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176)   12 Apr 2008 00:03
werepossum
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 618
Joined: 12 Sep 2007

monodiabloloco:
Also a little glad that I am not the only person on here with a pretty fucked up turned good life.

Actually my half-century of thrills and spills has been quite enjoyable, except for a few periods of unpleasantries - minutes to a few days for various crashes and injuries, a week or so recuperating from thyroid cancer surgery (and a *very* boring week in isolation for radiation treatment.)

All in all, I can't think of more than two things I'd change. As I say when asked how I am, I'm not doing as well as I'd like but I'm doing better than I deserve.

177)   15 May 2008 18:32
joethekoeller
Paperboy
Posts: 36
Joined: 29 Apr 2008

I'm 16, male and from Austria. I am incredibly mature for my age and lack the desire most teenagers around me seem to have to do incredibly stupid. I do technically believe in God or at least in some sort of sorting and creating energy or higher entity. I do not however believe in the Roman-Catholic Church I am part of and only go to church often enough to check if contact with holy ground and water still doesn't set me ablaze. School bores me and being gifted with a good memory and Intellect i was able to make my way so far without working too much. I spend a lot of my time thinking about life, god the universe and the rest. I have quite recently reached the conclusion that hardly any human seems to grasp how evil, bizarre and inhuman our world has become and what consequences their actions have for those around them. The few that are fully aware of that have no choice to either go crazy or, the way I chose, protect their sanity with a layer of cynicism and misanthropy. I nevertheless have a social life, since I am able to overcome my hate of human-beings. The people I call my friends are those that I find less annoyingly ignorant and more intelligent than most people around me. That being said I still enjoy life and will go on doing so no matter how often it takes unexpected turns down the roads of bad and worse.

178)   15 May 2008 18:49
CatAttack
Paperboy
Posts: 18
Joined: 15 May 2008

well my name is cat and im a zelda fanatic nice to meet you ^_^

179)   15 May 2008 19:19
Anarchemitis
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1656
Joined: 23 Dec 2007

I live like 2 blocks away from school. I can't whistle the best, can't sing at all (tonedeaf) so I emulate music I like by snapping.

180)   16 May 2008 05:50
Darth Mobius
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2330
Joined: 26 Feb 2008

My religion is Sith lord, so i am constantly explaining to people that my e-mail address is not based off of a game, but WHO I REALLY AM! I am Darth Mobius, I like Porn, sex in random and public places, I am a College Freshman and English Major, and I like cars waaaaaaaaaaay tooooo much... I think that Diesel exhaust is the greatest scent on earth, and the roar of a pushrod V-8 is orgasmic... I am dating the woman I used to be engaged to, and we seem to be doing well together. I am a misogynyst, but most women don't know this because I treat them all with the respect most of them don't deserve. I have this certain charisma that makes Fat women fall for me easily... I already have two girls at my work who are showing interest in me... I cheated on my wife one time and that was enough to ensure that I will never do it again. I have incredibly high standards for women, but rarely do I stick to them... Which is how I met my ex-wife... I have a bit of a pedophile streak, almost all of my ex-girlfriends are younger than me, some, including my current Girlfriend, were under-age when we met and started dating. With Jallil, I was 18 and she was 16, Joanna was 16 and I was 19... But I haven't done that in years... And I never had sex with a minor. I like th thought of screwing around with 18 year old girls, then realize that they are so immature and just... Unworthy of me, that I kill those thoughts in the first ten seconds. I hate random sex. Does nothing for me, and actually leaves me feeling dirty. So I don't do that, either. I have only been with two women in my life, one was Jallil, my fiancee at the time, and a few times since, and my now ex-wife. I am not only satisfied with my lack of sexual experience, but proud of it. I like cookies and Chocolate cake and Ice Cream. Jack in The Box is my favorite fast food restaurant, Dairy Queen is my favorite place to eat ever, and I like beer, but don't drink very often. I am Bi-Polar and need medication, but can't afford it right now. I am doing just fine despite this. My life is as close to perfect as I expect it to get for several months. I start school again in July, and spend entirely too much time on these forums...

181)   16 May 2008 06:39
ThaBenMan
Muckraker
Posts: 327
Joined: 6 Mar 2008

My name is Ben, I'm 23 and I live in the United State of Maine (the very north-east).

