I have a best friend. Do you have a best friend? I'll just bet you do. One time my best friend recommended me this funny little game called Chromehounds. It was about robots shooting each other. "These robots, or HOUNDS, are super customizable, which should lead to interesting match-ups!" He said.

My best friend is an idiot.

Yes, building your own HOUND is by far the coolest thing I've seen in a 3rd person shooter so far. There are dozens of different legs/wheels, weapons, big weapons, frickin' huge weapons, cockpits etc. There's even an art designer, which lets you show your style to the world.

Once you get into actually playing the game however, it turns into one of the most sloppiest, boring, slow, stupid shooters I've ever had the misfortune to pick up.

Your mech is slow. Slow, slow, slow. Even the Scout class is unbelieveably slow. You will honestly spend more time pushing on the left joystick to move towards the battle then actually shooting other mechs and HOUNDS. The steering is awful, and I've twisted my HOUND into knots just trying to go around a corner more times then I care to count. I understand that there has to be a degree of realism, I mean, you aren't going anywhere too quickly in a 30-ton hunk of steel, but seriously...it goes past reasonable realism and becomes more unreal as a result.

EDIT: The core gameplay mechanics are better, but not by much. You run (a term I use very loosely) around in your tin can and use various weaponry to blow up other tin cans. Rinse and repeat. Repetitive, but the six classes and deep customization allow for some nice match-ups. However, missions are essentially nothing but racing to capture communication towers, then blowing up the enemies and possibly a base.

Also, each part of your mech has its own health meter. Basically, each different thing you bolt on can die off on its own. This is actually very nice, it's realistic, and makes perfect sense. A shot through the gatling gun isn't going to affect one's missle pods any, so keep them seperate. Sadly, the positives of customization and realism are bogged down by the plodding pace and general repetativeness. Also, the lack of supply bases leads to major frustration sometimes. You don't want to be facing a boss HOUND with just your tertiary machine gun and one point of health left before your HOUND goes up in a fireball, sending you on the express train to the next life. This is war. Soldiers need supplies. Where the fuck are your supplies, you will ask. Truly no man can say. It still pisses me off though.

END EDIT

The AI is pathetic. It cannot even recognize friendly fire. I once mixed up friendly and enemy forces, (which is easier then you'd think sadly) and I had to do the same mission over and over until I clicked in that I had been sniping my own guys for the past hour. The commander just kept saying "we're under fire!" Enemies won't even try to move out of the way of your bullets. I've walked up on tank formations and blew them to bits because the allies of the newly created hunk of scrap metal didn't clue in that evasive maneuveurs might just be a swell idea.

It's spotty too, in that sometimes bosses will be dumb as dirt, and cannon fodder baddies will blow your cockpit into bits with one lucky shot. This also combines with developer stupidity in that as a Scout, which isn't designed for fighting, you have to take out the HOUND equilvalent of The Black Knight from King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. This bozo never missed a shot. Oh yeah, and when I died, I had to pretty much start the mission over. This is where I stopped playing.

I haven't played multiplayer as I refuse to play any more of that bilge, but I can assume it's much like single player: Running around (slowly) and shooting. Also, from what I gleaned of my BF, it's almost like Risk. You attack a neighbouring map with your team, which is a faction in the Neronimus War, and you have to win to take that property. Eventually, you can storm the stronghold and take out that faction, eventually winning the war. This is a very nice change up to the old "Deathmatch, CTF, etc. etc" of other shooters. Bringing in your bitching HOUND from single player though...I can't see much fairness in that.

Going to my final complaint before I briefly hit the pluses: Why must the combat be so damn vague? I was ordered to take out an enemy base, but I had no idea what the base looked like. I lucked out and just blew up totally at random the HQ. Which BTW, took like five minutes of straight shooting. With missles, bombs and huge sniper rounds. Bo-ring.

To its credit, everything behind the scenes of the game is nice. The graphics are most excellent, the branching story lines of playing six classes are nice and the customization is nigh endless. It's a real shame all these pretty background things are overshadowed by the awful combat and AI making an ass of itself in front of these things.

My Recommendation: Avoid it. The broken core mechanics badly dampen the fun of just about everything else.

On a side note, as this is my third review, and 3rd is the charm, can I just get some feedback on how my reviews are going? I like writing them, and it'd be nice to make sure you guys enjoy reading the damn things.

