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Paperboy  Posts: 40 Joined: 30 Apr 2008 | |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1683 Joined: 30 Jan 2008 | I'm fine with talking to girls, its just I don't know what to talk about with girls that I'm romantically interested in. There's a difference. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 11 Joined: 18 Jul 2006 | It really depends on the age of the girl in question, but since you asked: Act like you don't care, then tell her she smells nice. It's just one of the methods and seems to work for me. Good luck;) |
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Copy Clerk  Posts: 65 Joined: 11 Apr 2008 | find some common interests? |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1531 Joined: 18 Dec 2007 |
When I greet strangers and tell them they smell nice it tends not to work. |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1207 Joined: 14 Nov 2007 | Though I'm girlfriendless at the moment, I have been known to woo a woman or three. Really, the best thing you can do is just talk to them as naturally as you can. After all, in the end they're only people like you or me. Make them laugh every now and then if you can, and don't try to come across as someone you're not. Women can smell bullshit from a mile away. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 29 Joined: 12 Dec 2007 | I could really write an essay on that very subject, but I refrain from doing so just now. I'm not an expert on the subject, mind you, just an enthusiastic amateur. I had a lot of disappointment with girls in the past, which drove me to study the subject in-depth, for many years now. Keeping an open mind and eye helps a lot more than trying haplessly over and over. Girls are a different species when it comes to dating, and you must learn to handle them like a different species. What a lot of men THINK is the right thing to do or say to get closer, is almost certainly the exact opposite what you SHOULD do. It's quite perplexing at first, and many people just can't wrap their heads around it. Just a tip: when you think of something to say or do to a girl, do the exact opposite. If you wanna compliment them, tease them or joke them. If you wanna stroke them, pat them on the head or pull their hair, like in grade school :D I know this sounds silly, but don't ask questions, just do it and watch the results. I really can't go into more detail right now, but when I have the time I try to put together some tips of what worked for me so far, some proven stuff. |
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Gone Gonzo Posts: 1683 Joined: 30 Jan 2008 | Its better to be self-depreciating in a humourous way than arrogant. Remember that. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 13 Joined: 6 May 2008 | I talk to women all the time but I really have no interest in being in a relationship right now. If by accident I find a woman who I can get romantically involved with then so be it, but I am not exactly looking. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 18 Joined: 6 May 2008 | Hmmm, just not being a complete prat, pissed or thinking you're on an army mission would do it, although my ex managed all three on our first date (complete with "hut, hut" noises and ducking in and out of "cover" [read: parked cars]). Sod never remembered our first kiss, I made him pay for that for months... Anyway... It sounds corny but just being yourself and not pretending to be cool or using lines does the trick. For some reason women love being respected but woe betide you if you don't hold the door open & let us go in first! Little bits of etiquitte does wonders, as does having interesting things to talk about - make sure to read a newspaper (AVOID TABLOIDS!) beforehand. Some homework does wonders too - find out what she's into (not bedroom stuff, that boils down to not sticking random things into other things WITHOUT ASKING FIRST), and read up on it a little on Wiki or something. GOLDEN RULE: - Get in with her best mates. It is even more important to impress them than the parents. Much, much more. Mates don't like you = your arse out of the door. Myself, I'd just be happy with someone who has a job, no shaved head and is as into manga as I am... Surprisingly unlikely in Blighty... |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1292 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
It's funny you should mention this because for the one that got away I was so in with the best friend. As in, she was helping. Didn't do a jot of good, though. Ah, well. |
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Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 510 Joined: 29 Jan 2008 | Well, I know my problem. I have the social skill of a rock, and a 20+ year stint in the Navy doesn't exactly leave much time for a lasting relationship. |
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Paperboy Posts: 12 Joined: 18 Apr 2008 | Self depreciation, stranger smelling, what has this thread come to? Best way to do it, as a few other have said, be honest, be natural, and be comfortable. If you can't do the comfortable thing, state it, be honest that you're a little nerved up, women appreciate that, and some actually find it cute or flattering. Don't try to become some epic mysterious figure, they don't like that. Good women look for stability, security, and most of all attentiveness. Look like you're having fun but don't be a prick. |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1615 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 | There are only 3 rules. Listen, Listen, Listen. At that point, she's either yours or you really don't want her. :) As for the Golden Rule, that also works, but you just go off with her mates instead. |