As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a professional artist. I loved to draw, and I went to college majoring in Studio Art. I grew sick of it and dropped out (twice, actually). I don't even like to draw for fun in my free time anymore, I'm not sure why. I've pretty much given up on my dream, and now I'm just kind of drifting aimlessly through shitty jobs in retail.

I still live with my mother and her boyfriend. I feel kind of trapped because I don't make enough money to have my own place, and I also feel like I need to stay to take care of my mom. She and her boyfriend are rather old and both are alcoholics (although they are sober now and have been for a good while). Neither she nor her boyfriend have jobs, so I need to help them out financially quite often. She has also told me repeatedly how emotionally stabilizing my presence is to her.

I have a sister who is a year older than I am. She just recently graduated with a degree in Veterinary Technology.

I have never had a girlfriend - I blame this on my unrealistically high standards. I fell in love with a girl in my high school class, and I still am somewhat in love with her I think, although she does not reciprocate the feelings.

Despite all of the rather depressing things I have described, I am pretty happy most of the time.

Thanks for allowing me to have an impromptu therapy session, and sorry for weirding anybody out.

EDIT: Gosh, looking back at what I wrote, I totally should not have written most of that. I'm really sorry guys.

182)   16 May 2008 11:12
CSherman
Paperboy
Posts: 19
Joined: 6 Apr 2008

It's my birthday :]

183)   16 May 2008 13:05
nilcypher
Red Guard
Posts: 742
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

CSherman:
It's my birthday :]

Happy Birthday - Have e-cake

184)   16 May 2008 13:52
BlazeTheVampire
Press Junketeer
Posts: 394
Joined: 14 May 2008

My name is Lauren, and I'm from Ohio (the WORST state to live in right now, honestly). I'm 19 but I've always been mentally ahead of my age group. I'm a Theatre: Acting/Directing and Asian Studies major with a minor in Japanese Language. Yeah, I'm aware that's a lot. I also write- I'm currently trying to find an agent for publishing because I finally finished the novel I've been working on for four years. Words are my specialty: I pick up languages quickly, public speaking happens nearly every day for me, and I read and write a lot.
I work for Gamestop and have since June of 2006. I only get about 10 hours a week, but I have fun and that's what is more important to me. I don't think I could tolerate working a full-time job if I hated it it, even if I did make a lot more money.
I was supposed to get married before my Freshman year of college to my high school sweetheart, but things didn't really go as planned. We dated on and off for just about four years and just recently put our feet down and said we weren't doing it anymore. He's still my best friend, we just don't randomly start making out anymore when left alone, lol. Even though he's my best friend, he's sort of set the standard for me as to who I date and what I expect out of a relationship- some good things, some bad. I'm still recovering, so I'm sort of doing this floaty thing with relationships- whatever happens, happens.

185)   16 May 2008 14:24
birdygirl
Anonymous Source
Posts: 9
Joined: 28 Nov 2007

BlazeTheVampire:
My name is Lauren, and I'm from Ohio (the WORST state to live in right now, honestly). I'm 19 but I've always been mentally ahead of my age group. I'm a Theatre: Acting/Directing and Asian Studies major with a minor in Japanese Language. Yeah, I'm aware that's a lot. I also write- I'm currently trying to find an agent for publishing because I finally finished the novel I've been working on for four years. Words are my specialty: I pick up languages quickly, public speaking happens nearly every day for me, and I read and write a lot.
I work for Gamestop and have since June of 2006. I only get about 10 hours a week, but I have fun and that's what is more important to me. I don't think I could tolerate working a full-time job if I hated it it, even if I did make a lot more money.
I was supposed to get married before my Freshman year of college to my high school sweetheart, but things didn't really go as planned. We dated on and off for just about four years and just recently put our feet down and said we weren't doing it anymore. He's still my best friend, we just don't randomly start making out anymore when left alone, lol. Even though he's my best friend, he's sort of set the standard for me as to who I date and what I expect out of a relationship- some good things, some bad. I'm still recovering, so I'm sort of doing this floaty thing with relationships- whatever happens, happens.

Wow, besides the gamestop thing, we have alot in common--

Question: how the crap can you stand to work at Gamestop? I cannot even go in that store without some strange person trying to hit on me, what is it like to work there? Also, how do you feel about all the Penny Arcade bashing of GS?

