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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1244 Joined: 3 Apr 2008     | |
Muckraker  Posts: 249 Joined: 28 Oct 2007    | "Money, paper made of twisted broken trees" Little Baby Nothing by the Manic Street Preachers |
Paperboy Posts: 16 Joined: 12 Oct 2007 | "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming H.P. Lovecraft |
Paperboy  Posts: 46 Joined: 6 Dec 2007    | "I am error." Some from a friend: "I'm color blind when I' talking on the phone." "Please kill me so I can get a year older." And the one I use the most: |
Paperboy Posts: 46 Joined: 6 Dec 2007 |
The latin part is Horace, a roman poet who wrote during the reign of Augustus. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 6 Joined: 21 Mar 2008 | "then they print the bible on him" - Dane Cook |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 5 Joined: 3 Apr 2008 | "If it's almost right, it's wrong." |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 81 Joined: 31 Dec 2007 | "Hey everybody, I'm Seto Kaiba. I have a dragon fetish and sound like Brock from Pokemon. Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!" "And then you exploded again...You really need to stop doing that." -same as above "You just want to get into Serenity's pants!" "So he's like, kung-fu action Jesus?" "Let's do this...LEEEROY JENKINS!" -Avatar Abridged again "HUMILIATION." -same |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 606 Joined: 27 Mar 2008 | "The Internet is nothing something you just dump something on, its not a truck, its a series of tubes!" Ted Stevens speach to congress. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 105 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 | "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong." - Robert Anton Wilson |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 6289 Joined: 28 Nov 2007    | Sarge: The is the M12LRV! I like to call it the Warthog. Grif: Why Warthog, sir? Sarge: Because M12LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son. Grif: No, but...why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig. Sarge: Say that again. Grif: I think it looks more like a puma. Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a puma?! Simmons: You mean like the shoe company? Grif: No. Like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion. Sarge: You're making that up. Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal. Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal. Simmons: Yes, sir! Sarge: Look, see these two tailhooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks? Grif: A walrus. Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?! |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 3 Apr 2008 | Why did we invent the wheel, the steam engine, or computers? curiosity Anonymous |
BANNED  Posts: 62 Joined: 6 Oct 2007 | Hey, "Before you go hold me close. When you leave, keep me in heart. You fought to protect me, but soon you'll fight to protect everyone. If you die i will mourn you. I support you but everytime i think of you i will cry... I swear if you get shot though i will leave you." |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 6 Joined: 5 Feb 2008 | Sin City has some great quotes mostly from Clive Owen: |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3331 Joined: 23 Dec 2007     | "Flak Attack!!" |
Copy Clerk Posts: 82 Joined: 31 Mar 2008 | When I was told I'd contracted this virus it didn't take me long to realize I'd contracted a diseased society as well. Why, of course, the people don't want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship." Goering |
Copy Clerk Posts: 105 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 | Our new laws restraining otherwise good people from owning and using firearms will be the envy of the civilized world...." -- Adolf Hitler "Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India, history will look upon the act of depriving a whole nation of arms, as the blackest."-Mahatma Gandhi "If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun."-The Dalai Lama That which does not kill you has made a tactical error. Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. I can't remember who said the last two. |
Paperboy  Posts: 14 Joined: 26 Mar 2008 | Zap Brannigan from Futurama "What makes a good man go neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?" "You'd sacrifice this beautiful woman for a moderately attractive ape? You've been smoking some bad granola." "If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...Checkmate." "You win again, gravity!" "Stop! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised." "We don't know anything about their race, history, or culture, but one thing's for sure. They stand for everything we stand against." "Wow, one day a man has everything...,then the following day he blows up a $40 billion space station, and the next day he has nothing. It really makes you think." "I like your style, Fry - you remind me of a young me, not much younger mind you, perhaps even a couple years older." "She's a beatifull ship alright. Shapely, seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains out!" "I'm the man with no name... Zapp Brannigan." "Mister and Mrs. Wong! You give me FAR too little credit." "In the game of chess you can never let your opponent see your pieces" "The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in." "Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast" |
Paperboy Posts: 14 Joined: 26 Mar 2008 | In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God. The Lord tells me he can get me out of this mess. But, he's pretty sure you're fucked. - steven in braveheart |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 504 Joined: 13 Dec 2007 | "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!" - Warheads "You break my record. Now I break YOU....like I break your friend." - Chong Li, Bloodsport "I'm gonna kill you, man! Yeah, you! You got it!" - Ray Jackson, Bloodsport "Veryfastrubbingfastfastfast" - Tehmul (a retard), describing jerking off (Such a Long Journey) "I'm feeling under the weather... but I'd rather be feeling under Laurie's skirt" - Dinshawji, Such a Long Journey Kerrigan: Captain Raynor, I've just finished scouting out the area, and....you pig! |
