After poking through the Virgin thread post-lock, I had a few ideas for some discussion to be injected, but I'm guessing the subject content was just a little too off-base for what it was supposed to be.

As such, I figured I'd start the discussion here, hopefully in a slightly more appropriate manner. So, with that boring preface out of the way, let's get into the meat of this discussion, shall we?

Being a rather social person, I tend to incline more toward social contact than any lack thereof. As such, I find myself often in positions with lots of new friends when I go new places. By some freak ability, though my female to male friend ratio is almost uniformly 3:1 no matter where I happen to be, so I find knocking on the dating door more often then not whenever I first start up with new friends.

Of course, it's a door I rarely answer, mostly because I feel like dating is an unnecessary difficulty given the melodramatic capabilities of your average 15-25 aged individuals (girls or guys, actually), so I tend to steer clear of dating, especially when I already have enough on my plate with school, work, and whatever else have you.

So, how do you relationships tend to fall out with the opposite (or same, if your tastes run that way) sex? Are you fine with being friends, do you feel that any level of intimacy demands a more rooted relationship? Dating, where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable practice? Can there be good, non-sexual relationships? How about sexual, is there anything inherently wrong with them? Does it complicate things, or is it just a pass-time?

Always interesting thoughts to discuss, and I've had several conversations like these with my friends. Frankly, I don't usually like bring sexuality and "activeness" into conversations like these because it almost always opens the opportunity for people to be offended. Given the discussion going on in the other thread, though, it seems like such a topic would do well being discussed.

So, what're your thoughts on this?

So, how do you relationships tend to fall out with the opposite (or same, if your tastes run that way) sex?

My last girlfriend broke up with me because I wasn't Christian, the one before that I fell out with because I woke up to the fact that she was a stuck up, pretentious bitch. ;D Generally I get on quite well with the opposite sex, I'm still friends with the religious girl, not that close anymore because it's a bit weird, but we're still friends. I seem to get on well with girls I'm interested in dating, girls I'm interested in sleeping with and girls who I've no interest in beyond friends. Not saying I've got a 100% success rate with all of them, hardly, but I'm civil, I'm attentive and interesting and they respond in kind. Not the most charismatic guy around but being able to listen and hold a conversation most certainly helps getting on with...well, anyone.

Are you fine with being friends, do you feel that any level of intimacy demands a more rooted relationship?

I do have a friend at the moment who I've been known to sleep with on occasion, we're nothing more than good friends though. "Friends with benefits" is the term I use to describe the situation. She's got a steady boyfriend who breaks up with her/she breaks up with about once a week/two weeks, and everything we do is just no strings attached fun. She's a little bit crazy, a little bit sensitive, a bit damaged and very pretty. I could never see myself dating her because of her abysmal track record with boyfriends and cheating on them (with people like me, no less) but as far as friends go we're pretty close. Sex doesn't have to end/start a relationship. If two people are frisky and they're comfortable around each other, a bit of no-strings attached is no harm no foul in my view.

Dating, where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable practice?

I'm not quite sure what you mean here NC. Do you mean in regards to how intimate you can be with someone you're casually dating before you "take the plunge" so to speak? In which case my answer will probably be clear from what I wrote above. As long as the two people are comfortable, it's their business really.

Can there be good, non-sexual relationships? How about sexual, is there anything inherently wrong with them? Does it complicate things, or is it just a pass-time?

How are we defining "relationships" in this case? Do I believe that people who are living together can have a good relationship without having sex? Well personally no. I find it hard to believe actually, I know there's the whole abstinence thing and no sex before marriage for the religious types, but in my experience those relationships rarely end up being "good". Sexual relationships: Fair enough. I would, fully approve of it in fact. It's a little bit of fun and with the person you care about it can be a show of affection and care to them.

Apologies if I've made myself unclear. There's a beeping noise on the phone and I'm waiting for my father to return to pick up the message so it stops bleeping in my ear. It's a tad distracting.

Many things are seen as taboo here in America I agree. I have been in committed relationships and I have been in no strings attached pure sexual relationships. They all have there benefits/pitfalls. It is possible to be friends without sex ever getting in the way. All be it difficult at times, there are several lovely ladies that I hang out with but never get to go home with. It all depends on what your looking for. If you want no strings attached you can find it. If you want the whole nine yards living together and sharing each day togethere, you can find that too.