186)   16 May 2008 14:38
Necrohydra
Muckraker
Posts: 293
Joined: 18 Jan 2008

BlazeTheVampire:

I work for Gamestop and have since June of 2006. I only get about 10 hours a week, but I have fun and that's what is more important to me. I don't think I could tolerate working a full-time job if I hated it it, even if I did make a lot more money.

I couldn't agree with this more, but sometimes appearances can be deceiving. Some friends of mine got jobs with places they thought seemed awesome and what they wanted at first, then realized after working there for a bit they hated it. And it's not always easy to pick up and find a new job so soon after accepting a previous position. Doesn't look good on a resume if you indicate you've hopped from job to job for the past few months.

I suppose I'm quite lucky I've found a job where I *gasp* ENJOY going to work everyday.

187)   16 May 2008 14:42
s0denone
Paperboy
Posts: 50
Joined: 25 Apr 2008

I once had sexual intercourse with Virgin Mary. You know they say she was a virgin when she had Jesus? All a lie.

In fact, she did seem to get pregnant shortly after our "befriending"...

-- On another note, I like ladies with an actual ass, not that flat ass and no hips. I'm not talking women with huge asses, I just want a well-rounded one, now that's sexy as fucking hell.

188)   16 May 2008 15:25
BlazeTheVampire
Press Junketeer
Posts: 394
Joined: 14 May 2008

birdygirl:

Wow, besides the gamestop thing, we have alot in common--

Question: how the crap can you stand to work at Gamestop? I cannot even go in that store without some strange person trying to hit on me, what is it like to work there? Also, how do you feel about all the Penny Arcade bashing of GS?

I couldn't agree more half of the time, honestly. I don't read Penny Arcade a whole lot but they're not the only ones to bash it. It's the people I work with that make me like it. As for people hitting on me, that happens a hell of a lot too. For the most part, I either polite push them in another direction. Or, if they're blunt, I get equally as blunt. Makes for funny stories. My first day back at my current store after college, I had a guy hitting on me (and they get really presumptuous, making for high-quality entertainment):
Him: "I'll bet you have a boy, huh?"
Me: "Actually no, I'm a lesbian." (I'm bisexual, but currently dating a girl)
Him: (after a look of pure amazement) "Have you ever tried guys?"
Me: "Of course I have."
Him: "But you ain't tried me."
Me: "And I don't intend to."
Him (walks away)

I sort of enjoy poking holes in egos. The guys in Toledo don't really try to be smooth. Half of the time they don't even know my name, and they never tell me theirs. I sort of get the general Quagmire attitude ("Hello lips, legs, breasts, and ass!") so I treat them with the same indignity they treat me, then retell the stories later. lol

As for working there, and whether the job sucks or not, I'm not allowed to talk about it actually. Most wouldn't bother with that rule, but with my luck, I'd get called on it. We're all supposed to suck it up and say "Yeah! Working there's wonderful!" *plasters fake smile on*

189)   16 May 2008 16:54
Ricknub
Anonymous Source
Posts: 9
Joined: 19 Dec 2007

- Rick, hence the username. I actually got it many years ago when I was on Ventrilo, and my Counter-Strike teammates, who apparently thought I was afk or something, decided to talk about how bad I was. It was all very tragic. With the help of some therapy, though, I've learned to deal with it, and have even accepted it as a part of my identity.

- 23, one year removed from college. I'm a displaced Philadelphian who misses family, and misses being able to watch Phillies baseball on a nightly basis. The cheap tickets were also nice. (The Red Sox charge way to much to watch baseball in a crappy stadium.) Oddly enough, I now live about 5 blocks away from one of those guys I used to play CS with (he also relocated to Boston). It's a small world sometimes.

- My job search was a slightly amusing one. My girlfriend was looking for a job in a non-profit area, ideally working for a museum, library, or something to that effect. I was looking for a media job (I wanted to go into media research, but doing production work at a television or radio station would have been fine, too). She ended up getting a job at one of the largest public television organizations in the country, and I ended up getting a job at a university social work library. Oddly enough, at her job, she is doing work in the fundraising department, and I'm working with digital media and computers at my position.

That's about it. Well, there's more, but I think this is enough. Go Phillies.

