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Press Junketeer  Posts: 392 Joined: 8 Oct 2007     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1270 Joined: 14 Sep 2007   | Wow. This is just...wow. I think the world would be a happier place if more people adopted this sort of approach. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 225 Joined: 28 Jan 2008    | This is a joke, right? Because I'm laughing. A lot. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1270 Joined: 14 Sep 2007 |
Why not? What are two young people otherwise meant to do to find out what they want in a relationship? Feelings? Doing what feels right? Bah, humbug! This way, they get everything out into the open and can work things from there. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 5132 Joined: 28 Nov 2007    | Love the last line. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 461 Joined: 22 Dec 2007 |
I believe it's an epic last line. This contract would also kick arse, although they didn't mention video games :P |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1249 Joined: 7 Mar 2008  | ok here's my running commentary on it "A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad. we know you eat more than a side salad on a daily basis and don't try to pull the "oh i'm trying to lose weight" but you aren't doing anything to actually lose it, don't pig out but don't starve yourself B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship. yeah totally justified, do you know how annoying it is to deal with someone who when asked "what would you like to do?" replies with "oh what ever you want to" or has no idea of what to do? it's a rather common thing C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself. simpler than that, you're getting no questions asked sex and head out of the deal for doing crap like that :) By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice-including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner. if we do crap for you, you do crap for us
Rule 2-A above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex. agree and don't, it's needed to mention some things but we aren't your ex, learn that B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games. EVERY woman should follow this rule, contract or no we don't read your mind or have any idea what you're thinking A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right. totally agree, both ppl should say "yes i like it like that" or "i like it if someone does this to me" B. Upon meeting The Man's mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man's recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry. i know a few women i wouldn't trust in the kitchen
i think chris rock has a whole bit on this i do agree with the having a night out for yourself and a couple floating days cause you need some space but at least say where you're going i'm pretty sure it's a joke tho but it does have a lot of truth in it but that's true with everything we find funny, always has a bit of truth to it |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1018 Joined: 9 Dec 2007 | I've signed stranger contracts. I'm with the Halifax, after all. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3098 Joined: 26 Feb 2008   | I agree... Stuff like this should be mandatory. Hell, the reason my ex-fiacee came back to me was because I treated her like a queen, and her ex-husband was abusive and just plain horrible to her. That is another thing, Rule 2 needs an ex-husband and wife clause... |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2519 Joined: 13 Feb 2008  |
Now loopholes like that are what lawyers dream of... "My sister as well? Why would you want to see us doing that?" ;) |
Press Junketeer Posts: 392 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | lol I realize this is mainly written for a joke but seriously think of how much easier it would be if you just laid all the cards on the table in the first place. I laughed too that someone had to write this out to get people to see the truth of how all relationships should be. These shouldn't be rules as much as common sense to everyone. Amazing at how the little simplest things could make all the difference. I posted this just to see what everyone felt about it. I'm not saying hey take this and go around and use it. lol Though perhaps with some of the people in todays world you might be all the wiser to do so. It's just a little reminder of common sense in the relationship department. Respect each other and learn to let go of the little things. ^_^ |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 416 Joined: 13 Feb 2008  | This could solve a lot of problems. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 110 Joined: 2 Apr 2008 |
Oh god yeah for this bit alone. Imagine a 6'8" 250lbs guy being called "Teddy" in the middle of the subway. Yeah. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 86 Joined: 8 Feb 2008 | I can imagine the relationship turning sour after the 50th time one of them says "you cant do that, according to clause x part y" |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3098 Joined: 26 Feb 2008 | Um, common sense says you don't site the violations like that, you establish a penalty for breaking said clause... Guys have to go to the Opera for every time they talk about an ex or something similar... She has to swallow if she does... So on and so forth... |
Press Junketeer Posts: 392 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 |
I'm sorry but I find that highly adorable. lol Yeah I'd have done it too you as well I'm afraid to admit. hehe ^_^ |
Beat Writer  Posts: 221 Joined: 23 Apr 2008 | That all seems fine to me.
