MY EYES BURN!! |
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42.9% (15) |
ZOMG it is "better" 0-o. |
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8.6% (3) |
Humor I no haz it.. |
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11.4% (4) |
Zippy get a GF plz,ur killing our webz. |
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37.1% (13) |
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Press Junketeer  Posts: 415 Joined: 1 Sep 2007     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1897 Joined: 14 Sep 2007    | Everyone knows a true reviewer makes up a game genre for no good reason at all... What in god's name is an 'Adventure FPS?' No-one says that. No-one at all. Setting some games aside which you judge to be fitting of your esteemed label is equally silly. It means you mentioned about ten other games in a review about Bioshock. Your spelling and grammar is atrocious and not worthy of our beloved forums. You feel that the best way to keep the game industry going is by criticizing every minor imperfection in everything they make. You make constant refererence to your bile, which I'm guessing is a feeble attempt to be entertaining. And finally, you included a nonsensical, useless poll. People have gotten banned for crap like that. In my opinion, Bioshock was an excellent game and it deserved all the awards it got. You're entitled to your opinion of Bioshock being a shit-sandwich as well, but don't be so goddamn retarded about expressing it. In conclusion, please refrain from posting your garbage here. Thank you. |
Red Guard  Posts: 1550 Joined: 16 Dec 2007    |
Ouch! |
Muckraker Posts: 251 Joined: 5 Feb 2008   | Dude, your sentences hurt my eye's, like as in they are seriously hard to read. Also, your review came off as more of an off topic rant, citing and shouting out to other games WAAAY too much. I also completely disagree with all your points. AND. Telling someone that their opinion isnt wanted, after posting your piece in a review forum, is just plain stupid. You forfeited that right when you clicked post. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 52 Joined: 8 Oct 2007   | I will highlight some bad points of your review, my friend. First: Don't nitpick too hard on a game, you were citing every imperfection in the game that doesn't really affect the gameplay. It's obvious that you don't like the game and you liked to cite every imperfection like I said before, please don't do that... Second: Don't mention your so called "bile", I don't care about it and neither do some people, but it was still annoying for me. Third: Check your grammar a little bit. Oh, that reminded me of the Mr. Croshaw's Mailbag Show down video in which he was correcting some misspelled words. I wanted to do the same but I got bored and I thought I could entertain myself on other important things. What I liked is that you were putting some constructive criticism of the game, but that was, shamefully, the part that was almost not used. Now, what I didn't liked was that you were citing some games that were supposed to be better very frequently... This "review" was more of a rant, it sometimes went off-topic and it lost some sense for me. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3320 Joined: 24 Apr 2008 | when the bile spill over into the thread headline, i skip straight to the reply box reading it now, i may reply later. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1560 Joined: 13 Sep 2007  | My headaches pretty bad right now, so I didn't read it yet, but from just scanning it(By "Scanning" I really just mean scrolling down.), it looks like you put a lot of effort in with the length and spelling(by comparison). All I can say right now. |
Red Guard  Posts: 1555 Joined: 21 Feb 2008  | That sir, was a mess. Poorly structured, poorly punctuated, and horrible to read. I understand the desire to entertain when writing a review, but this one seemed like a punishment. If you're going to write more reviews, dear God, make them better than this one. I also heartily disagree with your views on the game, but that almost seems like an ancillary point now. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 415 Joined: 1 Sep 2007 |
If you had any reading comprehension you'd figure a lot of things out on your own, of coarse people being lazy they tend to not want to read, I have found how funny it is when smart and bright people refuse to use their reading comprehension and critical thinking skills. BTW I am retarted *lick* I am happy for you lil sheep, ignorance makes one bliss and the more willing to dismiss logic and reason for the lil world they live in. Its the mindless sheep like you thats helping the industry degrade content, or do you want to try constructive criticism and put away ye bile yet? Might help I should have said grammar is something I do not comprehend and its token me 5 years to get to a point its not sheer drool with reversed sentences and words structures, since I have been working on my book project the last year I have come to the realization perfection no matter the proximity is fallacy and people will dismiss you for not herding well much less anything they can, so I have come to the point to say screw it either you will see beyond the flaws or you wont I don;t have the time to worry about such petty things. bile=humor=FTL..er..wait.....FTW! :P I see dark messhia as game with more potential and polish on it than BS will ever have, the AI is not retarded the melee combat brings in a great mechanic to a stagnant genre. Heres the funny thing both DM nd BS were watered down for the mass market(DM was arx fatalis 2 before ubi came along and gobbled it up) yet DM came out as a FPS RPG and BS a consoletard shooter with a broken PC port, sorry you make a PC version but don't support it you get no respect from me(glares