190)   16 May 2008 17:04
Blayze
Muckraker
Posts: 345
Joined: 19 Dec 2007

Paul. Twenty-two. Red-haired. Single. Happy.

As for something specific, I had jaundice as a baby. These days, I have an inside joke with myself where I blame the fact that the hospital staff stuck me under a lightbulb or whatever to cure me for everything related to my eyes and light (Especially when going to the dentist, which is half of the reason why I hate going).

191)   16 May 2008 18:31
Kastere
BANNED
Posts: 37
Joined: 15 May 2008

joethekoeller:
I'm 16, male and from Austria. I am incredibly mature for my age and lack the desire most teenagers around me seem to have to do incredibly stupid. I do technically believe in God or at least in some sort of sorting and creating energy or higher entity. I do not however believe in the Roman-Catholic Church I am part of and only go to church often enough to check if contact with holy ground and water still doesn't set me ablaze. School bores me and being gifted with a good memory and Intellect i was able to make my way so far without working too much. I spend a lot of my time thinking about life, god the universe and the rest. I have quite recently reached the conclusion that hardly any human seems to grasp how evil, bizarre and inhuman our world has become and what consequences their actions have for those around them. The few that are fully aware of that have no choice to either go crazy or, the way I chose, protect their sanity with a layer of cynicism and misanthropy. I nevertheless have a social life, since I am able to overcome my hate of human-beings. The people I call my friends are those that I find less annoyingly ignorant and more intelligent than most people around me. That being said I still enjoy life and will go on doing so no matter how often it takes unexpected turns down the roads of bad and worse.

Protip: You're my clone. Except Australian. And I'm prettier.

192)   16 May 2008 20:19
joethekoeller
Paperboy
Posts: 36
Joined: 29 Apr 2008

Since I don't believe in you being prettier, its funny that the only difference between the two of us should be two letters in the names of our home countries.

193)   16 May 2008 20:24
Easykill
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1170
Joined: 13 Sep 2007

joethekoeller:
Since I don't believe in you being prettier, its funny that the only difference between the two of us should be two letters in the names of our home countries.

Nope, he made a mistake. He's calling YOU Australian, his profile says he's Canadian.

194)   16 May 2008 20:29
joethekoeller
Paperboy
Posts: 36
Joined: 29 Apr 2008

Once again the world has proven that whenever somebody from Austria tells an English-speaking person where he lives 50% of the time he will be asked if he's from Australia and the other 50% being accused of being a nazi.

Thanks for telling me so anyway EasyKill.

195)   16 May 2008 22:11
Darth Mobius
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2330
Joined: 26 Feb 2008

I would have known the difference, and I wouldn't have accused you of being a Nazi... Hell, as I am over 90% german, I am just as likely to get it as you, and my friends last name is Heidler... He got Hitler jokes all the time in High School...

196)   17 May 2008 10:38
BlazeTheVampire
Press Junketeer
Posts: 394
Joined: 14 May 2008

I was under the impression that most Americans immediately associate Austria with Arnold Schwarzenegger (Yeah, I'm not too sure of the spelling there and I'm too lazy to pull up IMDB on another tab. I admit spelling defeat).
But yes, I certainly was aware of the difference. Yet somehow, your statement that 50% of people will think of Australia instead of Austria doesn't surprise me in the slightest. People are stupid. (Wizard's First Rule, yay! If you get that reference, you're my new best friend- none of my current friends know what I'm talking about when I say "Wizard's First Rule," and it bothers me).
(I think I'm done writing in parentheses :-P)

197)   17 May 2008 10:45
Alphavillain
Beat Writer
Posts: 151
Joined: 19 Jan 2008

PurpleRain:
Me well, I seem to be leet right now. Oooo! Looky at my post count! Me so 1337!! Take that god! Haha!

Anywho, I dedicated this thread for everyone to tell us something about themselves so that we, the Escapist, can become a big huggy family.

To start off, I can't watch porn. Being a film student and a lover of the movies, if ever I did see it, I would constantly be thinking to myself how much the lighting is shit, or that the camera angle is pathetic for this situation or how bad the acting is. It's really odd, but I can't help it. So I never watch it because of that.

How about that to break the ice!

Imagine a Tarkovsky porn film. Or not. There are plenty of bad films without sex scenes. And "The Silence" by Bergman, which is a good film, but with sex scenes. (Also see any French art film made in the last thirty years.) Go figure.

