Daryni: in response to Wlkncntrdiction's #1 strategy, i am faced with a few issues. We are both in High School and a few classes together, so i couldn't "ignore" her without skipping, something i couldnt do because if my parents or siblings found out, well, letsjust say i wouldnt be posting here anymore.
He didn't mean to flat out ignore her. That doesn't involve skipping classes. He just meant that you should find other things to do- hang out with other people besides just her. He certainly didn't mean to pretend to be angry at her and avoid any and all contact.
Daryni: in response to Wlkncntrdiction's #1 strategy, i am faced with a few issues. We are both in High School and a few classes together, so i couldn't "ignore" her without skipping, something i couldnt do because if my parents or siblings found out, well, letsjust say i wouldnt be posting here anymore.
He didn't mean to flat out ignore her. That doesn't involve skipping classes. He just meant that you should find other things to do- hang out with other people besides just her. He certainly didn't mean to pretend to be angry at her and avoid any and all contact.
yup. exactly.
i remember in college i would "avoid" someone that i liked. just spoke to random ppl and hung out, it helps if you're confident though too cause otherwise you'll just freeze on the spot when talking to new ppl.
If any one plays guitar here: I always leave pics in my pockets, then, when I need them, I can never find them.
on topic - I'm pathetic around girls I'm interested in and overly friendly/flirty with girls I have no interest in.
I guess I'm too nervous I might do something to make 'her' think I'm stupid or something. I'm pretty defensive and have trouble opening up to people.
I don't see how some people can just open up and tell the whole inner working of their mind and their problems.
"Imagine if you had to wear a jock strap all the time." - I'd feel alot safer around other people and my package would appear 10 times bigger...
I've found that most jeans have a smaller pocket inside of the bigger pocket- it's a perfect size for a couple guitar picks and it's small enough that they're packed in and won't fall out. My ex and I called it our "pick pocket," as if that were in any way clever.
babyblueeyes:
darth... ur the boards smart as# arent u.its not that im tellin everyone how to live or wutever u said, im jst tryin to help. though u may not agree with my anticks, sum1 else may. ur not the only one on this board ya know. this is my first day to chat on this sight and im not used to everyone. u have ur own opinion and i have mine not everybody has to be intitled to the same thing. im jst tryin to make friends and all and im trully sorry if i came off to sound lik a bit#$. im only 15 and never dated a girl...gross! ive got a boyfriend lik u got a gf.and actually, we havnt been together long so im not gonna say i luv him yet but we have been through a LOT already together and always seemed to make it through. i hope u and ur girl have the same luck...oh and im srry 4 everything sometimes i tend to speak outta my ass.
And I do have to agree that 15 is quite a young age to be giving the kind of advice people are seeking on here. My little brother's fifteen and I've been here for him through all of his high school relationship issues, and they get quite silly. That isn't to say that you won't grow into a more mature, more worldly person. But "grow" is the key word here. The reason nobody has said anything is because you've attacked those who disagree with you (like Darth) and nobody really wants to start any trouble. I don't either. But when your answer to a small relationship issue is just to break up with somebody instead of taking steps to fix it, it shows a certain amount of inexperience with the situation at hand and that you should be taking advice, not giving it. You have a lot of room to grow in life, but that requires being a little more open minded and accepting of the fact that you're not always right. You're going to say that I'm the same way and that I think I'm better than you and blah blah blah, I know the drill. I'm not any better. I just have more experience. It's not about better or worse; who's a better person and who isn't.
As far as the "I've never dated a girl... gross!" You're doing the self-proclaimed speaking out of your ass and you should consider who you may offend with a comment like that. I happen to be dating another woman at the moment. I'm not angry about what you said in the slightest because again, you're young and have lots of time and experiences ahead of you and I'm not going to mistake the high-school guarding of sexuality as offensive. But, just as a memo for the future, that was a comment that could upset a lot of people.
now, where was i? oh yeah, liking a girl you've been friends with for a long time and making your feelings known. right like i said at the start of my first long ass post: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL THE GIRL YOU LIKE HER thats quite catchy, i think ill make that my official disclaimer from now on lol anyways. right im gunna take a detour of sorts here and talk about confidence, dont worry this does tie in with the whole theme of girls and stuff, just bare with me.
