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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1379 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 | |
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Press Junketeer  Posts: 357 Joined: 10 Jan 2008 | You all seem to talk as if you've never had any social experience with the opposite sex at all. Let's start with this story, So there was this girl in my grade who I liked a lot, but the problem was she had a boy friend, so instead of acting like an idiot, I just became friends with her over time, talked to her a lot, found things that we had in common, found things we didn't. And we've been friends ever since, and that was about 2 1/2 years ago, I asked her out 3 and a bit months ago after her boyfriend moved interstate and cheated on her and because we were great friends already, we knew everything about eachother. So I would advise not to only talk to a girl if you like them, talk to them anyway, because one day you might be in the same situation that i'm in. I also learned not objectify them. As in, if you go out for dinner don't say "Oh, your boobs look great." Because firstly, That's a tad creepy, secondly, they don't usually attempt to make only their boobs look good. Try and compliment their hair, the clothes they're wearing, even their shoes. Don't just be like BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS. I mean I like boobs, Yes I do, But I never even looked at them until she knew I liked her for her personality, not just because of the way she looked. Try and talk to her everyday, when you can't talk to her, write her a letter, Don't send her a text message or an email, it is much more personal if you write a letter. Don't be afraid of what they will think about you, just write what ever pops into your head or what you think of things. That's only a little bit of advice there, but if you nail those you should be on the right track. |
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Press Junketeer Posts: 399 Joined: 6 Feb 2008 |
Taking the girl on the rebound isnt always a sure option, but whatever works I guess :-)
Dont do them in tandem either, there are more socially acceptable ways to show you can multitask :-P
I cant work out for the life of me whether you're two seperate people or one with two accounts :-P |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 3 Joined: 16 Apr 2008 | iam fine when it comes to girls most lilkly cos iam gay so i have a bit of that girly telepathy thing going on and its true stright guys can never learn its great secrets and anyway have any of you tryed talking to a hot guy its like being a deer in headlights. Oh and I think its been said all ready but be gentlemanly when it comes to girls like open doors, paying for things and such a little goes a longway well thats my 2 cents. |
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Muckraker  Posts: 292 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 | Story, proceeded by a query... There was this girl I really liked. She was smart, she was funny, she was cute, and we had a lot in common. I, instead of listening to people who I had constantly told I didn't like, went with my instincts and presented myself as the friendly, witty, mildly self-loathing individualist I am. Got to know said girl pretty well. After about four months, I asked if she was interested in going out with me. Her words were, and I quote, "Don't take this the wrong way, but...you're too nice." Three words immediately came to mind; two of them were the same word, and none of them are words I would be proud to repeat in civil conversation. Thinking back, I realize that she may have been trying to keep me from feeling too bad, but I consider sugar-coating to be a condescending practice. The question, as was promised to you, is this; could you provide insight? How exactly does one go about being too nice? Apologies for the verbosity; I tend to function on a different level when I'm deprived of sleep. Pretty colors... Edit for spelling. Do girls not like me because I'm a perfectionist? |
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PROBATION  Posts: 1931 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 | Nope, girls actually like you. This can be a problem because would you go out with your best mate? IMHO, if you don't make it clear early on to a girl that you're interested in her in 'that' way, then you've close to no chance; but you'll have a good female friend. (Who can be very useful in telling you how to approach someone) Mainly, there are no real 'rules' just guidelines, as long as you actually listen (like I said) they'll give you enough clues to know if it's worth it. And realistically, the one that's most likely to succeed is "I really like you. Do you fancy going for a [activity] sometime?" Oh, and remember, most girls are terrified to ask a guy out as well. (This also applies to Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and any other weird fetish out there :) ) User was put on probation for: Why is EPIC the only descriptor that people use nowadays?. (3 days) |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 7 Joined: 7 May 2008 | Brace yourself Logician, you're about to be vigorously manhandled by the truth in a gorilla suit. |
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Copy Clerk  Posts: 113 Joined: 24 Apr 2008 | Just be natural god damn it. If it takes effort it isn't sustainable. |
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Muckraker Posts: 292 Joined: 7 Mar 2008 |