To me, there are acquaintances and there are intimate relationships. Anyone who claims to be a 'friend' is just trying to get something for nothing. That's not to say I've become an anti-social bastard, I just don't trust the people I hang out with enough to call them friends.

That's also not to say I think this is necessarily true. I know I've just had bad luck with people over the past few years, but enough so that I'm not willing to keep trying. I have a girlfriend who I'm head over heels for and have been for 2 years now and I could name about 50 people who I consider acquaintances without much thought.

But friendship? Not gonna happen.

Got a little off topic there, so I suppose I'll just say that adding sex to a relationship doesn't complicate things at all... Taking sex OUT of a relationship, on the other hand, is almost guaranteed to complicate things.

So, how do you relationships tend to fall out with the opposite (or same, if your tastes run that way) sex?

Personally I've just reached the age where I'm intellectually and physically mature. Hormones no longer race through my body like mad, and my ability to split emotion from rational thought has fully developed. What I'm trying to say is, before Present Day I was unable to have any truly serious relationship, because I myself was not yet mature enough. Therefore all of my previous "relationships" (by lack of ability to find a more fitting word) ended in teenage drama. Well, actually... There's this one "relationship", but I'll expand on that one further down the line.

Are you fine with being friends, do you feel that any level of intimacy demands a more rooted relationship?
It depends, I guess. I don't have the need or urge to have sex, or to perform sexual acts, with my female friends. Hugging is okay, that's not sexual, that's just physical contact and -to me- a sign of... well... friendship. So I'm fine with being friends with... friends!

On the other hand, staying friends with someone I have had a (sexual) relationship is impossible. You know too much of one another and have been too close to go back to that level of friendship. And, usually, there's -some- bad blood that would make 'just friends' awkward.

Dating, where do you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable practice?
Depends on you and him/her, really. Everything is fine if both agree to it. Kissing on the first date? If both like it, have a blast. Sex on the first date? If noone objects, go ahead, etc.

Can there be good, non-sexual relationships?
The typical Platonic relationship? True love, but no physical intimacy? Perhaps, I don't know. Personally, I don't believe in it. Part of love is lust for another.

How about sexual, is there anything inherently wrong with them? Does it complicate things, or is it just a pass-time?
I've had a sexual relationship before. It only works as long as both feel no emotional attachment in the sense of love. If one starts to feel love, it's doomed to fail.

Girls screw you.

Meant in all connotations.

Boys are worse.

Tough luck girls, atleast if you're a gay guy you've got the heads up.

Almost all of my friends live in other states, but I think that adults properly have a great multiplicity of relationships all operating at different levels. It really just depends on how many values you share with the person in question.

I disapprove of friendly sex or "friends with benefits", not because I'm some kind of prude, but because the idea of casual sex bores me to death. If I'm just looking for some physical stimulation, I can have a better time by myself. What I can't get by myself is the deep, complex, fundamental joy that comes from a serious romantic relationship. I'm not interested in settling for something less simply because it's "available". Isn't that like eating a piece of chocolate you found on street?

If the resultant casual relationship lacks complexity, so much the worse. That's like eating a *bad* chocolate you found on the street. I like complexity in my life. Growing up means learning to enjoy difficult, complex things.

I can only say that I have only had two LTR, one turned out a dissater, the other moved away. Now adays, i jut move one fling to another, i just like focusing on a good time. In general my sexual relationships, I turn into friendships, and all my friends know i'm a guy to be with for a great time.

I am more of a unless you're really unique and have an amazing personality to back up your looks, let's just be friends.

Note* For the Virginity Thread, Sorry to those who were offened, I didn't know about the recent law that passed, and I didn't create the thread for any personal gain(whatever it could be?), or for to upset anyone.
I stick to my first motto i ever had. Think Fun, Not Outcome.

P.S- the only one i gotta impress is myself. =D

I'm hopeless with that type of thing. I get on with lots of girls (in fact I find girls easier to get on with, no pretending to be manly crap) btu girls just don't seem interested in me. Maybe its because I'm shy or unattractive or whatever. Or maybe its my lack of confidence that lets me down (theres this girl at the mo that I'm really interested in but I don't even know what to do about it!).

My life has been plagued by terrible relationships to the point where I've literally just given up. I've honestly never had a friendship that lasted more than a year.

