"Its a trap!"

the late great Admiral Akbar

"My Name is Michael J. Caboose and i HATE BABIES" From the Red VS. Blues series

Quite Possibly

"Your toast has been burnt, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts!" - Caboose, RvB

Or

"Why do they call it happy hour? Go into a bar at 10 o' clock and you see some happy mother fuckers." - Robin Williams, Broadway 2003

Voltaire:
Man is free at the instant he wants to be.

Voltaire:
It is better to risk sparing a guilty person then to condemn an innocent one.

Ayn Rand:
The conservatives see man as a body freely roaming the earth, building sand piles or factories-with an electronic computer inside his skull, controlled from Washington. The liberals see man as a soul freewheeling to the farthest reaches of the universe-but wearing chains from nose to toes when he crosses the street to buy a loaf of bread.

Ayn Rand:
A gun is not an argument.

Friedrich Nietzsche:
Independence is an issue that concerns very few people: - it is a prerogative of the strong. And even when somebody has every right to be independent, if he attempts such a thing without having to do so, he proves that he is probably not only strong, but brave to the point of madness.

And on a somewhat less serious note:

Bill Clinton:
I did *not* have sexual relations with that woman.

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.
-1337 h4xx0r

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" - Luke from Cool Hand Luke

"Do you know what they call a quarter-pounder with cheese in Paris? They call it a Royale with Cheese" - Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction

"SHUSH!!! My yeast is rising" - Ed from Ed, Edd, and Eddy :D

cleverlymadeup:
"I created Punk for this day and age. Do you see Britney walking around wearing ties and singing punk? Hell no. That's what I do. I'm like a Sid Vicious for a new generation." - Avril Lavigne

"People are like, 'Well, she doesn't know the Sex Pistols.' Why would I know that stuff? Look how young I am. That stuff's old, right?" - Avril Lavigne

This physically hurt me. I'm serious.

On a very related note, my quote:

"I suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain in my frontal lobe; it was the unmistakable feeling you get when you walk away from a 30 minute conversation with a yammering co-worker--the feeling you get when you know that you just got dumber."
- Maddox

I feel your pain brother.

"I reject to reality and substitute it with my own" - Adam from Mythbusters

"Why didn't you drink you're milk?" "THERE'S NO WAY I'M DRINKING SOME WHITE LIQUID SECRETED FROM A COW" - Ed from FMA

Hmmm... something sappy I think.

When asked by the Kubla-Kai (think that's right...) what it was like being one of the only Europeans in Asia, Marco Polo supposedly responded:

"It is the same here as it is everywhere I've traveled. So much of what we do in life is but walk in darkness towards a distant light."

Dark Helmet:
Who made that man a gunner?
Maj. Asshole:
I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet:
Who is he?
Col. Sandurz:
He's an Asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet:
I know that. What's his name?
Col. Sandurz:
That IS his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet:
And his cousin?
Col. Sandurz:
He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's Mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet:
How many Assholes we got on this ship, any how?
Everyone:
Yo!
Dark Helmet:
I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes.
*Slams face plate of helmet down*
Keep firing, Assholes!

"Everyone takes a course in psychology when they get to college, they want to figure out what's wrong with them. If the fist course doesn't help they take another. The one's that never quite figure it out, they get their degree in the field."

"Psychotics build castles in the sky, neurotics live in them, psychologists charge the rent."
Both by realatives upon hearing my field of study was psych

"There is no eleven YOU FUCKING WHORE!"
Church, Red vs Blue

"Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life."
Source forgotten.

"The glass is not half full or half empty. The glass is too important."
Source forgotten.

Written on a subway or bathroom wall:
"God is dead-Nichzce"(sp?)
And under that:
"Nichzce(sp?) is dead-God"
I've got a book full of these, if I can be bothered to dig it out you'll have quotes to no end.

"he's a bitch, he's an alcoholic and he has some very strange ideas on how to treat small children, but all of this is countered by the fact he has a magical hand that shoots bees, and that's why he takes the prize, because no matter who you are, the minute you're compared to a magical hand that shoots bees you are going to f***ing lose."

yahtzee on the protagonist in bioshock

"I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?"

Dylan Moran

From the Lost season finale:

Some timeless House quotes.

Dr. Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

Dr. Gregory House: Ah, the Socratic Method. The best way we have of teaching everything-apart from juggling chainsaws.

Dr. Gregory House: Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Next time you want to get my attention, wear something fun. Low-riding jeans are hot.

Dr. Gregory House: How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I need you to wear your lab coat.
Dr. Gregory House: I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely younger than you. Like half your age.

Fragged_Templar:
My new motto:
"Morituri Nolumus Mori"
-Rincewind in the last hero by Terry Prattchet

Rough translation: "We who are going to die don't want to"

"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."
(Terry Pratchett, Night Watch)

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
(Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)

From a random bathroom wall:

God is dead.-Nietzsche

Nietzsche is dead.-God

But Zombie Nietzsche lives!-Zombie Nietzsche

From What ever COD was on the Wii

"Ok Men, our mission today was a simple 'go pick up coffee and dough nuts.' But the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the dough nuts, so now we gotta kick their collective asses!"

