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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1884 Joined: 1 Feb 2008     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1555 Joined: 7 Mar 2008    |
you do realize it's a joke right? as for the housework thing, it should be the person who wants to do it the most, cause some ppl are natural neat freaks but yeah agree on things, that's common sense. the only caveat to it is if one person is home 100% of the time, their job is to clean the house, either male or female doesn't matter. a friend's now ex, used to stay home and watch the kid. she never did squat around the house ever and would complain he never did anything. he started dating her when the kid around 2, she had 2 older ones as well, so it wasn't like she had a tiny child to look after, she had tons of time to do other things. also for the cooking, some ppl can't cook. i am a rare male that can cook, i suck at baking but i can cook some pretty darn tasty dishes and besides knowing who leans more towards one gender in a gay releationship, they're about the same after that |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3824 Joined: 26 Feb 2008    |
Do I know you? The only difference between your friend and me is that My ex-wife never had a kid before ours, who her grandparents took care of for us... But she never did any house work, and it took me three straight weeks of cleaning once she left to get it straightened out... It was fucking disgusting, and she had no problem with it... |
Paperboy  Posts: 25 Joined: 4 May 2008   |
Actually, it read to me like the kind of thing that would be drawn up between two painfully intelligent young people who genuinely cared for each other and their relationship. The kind of thing that would be drawn up in equal parts as jest and serious guideline. However, you're right in that it would require a particular mindset to make it work, or even to understand how it could work. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1555 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 |
hahaha no you don't but her issue was she DID have a problem with the mess and didn't do anything to clean it up and bitched he was lazy about it. and her two kids that were older than 10, aka prime house chore age, didn't do jack and expected money. my other friend with 2 kids and an ex has taught them, if you want money from dad when you're there, you do crap for dad. so instead of hearing "hey dad can you give us some money for [insert activity here]?" he gets "hey dad anything we can do for you because we want some money for [insert activity here]?" |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3824 Joined: 26 Feb 2008 | Gee, sounds like the kind of house I would run... |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1884 Joined: 1 Feb 2008 |
Yes, I do realize it's a joke. I'm not entirely thick or humorless. I also noticed that a several people above me in the thread appeared to take it at face value, on some level at least, so it's not like my response is out of the blue here. Take my response as something on the level of me yelling at the characters of a movie I'm watching on DVD, which I sometimes do. Another reason, I suppose, for my enduring single-ness. There are always chores that neither party wants to do, so this generally becomes a contest, not of who wants to do it most, but who can least tolerate it going undone. This particular dynamic becomes a huge sore point, not just with romantic partners, but also with roommates. Roommate 1 - "Will you please do your dishes?"
Actually, I know a lot of guys who can cook. But that has nothing to do with the fact that the The Man seems to assume The Lady a.) can cook and b.) will be doing the majority of the cooking.
I'm not even sure what you mean by that. Are you talking about some sort of butch/femme thing? Because in my experience, the more butch a chick is, the more likely she is to be downright prissy about all sorts of shit, including a not only clean but thoroughly sanitized house, which she will insist on doing herself because no one else can do it to her standard. In fact, the general fussiness and uptightness of the butches in my acquaintance has pretty much put me off dating butches altogether. And they take forever in the bathroom to do their hair. How they can spend that much time on so little hair bewilders me, it really does. They can be really vain and they also worry about their weight a lot. It's like the universe, with its endless sense of humor, decided to make the most masculine women the private embodiments of feminine stereotypes. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1772 Joined: 10 Apr 2007   |
That is *so* true. I think we have to face that fact that most of what we do, even if it's technically 'essential' like cleaning and cooking, is really about our subjective wants. People who want things clean want them not just 'if we don't clean right now the Dept. of Health will condemn this place'; to a certain extent chores are actually more aesthetic than practical. That's where people get into trouble--both have managed to make it this far in life without poisoning themselves, so, it's not a matter of life-or-death. It's a matter of comfort levels which are really as much about personal taste as the decorating. +++ As for the list in general, I think it shows just how many different relationship types there are out there. If you are a "Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner" kinda guy and you're thinking about getting into a relationship with a "night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house" kinda girl and you consider those things enough of a sacrifice to put it in a contract, this is one of two relationships: (1) the Royal relationship: you're not in this relationship because she's your best friend; instead you enjoy being loved by the other person or you think you'd make a great family or something like that. However, on some level you two are as different as a foreign princess marrying an heir to the throne--you come from different worlds. or (2) the Sex Partner relationship: you like each other--maybe even love each other--but really, the physical side of the relationship is the dynamo in the relationship. As I only really consider relationships with women that I'd call my best friend, this contract is not for me. My contract would instead read something like 'I promise not to wind up liking *everything* you like and vice versa: we will do our best to come up with an excuse to not hang out together all the time, and will in fact pledge not to become fans of each other's five (5) favorite music artists' or maybe 'I will not watch newly released zombie-movies for the first time with anyone but you' or something. |
Muckraker Posts: 227 Joined: 21 Feb 2008    |