Unfortunately I also own Chrome Hounds. The only real draw of the game is the online head to head. Unfortunately there's so many glitches and cheap builds that only the truly truly so true they will exploit literal cheats elitists will get high rank in battles.
The game panders to elitists, BUT, if you happen to be in an online clan that's friendly, it's a good game to just relax with as it's insanely slow paced.

I bought the game expecting the same good things I've heard like you. It's gathering dust atm after playing a mere two missions, for the most part because of the things you mentioned. Very vague mission descriptions ( mechwarrior gave you at least a picture of what the damn target looked like ) are what really bugged me the most. I couldn't really see how to customize my mech either and didn't want to waste any time on figuring out the menu for this, since I could barely read the text here on my regular tv.

I disliked Chromohounds for all the same reasons. I don't have Live and could be screwed owning it so there goes the only good point of the game out the window. I was hopeing for big Mech Evangelion type battles but got this. I give it 4 smelly 'meh's' and a shoe out of 5.

Apparently, you guys aren't 'mech fans.

Chromehounds wasn't designed to be an "Action" game. It's not supposed to be compared to Armored Core, or, god forbid, Mechassault. It's more like a simulation (like Mechwarrior or Heavy Gear). Your machines are slow and purposeful, plodding around the battlefield like a mobile weapons platform should.

Admittedly, it has a few problems. Unbalanced DLC for one, the need for a good team in multiplayer for two. And of course, the complete lack of a proper campaign (the campaign was just practice for MP really).

I guess my point is that if you know you don't like a genre, don't go bashing games of that genre. Me and my pals had great fun with this game, because we knew what we were buying. You guys clearly weren't looking for what this game was selling. Next time, do a little research before you blow your allowances/pay-check/drug money.

~Edited for spelling.

We aren't bashing Chromehounds for it's genre, we're bashing Chromehounds for what it is. Mech games are fun, Chromehounds wasn't. How is that bashing a genre we don't like?
And for the record I researched Chromehounds. Nowhere did it say that any text would be unreadable on non-HD televisions and that you would be slow as hell and missions would take up a good part of your day. So, in other words the game didn't promise anything, and all it delivered was crap. Hey, atleast it wasn't promising us gold and cookies.

EDIT: In retrospect I can't say I was disappointed with Chromehounds. I got it expecting a barebones mech game that I could play with my friends without having to worry about foaming at the mouth twitch shooting. And when I did play, it was fun. Me and my friends would make just the most ridiculous crap. Maybe the point of Chromehounds wasn't to be competitive, maybe it's just to sit back and enjoy some time with friends.......Hoylshit....Does that mean they did multiplayer right? I think my entire view of the world has just changed. Epiphonies for the win.

I'm a big mech fan and I was bored to tears with Chromehounds. Maybe part of my problem was that, since it was developed by the same company that made the Armored Core games, I was expecting something as fast paced and intuitive as Armored Core. The whole "design a HOUND" feature would have been nice if I understood what was going on in the screen. And if you want to call it a simulation that strives for some degree of realism, then it is a perfect argument on why giant robots are a terrible idea on a real battlefield.

I am a mech fan, but like the others said when a game is praised on it's mp and the campaign is pure garbage why did it get such high scores? I'm the type of guy that finished a campaign before venturing into the mp, mw3>this.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Steel Battalion, with its absolutely insane controller and hefty price tag already try to be a mech simulator instead of an action game? I never played it, nor have I seen any reviews, so I don't know how that went over.

If anyone can shed some light on this, I'd be grateful.

Oh yeah, necroswanson, I edited in some more stuff talking about the core gameplay, just if y'know, you wanted to check it out. Seeing as you commented on the lack thereof...and stuff....yeah.

I liked this game. Don't know why. I would play it more but I only had it for a rental.

Nickolai:
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Steel Battalion, with its absolutely insane controller and hefty price tag already try to be a mech simulator instead of an action game? I never played it, nor have I seen any reviews, so I don't know how that went over.

If anyone can shed some light on this, I'd be grateful.

Oh yeah, necroswanson, I edited in some more stuff talking about the core gameplay, just if y'know, you wanted to check it out. Seeing as you commented on the lack thereof...and stuff....yeah.