While I appreciate your enthusiasm, my general experience is that people don't like me after meeting me in person. I blame society. In all seriousness, though, thanks for the advice. Might help me in the long run... Y'know, instead of apologizing for some random thing, I think I'll just put 'pretty colors' again; upon reflection, that was kinda funny... Pretty colors... |
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Paperboy Posts: 19 Joined: 23 Feb 2008 | Do you boys like nerdy girls then? I find boys tend to have some sort of mild interest in me until they find out I do engineering and work in a game shop... I figured nerdy boys didn't want nerdy girls. Then again, one particularly gamery boy who did like me once invited me over to his house saying 'everyone' was heading over for a drink. And it was just me and him. For an hour and half. Then I left. So a useful social tip is don't do that. It was hugely creepy and weird. These tips are very strange... I'm quite sure I wouldn't notice nearly all these things... You have to be funny though. Other than that and my 'don't trick her into a date' advice that's all I have. |
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Copy Clerk  Posts: 59 Joined: 4 Feb 2008 | To be honest, no two people are the same, and therefore - although helpful, not all of this advice will apply or help your cause. |
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Muckraker Posts: 304 Joined: 18 Jan 2008 |
Define "nerdy". I knew a girl who claimed she was "nerdy" and was an engineering student. Didn't have the gaming job, though. Her idea of having fun outside of doing homework was getting completely smashed and flirting with every single guy in the room. Regardless if she had a boyfriend or not. Quite frankly, the getting drunk and only talking about your major outside classes thing seems to be the norm with engineering students, so saying you are one is almost an instant turn-off for me. Why am I so biased against them, you ask? Quite simple: I was one until very recently. There's a few of 'em that have proven me wrong..but I've unfortunately picked up a case of sterotyping. Who in their right mind thinks I want to start off a conversation at a get together about the test I took 3 days ago... |
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Press Junketeer Posts: 399 Joined: 6 Feb 2008 |
I think most internet nerds go for nerdy girls in the same way said nerds have a strange fascination with Japanese girls. Its an internet fantasy that in the angsty spotty male dominated arena that the web is seen as, these images of tech savvy, visually appealing, likeminded female counterparts appeal. & Its usually also nerdy in the sense that "yeah my gf lets me play games whenever I like & looks like Acid Burn" not the "yeah my gf is a better/bigger gamer/nerd than me & makes me wear my ass for a hat when playing Halo/D&D" |
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Gone Gonzo Posts: 1379 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
I don't see how any guy would have a problem with a girl's Nerd stat. But then again I'm also doing engineering and commonly frequent games stores so I'm a bit biased. Edit: I just realised I'm a Pulitzer Laureate. Shit yeah! |
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Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 786 Joined: 22 Aug 2006 |
Of all my paranoias, this is one of my most entertaining secret fears. |
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Gone Gonzo Posts: 1379 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
That someone is reading your mind? Funny that, but I actually roll with that paranoia. If I get the feeling someone on the bus is reading my mind I'll think dirty thoughts about them and think "Yeah, how do you like that?" |
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Muckraker Posts: 304 Joined: 18 Jan 2008 |
You should put that in the weird thread, Saskwatch. I'll admit I'm a little paranoid, but I don't go that far. You ever think they were just staring at your nifty hat? |
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Gone Gonzo Posts: 1379 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 |
Alright then, I'll do that. And no, I've never thought that because I don't have a nifty hat. |
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Copy Clerk  Posts: 99 Joined: 19 Mar 2008 | The only advice I have (apart from the obvious things like "be yourself" and "don't stare at her boobs for hours on end drooling") is that you need to establish that you are interested in her "romantically" early on or else she'll get all weirded out by it. Also, if you have trouble confronting hot girls then approach her uglier friends - it's like a back door entrance and she'll love it if you can get on with her friends. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 32 Joined: 23 Feb 2008 | Depends really, what kind of girl she is. While I hate categorising, I'm not exaclty one to beat around the bush per se, and go for it most of the time if I like the unfortunate, unsuspecting chap; but I'm just that sort of person. Most my mates are blokes anyway. Chatting with girls for various years lets you undertand something. If you want a relationship with them, you ALWAYS make the first move (with the exception of me) even to flirt. If she giggles, blushes, or tells you to "stop" like she really doesn't mean it, keeps smiling, then go for it, because they enjoy your flirting. If you flirt and she looks offended, stop, she's not interested. Girls like a good, often random witty sense of humour, that doesn't offend people (too much, a good slag sometimes is okay), and just talking about anything is enough, becuase most of the time they're listening (if they're interested in you). |