at epic and GoW) and to think I might have a 360 if it was not a easy break oven. BTW grammar I no has it nor will I ever will,this is about the best I can do currently given it was wrote and polished in under a month, book project gets a few months work before I post it on my DA page.. all in all I need to focus less on other games and focus on the game at hand as well as put away the what if stuff,altho I tried very hard not to what if this...I had a few paragraphs on gameplay changes that would have made the game great. I don't find the game perfect and the flaws annoy me to no end, the game dose have flaws some can over look them some can not, I do not follow trends if I did I would have to rate it an 8 since 7 is average now :P. But really is a 7 at best so bad?If they finished the PC port before releasing it and made the AI un-deaf on normal and hard the game might actually be an 8, but it was rushed to market to make a profit to start the next project not to complete the game so I refuse to give in, the industry is not so kind when dealing with consumer issues why should I be "kind" in return? |
Genetically Different  Posts: 463 Joined: 26 Dec 2007    | Well, I certainly admire your ability to roll with the punches. Don't call us sheep though, and don't assume we're ignorant just because we disagree with you. Don't use words you don't understand the meaning of (it's "oxymoron", not "oxy moron", and neither has anything to do with moron as an insult; "desisting" should not be confused with "dissecting"). Take advantage of the forum's apostrophe bug by using the time to actually read through what you write- it can't do any harm. I think Bioshock is an excellent piece of work, an ambitious and beautiful thing. It's not without it's problems http://www.3scapism.net/2008/03/bioshock-review-in-dactylic-heptameter.html but I can promise you that I've not been paid off by the "Powers That Be" or elected to mindlessly follow the herd in developing this opinion. I have a mind of my own, it just disagrees with yours. While I sympathise with your Dysgraphia, I'd suggest that posting on a public forum and then acting a bit of a dick when people criticise you is not the way to go about things. But, ya know...peace. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 978 Joined: 2 Jan 2008  | Well... Wasn't that special? Your views certainly are what they are. Your means of expressing them.... might not get you too far. Protip: if you don't have a sense of humor, telling jokes isn't a good plan. You'd be better off just expressing your points and leaving it at that. - J |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 526 Joined: 13 Nov 2007 | All right, I'll try and be polite since you obviously can't handle criticism: 1. If you really do have Dysgraphia, you might want to try typing this stuff out in Microsoft Word and running spellchecker on it before posting it here (if you're getting €'s, turn off Smart Quotes and it should be fine). 2. Don't come up with new genres to classify games in, it just makes you come off as knowing nothing about games. 3. Don't mention 14 other shooters in a review of a single game. 4. Stop quoting Yahtzee. Don't make constant references to "bile" and stop name-dropping his points in. Oh, and I haven't seen any human being mistake the word "oxymoron" for a "moron" insult since Renaissance Man. :P |
Red Guard Posts: 1555 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 |
It's not your opinion of the game I took umbrage at, although, as I said, I don't agree with you, it's your tone and presentation. You're aggressive and a little rude and you seem to see conspiracies where there aren't any. I could continue, but I get the feeling that it would be wasted effort. |
Press Junketeer Posts: 415 Joined: 1 Sep 2007 | Gigantor I just do not see the beauty in it, the gameplay is bearable but lacking I just see to many meek/weak/not enough spots to call the game anything but above average in a industry that thinks 7 is an average. BTW we is all sheep some of us don the magical black paint and tinfoil hat(me) some go along to get along and some wear wolf skin and have a sniper rifle, tinfoil cap optional but eating eat sheep mandatory. Care to have dissuasion over what BS dose right? Yer link is dead too. But ya focus the voices and drink a bottle(or 3 and forget what we is doingz :P) a wine to lower the bile is not a bad thing. This was done in word 07, Metroid prime was dubbed an adventure FPS note the main core designs large levels, exploration, multi items/weapons, permanent ammo/health/item raising. Duke, BLOOD, don't have permanent ammo/stat raisers but have items you pick up and use between that the weapons and level design it has an adventure/exploration survival theme to it far better built than today's corridor shooters, which was a sub grene of boxy subpar first person shooters. Dark forces,Dark forces 2,JK2-3 and Quake 2 have solid level layouts some use the hub design which more often than not adds to the exploration/adventure feel to it they all have items to use moving it further away for a "normal" FPS. Call of Cuthulu is more adventure than FPS but it too can fit into the genre let's face it it's a genre, widely accepted or not. Take DMC,RE onimusha or such make it first person and that's pretty much a straight up adventure FPS,DOOM,DUKE,Farcry and cryisis are on the fringe, although doom has everything but stats to level. Actually bile is what I brought in he doesn't use it enough to copy it, the rest of it is me own failed wit at work thank you. Hell I would have slotted this off in my dark digi book of secrets if BS didn't make a new line of blind fanboys and industry non-critics, out of everything else I am playing currently it's pretty even handed even if some are padded a bit in the reviews, still nothing to