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Limos
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 629
Joined: 15 Jun 2008

He smelled like Old people.

Eyclonus
Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 708
Joined: 12 Apr 2008

He had six fingers on one hand.

vampyricvoid
Paperboy
Posts: 15
Joined: 24 Jul 2008

1. ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?!?!?!? [takes out gigantic axe, then swings]
2. I had a defibrilator... I needed the promotion points, but it didn't work!!! (2142 joke)
Edit: 3. Eh, Obama woulda won anyways.

Eldritch Warlord
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1139
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

What? No, he died all by himself. Old people do that you know. They . . . uh die. Science, um, doesn't know why but they do. Well, he . . . uh, didn't die all by himself per say. I gave him a few bullets to . . . um help.

pha kin su pah
Beat Writer
Posts: 154
Joined: 26 Mar 2008

he was like that when i got here.

Eyclonus
Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 708
Joined: 12 Apr 2008

When I said "the Easy way" and "Hard way" I was comparing the physical effort on my behalf of squeezing the trigger or just punching him in the guts.

Dessembrae
Paperboy
Posts: 47
Joined: 27 Feb 2008

everyone dies in the end...his just came a bit faster than nature's

Dommyboy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1042
Joined: 20 Jul 2008

OMGZZ HE WAS TEH HITLERS!!

Ultrajoe
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3959
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

Who keeps ressurecting GEMS' threads...

has...

No...

He could not have risen! the banhammer destroyed him! He... is... gone!

I must warn the Escapist senior counsel...

ONTOPIC: Chicks dig homicide.

Spleeni
Press Junketeer
Posts: 417
Joined: 5 Jul 2008

1. I was horny!
2. I had to; he was the chosen one.
3. He looked at me!
4. He made me do it with his MIND.
5. He was horny!

Lord Krunk
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2495
Joined: 3 Mar 2008

He was beaming death rays from space, using his UFO. I had to do it for the planet!

*Achieves hero status*

OR

*Achieves room in asylum*

Abako
Muckraker
Posts: 273
Joined: 30 Jun 2008

And I still don't have enough freakin ADAM.

Ultrajoe
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3959
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

He asked me to stay a while and listen.

Abako
Muckraker
Posts: 273
Joined: 30 Jun 2008

You have achieved Level 43!

Ultrajoe
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3959
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

He found this reason oddly impossible, and it confused me.

Iuchiban2525
Paperboy
Posts: 24
Joined: 25 Apr 2008

He made a disparaging remark about your mother.

Leodiensian
Beat Writer
Posts: 219
Joined: 7 Jun 2008

Look, I don't know what his deal was. He was a dick, okay?

Ultrajoe
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3959
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

Science made me do it.

cheatking
Beat Writer
Posts: 182
Joined: 21 Jul 2008

Because he failed the chat tree

gibboss28
Press Junketeer
Posts: 419
Joined: 2 Feb 2008

I needed one more old man to ding to 70.

Ultrajoe
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3959
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

I was after an achievement.

The_Toe_Bighter98
Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 794
Joined: 22 Mar 2008

The old man was about to prove religion wrong! I just had to kill him!

cheatking
Beat Writer
Posts: 182
Joined: 21 Jul 2008

the old man bet a tenner i couldnt hit a coke can with a bow an arrow. so i shot him and took the tenner

jdog345
Beat Writer
Posts: 155
Joined: 10 Jul 2008

"ah,so that button is NOT the safety."

The_Heretic
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2543
Joined: 30 Jun 2008

He looked sick enough to warrent a mercy killing

Eldritch Warlord
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1139
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

You mean he wasn't dead already? I thought he was a frickin' zombie!

Anarchemitis
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4260
Joined: 23 Dec 2007

Oh my God! What have I done?!

Spleeni
Press Junketeer
Posts: 417
Joined: 5 Jul 2008

Awesome! But the blood makes the tracks sticky.

SargentToughie
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4385
Joined: 14 Jun 2008

He was wearing a monicle, clearly a master wizard in disquise

LewsTherin
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1116
Joined: 22 Jun 2008

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

thebobmaster
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 6899
Joined: 28 Nov 2007

He was on old man. I figured he was a master of martial arts. I was wrong.

conqueror Kenny
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3672
Joined: 14 Jan 2008

You see it couldn't be me because I am an optical illusion!

Eldritch Warlord
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1139
Joined: 6 Jun 2008

Indeed

jake09050
Copy Clerk
Posts: 115
Joined: 14 May 2008

he was old do i really need a reason if so "HE" told me to do it

sidhe3141
Copy Clerk
Posts: 72
Joined: 12 Jun 2008

He was in league with Xykon and his allies the Order of the Stick. Thus he threatened the security of Azure City, and had to be destroyed.

Ticks you off, doesn't it? Good. By slowly slicing your mentor into tiny pieces and making you watch, I have motivated you to stop faffing about and go fight some evil as is your destiny. If you'd gotten off your duff sooner, I wouldn't have had to resort to this old villian cliche to get your attention.

This ought to make the news. Maybe if I go on a rampage, it'll bump the vapid spoiled heiress stories to page two. People need to be shocked out of their complacency.

A shining blue angel gave me instructions. He was keeping me from carrying out the part regarding his daughter. Therefore I carried out the part about anyone who tries to stop me. You look like you're on that list too. Yeah, she got away; that means you're next.(Anyone who can guess what book I'm referencing gets bonus points!)

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