Myths and Legends

Myths and Legends
In His Name We Pray, Ramen

Russ Pitts | 25 Mar 2008 12:55
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"Decreased Piracy Contributes to Increased Tropical Cyclone Intensity"

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In 2006, the Science Creative Quarterly hosted a competition to provide tangible, scientifically proven evidence of the Flying Spaghetti monster. Entries included such topics as "Piracy as a Preventor of Tropical Cyclones":

We have demonstrated that pirate activity produces upwelling. It is thus obvious that a decreasing pirate population will result in less oceanic upwelling, especially in the Atlantic basin.

As evidenced by the 2004 and 2005 hurricane seasons, decreased upwelling results in increased SST's and more intense tropical cyclones. Our PARROT model predicts that if the downward trend in piracy continues tropical cyclones will intensify.

Sarah Sargent's "Yes, Virginia, There is a Flying Spaghetti Monster":

And yes, Virginia, there are pirates in Kansas. Pirates are everywhere, and they help spread the word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The recent snowstorms in Kansas are proof of the valiant fight against global warming. It has not snowed because it is winter. Global warming does not respect calendars. No, it has snowed because the number of pirates in Kansas has increased.

And "Heads Up: Ramen":

With recent research done in string theory, we can prove that we all have been constructed - on a very basic level - to look like Our Dish Most Holy. Super strings reveal to us the unifying and binding miracle of life that He has breathed into us. Every atom of our being is made of quarks which are in turn made of tiny strings vibrating towards spaghettidom.

The yet-to-be-declared winner will receive $100 worth of the Holy Noodles, Ramen.

As if the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster couldn't support any more levity, it has also spawned a number of apocryphal additions to The Gospel. Encouraged by Henderson himself, these additions make up what's called the "Loose Canon." There are also a number of splinter churches, one of the most notable being The Reformed Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"Most breakaway churches have focused on relatively superficial issues, such as clothing, the role of pirates, the characteristics of meatballs, etc," reads the Reformed Church's manifesto. "However, one recent reformation movement has addressed what it sees as a core issue in the original Church of the FSM. ... The Reformed Church has a positive mission. Its goal is to target features of all religion (not just Christianity) that may get in the way of deeper spirituality. Laugh at what is superficial in your religion, and pay serious attention to what matters."

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