Guilty Pleasures

Guilty Pleasures
When I was a Sex Goddess

Amanda Yesilbas | 16 Dec 2008 12:57
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Somewhere during the messy affair I became an Immortal. My primary duty was to run quests for the players and reward roleplaying. It was during these invisible jaunts that I encountered the most entertaining and head-scratching sexual exploits, such as two real-life males roleplaying a lesbian encounter. It became apparent almost every single player was using the MUD as a sexual playground.

Keeping the theme of my godly persona, I ran adventures based on romance and sex. One of my favorite pastimes was taking a dryad character out for a spin, luring a high level player into a cabin and locking him in there naked and helpless. I was very patient, often working on players for days to get them to trust me. I got high off the conquest, and I had an insatiable thirst for that endorphin rush that comes from meeting and charming a new person. By the time I got them back to the cabin I was already bored with them, but I didn't know how to extricate myself from the situation. I was ravaging the male player base.

Eventually, though, I met my match and was conquered in and out of game. My dryad character failed to lure one of my targets to bed. Instead, she spent the evenings with him discussing the stars and the ocean. I ended up marrying him in real life.

Since then, I've given up playing online games. I think I would have anyway. I spent over five years dealing with - and causing - a great deal of drama, and it had become tiring and boring. I've changed all my online identities so the past can't find me. I use to be afraid if I played online or talked to people from those times I wouldn't have the willpower to say no when presented with temptation. Fidelity in the digital age is a tricky proposition. But beyond moral dilemmas, I've moved on and would rather spend time offline.

I haven't stopped enjoying the quick thrill of falling for someone. I've found single-player RPGs with romance plots give me the small vicarious thrill I need. I'll forever be devoted to BioWare because of this, and I still enjoy the occasional sappy JRPG.

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Though I'm not particularly proud of the things I did, I am grateful for the unique opportunity MUDs gave me. I got to explore my sexuality and desire with a wide range of partners in a safe space. I'm probably among the first generation to come of age on the internet, but as online social interaction becomes more commonplace I know my story will be repeated. I learned through MUDs what I needed and wanted out of a relationship. When one of my former online flings tracked me down years later and began making advances, I very clearly told him, "No, I don't do that anymore." I have finally learned to say no.

Amanda Yesilbas is a librarian by trade and gamer by calling.

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