Was that the mechgame where the first plan was to smash a glass emergency button on the big controller in order to fire the escape pod? I thought only x amount of those things were made, so it turned out more as a collectors item. I really would like to play that game though.

mccormick:
hey all thats wrong chromehounds is a really good game. you turn quick if you buy the best steering chip. ad less weapons and youll move faster. it an online game, to play with your friends. i think its fun

Okay, this post isn't even close to readable, but I'll try and parse it anyway.

First off, don't say that everything I said is wrong. Pretty much everyone else liked my review, so don't just say I'm full of crap while not providing proof.

I didn't say I didn't like not turning fast. I took issue with the HOUND turning 180 degrees on its waist axle and walking backwards while I tried to get it into the right position, crying all the while.

I didn't notice any big difference in speed between my HOUND having three sets of weapon, two sets, or three sets with a massive missle launcher on the top. Even as a Scout, with only two small sets and one of the faster chassis, I'd honestly be surprised if I was even going the speed limit of a residential zone. It was pathetic.

There's nothing wrong with being a primarily online game to play with friends. Hell, look at World of Warcraft. My beef with Chromehounds is that the game isn't fun to play, period. Having friends will indeed mitigate the frustration somewhat, seeing as the AI stops being a factor. If it had been nothing but an online game, with the time spent making the single-player campaign put into improving the core mechanics, then I'd probably love this game. Regardless if a game is only single player, only multiplayer, or in between, if it's not fun, I'm not playing it.

That's fine if you think it's fun. My best friend (same guy as in my review) loathes Assassin's Creed, and I think it's as fun as Prince of Persia and happily sunk 20 hours into it.

Reviews are all about an individual's opinion on a game. Nothing more, nothing less. I would give Chromehounds a 5/10, maybe 6 if I was feeling generous. The gaming magazine I subscribe to is the toughest I've ever seen, and they gave it 6.5, 6.5 and 8 out of 10. If you like it and disagree with me, then that's fine, I don't care.

If you think I'm full of shit, alright, cool. But if you want to assert that, then be prepared to back it up, mate.

I'd have listed the poor menus and briefings as the biggest failure of the game; however, while I admit it's painfully slow, I still enjoyed it. I don't really think the missions are long enough to make complaints about lack of resupply/repair really sensible. In addition, I don't understand what about the steering would seem so unintuitive; while the HOUNDS steer like pigs their steering isn't in any way inconsistent or confusing to me.

EDIT: On the speed issue, while the HOUNDS are slow, they're faster than you'd think, seeing as most of the enemy soldiers you encounter in the field only come up to the top of one's foot. I'd put the scout hover-chassis as doing about 45 mph, the rest of the frames progressively slower down to the HVG doing about 8-10.

It really is quite disingenuous to review Chromehounds based on it's singleplayer campaign, because all that is is basically a glorified tutorial.

It really should have been marketed with more of an emphasis on online play, then people would understand that reviewing it as an offline experience is somewhat akin to reviewing World of Warcraft as an offline experience.

I got a great deal of enjoyment out of the Neroimus War, played it for a couple of months solid, refining my HOUND designs (played Sniper/Heavy Gunner RT), got a good team, and we had some good times. But it's an online multiplayer clan based game. If you're not playing it as that, you're not playing it at all. (I sometimes get tempted to dip back in, though my HOUND designs are probably obsoleted by all the balance changes, and I'd have to search for a new squad)

GloatingSwine:
It really is quite disingenuous to review Chromehounds based on it's singleplayer campaign, because all that is is basically a glorified tutorial.

It really should have been marketed with more of an emphasis on online play, then people would understand that reviewing it as an offline experience is somewhat akin to reviewing World of Warcraft as an offline experience.

I got a great deal of enjoyment out of the Neroimus War, played it for a couple of months solid, refining my HOUND designs (played Sniper/Heavy Gunner RT), got a good team, and we had some good times. But it's an online multiplayer clan based game. If you're not playing it as that, you're not playing it at all. (I sometimes get tempted to dip back in, though my HOUND designs are probably obsoleted by all the balance changes, and I'd have to search for a new squad)

But for me, therein lies the rub, of sorts, mate. I disliked the combat and the core mechanics. I really don't think playing with friends would've much changed that.

For example, I play Rock Band solo, and it's pretty fun, obviously. I play with other people, and it does add to the fun, but when I hit a hard spot in a song, or the band leader chooses a crap song *cough*29Fingers*cough*, I'm not any less pissed.