198)   17 May 2008 10:47
BlazeTheVampire
Press Junketeer
Posts: 394
Joined: 14 May 2008

Alphavillain:

Imagine a Tarkovsky porn film. Or not. There are plenty of bad films without sex scenes. And "The Silence" by Bergman, which is a good film, but with sex scenes. (Also see any French art film made in the last thirty years.) Go figure.

"The Dreamers," enough said. That was actually released in the US too and isn't difficult to find; surprising for a French art film.

199)   17 May 2008 11:37
joethekoeller
Paperboy
Posts: 36
Joined: 29 Apr 2008

BlazeTheVampire:
Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's actually correct that way, congratulations.

Also Darth Mobius is right, there are people who know the difference and our current political situation as well, but then again those are just the few exceptions to prove the rule (It was an rather ineffective statement for me to make on this forum, considering that the level of intelligence here is much, much higher than in the rest of the internet).

200)   17 May 2008 19:56
BlazeTheVampire
Press Junketeer
Posts: 394
Joined: 14 May 2008

joethekoeller:

BlazeTheVampire:
Arnold Schwarzenegger

It's actually correct that way, congratulations.

Also Darth Mobius is right, there are people who know the difference and our current political situation as well, but then again those are just the few exceptions to prove the rule (It was an rather ineffective statement for me to make on this forum, considering that the level of intelligence here is much, much higher than in the rest of the internet).

SCORE! My innate ability to spell things wins again! I thought I may have gotten it when Firefox didn't underline it in red, but it was also possible that Firefox spell checker didn't even know what to make of that jumble of letters, lol.
Random rant from work... why the hell are people still buying the original Xbox? Seriously. I mean, even if you're poor and can't afford the 360, go for PS2 instead because Sony's dumb and still makes games for it. Original Xbox? We moved all the games to Used, and the selection's very picked over. I refuse to accept an excuse for buying a system that's pretty much dead and buried. End rant.
Begin new rant. Gamer girls are not that much of a rarity anymore. Yes we're here, yes we have tits. Get over it and move on with your life. >.<

201)   17 May 2008 20:20
roo18
Beat Writer
Posts: 130
Joined: 8 Oct 2007

I'm terrified of fruit, mostly oranges, and I have to spell check everything. Oh yes, and I have to say curriculum like crick-crum.

202)   17 May 2008 20:35
Infradead
Anonymous Source
Posts: 4
Joined: 8 May 2008

I have multiple personalities, one of which has recently been declared clinically insane. Most people can't tell the difference.

203)   17 May 2008 21:47
babyblueeyes
Paperboy
Posts: 19
Joined: 16 May 2008

Knight Templar:
I am 15 and play chess, read books, am brotherd to gansaslite, and love to argue.

Also I have mild Asperger syndrome and as such have trouble geting thought onto paper.

Name= Ruben

hey im a lot like u i guess except for the whole chess thing ya know? im 15 and love to argue. i had to get pulled outta school for fighting so much. im very athletic and fit. my fav. color is blood red. i love fire!!!!! ooooooooooo..........fire! my friends are all dorks which actually kinda makes me seem cool. which im rlly not cuz everyones afraid of me. i joined the board cuz i need ppl to tlk to other than the freaks here where i live and hopefully u will tlk to me or anybody else who sees this entry cuz im bout to die of bordum.

204)   17 May 2008 21:54
babyblueeyes
Paperboy
Posts: 19
Joined: 16 May 2008

Knight Templar:
I am 15 and play chess, read books, am brotherd to gansaslite, and love to argue.

Also I have mild Asperger syndrome and as such have trouble geting thought onto paper.

Name= Ruben

hey im a lot like u i guess except for the whole chess thing ya know? im 15 and love to argue. i had to get pulled outta school for fighting so much. im very athletic and fit. my fav. color is blood red. i love fire!!!!! ooooooooooo..........fire! my friends are all dorks which actually kinda makes me seem cool. which im rlly not cuz everyones afraid of me. i joined the board cuz i need ppl to tlk to other than the freaks here where i live and hopefully u will tlk to me or anybody else who sees this entry cuz im bout to die of bordum.