Confidence: is something that ppl have in spades(actors, sportsmen/women etc), and some ppl have a lack of(social degenerates, i know that is abit harsh), but the good news is that everyone has the ability to be confident, you just gotta want it enough(corny line i know).
1. walk tall. do it, walk tall, how? you may ask. well its easy. push your chest forward and hold it high, keep your head up and looking straight forward. walking with a hunch, slouchy or face focused to the ground says alot about a persons confidence and how they perceive themselves in the social standing. you could be rich and be wearing the priceiest clothes money can buy but all that wont say shit if you cant carry yourself well, well maybe to golddiggers cause they will only care about money but thats a minority, and a completely different story for another day. when you walk tall you feel better, i dont have figures or proof to back that up but wouldnt you feel better if walking straight fixed that back trouble you've had for a long time? lol. walking tall communicates to ppl(not just women)that you are a person who can go places, that you can do anything, that you're not afraid to do unconventional things, things that most ppl wud frown upon, because you dont care, you're your own person and are safe in the knowledge that you can do anything.
2. dont think about what other ppl think. this rule extends to everyone, even your parents, but let me keep going before i come off as telling you to rebel against them lol. ppl who arent confident will always be swayed and pushed around by other ppl who are more confident. their decisions will center around what other ppl think of them, "oh i shouldnt do this because such and such will not like that", thats a classic scenario. what im saying you should do is let go of the assumption that ppl will label you "weird" or other words because of something you do. even better completely ignore them, just do what you gotta do, their words or thoughts have no effect on you(i hope)whatsoever, dont give them the satisfaction of seeing you squirm under their thumb because you're checking what it is you're doing every 5 seconds. if you keep caring what ppl think then you can never be who you want to be, you will always be what other ppl want you to be, and thats not you.
3. communicate with confidence. its not only walking tall that helps build confidence, your body language whilst you talk, your tone of voice, your sustained eye contact with the ppl you're talking to, and many more i cant recall atm lol. lets take eye contact, eye contact is important for everyday life. if you're constantly averting your eyes from everyone and looking at the ground then you're not communicating confidence to anyone. keep sustained eye contact with ppl, dont stare though. heres an exercise to try(it helped me), walk to town(walking tall of course), whilst you're walking there and walking around town keep your head up and keep eye contact with everyone that passes you, even if they're not looking at you look at them. you will get a few "wtf" looks but no one will beat you up for simply looking at them(hopefully).
further disclaimer* wlkncntrdiction ltd does not accept responsibility for injury caused during this exercise lol.
4. dress smart, smell smart, think smart. dress smart. pretty self explanatory, buy clothes that suit your body type, wear the right clothes for the right occasion. smell smart. wash, wear cologne(i dont personally), shave, groom, just general house keeping of your body really. think smart. i dont know, i just thought it would sound catchy put after the other two lol.
5. exercise, exercise, exercise. theres only so much you can do with the body that god(who i personally dont believe in but will say for the sake of keeping the peace)gave you, but what he didnt tell you is that theres plenty more you can tweak about yourself. unfortunately thats no easy task, what with mcdonalds killing everyone slowly with their grease filled burgers and what not but you make a difference in yourself by, first getting off the computer(yes i see the irony)and getting out there and exercising. genes play a rule too, personally i have a naturally high motabilism, basically that means i can eat tons and not put on weight. though i find it harder to get a six pack(believe me ive tried several times, though i do have a flat stomach its not enough dammit)some of my friends can get one without any effort, its all about genes. take up running, swimming, any sport that makes you sweat is good, i personally do weights at home, after a jog round my local park though(dont work out without strecthing kids, you'll pull something nasty).