cry to the net about, although Fallout 3 will probably get me burning again but hopefully the FO nazis will berate the game into the ground to ensure at least thee is word out it's just a spin off nothing to amazed over...unless of course beth manages to make a solid FPS RPG then screw the FO nazis :P Really tho like BS its goign to have some flaws how the gameplay comes to be implemented will make it or break it for me, even if its not a real FO game it should make for a nice FPS RPG unless they screw up core mechanics TEH 3 and 4 had some issues. All of this above was written in a freaking hour(1:20) in word 07 and it still sucks, oh well such is life to fail at falling :P. edit |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 408 Joined: 29 Jan 2008 | Wow, I must admire your bravery. As you said you are yourself a sheep, and you've just walked into the lion's den. It's alright to play devil's advocate to a popular game, especially if there are valid vaults with it (which you seem to feel there are). Personally, I think Bioshock was a much better game than you made it out to be. I thought the level design was rather well done. In addition, the atmosphere of the game was breath-taking. While there were some faults in the gameplay, it was still a solid title. However, my issues are more with your reviewing style, rather than the content. I am willing to accept the fact that you suffer from Dysgraphia, and ignore the jarring spelling and grammar errors. It irks me though when you insult your readers, and condescend to them. Implying that we are all sheep, or something along those lines, has been done before on these forums with little success. Also, pretending that you have some higher understanding of the world, and that the rest of the world is a collective of thick-headed preschoolers is appalling. You are fully entitled to your opinions on games. Don't insult your fellow gamers. Your dislike of a game is not our fault. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3925 Joined: 2 Dec 2007   | You value Far Cry over Bioshock?! You must have a twisted sense of direction.
List of things Bioshock did right (and wonderfully I might add): Also, please stop using 'z' for 's'. It hurts to read. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2449 Joined: 18 Dec 2007  | Farcry was a good game if only because of the Feral Powers. Sure it didn't have the Story telling that Bioshock pulled off but it had mutants that explode. What isn't there to love? Anyway. Mr Reviewer man person. You should use Spell Check. I advise writing your review up in Microsoft Word and then copying it into the post box. If you don't have Microsoft Word then you can visit this and download a spell checker for use on forum post boxes and other things. |
Muckraker Posts: 251 Joined: 5 Feb 2008 | Wool blinders? Firstly, I'm tempted to say your flat out wrong on most of your points. Bioshock DOES have stealth capabilities, but also doesn't make it easy for you all the time. It's mostly about your own cunning, and how YOU decide to approach the situation. And as for the very few flaw's that are in Bioshock, as well as every other game, I consider them negligible in wake of the incredible story, immersing environment, and gritty, inspired game play. Also, learn how to handle criticism, mainly because no one's always gonna think that your shit is golden. |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 978 Joined: 2 Jan 2008 |
Protip the second: If you can't think of anything valid to say, don't just say gibberish and hope that it makes you sound cool and crazy. It never does. See Losing with Grace. - J |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 730 Joined: 9 Jan 2008 | I'm not going to lie. I read the first sentence of the review and was not grasped. I got to the Sixth sentence and I wanted to headbutt a puppy. You lack sentence structure and grammar in all forms. The actual full structure of the review was in essence bullet pointed. Having Twelve subheadings then elaborating on them is bullet pointing; I hate this about reviews. I see a review that has been separated into 32 paragraphs (this is your review) because of sub HEADINGS! You could have some real structure and put the review into half or quarter that amount of paragraphs, linking each point together properly. My hypothesis, you ignored your English teacher like you ignored the game you are reviewing. You missed the bigger points or plots of the game, like you did at school. And you are so arrogant that when people actually give you constructive criticism back you mutter under your breath "What a cunt" rather than take it into account and learn from it. This is why I think you will probably not improve in your skills of writing (Let alone writing reviews). You need to take advice or criticism as it comes rather than ignore it and think you are amazing. Also your bland attempts at humour annoyed me. |
Pulitzer Laureate Posts: 730 Joined: 9 Jan 2008 |
It's 'LITTLE' you ignorant bastard! |
Paperboy Posts: 13 Joined: 18 May 2008 | great review. Talented writing. I dont agree with you about halo, but I know from previous internet screaming matches that nothing is going to change your mind, (I wince even bringing the subject up... we lost many great men in the flame wars of 2005, and 2007 *tear*) But I liked bioshock and I liked your review |
Red Guard Posts: 1555 Joined: 21 Feb 2008 | |
Note:this is mainly about the PC version and you can not "rent" it....
if you need to remove the thread for not perfectly adhering to the rules go ahead, it will probably start fires or eye gouging anyway. :P
also posted this in a couple other forms, so if you need to remove it go ahead I wont mind ^^
Zippys Bioshock " it's a 6 " review (bile included)
Putting the inner game nazi aside for now, get out a mop the drool commeth.