This issue I have with is isn't that a contract is unreasonable, but that this particular contract is. It's way too partisan toward (a) the man's rights, and (b) a particular breed of man. It assumes a subordinate role for the woman in the relationship (learning what he likes to eat, allowing sports games to take precedence, or choice of which side of the bed to sleep on). No girl in her right mind would agree to this contract as stipulated (which, of course, creates a permeating syllogism, so I'm hoping we can look past that). And most of the guys I know wouldn't want her to. It doesn't work well as a boiler-plate contract, since any relationship will be different, but conceptually, it works to try to lay out behavior. I understand it's a joke, and I'm impressed by its ability to be both misogynistic, and misandrist, all at the same time, but it's still in poor taste. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 400 Joined: 20 Nov 2007   |
gonna agree with that statement. no way do relationships operate like businesses. rules of a relationship are often times broken in positive and negative ways, and expecting someone to follow them or face breaking up or nullification of a fianceship, or w/e you want to say, is rediculous and makes for a relationship that is dull and not passionate and cold. this might work for imature relations where the two partys are not looking for "the one" but in the real world its rediculous and small minded |
Paperboy  Posts: 49 Joined: 4 Mar 2008 | besides fists work better than any contract at keeping the ladies in line. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 398 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | Fury Muffin ROFL lol thats a good one. You people are just way too serious, lighten up. Just a wee bit. ^_^ |
Beat Writer Posts: 158 Joined: 4 Feb 2008 | It is a fun contract, and can be pretty good as general guidelines... That said it needs a complementary part in which the female writes her demands. I think any rules about housework etc. have to be specific for each individual relationship and can't be included in a contract which is supposed to be functioning for all (different people may divide housework differently). Btw:
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Red Guard  Posts: 1556 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 |
No. You may think it's all a merry jape, but some of us are genuinely annoyed by it, I know I certainly am. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 398 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | *blinks* Your joking right? I pray you are. If not then by all means I'm sorry. Perhaps you should learn to laugh a little more. It might make life a little more enjoyable. I know if I had the kind of attitude you have I'd dread waking up everyday. Thats just me though... ^_^ |
Red Guard Posts: 1556 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 |
Is that how you deal with everyone who's annoyed with you, tell them to lighten up? You're* aware that that winds people up more, right? That relationship contract might be a joke, but it's the kind of joke told by people who say "I'm not racist, but". (*Note the spelling, see that apostrophe?) |
Beat Writer  Posts: 186 Joined: 2 Jan 2008 | Joke or not, I could see people actually doing that. Considering the amount of selfishness displayed by people on such a regular basis, it wouldn't surprise me to see people start making things like this for real. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 197 Joined: 10 Jan 2008 | Even though it is a bit more centered on 'The Man' and assumes for the stereotypical male, but it's not a terrible idea, really. Everyone has those little things that drive them crazy in a relationship might as well get it out in the open. But of course it should be drawn up by both parties involved. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 398 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | It wasn't meant to annoy anyone...just gather people's perspectives. It's just another thing to be taken with a grain of salt. It's just a bit of FRIENDLY banter. Your the one turning this into something ugly when it shouldn't be at all. You never backed up your position for not agreeing with the contract in the first place. You just came out with every intention to be a jerk with your second comment. My lighten up comment wasn't even directed toward you in the first place. Everyone else who disagreed gave reasons for where they stood and weren't mean about it. Thank you for correcting my spelling but if you can't have a civilized discussion then I don't have anything further to say to you. Also if me saying lighten up made anyone else upset I'm sorry it wasn't supposed to. If you've seen me around I'm sure you can tell that I'm just naturally cheerful and good humored about everything. ^_^ |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3824 Joined: 26 Feb 2008 |
I have got to side with the young lady on this one. It IS a joke, and if you don't find it funny, that is acceptable, but don't tell us we are wrong for enjoying it. My girlfriend thought it was funny too. We are in the majority, so we are having what sociologists would call the normal reaction. If you don't like it, just don't read it, or reply anymore... |
Red Guard Posts: 1556 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 | I've apologised to Angel in a PM, and I'm loath to start lashing out again, but save your patronising attitude for someone else please. The thread is asking for people's thoughts on the contract. I made my view clear (eventually) and perhaps I was little bit, or a lot, too aggressive making it, but my view is just a valid as yours. While it may or may not be relevant to this thread, being in the majority doesn't necessarily make you right. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3824 Joined: 26 Feb 2008 | No, but according to sociologists it makes us normal. And I wasn't patronizing, I was defending. Big difference. And I am willing to let it go as is. Sorry for jumping in for something you had already apologized for. I stand corrected. |
Red Guard Posts: 1556 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 | You weren't to know, and I'm more than willing to let it go as well. We have differing opinions and that's fine. |
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Yeah, what about the ex-girlfriends? Not mentioned, I noticed. Nor distribution of laundry and dishes and vacuuming and yardwork and taking out the trash, all of which seem to occasion more fights than the stuff listed above. And why didn't the guy learn his mother's recipes, if he likes them so much? If you really do like your chicken that dry, cook it that way. And in return, I promise to kill my own bugs and use a stepladder to get things off high shelves. Oh, wait, I do that anyway. And get my own doors and chairs, and plan my own entertainment. I suppose that's where the gay and single thing comes in. Seriously, if a relationship needs this contract, they need sooooo much more than this contract. It really makes me glad to be queer, where it is pretty much assumed at the start of any relationship that this will all have to be hashed out, because the default gendered behaviors can't be assumed.