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Velociraptor attacks

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shatnershaman
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3002
Joined: 8 May 2008

sammyfreak:

Johnn Johnston:

But what about Raptor Jesus? Am I the only one that sees the link?

Raptor Jesus is a false prophet spawned by 4Chan, loving him results in eternal damnation.

Did you guys hang out with Mario? Because he must have giving you some of his mushrooms.

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

Raptor Jesus is not a False Prophet!!
he is the Only one that can save you from using a Goto, If you do not Pray every night, one of your teammates will use a Goto and get you all killed!

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

Digipen is on the second floor of Nintendo Software technologies, so yes I do hang out with Mario...
(I also have limited access to both the Nintendo Store, and the Microsoft Store)

Strafe Mcgee
Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 925
Joined: 25 Jan 2008

shatnershaman:
We have the ultimate weapon against them (also works on space marines and talking mushrooms) realism. They don't exist.

Dude. It's a joke. For fun. Let it be, okay?

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

It is no joke, blasphemer!!

shatnershaman
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3002
Joined: 8 May 2008

Strafe Mcgee:

shatnershaman:
We have the ultimate weapon against them (also works on space marines and talking mushrooms) realism. They don't exist.

Dude. It's a joke. For fun. Let it be, okay?

Yea I'll stop I admit I am way too literal/no sense of humour.

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

Oww, that means I can't play the part of the other extremist...
You take the fun out of everything... :(

shatnershaman
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3002
Joined: 8 May 2008

dusparr:
Oww, that means I can't play the part of the other extremist...
You take the fun out of everything... :(

Thanks. I also have told the ending of movies to others,had people play by the rules, and gone over to someone's lawn and kicked their dog. (My attempt at a joke)

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

PurpleRain:

shatnershaman:

PurpleRain:

shatnershaman:
How will they beat the tanks or fighter planes?

Duh, jump on them and open the hatch, or just wait until the people inside run out of food.

As for the plane... you'll never make it to the plane!

Open the closed steel hatch? Get near BOOM!

Never make it? Like all those airfields ready to scramble? Or how bout those aircraft carriers? You going to swim and jump extremely high?

They could sneak up on the tanks blind spots and sit on the hatch until the poor fool inside decides they're gone and opens it.

Hmm, true about the aircraft carriers, but I doubta F1-11 could pippoint target every single raptor. Eventually, they will learn how to dodge the planes sights. But good calls.

A) when in a tank you can hear a normal person walking on the vehicle let alone when 6t00 lbs of lizard start prancing around on top.
B) tanks have a nifty thing called a TCU (tank commanders unit, funny shit huh?) that allows any crew with the knowledge to use it (or enough common sense to read the damned tank commanders view screen to call up said device) to scan around while keeping the hatches closed.
C) once the hatches are closed on a tank the only way to crack them open from the outside is with a large explosion or some kind of high-end cutting implement (no katanas do not count as high end, I'm talking welding torches or diamond tipped circular saws or thermite.) Raptor claws aren't even katana sharp.
D) yes an F-111 is capable of picking out each and every raptor by virtue of glassing the entire area with a fuel-air bomb.
E)an AH-64 Apache is far more efficient at killing individual targets like raptors, while avoiding huge amounts of property damage, than a F-111.

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

PurpleRain:

shatnershaman:

PurpleRain:

shatnershaman:
How will they beat the tanks or fighter planes?

Duh, jump on them and open the hatch, or just wait until the people inside run out of food.

As for the plane... you'll never make it to the plane!

Open the closed steel hatch? Get near BOOM!

Never make it? Like all those airfields ready to scramble? Or how bout those aircraft carriers? You going to swim and jump extremely high?

They could sneak up on the tanks blind spots and sit on the hatch until the poor fool inside decides they're gone and opens it.

Hmm, true about the aircraft carriers, but I doubta F1-11 could pippoint target every single raptor. Eventually, they will learn how to dodge the planes sights. But good calls.

A) when in a tank you can hear a normal person walking on the vehicle let alone when 6t00 lbs of lizard start prancing around on top.
B) tanks have a nifty thing called a TCU (tank commanders unit, funny shit huh?) that allows any crew with the knowledge to use it (or enough common sense to read the damned tank commanders view screen to call up said device) to scan around while keeping the hatches closed.
C) once the hatches are closed on a tank the only way to crack them open from the outside is with a large explosion or some kind of high-end cutting implement (no katanas do not count as high end, I'm talking welding torches or diamond tipped circular saws or thermite.) Raptor claws aren't even katana sharp.
D) yes an F-111 is capable of picking out each and every raptor by virtue of glassing the entire area with a fuel-air bomb.
E)an AH-64 Apache is far more efficient at killing individual targets like raptors, while avoiding huge amounts of property damage, than a F-111.
F) this is a moronic thread.

sammyfreak
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1549
Joined: 5 Dec 2007

Dude, 9 of 10 scientist claim that Raptor claws are sharper then Katanas, who previously where know as the most powerful force in the univerce.