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Beat Writer Posts: 127 Joined: 8 Sep 2006 | Talking to girls is easy: it's the same as talking to people. No, seriously. See, the trouble is that you don't understand what the trouble is. It's two things: 1) You like the look of girls who have no interests in common with you and are in fact a terrible match. (If you want to play that game then go to a club where lots of talking isn't really expected. Next morning you might be expected to make breakfast. Swapping surnames is optional.) 2) You overlook the fact that part of the reason your male friends aren't fussy about your behaviour and the stuff you say is because they're not auditioning you to maybe spend the rest of their lives in your company. If you're a decent guy then just be yourself and do the things you like to do and one day you'll meet a girl who likes the same stuff. Making friends isn't hard in those circumstances, it's practically inevitable. (In case you're wondering I'm 35 and met my current super-hot girlfriend 15 years ago because I ran a roleplaying game for her. We now have two kids, who are also gamers.) |
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Muckraker Posts: 295 Joined: 18 Jan 2008 | You know, I'm fairly sure that girls are just as varied and different as boys are. For every girl that wants the sweet, sensitive guy, there's probably one that wants the cold-hearted prick, for some reason. Different strokes for different folks. Rather, I'd say it's more important to find someone that you can be yourself around. If you have to put on an act or lie...either the relationship is doomed to fail, or you'll become someone you hate. You'd be surprised how many people ignore this fact. Edit: I agree with Dom Camus' thoughts as well. They are people. |
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Paperboy Posts: 29 Joined: 12 Dec 2007 | Bah, humbug! Allow me to translate Blue Sonnet's post to layman's terms: "Just be yourself and don't pretend to be cool or use lines" translates to something totally different in male tounge. You CAN pretend to be cool AND use lines, if you are CONFIDENT about it. That's all there is to it. Confidence wins you girls. One thing to be kept in mind: Don't try to be original and do things differently, because you end up doing the exact same things as everyone else. Trust me on this one. "Being yourself" means to be confident about yourself, and DON'T try to pick her up. If you meet a girl, and handle her like if she was a long-time friend, even if she isn't, that will twist her mind. Tease her, play with her, and don't try to kiss up to them. NEVER! Just behave like it was some other guy you just met. "Be yourself" = Don't use special treatment with girls. Just have fun, and don't try to pick them up. This saves you hella lot of disappointment: a) if she want's to be with you, she will let you know, and you can decide on the next step. b) if she doesn't, you won't be depressed about it ("I tried so hard DAMIT!), because you just had fun and handled her like a friend... |
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BANNED  Posts: 502 Joined: 3 Jan 2008 |
I just had the weirderst image in my head when I read this. She farts, you arn't listening. User was banned for: Zero Punctuation: Mailbag Showdown. (Permanent) |
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Muckraker  Posts: 348 Joined: 31 Oct 2007 | School for scoundrels got it right and this is not something I agree with as I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic but it really does work. The secret is: Lie, lie, lie and lie again. I have a couple of freinds who are real lady killers, every time they go out together they invent new lives for themselves and blag to their cold little hearts content, I love them both, but though I would trust them to come save my life I would never trust them with a girl. |
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Beat Writer  Posts: 207 Joined: 31 Oct 2007 |
That's precisely what I recommend NOT doing. I think most guys just try too hard. Be yourself and you'll wind up with a girl that's like yourself. Be something else.. something you "studied" and read on askmen.com (a site chock full of bad advice)... and you'll get something other then yourself. Which generally turns out to be a disaster. That's it. That's all it takes. Any other advice is just generalizing all females, which is of course, pretty stupid. But, I guess it really depends on whether you're looking for a one night stand or a full-on relationship. I suppose with one night stands you can try and master it down to a science with some amount of success.. but that never appealed to me. |
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Gone Gonzo Posts: 1292 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
I hear there are organisations for such men who practice the art; I saw a book that was supposedly by a man who infiltrated them. It was intrguing but I didn't buy it. I still wonder whether I should have, not for the tips but for the read itself. |