The only friendships I have right now have survived on the fact that I haven't seen the people in over three months. People wear me out, and I absolutely cannot stand seeing them even as much as three or four times a week.

(admittedly, this post is not exactly on topic, but my opinions on sexual relationships have generally been posted a few times in this thread already)

Oh I've never been one to indulge in relationships myself, especially owing to the fact that one or two of my previous ones have been, in fact, psychopaths, god don't I know how to pick them?

After I had my fair share of experience, I've gotten to the point where I just feel it's too much effort, takes up too much time and makes things needlessly complicated, I'm happier being friends with people, and then developing something from there if feelings end up being mutual, or, if at all, and even then, I still find it to be more of a chore than anything else.

I always find it shameful that so many people stick to the old stigma that no guy can be friends with a female without the ultimate goal being sex, I spend a significant amount of my time in the company of my female friends, which I have a large amount of, strangely enough, and yet people find it weird that I desire no form of sexual relationship with any of them, sex has never been a big thing for me, and it's immature to think that any guy who seeks to become friends with females is simply looking for sex, I bring this up because it seems to be a common place belief pretty much anywhere.

You see, as far as I'm concerned, I personally have more important issues to worry about than jumping into something that, nine times out of ten, ends up going wrong within a short space of time, and I know full well what my problem with relationships is as well.

I always fall for girls who are precisely like me in every single way, IE: Cynical, hate-filled, you know, the usual, and it's great for a while, then after a month or so, you start to remember that you always originally despised your OWN company, so it's even worse when there's two of you.

Chick: Are you trying to get into my pants?
Me: Why would I? Mine are much nicer, and I don't share! =D

I don't want or desire sex when I make female friends. I am perfectly good friends with alot of females and I don't want to have sex with them. Of course I meet my female friends through hook-ups, and short relationships!

So I say again; My pants are nicer, and I don't share! =D

Relationships? I envy them all.

I hold a deep loathing for anyone more romantically successful than I; I loathe everyone.

Back when I was still in my early 20s my goal was to get the clothes off of any girl I met. Serial monogamy, multiple relationships going simultaneously, flings, one-nighters, it was a very goal-oriented "aim low and use a dragnet" dating style.

Then I met the girl of my dreams and married her. Five-year relationship and three and a half years of marriage and I've never even so much as been tempted to stray.

I have a few female friends and because I only tend to feel comfortable attempting to start a relationship with somebody I already know fairly well as I'm pretty cautious, and it makes for some very drama inducing and upsetting conversations for both parties. I do not however think of all my female friends as potential girlfriends but it just seems they are the ones that grow on me, because I find myself mainly attracted to a sparkling personality in a woman.

I've had me some horrid times in relationships. The following is all true, and in the order they happened:
* I was dumped because I wasn't exciting
* I was dumped over the phone
* My next two relationships ended ok, except I felt like a heel dumping a girl after her dad had a stroke
* I got dumped after I helped her through a mental breakdown
* I got dumped for not being exciting, again, by the same girl in point 1

With all that said, the feelings you get from having someone snuggle up to you, or even just calling when you need it, vastly outweigh the worst breakups in history

I can (and do) remain freinds with some people after we break up, obviously these are the people who DIDN'T screw me over

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and I honestly couldn't imagine having the same relationship and him not having the honorific. Granted, he is my best friend in the entire world and I love him, but IMO, friends means, generally, "hands-off." I'm not sure why, but it seems that once you cross over to the dark side (har har), there's a certain level of monogamy expected...

I've had friends with benefits, and it always dissolved in fire and acid, usually with me feeling a bit heartbroken; granted, I would never consider having any kind of physical relationship (re: making out) with a guy if I didn't, to an extent, want to date him.

Either way, two years ago I finally realized that the one person I wanted to be with every day of my life had quietly been waiting for me to quit being stupid and notice him. It's funny how those opposite-sex friends are when they've been holding a silent torch for you since you met. At this point, the only reason we're not married is we're waiting till we at least graduate from college...

On physical, non-sexual, intimacy outside of a relationship: You have to be VERY careful. It's easy for one person to get the wrong idea, or to let hormones cloud their judgment, or for outside observers to get the wrong idea. And even after all that, it's not as much fun as having a snuggle with someone you are actually dating. :)