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Beat Writer Posts: 221 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 | There is no silver bullet, because women are as varied as any other group of people. In the same way you talk to some guys about games, and some guys about philosophy, and some guys about sports, girls' interests are going to be rampantly divergent from each other. Instead of trying to figure out a solid-gold method of talking to any girl. It's a probability game, really. There are going to be a lot of girls who are uninterested, or who don't care about what you care about. Generally, people like to talk about themselves, but that won't always be true. It's a good gauge of things, though. If you ask a girl what she does for fun, and she responds with something you really wouldn't enjoy, you can either decide that she's attractive enough in other ways, or drop it. If you're making all of your choices based on physical attractiveness, though, you'll be in for a surprise down the line. The advice about asking uninterested may work with a certain group of girls, but unless you're really good at manipulation, you'll blow it more likely than not. I would change it slightly. Go into the conversation with the indication that you're interested in her, but try to avoid being too obvious about the fact that'd you'd like to jump her bones. Friendship is always a good starting point, especially if you're looking for a long-term relationship. You learn the ins-and-outs of each other, and whether you actually get along. Most of all, keep in mind that none of this matters, and not to take every rejection as a treatise on what's wrong with you. Keep things in the perspective that (a) you're being selective too, and (b) not everyone is right for everyone else. |
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PROBATION Posts: 1931 Joined: 13 Feb 2008 |
Let's see...Girls. Check. Nerdy Girls. Double check. Talk nerdy to us ;)
Uh, I think you've got the wrong idea there... User was put on probation for: Why is EPIC the only descriptor that people use nowadays?. (3 days) |
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Anonymous Source  Posts: 10 Joined: 7 May 2008 |
My thoughts on that: I believe that may be a case of having become "the friend". It's happened to me twice now. Both times because I was interested in a girl who had a boyfriend, and ended up just hanging out with her in an effort to be a part of her life, to build a connection on a platonic level, in case she were to become single again. In both cases, I didn't make any advances, since that would be fairly disrespectful, and potentially awkward. And both times when she became available and I did make an advance, I was told I was "too nice" and "too good of a friend". I was also told, "I didn't realize you thought of me that way", wich is what I believe is the key, and how this all relates to your situation. It appears to me that you only have a limited timeframe to make sure she knows that you find her attractive and are romantically interested in her. If you don't, at some point, and I'm not sure when, you become "the friend". As far as I can tell, the process of becoming "the friend" involves the girl symbolically tearing off your testicles and putting them in a little jar, wich she keeps in her purse. Once that is done, you are no longer a man in her eyes, but a girlfriend. She'll be comfortable around you, and care about you, but never romantically interested. I believe a sign of this having happened to you(and considering it involves the loss of your testicles, it's amazing it happens so subtly), is that she'll talk about nasty things she'd never say to people she's not close with, about her period and such, things that make your brain cringe and scream "TMI!!!". Becoming "the friend" can be extremely frustrating, but once it happens you're pretty much screwed. You've made a close friend, but you've lost her on a romantic level and should just move on. And that friendship can be frustrating when you, as "the friend" have to watch her start seeing other guys, who are all jerks, always, who will find your presence threatening and cause tension and whatnot. Frustration all around. On the other hand, I've also had a few situations where I did make advances on a girl who was spoken for, for fear of becoming "the friend", wich only caused her to pull away and not hang around me, and eventually I'd lose contact with her. So I'd guess there's a line to be balanced there somewhere, but I have trouble finding it. In any case, all those times, the girl had a boyfriend, so making advances was bad. However, if she's not spoken for, never, ever, set yourself up for becoming "the friend". Even if you don't ask her out at first, make sure she knows you find her attractive, wich should hopefully remind her that you are a man and not a eunuch. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 25 Joined: 7 May 2008 | It really does depend. On many things. I mean I could sit here and type out this long confident sounding message and there'd be a lot of you who would read this and just think 'hey he's onto something, I'll believe that'. But at the end of the day it's something you have to find for yourselves. It depends on who you are and who the girl is. Different approaches work for different girls. When it's all said and done, doing exactly what you're doing right now is bound to be what works for someone out there. That's why they say there is a 'one' for everyone. So yeah, you can fake it, you can try and develop a persona that works for whoever you're currently interested in, but honestly - how long could you keep that up? Besides, not everyone is a great actor. Time is a great revealer of truths. If they don't think your right for them now they will probably still think that after a time even if you do 'change' just to get them because the real you will reveal itself. so my advise is not try and be something your not, meaningful relationships are built on a bedrock of trust so if your building up a relationship based on your own lies how is that supposed to hold together? If you can handle acting your way into being with a girl you have no real connection with just because she's 'the most beautiful girl you've ever seen' that's up to you but if your looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, just be you until you find someone who loves everything about who 'you' is. If you can't talk to a girl then she is probably not your 'type'. |
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Paperboy  Posts: 24 Joined: 20 Mar 2008 | be confident, but not arrogant, be funny but not retarded, and most of all make her feel special, nothing is more important to a girl then feeling like shes your number 1, ive had a girlfriend almost 2 years now, weve had our problems but ive learned a lot about women from her |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 5 Joined: 4 May 2008 |
every one quote this so we have a huge quote box monster |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 5 Joined: 4 May 2008 |
NO WAIT EVERYONE QUOTE THIS INSTEAD!!! |
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Beat Writer  Posts: 131 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 | If you're looking to be friends, don't be a twat. |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 1 Joined: 7 May 2008 | I made an account just to reply to this. Yay me. Or somesuch. I'm honestly not sure what to say now, but... I've never been in a realationship, nor really ever been romantically involved with someone. At least... Not much anyway. In general, I need to work on my own confidence a LOT, but I digress. I'd like some advice on how to talk to guys. It seems I come on too strong sometimes, really. Talking and talking, but I usually manage to scare most of them away, with me being geeky and actually LIKING to talk about video games. And about girls smelling desperation from a mile away... Yes, yes we can. It's an immediate turn-off and makes you go "Oooh god, what have I gotten myself into." I wonder if guys has the same "desperation radar". |
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Paperboy Posts: 14 Joined: 16 Apr 2008 | The age old advice of be yourself is certainly applicable in the pursuit of the opposite sex, and indeed, is instrumental in the development of the foundation of a long term relationship. However, from my experience, the simple fact remains that certain characteristic traits tend to spark attraction moreso than others, and demonstrating said characteristics will improve one's chances of generating interest and attraction in a potential lover/significant other/etc. These characteristics include (but are not limited to). 1.) Sense of Humor/Wit - Being able to engage someone on a humor level seems to stimulate interest in you, particularly if you have your own, unique style. 2.) Independence - Not so much resistence to conformistism, but rather the ability to lead what you consider to be an interesting and fulfilling life, regardless of other's perspective of you. From what I've experienced, such a characteristic encourages others to want to share in your lifestyle. Many of the subsequent characteristics that derive from this trait (Confidence for example) have been cited in the past as being instrumental towards attracting a member of the opposite sex. Some may say that I'm over complicating what should be a rather simple endeavor, but rather, I believe that humans, by their nature, look for such characteristics when selecting a potential mate for either short or long term relationships, and displaying said characteristics tends to excite people, even if they are not aware of why they are so stimulated. But that's just my humble opinion. |
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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1041 Joined: 7 Feb 2008 | I find that a lot of dating and relationshiping is just luck. Sometimes you have great success, sometimes crushing failure. For me it wend as follows. I "psuedo" dated for about a year (it pretty much had every facet of a relationship except the physical side of things, but that was never her thing anyway). Since we had been basically together for awhile (we went to our grad (canadian prom) together and everything), I finally tried to make it official and she broke contact with me for about 6 months, when I finally ran into her again she'd started dating again (the guy she's now engaged too). I never even got an answer as to why she wasn't interested in me and I was basically an emotional wreck for the next year or so. But it turned out for the best in the end, I got in good with her friends while I was trying to hook up with her and eventually started dating one of them, now I'm married to that girl and we're disturbingly happy. |
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Paperboy Posts: 14 Joined: 16 Apr 2008 | Sorry from the double post, but I just saw this quote pop up, and wished to offer my thoughts on the matter.