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Copy Clerk  Posts: 101 Joined: 14 Apr 2008 | Well, I'm out of practice myself, seeing as I've been in one relationship for the past 5 years. What I think is the best is a mixture of what people have said so far. I was watching a show on the Discovery Channel years ago about relationships and one of the things they've said rang really true with me. They said that studies have shown that while men will care less about the percieved social standing of the woman they are with, women subconcsiously will almost always choose men that have a higher percieved social standing than them. Now, I'm not trying to get into a discussion about social hierarchies, as this isn't talking about actual social standing but rather percieved. Now, two things that will really help drawn women are; Confidence and Enthusiasm (or, lack thereof). As far as confidence goes, I noticed that once my self-esteem started to go up near the end of high school, women found me a bit more interesting. I guess it relates back to my earlier point but if you feel (or even just act) more confident it will probably raise their perception of social standing. Self-depreciating humour is a double-edged sword in this respect. Getting her to laugh is great but make sure it's tongue-in-cheek or else you might end up hurting your image. Now, enthusiasm is another big one. I've had friends throughout highschool that both played computer games and were not exactly the model of what is considered popular. However, one was immensely successful with girls and the other wasn't. The main difference is the enthusiam both showed with not only girls, but their own hobbies. The more popular one just naturally played it pretty cool with women. He'd flirt but other than that, he wouldn't come on too intensely. The other friend would come on rather strong and would often get rejected. Now, I'm not saying lie about your hobbies or your interest to women, but you have to understand that to a fair number of women, your ability to quote Babylon 5 episodes or do a speed run of CoD4 is not likely to impress. Sure, there are gamer chicks but unfortunately percentages are against you in this regard. If every gamer guy held out for a gamer chick, you'd be looking at waiting a very long time, as even the optimistic reports put the ratio at something like 4:1, us to them. |
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Editor-in-Chief  Posts: 604 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 | Have fun - Even before she's talking to you. Basic instinct says, "If he's having fun, smiling, laughing, if I go hang out with him, I'll have fun and smile and laugh, too." Be confident - It's damn sexy. You are good enough to attract girls. If a girl is not attracted to you based on the you you're confident about, it will not work anyway. It's an excellent filter for heartache. Ask questions - Ideally, you're interested in her, so ask! People love to talk about themselves. This conversation isn't about making you feel good, it's about her feeling good while talking to you. Easiest way to do that is to get her to talk about her hobbies, her schoolwork, her friends, her favorite flavor of ice cream, anything. |
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Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 552 Joined: 25 Jan 2008 | Meh, to be quite honest I've had enough bad experiences with women that I'm inclined to not bother any more. If someone's interested in me then that's great but I'll be damned if I'm gonna go out searching for women any more. It only leads to hurt and pain. Strafe Mcgee, happy and optimistic since 1986. |
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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 847 Joined: 7 Feb 2008 | I could write an essay about this, but here's some more specific hints for finding geeky girls. Geeky Women I know like the following games... 1) Zelda, gamer girls fucking LOVE Zelda, though some of them also have an unhealthy love of Link, but regardless, it stands. 2) Pokemon, say what you will, girls find them cute, deal with it. 3) The Sims. It is like Female Gaming Crack, they love it, really. 4) Harvest Moon. For the same reason as The Sims really, that and its cute. 5) Final Fantasy. No, really, my girlfriend loves Final Fantasy games, since they're like playable movies she sits there and watches and loves it. 6) Adventure Games. Most girls who are gamers enjoy these, even stranger ones like Indigo Prophecy. Geeky Women I know like the following Comics... 1) Fables. This one is VERY popular among the various girls I know, my trades are never safe! 2) Sandman. Yep. that's right. Gothy, Wiccan Girls love it, Artist Chicks love it, Literary Ladies love it. 3) Y The Last Man. Apparently women are intersted in a story where all the men die... maybe this isn't such a good suggestion. 4) Gen 13. Both my ex and my current Girlfriend borrowed this from me before we started dating so it has some appeal apparently. Geeky Women I know like the following Cartoons... 1) Hayao Miyazaki Movies. They're clever, fun and tend to have really good female characters. 2) Justice League Unlimited. It's funny, I mean REALLY funny and most of the girls I know love it. 3) Slayers. Any Geeky Girl who watched Anime in the 90's has seen this, and they all love it. 4) Cowboy Bebop. Apparently women also love Jazzy Westerns in Space, who knew. 5) Full Metal Alchemist. Yep, and this series rocks anyway so its an easy win. |
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Press Junketeer  Posts: 385 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | lol boys, boys, boys, it just comes down to being your self. If you try to be something your not then the girl isn't falling in love with you, they are falling in love with the person your trying to be. There is nothing more attractive than a guy who knows who he is and what he wants from life, a relationship and is confident about it. Being you and being proud is the key. Having something interesting to talk about is a plus. Random facts or some point of view on something out of the ordinary. If you find that you two can talk about some very very random thing for 10 minutes when you never thought you'd ever have more to say about the matter then you've got something. Silly yes, but it's true. Just be yourself, I can't stress that enough. Stop trying to impress and show your true colors. That's all you ever really need to do. If shes not interested in who you are then stop wasting time on her. You want someone to love you for who you are, not who they think or want you to be. ^_^ P.S. It is telepathy. Just so you all know. ;) |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 7 Joined: 15 Jan 2008 | i dont think that there really is just one way of doing it, COMPLIMENTS and thats all i can give really |