Infamous Scribbler Posts: 606 Joined: 27 Mar 2008 | "This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be!" - someone from Life of Monty Python |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 71 Joined: 22 Mar 2008  | Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum....fresh outa gum - Duke Nukem Our Honorable Yaks - Super Duper Sumos COULD YOU STOP THE INSESENT RAKING!!?? ITS DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!!!! - Freakazoid ORANGE BUILDING!!!! - Me and my U.S Mates (I was playing Ghouls and Ghosts and repetdly died on a level next to an Orange building) OMG there blowing up the city, we need to go to a place thats big and like huge and a bagillion miles wide and desolate and no where to be found on earth but its right over there - DBZ in a nutshell Brwon bread...Brown, ok two words, first word..sounds like...Brooown - Eddie Izzard Chevvi Chey - NPC's in Hitman, who now die whenever I hear it Don't kill me - Random NPC, so of course... I'm tired of these mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking plane - Snakes on a Plane Angels sung out in imacculate corus, as down from the heavens, descended Chuck Norris, who delivered a kick, that could shatter bones, into the crotch, of Indiana Jones - Ultimate Showdown |
Paperboy Posts: 36 Joined: 11 Jan 2008 | All of the following is Jimmy Carr's wit and wisdom. * A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No. I think you're fattest." * A dog is for life not just for Christmas, so be careful at the next office Christmas party. * A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we won't get much done." * Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other. * British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! * Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation. * "Close to comedy genius" - The Guardian. Don't worry. It's a newspaper for teachers. I wouldn't expect you to understand. * "Did you know you're ten times more likely to get mugged in London than New York city? Thats because you don't live in new york city" * Has anyone else seen those incredibly powerful advertisements in cinemas where each time a famous person clicked their fingers, an African child dies? I watched those, and couldn't help thinking, "well stop clicking your fingers!" * I used to get mistaken a lot for Alan Carr, so what i did was i stopped sucking men off. * I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said "It's nice to see so many bums on seats". * In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza. * I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move. * I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce, and that'll be bitchy. * I'd rather see a pregnant woman standing on the bus than a fat girl sitting down crying. * I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it. * I, of course, don't have an accent. This is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly. * I broke up with a girl once because she lied about her weight. I say that, she died in a bungee jumping accident. * I grew up in Slough in the 1970's, if you want to know what Slough was like in the 1970's, go there now. * I went to the dog races the other day, it was like Ascot for chavs. * I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it. * I Better warn you that in my act there is a certain amount of bad language. I'm not talking split infinitives, there will be some swearing and there is material of a sexual nature. So if you are offended by rude or crude material, for heaven's sake, don't be a cunt about it. * I went up to the airport information desk. I said how many airports are there in the world? * I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. * I was out with a friend and he came over with a pair of girls. I said to him "They're like buses." He said "What? Because you wait for ages and then two come along at once." I said "No, they are like buses!" * I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem. * If you tell a girl you like her but she says "I love you more like a brother", suggest a weekend in Norfolk. Unless you're from Norfolk, in which case it probably is your sister. * If we are all God's children, what's so special about Jesus? * I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. * In the pursuit of scientific answers, animals have been tortured for the past 100 years. They're still not talking. I'm starting to think they don't know anything. * I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries. * I think bungee jumping is suicide for indecisive people. (during an appearance on Late Night with Conan O'Brien) * I've got a friend; she's got a theory. She reckons that the way to drive a man wild with desire is to nibble on their earlobes for hours on end. I think its bollocks. * I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. * I'll have to apologise for my accent. Well, I say accent. This is actually the way words are supposed to be pronounced. (Whilst on tour in America) * I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!" * I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt. * I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it. * Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you. * John Merrick: The elephant man, was teased and tormented all throughout his life. People used to go up to him and say 'You are the most ugliest man alive'. He didn't mind however - he was extremely thick skinned. * My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." * My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. * My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian... * My grandfather told me, "Your problem is that you think that your generation invented sex." I said, "Well, did you ever fuck grandma up her arse, pull out and come on her tits?" Turns out that's how she died. * My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. * My girlfriend's reading a book called "Women who love too much" which I think should have the title shortened, to "Sluts". * My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky." * My girlfriend sat me down the other day for a chat. I say 'chat', it was her talking at me for six hours. I didn't realise that when men say they're 'spoken for' that's actually what they mean. She said "Jimmy, our relationship is at a crossroads. Down one road is struggle and hardship, but eventually, happiness. The other, well, that's a dead end." So I