6. dont. kiss. ass. simple as. now this section is dedicated to girls/women. dont follow them around, dont do every little thing they tell you to, dont kiss up to them, i believe david deangelo hit the nail on the head when he called them "wussies". men are the embodiment of protection, girls want to feel protected, they want to feel guys could take bullets for them and not feel anything at all. what kind of message does it send out if a guy is kissing up to a woman? it sends out the message that hes not a man, a woman will walk all over you and get you to do anything she desires. ever heard of the guy who does everything for a girl and expects her to be his bf in return? then she goes out with some asshole instead. textbook example that is. dont. kiss. her. ass. fullstop. tease her, make her want you, dont follow her around, go the opposite direction to her, "ignore" her(read previous long ass post to get that point), make yourself unavailable when she calls to go out. ppl value more what they cant have. that is why if you tell a girl you like her you will lose all your value in her eyes, you are worthless to her, you are not a man. SO DONT TELL HER. do what i said above. toy with her. she may look like and say things which may get you worried but as long as you dont overdo it then she will love it. if shes playfully punching you or touching you any other way then you're doing something right, just keep it up.
7. be spontaneous. ok, mental images abound right now cause im gunna give u an example of one of the many times i was spontaneous with my ex. when it was time for her to go home i would always take the bus with her(being the gentleman i am)to make sure she got home safely. anyways, theres a busstop just out of sight of her house and she would always wait with me there, even better the busstop was enclosed(i think you know where this is going lol). anyways, i didnt feel like going home, i wanted to stay longer, now near the busstop is a small park(keep in mind its 10 at night and pitch black)so i just took her hand and took her to the park, she was asking all the time "where are we going?". i didnt say anything until we got there. i found us a secluded place, spun her around, kissed her and we made love right there under the stars(of course, use protection guys, your girl will respect that you thought ahead). just go with the flow and let your emotions guide you, dont think, feel, as they say. in context: if you feel like kissing the girl then just do it(of course im not condoning doing it if the girl doesnt like you)and if you've done the things ive said, teased her and such then she will be open to it. when i first kissed my ex i asked her "would you like to kiss me?", she didnt say anything and i just kissed her, dont hesitate, that is a sign of weakness. if you're in control then you dont hesitate, you know what you're doing all the time.
right thats another post rounded off. again dont take this advice as absolute. this is only my own experience and as such shud be taken with a pinch of salt all the same, but take on board somethings. if any of the girls in this topic could verify what im saying then it would help alot in making my advice abit more creditable.
I have to agree fully. Especially with the "don't kiss ass" part. I hate the lost-puppy dog type. Not to mention, it's just demeaning to yourself as a person to follow around in a girl's footsteps like that all the time. It's demeaning for women to do it too. You're your own person and if so and so can't respect that, you don't want them anyways.
BlazeTheVampire: I have to agree fully. Especially with the "don't kiss ass" part. I hate the lost-puppy dog type. Not to mention, it's just demeaning to yourself as a person to follow around in a girl's footsteps like that all the time. It's demeaning for women to do it too. You're your own person and if so and so can't respect that, you don't want them anyways.
thank you blaze:) nice to know from the "source" that i am making sense.
on a side note im in a bit of a conundrum atm. basically i want to get back together with my ex. i can feel the irony slowly closing in around me lol. we broke up 2 weeks ago but now shes going out with one of my friends, im assuming hes a rebound cause (not to sound bigheaded) but she loved me alot and i find it hard to accept she cudve just gotten rid of that love so quickly and "moved on". i wasnt the best bf to her towards the end of our relationship and i regret that. i hate myself for being how i was. i know she still loves me, i know she cant just forget the moments we had like the one i described in my long post above. i feel i should leave her to be with that guy and see hes not the one for him and discover that herself. but at the same time i feel i should tell her how i feel, hopefully make her see how much she means to me. i know im probably gunna be told to take my own advice and "ignore" her but i just want a second opinion, especially from another girl, that would help alot. thanks:)
Im 16 im a total nerd/gamer/geek whatever your preference and has never had a girlfriend. Now that the embarrasment is over over I need to ask a serious question about relationship advice not just women in general. I have a really close friend who happenes to be a girl and since like december ive started liking nearly loving her now shes not the smartest person (by any means) and she makes some bad decisions and always has to tell me her problems which kind of hurts me cause she tells me the guys that she likes. Shes oblivious to my feelings other then that something is depressing me im thinking about telling her soon. I think it might hurt our friendship but I cant put up with the emotional pain much anymore so opinions thoughts? please anything would help. Also I would have told her from the begining but she really needed a trustworthy friend.
loveharalove: Sorry to repeat myself but.. Can anyone help me with what I posted on page 11? Thanks.