My fav serious one
"War, War never changes..."
-Fallout

My fav humor one
"Be fair my fair prince..."
"Who said I'm fair?"
*Shoot the other man with an mac 10*
-Last Action Hero

"what is this obsession that gods must by perfect?
honestly the Greeks were much more reasonable about this sort of thing"
-God emperor of Dune

"quea ego sic dico" - (because i say so)
The patrician, Lord vetinari ( tyrant ) of the discworld series.

Geo Da Sponge:

Fragged_Templar:
My new motto:
"Morituri Nolumus Mori"
-Rincewind in the last hero by Terry Prattchet

Rough translation: "We who are going to die don't want to"

"When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend."

(Terry Pratchett, Night Watch)

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
(Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)

"MISTER VIMES IS GOING TO GO SPARE!, hes going to go completely librarian-poo!"
nobby nobbs, THUDD, discworld series

Undeed:
"Everyone takes a course in psychology when they get to college, they want to figure out what's wrong with them. If the first course doesn't help they take another. The one's that never quite figure it out, they get their degree in the field."

"Psychotics build castles in the sky, neurotics live in them, psychologists charge the rent."
Both by realatives upon hearing my field of study was psych

I had to send these to my father. He is a Psychological Counselor. I figured he would get a good laugh out of them...

yes ma'am I am drunk
but tomarrow I will be sober
and you will still be ugly!
A U.S president whos namee escapes me

"losers cry, But winners get to go home and fuck the prom Queen."
~in a movie i saw on foxtel. it had Shawn Connery in it~

My girlfriend goes insane when I do that impression of Sean Connery. It was in "The Rock" by the way...
Also, it is correctly

"Losers always whine about 'Their Best,' Winners Go home and Fuck the Prom Queen!"

To which Nicholas Cage replied, "[wife's name, Camilla, I think] WAS the prom Queen!"

Its is easier to seek redemption for action, than it is to justify innaction.

Personal Motto

You can't spell Slaughter without Laughter...

I have no idea where it came from, but I know I heard it somewhere....

"Carpe Jugulum" - Terry Pratchet

"If you take a starving dog from the street and make it prosperous, it will not bite you. This is the priniciple difference between a dog and a man" - Mark Twain

"Convictions make convicts" - the Principia Discordia

"On a seperate sheet of paper labeled 'confidential' please list every major psycotic episode you've experienced in the last twenty four hours. On a seperate sheet of paper labeled 'professional' please list every job since 1972 from which you have been fired" - The Prinicipia Discordia

Sorry if any of these are repeats. I really don't feel like reading through 13 pages of text.

blank0000:
yes ma'am I am drunk
but tomarrow I will be sober
and you will still be ugly!
A U.S president whos namee escapes me

That was Winston Churchill who was never an American President...

As for quotes, how about "Illegitimi non carborundum"... or 'Don't let the bastards grind you down'.

"Here I sit broken hearted. I tried to shit but only farted." - Bathroom Stall

"Throw moderation to the winds, and the greatest pleasures bring the greatest pains" -Democritus

Shoot the gangsters before they shoot you, or else you will be shot! - Wanted (Sega Master System) instruction manual

Do you remember what the villains from Captain Planet were like, how they'd steal an oil tanker and deliberately run it smack into a beach to teach all the sea lions a lesson in complacency? Do you ever remember wondering why they didn't just sell the oil at a huge profit and not have to get beaten up by a big blue man in little red pants? - Yahtzee

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. HALLELUJAH! HOLY SHIT! Where's the Tylenol? - Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation

Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent. We would not dare to conceive the things which are really mere commonplaces of existence. If we could fly out of that window hand in hand, hover over this great city, gently remove the roofs, and peep in at the queer things which are going on, the strange coincidences, the plannings, the cross-purposes, the wonderful chains of events, working through generations, and leading to the most outré results, it would make all fiction with its conventionalities most stale and unprofitable" - Sherlock Holmes

They seek him here, they seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven, or is he in Hell? That damned, elusive, Pimpernel. -The Scarlet Pimpernel

You see, I'm a poet. And I'm afraid, you didn't know it. - The Scarlet Pimpernel

"Sometimes actresses get slapped." The Hold Steady
"Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sun-dial in the shade?"
Benjamin Franklin
"The moment God crapped out the third caveman, a conspiracy was hatched against one of them."
Col. Hunter Gathers
"War is a way of shattering to pieces, or pouring into the stratosphere, or sinking in the depths of the sea, materials which might otherwise be used to make the masses too comfortable, and hence, in the long run, too intelligent."
George Orwell
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
Groucho Marx
"I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth."
Chico Marx
"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."
Thomas Jefferson
"Stoners are cute; junkies are sad."
Kevin Smith

Bad Guy:"You're a hard man to find."
Bobby L. Swagger: "'not hard enough."

[quote=Lukeje] That was Winston Churchill who was never an American President.../quote]

No - but he SHOULD have been.