Gaming Uber Alles

Gaming Uber Alles
When Gamers Rule the World

JR Sutich | 12 Jul 2005 12:07
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I weep for the future of mankind. These tears are not born from concerns over global warming, killer asteroids, or nuclear despotism. My pain comes from the knowledge that, someday, gamers will inherit the Earth. Did I say inherit? Sorry, I meant conquer. Someday the coin of the realm will have the words "Play2Crush" in place of the familiar "E Pluribus Unum." And as much as I am distressed by this thought, I am at the same time fascinated by it, and dare I say, almost looking forward to it.

I find myself anticipating it because it will usher in a new era for humanity. The humans who evolve from the environmental conditioning of games will think and move faster than those unfortunate not to have been forged by generations of gaming legacy. Already, in my own offspring, I see examples of the next generation overtaking my abilities I thought were honed razor sharp. I see this not as an isolated case, but rather the normal state in thousands upon thousands of households around the world.

There are those who refuse to see the direction of the next stage of evolution for our species. The ones who try to legislate against this evolution, those who dismiss outright humanity's progression as not the real issue, are the very ones who will bring about their own destruction. The sad fact is, the more the gamer sub-species is challenged by its environment, the stronger it will become. This is a Darwinian struggle, with a rule set written by Nietzsche. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and we have learned nothing from the example of Prohibition in the 1920's. When laws are passed against videogames, those who played them are just going to grow up and repeal the laws. This revisionist action may be the catalyst. Gamers will realize they have the power to change the past, and with that power will come the ability to pwn the future.

The gamers will embrace their destiny as the dominant life form on the planet, and begin to actually dominate. Social practices seen only in smaller scale with Guilds and Clans will be applied to the masses. Those who are not willing to be assimilated will be cast out. LiveJournal Bloggers will be herded up and sent to live in "re-education" camps where they will be forced to perform slave labor to ensure the New World Order. Political systems around the world will change drastically. We will see exchanges on the floor of the Senate that consist of nothing more than, "You suck," "No, you suck."

Wars will be fought without a single drop of blood being spilled, as the United Nations will hold million-player, single elimination LAN tournaments to settle disputes between sovereign countries. The Blogger slave-race will manufacture hardware to ensure that the Digital Forces of its side has the best equipment. The arms race will be measured in megahertz, not megatons. Vast amounts of resources and man hours will be dedicated to perpetuating the Gamers' ability to do nothing but game, in defense of their 127.0.0.1.

Eventually, the UN will see that most of the disputes are caused by the Mutually Assured Obsolescence mentality, and declare the nations of the world are truly united. Under one console, under one platform, the next stage of the evolution of the Gamer super-race will begin. It will be determined that an expansion is needed, and to a Gamer, this means new content, a newer version. The search for Earth 2.0: A Call to Conquer will begin.

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