I'm certainly no expert on the subject, but I'd certainly be willing to share my perspective on the matter, if you are so inclined to hear it. I have a girlfriend whom I am very attracted to. Analyzing why I feel the way I do about her, I would say that I am attracted to her strong sense of self primarily. She is confident in who she is, regardless of others opinions, and is not at all ashamed of being everything she pictures herself to be. In addition, she is very positive and high spirited (a good balance for me, given I tend to be more grounded and pragmatic), and her energy is quite attractive to me. I guess in sumation, I would say its her confidence and independence that draws me in more than any other aspect. To answer your second question, I have been around some women and sensed desperation, and at least for me, it's a big turn-off. |
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Muckraker Posts: 304 Joined: 18 Jan 2008 |
As someone else further up the thread stated, many "geeky" guys have a very idealized version of the "geeky girl." Basically, most want a unrealistically hot girl that will play or watch video games with them. Not beat them at their own game, trump them at their own knowledge, or enjoy video games they don't even want to acknowledge as games. So, if you performed one of those slights against them, they probably started to think of you as "annoying" and "a fangirl", and just walked off. Sad to say, but lots of people are like this, in my opinion. You just have to find the right guy that's interested in what you are and who you are. I'm tempted to throw in age arguments as well, but I've no idea of your age. Some of us are quite willing to listen. Funny, every time I've just listened to a girl talk, she'll get nervous and feel she's just ranting at me after a while. I'm listening, all right, and they have my interest...I just don't always have much to add to what they're saying besides nodding in agreement. Hope that helps, for what it's worth. |
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Anonymous Source Posts: 7 Joined: 13 Jul 2006 | This thread amuses me. Perhaps a better title would've been "HowTo: Talk to People". Strangely enough, being a certain sex doesn't automatically make people act a) in like ways, or b) in completely different ways to members of the opposite sex. Still, I doubt that anyone in here will particularly care for such observations, so please, carry on! PS:
Well, I'm sure this was written with good intentions, but I'm vaguely distressed to see homo- and bisexuality listed as 'weird fetish[es]'. You might want to seriously consider rewording that sentence. |
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Press Junketeer  Posts: 389 Joined: 8 Oct 2007 |
LOL When I implied that it was telepathy I was referring to how females just seem to know what the other is going on about. When you get a group of girls together it's safe to say they are all good friends/best friends. They have been around each other so long and so much that talking can be optional at times. We don't read guys minds...if only lol ;) That would be some trick. Though the cycle of thinking about sex every 6 seconds would get old after so long. ;) ^_^ |
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You two are running a counselling session on the forums. I did not foresee this.
This is the most useful tip I've gotten here. I've always wondered how to communicate embarassing truths indirectly. Of course it's not a general rule. I can't ask her if my fly is undone: that would be weird, stupid and could be taken the wrong way.