There's usually a lot of posts; we do tend to get round to them after the rants.
My 2 credits
Stuff that happens on 'holidays' rarely lasts. Holidays have this special little reality bubble that lets people kick off their blinkers and experiment. If you really want to get back with her, start as if it never happened; because in 'this' reality it didn't.
I don't get why women go after guys who treat them like nothing. They ignore them, and ignore them. But the women are constantly trying to get the attention from that person.
Think of the most stunning girl you know. Every moment you see her, you're dreaming of one day that she turns around and tells you she's always loved you.
Got it? :)
I think that the women that do that are shallow. They don't care how they get treated, but they go for the looks. What do you think?
Meh, people aren't shallow; they just don't know what the hell they're doing at times. If someone's got a low self-esteem, they'll go for someone with a high 'image' with a hope to get some themselves; and of course they won't go for someone who likes them, because 'who could like a wretch like me?'
Confidence. Be yourself. It's all you can really be.
If you do use the 'ignore, and hopefully they come to you' method, what if it doesn't result the way you wanted, and she's even further from you than before?
Doesn't solve anything. In fact it probably makes it worse. (From what I've been told) :)
Indeed. Society hates gays and all that jazz.
WlknCntrdiction: on a side note im in a bit of a conundrum atm. basically i want to get back together with my ex. i can feel the irony slowly closing in around me lol. we broke up 2 weeks ago but now shes going out with one of my friends, im assuming hes a rebound cause (not to sound bigheaded) but she loved me alot and i find it hard to accept she cudve just gotten rid of that love so quickly and "moved on". i wasnt the best bf to her towards the end of our relationship and i regret that. i hate myself for being how i was. i know she still loves me, i know she cant just forget the moments we had like the one i described in my long post above. i feel i should leave her to be with that guy and see hes not the one for him and discover that herself. but at the same time i feel i should tell her how i feel, hopefully make her see how much she means to me. i know im probably gunna be told to take my own advice and "ignore" her but i just want a second opinion, especially from another girl, that would help alot. thanks:)
I wouldn't say ignore her, but talk to her about it briefly, apologize for being a terrible boyfriend, then- listen close, this is important- GIVE HER SPACE. Don't beg. Let her know what's up, how you feel about her, that you realize you were a shitty boyfriend, then just back off. I'm not saying not to be civil, just to not press her about it. If she wants you back, she'll come to you. If not, then it's time to move on.
I have a title recommendation for everyone. Yes, this is a BOOK, not a game. It's called "The Game." It's written by Neil Strauss. Read it, think about it, then read it again. If you don't take it at face value, which you may the first time through, it's a compendium of relationship advice.
WlknCntrdiction: on a side note im in a bit of a conundrum atm. basically i want to get back together with my ex. i can feel the irony slowly closing in around me lol. we broke up 2 weeks ago but now shes going out with one of my friends, im assuming hes a rebound cause (not to sound bigheaded) but she loved me alot and i find it hard to accept she cudve just gotten rid of that love so quickly and "moved on". i wasnt the best bf to her towards the end of our relationship and i regret that. i hate myself for being how i was. i know she still loves me, i know she cant just forget the moments we had like the one i described in my long post above. i feel i should leave her to be with that guy and see hes not the one for him and discover that herself. but at the same time i feel i should tell her how i feel, hopefully make her see how much she means to me. i know im probably gunna be told to take my own advice and "ignore" her but i just want a second opinion, especially from another girl, that would help alot. thanks:)
BlazeTheVampire: I wouldn't say ignore her, but talk to her about it briefly, apologize for being a terrible boyfriend, then- listen close, this is important- GIVE HER SPACE. Don't beg. Let her know what's up, how you feel about her, that you realize you were a shitty boyfriend, then just back off. I'm not saying not to be civil, just to not press her about it. If she wants you back, she'll come to you. If not, then it's time to move on.