Raptors as a rule kill you by the time you notice them.

shatnershaman
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3002
Joined: 8 May 2008

Kovash86:

A) when in a tank you can hear a normal person walking on the vehicle let alone when 6t00 lbs of lizard start prancing around on top.
B) tanks have a nifty thing called a TCU (tank commanders unit, funny shit huh?) that allows any crew with the knowledge to use it (or enough common sense to read the damned tank commanders view screen to call up said device) to scan around while keeping the hatches closed.
C) once the hatches are closed on a tank the only way to crack them open from the outside is with a large explosion or some kind of high-end cutting implement (no katanas do not count as high end, I'm talking welding torches or diamond tipped circular saws or thermite.) Raptor claws aren't even katana sharp.
D) yes an F-111 is capable of picking out each and every raptor by virtue of glassing the entire area with a fuel-air bomb.
E)an AH-64 Apache is far more efficient at killing individual targets like raptors, while avoiding huge amounts of property damage, than a F-111.
F) this is a moronic thread.

Thank You.

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

Maybe I was not saying it right before, when a Goto is written in a program, a raptor appears and kills you and your family.

It does not matter if they are all dead, a raptor WILL appear, by virtue of some form of time/space/dimension hopping, and it WILL kill you and your family, regardless of the distance, walls, or other obsticles in its way, for it is a raptor and it will win.

aussiesniper
Muckraker
Posts: 308
Joined: 20 Mar 2008

velociraptors, eh? I know of six infantry-carried weapons that could take it down quickly:

25mm Rifles. XM109 variety.
Barrett M95 firing incendiary rounds.
any anti-tank missile launcher.
an M203 40mm Grenade launcher.
(possibly) the SVD dragunov sniper rifle.
(Definitely) the AA-12 shotgun with explosive or slug rounds.

dusparr
Paperboy
Posts: 41
Joined: 18 Jun 2008

Ususually the raptors jump out of ordinary objects when time/space/dimension hopping, such as: computer screens (only imideitaly after a Goto has been written), walls, windows and trees.
No human can wach every computer screen, wall and window at the same time, so the raptors would get you even with those weapons. (cept the anti-tank missile, but they just want you dead they don't care if you died wile killing them in an explosion)

Johnn Johnston
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2892
Joined: 4 May 2008

sammyfreak:
Raptors as a rule kill you by the time you notice them.

After they kill you, you notice them almost instantaneously once you are in a world of PAIN.

And I do find it funny that people debate the realism of a raptor attack more then they debate the realism of zombie attacks.

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

Johnn Johnston:

sammyfreak:
Raptors as a rule kill you by the time you notice them.

After they kill you, you notice them almost instantaneously once you are in a world of PAIN.

And I do find it funny that people debate the realism of a raptor attack more then they debate the realism of zombie attacks.

That is because we have proof that raptors exist and yet we have none of zombies.

Sammyfreak: What garage-scientist told you a raptor claw is sharper than a katana? You know they can make mono-molecular blades for a katana right? And that the raptors claw is most certainly not capable of becoming a molecule wide, since it takes a laser to make a sword that sharp.

PedroSteckecilo
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2408
Joined: 7 Feb 2008

I'd nuke the site from orbit...

It's the only way to be sure.

sammyfreak
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1549
Joined: 5 Dec 2007

Kovash86:

Johnn Johnston:

sammyfreak:
Raptors as a rule kill you by the time you notice them.

After they kill you, you notice them almost instantaneously once you are in a world of PAIN.

And I do find it funny that people debate the realism of a raptor attack more then they debate the realism of zombie attacks.

That is because we have proof that raptors exist and yet we have none of zombies.

Sammyfreak: What garage-scientist told you a raptor claw is sharper than a katana? You know they can make mono-molecular blades for a katana right? And that the raptors claw is most certainly not capable of becoming a molecule wide, since it takes a laser to make a sword that sharp.

Pro-scientists, thats who. While Katanas are awesome have they ever cut open a T-Rex? Thats all the proof you need.

Sib
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 506
Joined: 22 Dec 2007

Picture is definitely relevant.
image

Gooble
Muckraker
Posts: 294
Joined: 9 May 2008

Simply move to Canada/Scandinavia/Northern Russia-no way they'd be able to survive the cold there.