205)   17 May 2008 22:18
Contra 420
Anonymous Source
Posts: 1
Joined: 17 May 2008

Im really bored right now, and reading forums instead of Gaming is that Wrong ?
Also I missed 420 today.
:-(

206)   17 May 2008 23:37
Jenkins
Copy Clerk
Posts: 108
Joined: 4 Dec 2007

The Potato Lord:
On-topic:

I'm a Christian.

I play the violin and have since the sixth grade.

In the Fourth grade I reqistered a twelth-grade reading comprehension level on some standardized tests.

I had terrible handwriting for a long time but I've gotten better.

I tend to drool At random times or when I've been thinking for a long time.

I also love chicken-fried steak with counrty(the white one) gravy and compare mashed potatos from various establishments to each other.

omg except for the first two we are like brothers! aha

well...
im muslim and proud of it
im also am from the UK (everywhere except for ireland)
i love to play video games and i have since i was 8
im a freshman in highschool
im adicted to porn
some possible career options for me would be Chef, think tank group, video game industry (uncle works for activision)
i love history

207)   17 May 2008 23:45
nilcypher
Red Guard
Posts: 742
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

I measure my worth by how many comments I get on my reviews.

208)   18 May 2008 00:30
Sexual Harassment Panda
Copy Clerk
Posts: 107
Joined: 24 Apr 2008

Hi my name is Panda and most of the people in my life think I am miserable. I play guitar, piano, sing, play drums and have been writing songs since I was 13. There isn't much else to say other than that if I was a robot I wouldn't have a penis.

209)   18 May 2008 06:16
stompy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1493
Joined: 21 Jan 2008

Right, it seems people are spouting their life stories... prepare to be bored!

Born in '93, in Melbourne, to Indian folks, I was the spoiled little brat of the household. During my 10 years in Melbourne, I have broken my collor bone, stuck a recorder down my throat, and it seemed I was obsessed with suits (it might stem from the same thing causing me to be uber at Commerce).

Moving out of Melbourne sometime in the late 90's, I lived in Brisbane. It seems my parents picked the most bogan spot to live, as I remember the kids were racists pricks. Other than that, Brisbane is a boring place. I personally hate it, due to the aforementioned pricks.

I later moved to my current residency, Sydney, in 2001 (yeh, I was kinda pissed I missed the Olympics). I ended up going to a decent primary school, and later, the local high school. I get good grades (top classes for practically everything, and came first in History and Commerce last year), and most people in school seem to not hate me, meaning I'm not really picked on. I have many acquaintances, while I find it hard to point at one, and say "I'd take a bullet for him". Oh, did I mention I go to an all-boys school? Coupled with my lack of social life outside school (yeh, well, I don't go out much. I like being in front of the computer), this means I'm most likely never gonna get a girlfriend.

As for the future, I hope to get into a good university and study economics, due to my talent in Commerce. I want to have money, so a job in economics seems like a likely career opportunity. I also want to see some places, like the US and Japan. Funny thing is, last year, we had to fill in a sheet 'bout our life-goals, and how far we'd go to achieve them (it was related to MacBeth), and I was dumb-struck when asked to pick an ambition. I could think of anything, as I really just want to have a peaceful life.

... Boring, aren't I?

210)   18 May 2008 06:39
mshcherbatskaya
Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 898
Joined: 1 Feb 2008

BlazeTheVampire:
Or, if they're blunt, I get equally as blunt. Makes for funny stories. My first day back at my current store after college, I had a guy hitting on me (and they get really presumptuous, making for high-quality entertainment):
Him: "I'll bet you have a boy, huh?"
Me: "Actually no, I'm a lesbian." (I'm bisexual, but currently dating a girl)
Him: (after a look of pure amazement) "Have you ever tried guys?"
Me: "Of course I have."
Him: "But you ain't tried me."
Me: "And I don't intend to."

It's amazing what people feel entitled to ask, isn't it? I've had variations of that conversation more than once.

Other Person, upon hearing that I am a lesbian: So, have you ever been with a guy?
Me: No.
OthPer: Then how do you know you wouldn't like it.
Me: Well I haven't tried having sex with a dog either, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

--or--

Middle-Age Man: Do you have a boyfriend?
College-Age Me: No.
MAM: Why not?
CAM: Because if I did, my girlfriend would kick my ass.

That ended the conversation right there.

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