I have a title recommendation for everyone. Yes, this is a BOOK, not a game. It's called "The Game." It's written by Neil Strauss. Read it, think about it, then read it again. If you don't take it at face value, which you may the first time through, it's a compendium of relationship advice.
yeah ive heard of that book, been meaning to read it. i wud reccomend on top of that david deangelo, ive all of his works. he talks about some good stuff. thanks for the advice. will do just that:)
"The Game" pisses women off, lol. It's kind of funny. Like I said, if you take it at face value it can be kind of offensive. It's necessary to read between the lines. And I recommend that for everybody- most especially those pining for a girl to whom you're only the best guy friend.
babyblueeyes: okay well my opinion... if u like a girl so much then why nt tell her? i mean if she finds out by sum1 else then ur screwed cuz it embaressing for her and especially u. the worst she could say is she dnt lyk u. and thats not rlly a bad thing cuz atleast youll know. i say o tell her u never know u might spark a relationship.
i for one hate it when a teenage guy lyks me and doesnt say anything about it lik a lil elemantry school crush.my bf wuz my bff b4 we got together and ha asked me," wut do i do when i lik a girl but dnt want to tell her?" and i gave him the same advice im givin all of u. now were together and rlly happy.
but he didnt exactly tell you though did he? he still said it in a way that made you thought(im assuming) "omg whos this girl hes talking about?" thats another thing i shudve brought up, imo girls hate when you talk about other girls to them, makes them jealous, especially if she likes you, she will do everything she can to get your attention if some other girl has your attention.
@daryni. i guess i shudve been a bit more specific, but thanks for telling me your situation. i would say the same thing still applies, but more on a communication level, dont hang out with her at lunchtime, talk to other ppl in the class, dont always make a bee-line for her.
@babyblueeyes. i dont mean this to sound harsh but that is your own view, just like mine, but like you said "i for one hate...", not every girl will like it if you tell them, it could have the opposite effect to what he wants.
well maybe ull figure out wut u want to do. let me know how it turns out... i hope it goes well. emo?... whos emo? i dont think i told anybody i did that stuff and am emo. how u know... or were u tlk'n bout that other chick?
Nah, just means you've got a smaller chance of finding a quality girl than if you were.
edit: let me add, though, that there's a lot you can do besides hitting it rich. Just because a girl doesn't define being successful as being a decent person, that doesn't mean she *only* defines being successful as being rich. Everything from being a musician to being an EMT can qualify as being 'successful' to a girl. Maybe a girl wants someone who is *accomplished* at something noble and good; that girl wouldn't be attracted to a guy who is just 'nice' but she's still in the market for a guy who is admirable--you just have to be more 'admirable' than being a 'nice guy' with nothing to show for it.
Successfulness, beauty and all that won't save you if the girl thinks you're a prick, though. Being special to someone is not a question of being the best on the market; of course, having something to show off can act as a plus in the short term (not for every woman anyway) but in the long term? I doubt so.
Being special might not be a question of being the best on the market, but, it's still a question of being *special* and frankly, all those things can help you seem special. It might not help you if you're a prick, but, it sure won't hurt if you're not.
and as for women seeing through 'the ugly'... some guys can, and so can some women, it comes down to... the level of ugly
On a scale of one through ten, with ten being "Holy carp!" attractive and one being "traveling side show" ugly, I would fall somewhere in the 3 to 3.5 range. On a good day, if I get a haircut, shave, dress nice, I can be at like 4, 4.5 tops.
If you do use the 'ignore, and hopefully they come to you' method, what if it doesn't result the way you wanted, and she's even further from you than before?
Well, life always doesn't work out the way you want it? lol Honestly I have no clue- note that all of the men have been suggesting the "ignore" method while the women have been saying "just tell her." The genders of those on either side should give you some clue, lol. Just remember that not getting one girl to go out with you isn't the end of the world. Despite the jokes about being a nerd and only getting an opportunity once in a blue moon, there are indeed a lot of fish in the sea. And maybe if she's further away even after your attempts, it wasn't meant to be. Maybe there's someone better out there waiting for you to use all the slick moves you've learned from us :-P
If any one plays guitar here: I always leave pics in my pockets, then, when I need them, I can never find them.
on topic - I'm pathetic around girls I'm interested in and overly friendly/flirty with girls I have no interest in.
I guess I'm too nervous I might do something to make 'her' think I'm stupid or something. I'm pretty defensive and have trouble opening up to people.
