So the few rockstars among us with enough disposable income to splurge on Sony's big bad black box have finally had the opportunity to have one last series ending romp as old fan favourite Solid Snake. The game delivers, by most accounts, a fantastic ending to a great series and has sold very well despite the PS3's lagging market penetration. There's few complaints on the gameplay front, aside from the fact there just 'isn't enough of it' and the story seems to be getting just short of universal acclaim so surely I'd be hard pressed to find fault in this wonderful example of human endeavor? Wrong. How long have you been on the internet? Now before you load up your email client and flex your fingers in anticipation of a ten thousand word email that explains both exactly why I happen to be wrong about Metal Gear Solid 4 and that I also happen to fuck pigs, hear me out. MGS4 is good yes, and the story is better than most games that centre on grizzled soldiers murdering people but it's not 'that' good. And I intend to tell you why.
1: Oh woe is Snake!
One of the reasons the fans have stuck with MGS so long, even when it seems the developers hate us, is that Snake just happens to be a profoundly likable character. He's tough yes, grizzled in a medium rare kind of way but he's also rather well educated and erudite for a man who's essentially a state sponsored serial murderer. He's also sporting a quirky sense of humour so it's not unusual to hear him throwing out the odd one liner inbetween sessions of intense philosophical debates and stealthy neck breaking. Now from the very first screenshot of MGS4 it was rather obvious that Konami were going for a rather tragic slant. One look at Snake who now looks more like a high school math teacher than the enstubbled hero of old and it was clear that things were perhaps not going to end entirely well for our razor shy protagonist. What we didn't expect however was for Konami to express a kind of pathalogical hatred of Snake ensuring the entire game centre around him being miserable.
This picture essentially sums up the whole game.
Now having Snake contract vague clone disease-itis was a good idea. It adds a layer of pathos to the game. Snakes deteriating health means that even if he wins, he still loses. But Konami begin pushing the whole melodramatic misery thing very hard very quickly. Just as we're warming up to the fact Snake is going the way of your great grandmother it's also revealed that even if old age doesn't get him he's going to have pop himself anyway thanks to a dubious bit of pseudo science involving nanomachine death viruses. Then he accidentally kills his mum. The game reaches a retarded fever pitch of melodramatic misery however during the scene where Snake finds himself being mother fucking microwaved while his girlfriend is stolen by a character known most for shitting himself. One of these tradgedies or perhaps a combination of two would have had quite an effect but the part where Snake is turned into an elderly hot pocket just made me feel like I was being manipulated. Like they were poking Snake with pins just to make me cry. Worse is, the story never really explains why Snake has crawl his way through the tunnel of burning pain. I mean snakes survives the whole ordeal and even goes on to go 12 rocky style rounds with brother on top of a nuclear submarine and win so why exactly couldn't we have sent Raiden through there? In fact that would make perfect sense, I mean not only does Raiden not feel pain so he wouldn't have to crawl the last 100 meters at a glacial pace while he bursts into flames but you'd also get to watch the blonde little bastard cook like poptart which would make the whole thing worthwhile.
2: Sad death scenes for everyone
One of the best scenes in Metal Gear Solid was the death of Sniper Wolf. It was interesting counter point to the rest of the game and it's the first I recall in gaming where I've been presented with the idea that killing another human being is actually a bad thing. The scene worked because it was such a suprise, a few hours earlier you saw Sniper Wolf go all Full Metal Jacket on Meryl and you're thinking she's a complete bitch but when you do finally put a stinger on her rectum she responds with a well written monologue that explains why she did what she did and it was very moving. It's good to see Konami has learnt from this but I'm thinking perhaps they missed the point as nearly every character in Metal Gear Solid 4 gets their own drawn out tragic death scene regardless of whether they were particularly tragic or not. All of the bosses in the game just happen to be hot chicks with super tragic pasts. There's supposed to be a serious point in there about how war has terrible effects on everyone who encounters it but it's kind of lost in a clumsy competition to see who can come up with the most ridiculously tragic backstory and the whole thing just comes off as cheap and manipulative. The worst example of this is of course the fact Vamp gets his own tragic death. Yes. Vamp. The guy mostly known for murdering Otacon's teenage sister in Metal Gear Solid 2, dies very slowly and we're expected to feel sorry for him because he's immortal. It's madness. Kind of like playing through Wolfenstein 3d only to find once you've killed Hitler you have to listen to him tell you about how he 'only wanted to be loved' It's worth noting however that the only character in the game who actually isn't as much of an asshole as he appeared to be, good old Revolver Ocelot, does not get his own tragic death scene. Perhaps they ran out of violin solos.