She can call me embarrassing nicknames all she wants, because mine for her will be worse. Apparently girls hate being called "smeggy" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2030 Joined: 18 Dec 2007  | So the man can mention his ex girlfriends as much as he likes and it will still be permitted by the Contract? This contract would solve all problems but one, the fact that one person thinks the other is a complete nut job for handing them a relationship contract. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 55 Joined: 2 May 2008  | Wow, that's one ridiculously flawed contract. I could prolly get a fresh out of the oven lawyer student to cook me one up better while under the duress of being eaten alive :D Though the last line is pretty good. And on another note..I met the parents on the first day XD And we weren't even dating yet lol |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1249 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 |
hahahaha queefy works just as well and probly more embarrassing yeah the nickname thing as cute as it is to call each other that in privacy is ok, it can be degrading a bit when you're around friends, both guys and girls, i know girls that will take the piss out of their friends for being called a cute name or even calling their bf a cute name god damn it i'm laughing too damn hard to really finish this post i gotta save smeggy for a special occasion, that's classic |
Press Junketeer Posts: 392 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | lol Yes yes I do believe you'd get beat for that one. Smeggy lol >.<' |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2186 Joined: 21 Jan 2008 | ... I might actually use this... It seems useful. I mean, like someone said, if you lay all the cards on the table, then the relationship is better for everyone. You know what you're getting into, so if you over-expect, it's your fault. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1521 Joined: 13 Dec 2007 | I disagree with pretty much all of it, but I'm a bit of a spontaneous person who prefers the natural approach to things, so I would disagree with any contract I suppose. There's no romance in clauses. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 528 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 | This worries me on a great level for several reasons. 1. This assumes that all people are law-abiding, friendly, mid-to-late-fifties era people. 2. There are no reprocussions spelled out. 3. I don't belive in rules (or, to be more specific, I belive that the rules were meant to be broken). Anything that exists as a guideline should be expressedly limited to being only a guideline. Absolute moral boundries only exist to hinder an individual (there's a charachter I use to personify this named White Blade, but that's another story altogether, no pun intended). 4. I honestly can't tell if this is a joke or not. I've never been in a relationship (I've been told before that I'm too nice), but I always imagined it being a series of walls you have to find the door to. There are boundries, but the boundries are only there so you can find a way around them. Also, why does the woman have to say she loves the guy first? If I felt that way, I'd make sure she knew about it. Apologies for ruining the conversation. |
Paperboy  Posts: 47 Joined: 4 Mar 2008 | As a joke it has a moderate amount of humour. But ofcourse there will be the idiots who think it's real. If anyone actually needed a contract to dictate how they should run their relationship then they are obviously a moron and should not be allowed to engage in social relationships anyway. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 399 Joined: 2 Mar 2008 |
You might say this, but what about people who sign a pre-nup/? They're basically saying "We don't know if this will work out, so lets make sure we're not screwed in the end if we divorce." Contracts might be the only way to continue human contact in the future as we become more and more anti-social... ...Yet, a (I hope) large percentage of straight men are becoming more... I hesitate to use the word sensitive... lets say more intelligent in their decision's in relationships because of the explosion of shows such as "Queer Eye" and others like it. Also, both genders are learning (from scientific studies and such) that certain behaviors independent to each gender are actually not just because of lazyness or obsession, but because that is how our minds develop. |
Paperboy Posts: 47 Joined: 4 Mar 2008 | A pre nup is different, that's making provisions for financial security at the end of a relationship. Whereas a contract that dictates the behaviour that should occur during a relationship is ridiculous and somewhat Draconian. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2030 Joined: 18 Dec 2007 | This is very similar to dave chappelle's skit with the love contract, later followed by the Confidentiality agreement. Fun times had by all. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 499 Joined: 23 Dec 2007 | Good joke. If it wasn't a joke, I seriously pity your lover(s) |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1249 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 |
yeah it's a joke but there is a lot of truth to it, probly why we find it so funny there are cases of similar things such as this |
Paperboy Posts: 33 Joined: 27 Apr 2008 |
Seriously, take a step back and think about what you've just said. Not just you of course, basically anyone who took it in any way seriously. Did you know the word gullible isn't in the dictionary? |
Red Guard  Posts: 1204 Joined: 21 Feb 2008  | Ha ha ha...etc Not funny. |
BANNED  Posts: 502 Joined: 3 Jan 2008 |
I call him "Fury Muffin" User was banned for: Zero Punctuation: Mailbag Showdown. (Permanent) |
Red Guard Posts: 1204 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 | My wife calls me Pookie, and she can call me that w |
I was on myspace earlier and I happened upon this contract between a guy and girl who are just starting a relationship. I'm sure those of you that frequent myspace have seen it a time or two. I was curious as a female as to how many of you agree with it or if you'd add or change a thing or two. I actually agree with just about all of it. lol I wouldn't mind signing it if a guy asked me to. Though I must admit I like my crazy nicknames I more often than not come up with for my guy. Pfft whine all you want boys but you all come to love it sooner or later. hehe ^_^ I'm also all for the guys night out. I don't care how in love you are everyone needs some time with their friends. No string attached. So if you guys would enlighten me a little I would greatly appreciate it. As for the handful of females on here, do you agree? something piss you off? What would you add or take away or even just rephrase? I admit it's more guy based but I think it's a pretty fair agreement.
Thanks
^_^
THE CONTRACT
I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as "The Lady"), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy's name here] (heretofore referred to as "The Man"). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.
Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.
B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.
C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.
By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice-including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.
Clause 2: Dialog
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.
Rule 2-A above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.
B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.
C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.
Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., "Little John" or "Snuggle Bear").
Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.
B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it is his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.
Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.
B. Upon meeting The Man's mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man's recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.
Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys' Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra "floating" Guys' Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.
B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guys' Night.
C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys' Night.
D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self.
However, there are ground rules for these engagements:
She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase "pot luck," or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady's Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.
Clause 6: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.
The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn't feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
After the first time the Man arranges the words "I," "you," and "love" into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept "Me, too," "Ditto," or a high-five in return.
The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or co-workers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.
By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.
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