What's an adventure FPS?
"Size" matters, just ask any gamer ^_~
Bioshock is a simple but solid adventure title, yes I know it's an FPS, but 3 things make a adventure FPS game exploration, layout and inventory..err.... well enough weapons/"items" to make more than a level by level arcade romp, perhaps "choices" is a better word IMO FARCRY/Cryisis could be consider an adventure FPS while FEAR is not, Metroid prime and Hexen are better examples, even JK2:2-3,DOOM,Duke and BLOOD have enough exploration to be considered an adventure FPS, DOOM3,Quake 4, Jericho and even Turok are all corridor shooters or gun and run because the level layout is meek and the overall mechanics are simple, Halo is just an FPS and for the most part it has enough balance to not fall into the moronic gun and run trap, however with each sequel it falls alil bit so Halo ep 3 has that fresh gun and run smell .
Oh and before I start Halo ep 3 is halo ep 3 because they put 8 hours of SP campaign time in a 60$ game, to bungie well played sir well played I didn't think anyone could ruin halo but you managed to do it splendidly, to MS this is why I never buy ANY of your crap I own, now back to our irregularly scheduled review.
Bioshock the "consumer/consoletard friendly" FPS RPG
oh sorry me bile its is dripping out...
Bioshock is in part a FPS RPG however those RPG elements were severely nerfed for marketing reasons, so what we have left is truly an adventure shooter, it's up there with hexen and strife even if they had a inventory system of sorts and better level design, BS handles the inventory replacement system well enough to not become burdensome but for anyone who's played enough FPSs, RPGs and their sometimes 2 headed bastard child offspring hybrids something feels amiss.
Before I go into a old gamer rant of BSs gameplay and flaws let's go over what's done right, the music is fitting and the art deco design top notch the peculiar 50/60s doll themed model design stands out the most you could say they are "all doll'ed up" this is not a distraction as it adds another layer to the visual immersion.
Architecture is solid the art deco themes run deep, the realism is well done with gore and the decripidity(sp) is so thick you can cut it with a knife, the themes in art and music are solid but things fall apart from here.
Desisting the game
And losing my mind...
Story
The story is more...umm..."condensed" and fractured than SS2 this can lead to gaps and holes in the story but crawls along at a good pace trying to keep multi story lines from confusing the player, the dialog and voice work is top notch.
Level design
Cramped with minor depth is how I want to call them but as a NEW FPS or adventure title they are fairly well laid out and try again not to confuse the player or get them lost, the design improves a bit the deeper you get but never really leaves the "reserved" design it starts with, or perhaps I should say gets bigger but not necessarily deeper.
Within the layout there are many of things to find which puts it above today's horde of corridor gun and run shooters; of the FPS genre HL2+eps is the only shooter to offer a level layout on nearly the same footing.
Game mechanics
Typical adventure/RPG stuff find X do Y repeat adnauseum, things don't get so repetitive you fall asleep but if you have any level of perception in design the flaws become irritating, the money cap is annoying it's not so hard to get up to 500, they should have added more weapon mods an used money to buy them and caped money at 2 or 5G but it's one shot a level if you can find it and the mods themselves are simple, hacking comes down to come swapping pipe bits until the damn thing pops, it's like porno for plumbers and just as mind numbing making the hacking plasmids almost pointless.
Death Penalty
The lack of a solid death penalty mechanic really takes the teeth out of BS, sure SS2s was not so good but at least it was something to keep you from dyeing so you could buy crap....
The vending machines are not too bad but I would have lacked more depth in hacking them for better prices/items if you fail it goes boom but sadly it's pretty static and unlike SS2 evil vending machines these have a infinite supply of stuff which would be nice in SS2 in BS it's just another crutch not to offend the consoletards.
Interaction
Interaction is simplistic the only way to pick up stuff is with the TK plasmid most items pack a punch (although I recall cigarettes doing more damage than a full wine bottle) there is NO interaction with the AI outside the dummy target plasmid, this means the AI dose not react to toss objects and other things but more on that in the AI section.