3: Meet the new character, same as the old character
The Metal Gear universe is populated by a diverse and intriguing cast of characters but is not apparently populated by a decent pension scheme because those fuckers keep on coming back year after year no matter how god damn old they get. Meryl was conspicously missing from MGS2 so her return is welcome but bringing back Mei Ling as the captain of a WW2 battleship pushes coincidence to uncomfortable extremes. It's only slightly short of having a scene where Snake needs to take a bus and finding out the driver just happens to be Vulcan Raven. Konami's refusal to introduce new characters reaches epic levels when it's finally revealed who the mysterious Patriots are and the whole thing stinks to high haven. Big Boss' turning into a kind of bad guy we can handle. But when did Paramedic turn from a Japanophile who knows more than a healthy ammount about the taste of frogs into a comic book mad scientist? And how exactly does Major Zero turn into the MGS equivalent of the Emperor from star wars? The worst offender is of course the inevitable return of big boss who's remarkably well preserved for a man Snake has killed twice.
The worst part is he pops out just when you think "Hey they really showed some restraint" during the credits.
4: Like a Hollywood block buster, in the worst way
When a game is touted as 'Like a Hollywood blockbuster' it can mean a few things. If it means high production values and good voice acting. Great. If it means retarded plot elements and cop out endings. Not so great. In true Hollywood style most of the game takes place genericsville. Sure there's a reason why the opening mission is set in the 'middle east' instead of say 'Iraq' and it's the same reason Call of Duty 4 is set in generic middle eastern country-istan but it's kind of silly when Snake is told to look for the remains of big boss in 'Eastern Europe'. Oh there's only 10 countries in Eastern Europe. I suppose I'll start with the Ukraine and work my way up. I can actually mark the exact moment where the game made the jump from over the top to retarded. It was when Snake, the snarky english Babe cum scientist, the black token character and his pet monkey took part in a thrilling car chase involving backflipping robots and mother fucking zombies.
A large portion of the game looks like this.
The game is also fond of trying to use one scientific principle to explain all the weird shit that happens. Nanomachines become less of a radical technology advancement and more of a kind of magical device that can let people do anything, kind of like how the internet was presented in 90's movies. The ending takes a pure unadulterated dose of Hollywood cheese too. One of the games most powerful visual metaphors was Snake's rapidly depleting cigarettes and how they tied into how much time he had left. You just knew when Snake knocked back that last cancer stick it was probably about time for his mouth and that .45 to have a meeting. Then, in one of the clumsiest bits of symbolism ever Snake decides to quit smoking, doesn't pop himself in the mouth and instead goes off to 'live as a beast' with his bestest buddy Otacon.
Personally I would have sucked on the .45.
Super Extra Bonus!
5: Shit. Someone call the Samaritans.
MGS4 characters, probably despondent over the lack of pensions schemes and the fact they'll have to keep working till they're murdered by terrorists or killed by a mutating nanomachine virus are all raring to hurl themselves off bridges. Raiden attempts to sacrifice himself no less than three times throughout the game. First by fighting a dude we've already established can't be fucking killed until you get a sad piano theme going, secondly by attempting to stop a fucking giant boat from crushing Snake who is too fucked to move because he has a headache and finally by attempting to fight off approximately a million ninjas despite the fact he has no god damn arms. Other characters too suffer from suicidal urges. Naomi's suicide is unexpected purely because it makes no sense. We've just beaten vamp and you've started a relationship with Hal 'everything I love dies' Emerich so why did you... oh yeah, that's probably why. Finally Big Boss. What the fuck? He's finally free of his 'coma'. Freed I might add by the tireless efforts of Revolver Ocelot and at the expense of hundreds if not thousands of lives and what does he do? Go to Perkins for the senior specials? Go see the dark Knight? No marches straight towards Snake, the one man who can kill him just by talking to him. Way to go boss!
And to sum up the above comment, while still retaining some shred of readability, let me say this:
"Words, words, words."
And now that we are done with that, let us glide gracefully into the next point of interest.
"Oh hey, I think this game is pretty silly and not that great."
The natural response to this is, of course, "Yes, yes. Even if so, however, I bid you take a fond look around you. Consider the subject matter elsewhere. So why, with all of this other heaping nonsense to bash on, would we bash on a game with any inkling of creativity or any possibility of production value?"
"Oh, yes. That's right, because it makes us feel good to dislike popular things."
Pugjce: And to sum up the above comment, while still retaining some shred of readability, let me say this:
"Words, words, words."
And now that we are done with that, let us glide gracefully into the next point of interest.
"Oh hey, I think this game is pretty silly and not that great."
The natural response to this is, of course, "Yes, yes. Even if so, however, I bid you take a fond look around you. Consider the subject matter elsewhere. So why, with all of this other heaping nonsense to bash on, would we bash on a game with any inkling of creativity or any possibility of production value?"