I don't see how some people can just open up and tell the whole inner working of their mind and their problems.
"Imagine if you had to wear a jock strap all the time." - I'd feel alot safer around other people and my package would appear 10 times bigger...
I've found that most jeans have a smaller pocket inside of the bigger pocket- it's a perfect size for a couple guitar picks and it's small enough that they're packed in and won't fall out. My ex and I called it our "pick pocket," as if that were in any way clever.
babyblueeyes:
darth... ur the boards smart as# arent u.its not that im tellin everyone how to live or wutever u said, im jst tryin to help. though u may not agree with my anticks, sum1 else may. ur not the only one on this board ya know. this is my first day to chat on this sight and im not used to everyone. u have ur own opinion and i have mine not everybody has to be intitled to the same thing. im jst tryin to make friends and all and im trully sorry if i came off to sound lik a bit#$. im only 15 and never dated a girl...gross! ive got a boyfriend lik u got a gf.and actually, we havnt been together long so im not gonna say i luv him yet but we have been through a LOT already together and always seemed to make it through. i hope u and ur girl have the same luck...oh and im srry 4 everything sometimes i tend to speak outta my ass.
And I do have to agree that 15 is quite a young age to be giving the kind of advice people are seeking on here. My little brother's fifteen and I've been here for him through all of his high school relationship issues, and they get quite silly. That isn't to say that you won't grow into a more mature, more worldly person. But "grow" is the key word here. The reason nobody has said anything is because you've attacked those who disagree with you (like Darth) and nobody really wants to start any trouble. I don't either. But when your answer to a small relationship issue is just to break up with somebody instead of taking steps to fix it, it shows a certain amount of inexperience with the situation at hand and that you should be taking advice, not giving it. You have a lot of room to grow in life, but that requires being a little more open minded and accepting of the fact that you're not always right. You're going to say that I'm the same way and that I think I'm better than you and blah blah blah, I know the drill. I'm not any better. I just have more experience. It's not about better or worse; who's a better person and who isn't.
As far as the "I've never dated a girl... gross!" You're doing the self-proclaimed speaking out of your ass and you should consider who you may offend with a comment like that. I happen to be dating another woman at the moment. I'm not angry about what you said in the slightest because again, you're young and have lots of time and experiences ahead of you and I'm not going to mistake the high-school guarding of sexuality as offensive. But, just as a memo for the future, that was a comment that could upset a lot of people.
its not that im tryin to offend anyone and i do understand that im young. the thing is,is i jst dnt believe in same sex relations. lik i said... yea im young but SOMETIMES my advice might work. i run the schools advice column at school and a lot of the time they take my advice and run with it. im not sayin u think ur better(vice versa) im jst sayin u have good advice and so do i. its like some ool may lik ur way and some may lik mine theres rlly no sayin whos right and whos wrong. i happen to have a lot of gay/bye friends its trully oky with me i jst dnt believe in it. i dnt treat them any diff. theyr still my buds its not lik their somekinda unkown species or anything.
Can't you type in english? It feels like I'm trying to read some langauge I'm fairly competent with, but still need to have a dictionary on hand to be completely comfortable. If you're going to swear, can't you just do it? I don't think you'll be offending anyone with expletives when you're among the youngest people on the forum. Also, I'm your age, and have my doubts about how useful your advice would be. The chance of a kid knowing how to have a real relationship is incredibly slim. Sure, your advice could be useful, but I can't say that I'd take your suggestions first.
More to the point: is this thing about musicians supposed to be a joke?
Oh, for crying out loud. Stop playing PETTY games and be honest with how you feel. Period. That's all anyone should ever do. Don't take it personal if the person you've been crushing on doesn't feel the same. Your not going to be a match with every single person you ever meet and/or crush on. Take the lesson and move on. Your going to find yourself turning people down in your life time too. It's all just a part of life. Now for once and for all act like you have a pair and just be honest and straight forward with the person you like. At least you can say you tried and won't have to live each day always wondering what could have, should have or would have been. So for crying out loud do what you need to do.
He didn't mean to flat out ignore her. That doesn't involve skipping classes. He just meant that you should find other things to do- hang out with other people besides just her. He certainly didn't mean to pretend to be angry at her and avoid any and all contact.