Fiction Issue #3

Fiction Issue #3
Speech of teh Realm

Richard Hehemann | 23 Dec 2008 12:59
Fiction Issue #3 - RSS 2.0

"Perhaps I may be of service," said Torgil. "One may find the Codes of Speech in the Tome of Glory, which may be viewed in the Great Library in Skyrift Castle. There you will learn the rules as set forth by the Lords Above themselves."

"Huh? WTF does that mean?" said the wizard.

"It means you should ... uh ..." Torgil struggled for the proper words, but none came to his mind. "Just click the link for 'RP Server Guidelines' on the main web page."

"Thanks, dude," said the wizard.


"I mean, 'Thanketh to thy bardliness.' Is that OK?"

"Your attempts to learn our ways speak well of you, traveler. Had I but known you were new to our lands, I would have aided you ere now," said Torgil.

"So I have to talk like that all the time? What if I just want to tell my group I need to take a leak?" asked the mage. The knight at his side struck his palm upon his forehead.

"Well, you might say, 'Forgive me my friends, but I must as needs answer nature's call,' or such to that effect," said Torgil.

"Jeez, that's a lot of work. On the old server we just typed 'AFK bio.'"

"Ah, I have heard tales of this barbaric mode of speech." Torgil replied. "Those lands must surely lack for the basic modes of civilized conduct."

"Hey, wait a minute," said a tall man in the garb of a priest of Hoath. "He's right. We waste an awful lot of time in chat that way. Do we really have to say every single thing like it's the Middle Ages?"

"Come on guys," said an elven archer at a nearby table. "If you want to talk out of character say 'OOC' first."

"You didn't say 'OOC' when you were just talking OOC," said a barbarian. Despite his huge size, he spoke with the voice of a boy of no more than thirteen summers, belying his savage appearance and the huge axe slung on his back.

"Well, I was just trying to help the newbie," said the archer.

"OOC - You forgot OOC again," said the barbarian in his curiously boyish voice.

"Ah man, I hate the character police. Can't you just let us have our fun?" The priest poked a finger towards the barbarian. "What kind of name is XxAvarisxX anyway?"

"At my birth, my clan chief wished to name me Avaris but the Elders decreed it was um, already taken by some troll."

"Well, just putting a bunch of Xs around it is pretty stupid," said the archer. "How do you even pronounce that?"


"You should talk," said the barbarian. "You're DarkLegolasss. Real freakin' imaginative."

"You didn't say 'OOC,'" said the archer smugly.

"Mother fu- I mean, ill mannered oaf! I will teach you respect by the edge of my axe!"

"You can't attack me. This isn't a player combat server," said the archer. "Besides, I'm like ten levels above you. I'd pwn you easy."

"Ugh, jerks!" said the barbarian. He stormed out of the tavern without even paying the barkeep.

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