Maybe I'm just bad at the game, but alot of times when I steered, my HOUND would be able to look down at its own ass.

I do recall now though, and this own is totally my bad, so sorry folks, I did play multiplayer once with my friend. We got our asses kicked SO bad. I spent over two frickin' hours fine tuning my mech with his help, he eased me into the game, and two enemy HOUNDS pwned us just awful.

This is what I meant before about balance in multiplayer. If you're a newbie and you do Xbox Live right from the get-go with just the default stuff, and you face off against say a Defender class HOUND with the biggest artillery piece in the game and the pilot is a crack shot...Then the cuss words start flying.

Yes, the missions are short, and yes, my cries for supply depots may be a bit unfounded, but I think that the ability to call in for a supply drop at a recently captured comm. tower wouldn't have been too amiss.

All human players on Multiplayer would negate the stupid AI and do nothing but be positive, with the exception of the balance issues, but I just can't get past the messed up core mechanics and movement. The guys in multiplayer were SO far away and I couldn't dodge for shit.

Personally, I can't forgive the game for this, but if you can, then I suppose you could mine some fun outta Chromehounds. It's just not my cup of tea. Hell, if you enjoy the game, then don't let my bitching subtract from your fun. Go out there, shoot it up, have a great time. That's what games are about, is it not?

Again, it's all a matter of opinion. All my friends love Rock Band. My best friend, same guy again, cannot and will not stand for it. He loathes all music games, period. I once played it for 20 hours in a week. Not counting other games. "Just one more song" I kept telling myself. Guess I'm a liar.

Nice review mate, enjoyed reading it. My best friend and I once bought it whilst on offer after seeing the box and saying "Customisable Mech's!" Took it home and his Xbox had decided it preferred the colour red so I never got to see. After this I don't think I'll bother buying it, but might borrow it so I can see for myself.

Apone:
Nice review mate, enjoyed reading it. My best friend and I once bought it whilst on offer after seeing the box and saying "Customisable Mech's!" Took it home and his Xbox had decided it preferred the colour red so I never got to see. After this I don't think I'll bother buying it, but might borrow it so I can see for myself.

That exact same thing happened to me. Only replace "Chromehounds" with "Quake 4." Quake 4 is actually what broke my 360, as nothing was wrong until I placed that POS into my 360. I'm pretty sure it committed suicide. And we'll get to Quake 4 sooner or later. Or likely never.

Hope you enjoy the game, and your friend's 360 gets replaced soon, cause God knows just how pissed I was when it went belly up in the middle of a game.

Well this game passed me by and from the looks/sounds of your review rightfully so.

Nickolai:

Apone:
Nice review mate, enjoyed reading it. My best friend and I once bought it whilst on offer after seeing the box and saying "Customisable Mech's!" Took it home and his Xbox had decided it preferred the colour red so I never got to see. After this I don't think I'll bother buying it, but might borrow it so I can see for myself.

That exact same thing happened to me. Only replace "Chromehounds" with "Quake 4." Quake 4 is actually what broke my 360, as nothing was wrong until I placed that POS into my 360. I'm pretty sure it committed suicide. And we'll get to Quake 4 sooner or later. Or likely never.

Hope you enjoy the game, and your friend's 360 gets replaced soon, cause God knows just how pissed I was when it went belly up in the middle of a game.

Five words to you two: Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

On-topic, great review. I agree whole <3'dly.

Edit: Sorry, I meant this one .

thebobmaster:

Nickolai:

Apone:
Nice review mate, enjoyed reading it. My best friend and I once bought it whilst on offer after seeing the box and saying "Customisable Mech's!" Took it home and his Xbox had decided it preferred the colour red so I never got to see. After this I don't think I'll bother buying it, but might borrow it so I can see for myself.

That exact same thing happened to me. Only replace "Chromehounds" with "Quake 4." Quake 4 is actually what broke my 360, as nothing was wrong until I placed that POS into my 360. I'm pretty sure it committed suicide. And we'll get to Quake 4 sooner or later. Or likely never.

Hope you enjoy the game, and your friend's 360 gets replaced soon, cause God knows just how pissed I was when it went belly up in the middle of a game.

Five words to you two: Post hoc, ergo propter hoc.

On-topic, great review. I agree whole <3'dly.

Edit: Sorry, I meant this one .