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

sammyfreak:
Pro-scientists, thats who. While Katanas are awesome have they ever cut open a T-Rex? Thats all the proof you need.

I'm sure they could, if we still had a T-Rex to cut open, frankly I bet I could cut one open with a decent kitchen knife if I tried hard enough, while a T-Rex is tough it is still flesh. Sounds like you got that info from a Cracker-Jack box claiming to be a scientist.

EDIT: we could also just lure them into buildings which have rooms that have sub-freezing sustained temperatures, like a McDonald's.

sammyfreak
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1549
Joined: 5 Dec 2007

Kovash86:

sammyfreak:
Pro-scientists, thats who. While Katanas are awesome have they ever cut open a T-Rex? Thats all the proof you need.

I'm sure they could, if we still had a T-Rex to cut open, frankly I bet I could cut one open with a decent kitchen knife if I tried hard enough, while a T-Rex is tough it is still flesh. Sounds like you got that info from a Cracker-Jack box claiming to be a scientist.

EDIT: we could also just lure them into buildings which have rooms that have sub-freezing sustained temperatures, like a McDonald's.

Rapotors where famous for being immune to cold...and Cracker-Jack boxes.

HSIAMetalKing
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1464
Joined: 2 Jan 2008

We need to domesticate our own Velociraptors, that way, we can ride them. We could like, give them light, yet durable armor and mount machine guns on their heads. The renegade Velociraptors wouldn't stand a chance.

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

sammyfreak:
Rapotors where famous for being immune to cold...and Cracker-Jack boxes.

I'll accept your poorly spelled surrender.

sammyfreak
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1549
Joined: 5 Dec 2007

Kovash86:

sammyfreak:
Rapotors where famous for being immune to cold...and Cracker-Jack boxes.

I'll accept your poorly spelled surrender.

Surrender, never! Me and my dinosaur legions shall fight to the death!

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

sammyfreak:

Kovash86:

sammyfreak:
Rapotors where famous for being immune to cold...and Cracker-Jack boxes.

I'll accept your poorly spelled surrender.

Surrender, never! Me and my dinosaur legions shall fight to the death!

Oh good then my work here is done, since you are dead inside.

IactoSophos
Paperboy
Posts: 16
Joined: 3 Apr 2008

Other Weaknesses:
Extinct

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

Thanks though Sammyfreak, it warms my heart greatly knowing there are people out there I can thwart with little effort, it is just convincing them that they have been thwarted is like convincing Dr. Doom that he sucks, you have to use a system that is a cross between math and the scientific method, in the end it's just easier to hit them really hard repeatedly, but I don't get that option.

sammyfreak
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1549
Joined: 5 Dec 2007

Kovash86:
Thanks though Sammyfreak, it warms my heart greatly knowing there are people out there I can thwart with little effort, it is just convincing them that they have been thwarted is like convincing Dr. Doom that he sucks, you have to use a system that is a cross between math and the scientific method, in the end it's just easier to hit them really hard repeatedly, but I don't get that option.

You convince yourself of that.

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

sammyfreak:
You convince yourself of that.

Well it's not like there is evidence to the contrary. Were there such a thing I wouldn't be basking in victory at less than 3 pages.

TheNecroswanson
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3675
Joined: 29 Nov 2007

PurpleRain:
The amount of velociraptor attacks have become increasingly common on the news lately. Bah, screw your zombies and molepeople, how would you survive against these fast critters.

Strengths:
-Smart
-Strong
-Can resemble chickens
-Hunt in packs
-Can open doors and possibly pick locks
-Jump and climb
-Don't attack the electric fence more then once in the same area
-Eat cows real well
-Very fast
-They don't try to bite the jugular like a lion, they slash here, here or maybe here across the belly
-You're alive when they start to eat you

Weaknessess:
-Can't handle a gun... yet.
-Nothing else

I just rofl'd my pants. Your logic on our impending doom has made my week.

Malacandrian
Anonymous Source
Posts: 4
Joined: 30 Jun 2008

This is quite possibly the 23rd most awesome thread ever.

the monopoly guy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2657
Joined: 8 May 2008

Gooble:
Simply move to Canada/Scandinavia/Northern Russia-no way they'd be able to survive the cold there.

or wisconsin any northern state, or the mountains or anywhere its cold (like a married man's bed har-har)

this thread reminds me of xkcd

the bottom line is if raptors attack we're all screwed!

Kovash86
Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 514
Joined: 23 May 2008

Hmm...wait wouldn't attacking America of all places be suicide for raptors since many many people own guns especially in the country where there aren't cops to kill the raptors? and in the city most buildings are fairly well secured against things trying to leap through their windows, you try leaping through the bars they put up in front of windows, and the doors are equally secured if not more so.

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