Also there is no real stealth in this game the AI works on sight not sound.
Electric shock in water works in square like sectors which is not so bad but it cannot go down steps, and water cannot be frozen which leads me to believe they spent too much time on "pretty".....
(Warning losing control of my bile)
Subtitles
It's been a while since I saw a supposed A+ title have horrible subtitle syncing, my condolences to anyone that needs them I find it amusing they were "PC" enough to make the game "casual accessible" but not "PC" enough to sync the subtitles for the hard of hearing crowd..but then again they did make the game for the blind....
Weapons and mods
*sigh* the static gun and run no alt fire 8 weapon selection is great for a game made 10 years ago now adays you need alil something more having them all at once is ok but it would have been better to have 20 weapons the player can choose from and mod..I can't really tell if they wanted to make something with depth or just something to feed to zombies, I might be harsh but the industry is lowering its quality control across the board making those of "US" left to make up for a 100 "it's a 10" walking corpse casuals and this is making zippy a bitter kitty, I might roll zeros but quality control is serious business, even more so when 50$ games are broken and the industry laughs at you when you try and return it..but I'm "regressing" here.....
Weapons come in standard FPS fair with 2-3 mods each revolving around clip size, rate of fire and power, as well as 3 different ammo types it's a well used gimmick that helps the game out of the pit of boredom now and then...
Plasmids
calling the IRS....
I call it the I.R.S and its just as bothersome as the real thing, no really I call it the I.R.S(Inventory replacement system) because they mix equipment with abilities and they dropped the ability to carry that moldy food laying around all over the place yet let you carry up to 9 health and eve(plasmid energy) packs.
The plasmids fall into 2 main categories attack and equip that fall into various sub categories like effect (target dummy, security bullseye, hypnotize big daddy) equip effect (more health or eve, stronger melee) equip attack (take damage shock the area) and direct attack plasmids which you can change back and forth on the fly with weapons.
Out of all the absurd and silly plasmids the heat seeking rocket on a fiery target has to be the most absurd, even with my bile up they are only minorly unbalanced and do the job to get the player though the game flaws and all.
AI design
Cue pinball wizard......
This is where I say you know what "FCK THE INDUSTRY", the AI in BS almost makes Jericho's 1995 retro AI look good, the AI has some ok cover finding scripts but that's all it has and I am including the token find a health station/splash in water script in it as a cover script, outside of this the AI runs on its paths, has an ok cool off time to go back to lurking but it has one fatal flaw its deaf, I can stand 2 feet or less behind an AI shoot over its head jump up and down and it will do nothing until I hit/touch it or it sees me, this breaks the AI so badly IMO it's the dam broke and the flaws are just that much more apparent.
In final
Are we done yet, the whine is making me naceous....
I have played better (dues ex,SS2,FEAR,FARCRY,HL2, Dark messiah for Christ sake) I have played worse (Jericho, Halo "ep" 3 for 60$ fcking bucks, DOOM 3,Pariah,)
All things considered flaw/annoyance wise it's no worse than Quake 4 or Cryisis, even alpha prime with all its issues is about as good.
Bioshock is a 6 barely above average nothing more nothing less, those that see it at an 8 or above have their rose colored glasses on or are getting paid to front, there are just too many flaws and not enough support for it to call it anything more than a 6 in a industry that thinks 7 is average....
I am aware my bile is showing but I am focusing on the flaws that damage the game most can over look them and call the game good (7) I can't.
PS:
ZOMG MORE?!?!
PS: You are probably wondering why bother nitpicking it's a "good enough" game, you forget humans are lazy and apathetic, if you don't keep the game industry on its toes it will make more crap fests because it can get away with it and then charge you more for them, the more the people do not care about quality the more the industries and governments will take advantage of the people, those willing to give up liberty for safety deserve neither, the same can be said for quality in media, those willing to give up quality for overpriced under delivering products deserve neither entertainment or their money.
Current new games I am working on
UT3, Cryisis, HL2:OB, Whitcher, Turok, Alpha Prime(already wrote alil article/thing over it),
Been drooling in the FO3 forums FO3 has my full attention now, been playing thought FO2 lately, it's sad to see FO3 as a spin off but that's what it is, it's a RT action game in FP with a slowmo aim mode, mute super mutants and "zombie" ghouls add in beths more often than not mediocre story telling.... I just cannot see it as more than a spin off but I can at least say it's more than a cash in....
note:this might be more in fitting in the general game aera.
Sorry for the poll..I just had too :P
This is right from a text file yet I am getting € popping up all over the place I wonder if its my PC/anti virus program or the forum??
most quotes/" to €'s in the preview, you guys need to fix that bug...