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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 858 Joined: 9 Dec 2007 |
So true, gwhaha. But I think he meant in general:
Well excuse my pessimism, senior Pimpalicious! |
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Beat Writer Posts: 160 Joined: 10 Oct 2007 | Girls, what are these creatures that you speak off? Ah well, no man will ever "get" girls as in understand how their depraved brains actually work. You can't live without em though :) Some simple rules: There is more of course but I consider these the basics. |
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Press Junketeer Posts: 399 Joined: 6 Feb 2008 | talk to girls? Dont do it, man! :-P :gives a somewhat chauvinistic list of things to do to talk to "a girl," whatever one of those are since girls dont exist on teh internetz: |
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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 935 Joined: 1 Feb 2008 | Watch her body language. If she's looking away from you a lot, has her arms crossed in front of her chest, or is backing up to put more space between you and her, something is making her uncomfortable. At that point, if you are talking, especially if you are talking enthusiatically about something, there is a good chance that you have gone from talking TO her to talking AT her, which is unpleasant. General rule of thumb: two eyes, two ears, one mouth, so look and listen twice as much as you talk. There's also a tendency I've noticed, not only in guys, but a lot in guys, and that is conversational one-upsmanship. Generally speaking, girls hate this. A lot of people hate this, actually, but if you are trying to get a girl to like you, don't do it. |
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Muckraker  Posts: 292 Joined: 9 Oct 2007 | The only problem I have when talking to girls is that they tend to focus on stuff I don't care about. That is, gossipy stuff and relationship stuff. Don't care about either of those. As long as they keep their discussion away from that stuff, I'm usually ok. Most of the time, I find that the best thing is just to keep the girl talking. As long as you give them enough ammunition, they will go on forever and you can just smile and listen. |
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Paperboy Posts: 18 Joined: 6 May 2008 |
Eep! Does this mean I've spoken in alien woman language or just too many over-complicated words? Paranoid now... |
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Muckraker Posts: 295 Joined: 18 Jan 2008 |
No, I understood it just fine. Unless I'm actually an alien too..that would be news. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 23 Joined: 20 Feb 2008 | It's interesting this thread popped up when it did. i asked a girl out to dinner last week after seeing her at a get-together. she has an ADORABLE voice and sexy body! anywho, i've been looking up tips and such because whenever i get into anything (computers, guitars, women) i tend to research about them. here are a few links: http://www.juvenilecomedy.com/pickup.htm Funny, dont go by this. Her and I might be going to a coffee shop if i can remember how to get there. The distance of driving matters too, so keep it close. IF not, a pool hall. Dinner and a movie has always been my first thought. but sitting in a dark populated room for 2 hours next to eachother, not talking, is awkward and pointless. Unless talking about it afterwards and relating, i wouldn't suggest that. I didn't even get started but i'll leave it at that. Wish me luck this weekend! |
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I have noticed that a lot of you (males) admit to be lacking in the girlfriend department. So I want to know from people who have had success with the opposite sex, and from girls, exactly how it should be done. Anecdotes of your best/craziest girl moments are great.
For the record, I have 1 ex-girlfriend, but I'm sort of chasing a girl right now :D. I find girls quite perplexing at times, especially when I'm trying to hold a conversation involving more than one girl. This seems to be because girls have this ability to communicate with each other by facial expressions only (or perhaps its telepathy), that guys cannot understand and cannot hope to follow, which can really exclude me from the conversation. (#TIP#)But it makes for good laughs when I try to express what you think they're saying.
So that wraps it up. Tell me what you think. Everyone's voice is needed to help get these lonely gamers a girlfriend. (Gays and lesbians are welcome to add too).
EDIT: After having read much of this thread to see what people thought, I think there are two important things to say about talking to girls:
#1. Be CONFIDENT. This seems to be pretty much the most important thing and many girls would confirm this.
#2. Be YOURSELF. This is just as important because it prevents you from winding up looking like an idiot/liar.
Thanks for all your suggestions so far. Keep 'em coming.
EDIT#2: It appears that some of the more philosophical forum members have started a well-informed debate into exactly how and why the dynamics and patterns of male-female relationships come about. While this probably won't help too much in talking to a girl, it is certainly very interesting.