We weren't implying that the games sucked cos they broke our machines if thats what your thinking. Merely that, in my case, I haven't played it because the opportunity hasn't arisen since then.

Oh, it seemed like you guys were saying that the game broke your systems because your systems broke while you were playing the game.

No my friend and I came home to find it broken. Before we even saw what the game was like. It died. I'll check it one day though.

thebobmaster:
Oh, it seemed like you guys were saying that the game broke your systems because your systems broke while you were playing the game.

My system broke when I was playing the game. However, I was just joking that Quake 4 is so awful my console decided to die rather than play any more of it.

Like that house on the Simpsons that killed itself rather then have the Simpsons live inside of it.

And by the way, I really like that Latin thingy you posted, mate. I know it wasn't what you meant, but it's still really cool. I got what you were saying though. I'm pretty sure Quake 4 didn't break my console. I just have bad luck when it comes to electronic gear.

I've broke a Rock Band guitar, an MP3 player, a Discman, about a dozen pairs of headphones, a VCR, and a computer. None of them were on purpose. And I'm not a klutz or bad with electronic stuff at all. Just bad luck.

Nickolai:

thebobmaster:
Oh, it seemed like you guys were saying that the game broke your systems because your systems broke while you were playing the game.

My system broke when I was playing the game. However, I was just joking that Quake 4 is so awful my console decided to die rather than play any more of it.

Like that house on the Simpsons that killed itself rather then have the Simpsons live inside of it.

And by the way, I really like that Latin thingy you posted, mate. I know it wasn't what you meant, but it's still really cool. I got what you were saying though. I'm pretty sure Quake 4 didn't break my console. I just have bad luck when it comes to electronic gear.

I've broke a Rock Band guitar, an MP3 player, a Discman, about a dozen pairs of headphones, a VCR, and a computer. None of them were on purpose. And I'm not a klutz or bad with electronic stuff at all. Just bad luck.

I have had, in my history, had a hard drive on a laptop fry, my original PS2 break down, the A/V cord on my SNES tear, and have my 360 do a prima donna and refuse to do her job i.e. read discs, so electronics hate me too. And a couple of PS2 controllers, but that was because I threw one at the wall, but missed and hit my old entertainment center, and the other because I pounded against the ground. I had some minor anger issues.

thebobmaster:
I have had, in my history, had a hard drive on a laptop fry, my original PS2 break down, the A/V cord on my SNES tear, and have my 360 do a prima donna and refuse to do her job i.e. read discs, so electronics hate me too. And a couple of PS2 controllers, but that was because I threw one at the wall, but missed and hit my old entertainment center, and the other because I pounded against the ground. I had some minor anger issues.

I've smashed two controllers in my life. The first time was a PS2 controller over a Kingdom Hearts 1 boss (Riku) and the second was my 360 controllor against my chair after a frustrating run of the Halo 3 campaign. Both survived, but they both have very noticeable marks on the bottoms.

I've yet to throw a Wii-mote at something, but I'll bet my bottom dollar that I will sooner or later.

The companies need to increase controller durability. Some games are so hard, you just can't stop yourself whipping something at the TV. ie Bioshock when going for the Brass Balls Achievement. Just....fuck.

Nickolai:

thebobmaster:
I have had, in my history, had a hard drive on a laptop fry, my original PS2 break down, the A/V cord on my SNES tear, and have my 360 do a prima donna and refuse to do her job i.e. read discs, so electronics hate me too. And a couple of PS2 controllers, but that was because I threw one at the wall, but missed and hit my old entertainment center, and the other because I pounded against the ground. I had some minor anger issues.

I've smashed two controllers in my life. The first time was a PS2 controller over a Kingdom Hearts 1 boss (Riku) and the second was my 360 controllor against my chair after a frustrating run of the Halo 3 campaign. Both survived, but they both have very noticeable marks on the bottoms.

I've yet to throw a Wii-mote at something, but I'll bet my bottom dollar that I will sooner or later.

The companies need to increase controller durability. Some games are so hard, you just can't stop yourself whipping something at the TV. ie Bioshock when going for the Brass Balls Achievement. Just....fuck.

My first controller was broken playing GTA:SA (the mission where you are trying to take over the mansion) and resulted in a crack that ruined the left analog stick, and the second one was fighting Night Terror on SC3 and resulted in the right analog stick getting jacked up.