replied, "That's not a crossroads, that's a T-Junction". * My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying "Can I have a new bike?". He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike. * No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea. * Once I was doing a sponsored walk. In the end I managed to raise so much money, I could afford a taxi. * Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" * See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol(TM). * Sting is always boasting about his eight-hour tantric sex sessions with his wife, Trudie Styler. Imagine how long he could keep it up if she was a looker. You know this joke works only because it's true. * Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but you also don't die. * Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros. * Theres been a lot of talk about genetic engineering I was wondering, is it wrong to breed piglets specifically for the purposes of weaning paedophiles off babies, only I'm thinking of starting a company called "They'll squeal, but not to the cops". * Throwing acid is wrong, in some people's eyes. * The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly. * That's a little racist... but a lot funny. * There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault? * When it comes to charity many people stop at nothing. * When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church. * Watching sex on tely with your parents - that's embarrassing. I didn't even know they knew how to use the camcorder. * When people say they hear voices in their heads, as opposed to where, exactly? Now hearing voices in your legs, that's proper mental. * When someone close to you dies, move seats. * When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1471 Joined: 13 Sep 2007   | I.... I'm impressed, teh snakerer. |
Muckraker  Posts: 263 Joined: 14 Jan 2008 | "Whos in charge here. Whaddya mean 'I AM'"- World in Conflict "And remember my friends, you never fight alone." Spearmarshal Kormir, Guild Wars Nightfall. "You are all of you vermin. Hiding in the dirt thinking, what, I wonder. That you mightescape the coming fire? No, your world will burn until it is but glass. And not even your demon will live to crawl blackened from the ashes to watch the culmination of our Great Journey. You destruction is the will of the gods and I AM THEIR INSTRUMENT." Prophet of Truth, Halo 3. "Does he usually mention me?" Master Cheif's response to above quote. Not exactly "Video Games" but heres some Stargate Atlantis Quotes. "Is he supposed to be naked like that?" - Refering to Hermiod "I saw it in a movie once" -In response to why he's pulling a 'Han Solo' attaching his Jumper to the back of a Hive Ship. "R2, I want you to disengage the autopilot."- When attempting to fly a Wraith Dart and autopilot kicks in. "You can't call 'dibs' on a girl!"- In response to Rodney calling dibs on some alien princess. "What are you, Captain Kirk?"- Rodney in response to Sheppard wanting to get his Jumper back from a Wraith. "What is it with you and Ascended women?"- Rodney in response to Sheppard being trapped in a time-dilation field where people go to Ascend and ends up falling in love with some chick there. There are many more, I just can't think of them now. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 5 Joined: 5 Apr 2008 | Vulpem pilum mutat, non mores - A fox may change its hair, not its tricks. (People change behaviour but not their aims) - Unknown guy... |
Copy Clerk Posts: 81 Joined: 31 Dec 2007 | "There's so many people whose asses I have to kick, I'm gonna need a list just to keep track of them all!" -Edward Elric (from Fullmetal Alchemist) "NOW he's dead." -Shippo (from Inuyasha) "Gatrie, I swear you'd hit on a tree if I dressed it in a skirt! Wait...Please tell me I'm wrong..." -Shinon (from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn) "Or could it be that you just don't like me?" "That's it exactly." -Motoko Kusanagi (from Ghost in the Shell) "Um...I'll get wood. Er...at the tree! Tree wood!" -Sagi (from Baten Kaitos Origins) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3745 Joined: 26 Feb 2008  | Executor Nom Anor describes the term Democracy to his leader, Warmaster Tsavong Lah in Star Wars, The New Jedi Order, Traitor: "It has to do with a bizarre concept called democracy in which ruling power is given to whoever is most skillful at directing the herd instincts of the largest masses of their most ignorant citizens -" I love it. I busted up laughing when I read that. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 162 Joined: 30 Mar 2008 |
John Cleese played the guy how said that. One of the funniest Flying Circus skits I've ever seen. |
Paperboy Posts: 14 Joined: 6 Apr 2008 | These won't be exact, but they'll be close. Homophobia is so gay.-some guy's shirt "I don't have [religious] authority, so I have to rely on reason and logic to persuade people"-Someone talking to the Bishop in the book Speaker for the Dead Bender:I was a god once This one is interesting because of who said it. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 | Kill one of ours, we'll kill one of yours The last two soldiers on the battlefield |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 6289 Joined: 28 Nov 2007 | "Blow off some steam, Bennett."-Schwarzenegger, Commando "Remember when I said I'd kill you last, Sully?" "That's right, you did!" "I lied."-ibid. "Stick around."-Schwarzenegger,Predator "You're fired."-Schwarzenegger, True Lies "I had to let him go."-Schwarzenegger, Commando |
Paperboy  Posts: 33 Joined: 7 Apr 2008 | Zim: "I put the fires out." Tallest: "You made them worse, Zim." Zim: "Worse...or better?" Dib: [gasping] Sorry I'm late... horrible... nightmare visions! Ms. Bitters: It's called life, Dib. Now sit down. Gir: Hi floor! Make me a sandwich! Gir: Your methods are stupid; your progress has been stupid; your intelligence is stupid! |
Paperboy  Posts: 12 Joined: 17 Jan 2008 | "History is not what happened, but what was written down by the survivors" "I know not the weapons that will be used to fight World War III, but I know what will be used to fight World War IV - sticks and stones" I'm surprised this hasn't been posted before now |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3745 Joined: 26 Feb 2008 | Quote |
ONE WORD:
NE!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay first post