"All we are is but a dream within a dream."

"Then this is some F***ed up dream! I mean whats with the coconuts??????"

"Coconuts are the key to the universe"

"Ow, now my brain hurts"

Conversation between me and a friend on MSN messenger.

"The Secret to Life is Bucket"

Richard the Warlock.

"Modern Life is just a giant veil pulled over the eyes of society to blind the from the ugly truth. We are sucking the planet dry of resources, feeding the corporate pigs who sit like Dragons on hoards of gold and silver, Poisoning the atmosphere with our SUV's, draining our minds into the Internet, we are lab rats who have simply been taught to press a bunch of buttons and get what we want. Pretty soon society will have dug such a deep grave that no effort in the converse will ever reverse the damage of ten thousand years of downward spiral. We are nothing but a plague, an intelligent, belligerent, stupid plague bent on the destruction of the ground beneath their feet just to please themselves. That is whats wrong with society. If I were you, I'd forsake the Chains of The 21st Century and live somewhere a bit wilder, a bit closer to the Primeval. Take some time to look up at the Stars, instead of at a screen."

Me after someone asked me whats wrong with the World.

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill... Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course...
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean. Hedonismbot from Futurama.

"After I shove this hot poker up my ass, I'm going to go chop my dick off."

-The Late Great George Carlin

Al Gore invents internet

Someone named Tseric (i think a forum mod) on WoW once told us "I'm in your Baron's dropping my pants."

Backstab rogues do it from behind, Mutilate rogues do it from behind twice as hard. -from...someone

"Southern gentlemen (played by Keneth Branaugh) are geniuses! Evil, Lincoln-hating geniuses."

"Ocular sodomy: they never see it coming."

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

unholy vagrant:
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill... Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course...
Churchill: Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Socialite: Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am?!
Churchill: Madam, we've already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old. You know the ones I mean. Hedonismbot from Futurama.

I love you.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Mitch Hedberg

rottenbutter:
Just about every quote in firefly. I love them all so much I can't just pick one.

Zoë: First rule of battle, little one, don't ever let them know where you are.
Mal: [comes running in shouting and shooting] Woo-hoo! I'm right here! I'm right here! You want some of this? Yeah, you do! Come on! Come on! [dives for cover from an explosion] Woo-hoo!
Zoë: 'Course there are other schools of thought.

PinkyM44:
-You sir are drunk.
-I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

Was this the exact wording? The way I heard it, it was more like,

- "Winston, you're drunk!"
- "Yes my dear, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

And continuing the Firefly-verse quotes:

Inara: "Mal, you knew my invitation wasn't on the level!"
Mal: "Well, now, that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"

aRealGuitarHero707:
you've forgotten the greatest movie quote ever
"Surely you can't be serious"
"I am serious... and don't call me Shirley"

Airplane FTW

That one appeared on COD4 on epilouge
Spoken by captain Price

There are few lines from Futurama not worth quoting.

I made my own and it's for God of War:When in doubt,stab the eyes out.

this girl I know: "look those scratches from last night have already healed"
me: "Cool, now when I call you Wolverine It'll be referring to your healing ability and no longer your facial hair"
Her: "You B@st@rd!"

howard_hughes:
this girl I know: "look those scratches from last night have already healed"
me: "Cool, now when I call you Wolverine It'll be referring to your healing ability and no longer your facial hair"
Her: "You B@st@rd!"

You win. On Nerdiness and Hilarity *salutes*.

How did she know who wolverine was.

not certain on wording...

"In the beginning, there was nothing. Which exploded" - Terry Pratchett in one of the Discworld novels

BreakAtmo:

PinkyM44:
-You sir are drunk.
-I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

Was this the exact wording? The way I heard it, it was more like,

- "Winston, you're drunk!"
- "Yes my dear, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

And continuing the Firefly-verse quotes:

Inara: "Mal, you knew my invitation wasn't on the level!"
Mal: "Well, now, that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"

River: My food is problematic...
Jayne: Girl's a mind-readin' genius and she can't figure out how to eat an ice planet!

Big Winston again:

"If you were my husband I would poison you wine"
"And if you were my wife, miss, I would drink it"

Whats that glowing thing on your head? Is it a spider! AHH get it off! No it's a grenade!!!
Red Vs Blue

Though i have to say I think all Dylan Moran quotes are pure gold this one always springs to mind

OH GOD!!!! What time is it?

It's only 6 minutes to 9

Is it? I thought it was only 7 minutes till were all F****D!!!!

"No soup for you"
-Soup Nazi

Reaperman Wompa:

howard_hughes:
this girl I know: "look those scratches from last night have already healed"
me: "Cool, now when I call you Wolverine It'll be referring to your healing ability and no longer your facial hair"
Her: "You B@st@rd!"

You win. On Nerdiness and Hilarity *salutes*.

How did she know who wolverine was.

why thank you. probably the Xmen movies

Metal Gear Awesome 2 - Gray Fox

Naomi: He was an experiment.

Snake: In what, S and M or something?

"You can do anything, but not everything."
-David Allen

"Most of our imports come from other countries."
-George W. Bush

"Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world."
-Lily Tomlin

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
-Oscar Wilde
"If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us."
-Anon
It's redundant but it's true.

There's a Futurama episode in which the group bets on who is the best fisherman.

Leela: Aha! [She throws the harpoon and starts pulling it in.] Gather round, chumps! I got the winner!
[An old boot comes out of the water on the end of the harpoon.]
Amy: Oh, so this is where you shop for your boots?
[Leela tries again with the harpoon.]
Leela: Bingo! Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot.
[She pulls out a crate marked "Boots 10 Pair".]

Me: What are you listening to?
Friend A: Led Zeppelin.
Friend B: WHO's that?

We laughed our arses off.

"Bondage. It's not fun and games until someone gets hurt."

"If at first you don't succeed, then why are you on the bomb squad?"

"Don't worry about the world ending today; it's already tomorrow in Australia."

On the back of a bomb squad shirt: "If you see me running, try to keep up."

BreakAtmo:

PinkyM44:
-You sir are drunk.
-I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

Was this the exact wording? The way I heard it, it was more like,

- "Winston, you're drunk!"
- "Yes my dear, and you are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning."

And continuing the Firefly-verse quotes:

Inara: "Mal, you knew my invitation wasn't on the level!"
Mal: "Well, now, that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"

On the Churchill topic, I heard it more like,

-You, sir, are drunk.
-Yes. But you, madam, are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning.