is pure sightseeing on every level.

The funny thing is that aside from all the T&A (&C&P&BJ&GB), this is very much the sort of game that your mother, if we may indulge in the casual gaming stereotype for a moment, would enjoy. The card games are very basic, and they can be infuriating - I'd swear the AI cheats, although designer/programmer Miram Bellard insists in the Seduce Me forums that this is not the case - but once you get the hang of things, they can be amusing, if not particularly stimulating, little time-wasters. If the name of the game was just to make friends with everyone and Cecelia wasn't riding the chef like a stolen moped every time you turned around, Seduce Me could very well be a semi-popular game on Facebook.

Unfortunately, like a lot of Facebook games, the actual gameplay is shallow and dull, a bit reminiscent of an X-rated Minesweeper. And like that Windows classic, you're likely going to lose a lot, which can make the single, automatic save point a real irritant. It may more accurately reflect the "reality" of human interaction than a conventional save system - you don't get a second chance at a first impression and all that - but unless you're knowledgeable and dedicated enough to track down the save file and make backups, there's no way to quickly and easily recover from a string of bad luck.

Seduce Me's greatest failing, however, is simply that it serves neither casual gamers nor serious porn hounds with any degree of enthusiasm. The gameplay wears thin in a hurry and the sex scenes, while graphic, are entirely non-interactive and, to be blunt, just not worth the bother. I didn't expect Seduce Me to be a very good game, but it turns out that it's not a very good show, either.

Bottom Line: A porn game that's unfortunately short on both the porn and the game, Seduce Me is dull, uninteresting and eminently forgettable.

Recommendation: Unless you're gripped by some bizarre compulsion that drives you to own every single pornographic item your eyes fall upon, don't bother.

What our review scores mean.

Game: Seduce Me
Genre: Simulation
Developer: No Reply GamesĀ 
Publisher: No Reply GamesĀ 
Platform(s): PC

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