"Oh, yes. That's right, because it makes us feel good to dislike popular things."
Hooray!
I am in the gamer police special forces.
E-athletes rejoice.
*Translation ended.*
God forbid we all like the exact same things.
You said that in another topic (where you just happened to be attacking someone for not liking MGS4. Which I suppose is kind of Ironic but there you go)
Edit: Purple rain are you joking? Only on of those pictures is remotely connected to Metal Gear.
Even though I completely disagree with you (Actually, I lie, you do make some good points) and think you're nothing but a 12 year old who wants attention (I'm kidding) this is a well thought out rant.
As jakub666 said, very cynical keep them comming. I like reading other peoples thoughts on games as long as they arn't completely untrue and don't make a point whatsoever.
Aww, i miss good old-fashion wrestling. Where the athletes actually had characters and personas, anybody remember the Ultimate Warrior, or the old Undertaker with the tophat?
you make very good points, and funny ones at that. i still liked MGS4 but only because i've been playing all the Solid series (though i never had the one for PS1, but i had gamecube), and have come to enjoy Kojima's wacky storytelling. lol but yeah i was pretty annoyed/confused when the 'zombies' started climbing onto my APC. the whole thing with Vamp would have surprised me too, but Vamp's been known about since the early demos.
*Shrugs*I find myself agreeing with your points,but they never really bothered me.
Although I actually liked the thing about Vamp. I thought he was genuine immortal, and you might thing *woe is the murderer* think about it.
He CANT die. No, stfu with your 'that'd be awesomez' NO SHUT UP. Think about it. He cannot die. That would be enough to drive me to insanity.
Also, for the love of god people, if you don't like MGS4, that's fine. But when you start going out of your way to annoy people who do like it, your just being mature. I liked the way this was handled, because it wasn't a wall of text saying nothing, it was a wall of text saying SOMETHING.
Aries_Split: Although I actually liked the thing about Vamp. I thought he was genuine immortal, and you might thing *woe is the murderer* think about it.
He CANT die. No, stfu with your 'that'd be awesomez' NO SHUT UP. Think about it. He cannot die. That would be enough to drive me to insanity.
well he could die, they were just doing it wrong. they keep trying to shoot him and stab him, but nobody wants to even try to hit him with an FM98 Javelin. you can close as many bulletholes as you want, but it's hard to seal up your head when it's 50m from your torso, which is 100m from your wrist, which it 25m from.....
Aries_Split: Although I actually liked the thing about Vamp. I thought he was genuine immortal, and you might thing *woe is the murderer* think about it.
He CANT die. No, stfu with your 'that'd be awesomez' NO SHUT UP. Think about it. He cannot die. That would be enough to drive me to insanity.
well he could die, they were just doing it wrong. they keep trying to shoot him and stab him, but nobody wants to even try to hit him with an FM98 Javelin. you can close as many bulletholes as you want, but it's hard to seal up your head when it's 50m from your torso, which is 100m from your wrist, which it 25m from.....
I'd hit him with plenty of stingers in MGS2. He'd fall flat on his ass for a few minutes, but then would just keep regenerating.
You make good points, and bad points. Not having matured through the entire series as most everyone else playing MGS4 has, I was relegated to having immersed myself deeply into finding the entire story out, just so I could play the one game, (to me) that currently justifies why I bought a PS3; (other than using it for it's Blu-Ray movie badassery.) Personally, I love how it basically ties up every thread remaining from the story, and still let's you know, (in a Matrix kind of way) that the series really is not yet over, (re: Big Boss' conversation with Snake about it all being just a cycle that restarts itself as the last one ends.) However, Drebin did nothing but piss me off throughout the entire game, I could've done without him, as well as the "Beauty" cutscenes everytime you killed a boss.
I agree with this, Even though I am a fan of the Metal Gear series.
The zombies were just retarded though, and why the fake locations? I understand Iraguistan, but will Bolivia still exist in 2010? Yes. Prague? Yes. And this game falls into the MGS2 trap by having no stand-out storyline. If you weren't in to the story, complete MGS4 and you'll still be in the dark. I still enjoy MGS4, but MGS3 and MG2:Solid Snake are still the best in my opinion.
Aries_Split: I'd hit him with plenty of stingers in MGS2. He'd fall flat on his ass for a few minutes, but then would just keep regenerating.
and i'm sure you shot revolver ocelot in the face plenty of times in MGS1 (i sure did), but for the most part, unless someone physically DIES in a cinema, they haven't died in the storyline. and yes it would be "teh awesomez" if there was a cinema of vamp being reduced to generic meat chunks.
"big boss?? how can it be? i killed you in Zanzibar!" "you did. but i was equipped with.... food."
Aries_Split: I'd hit him with plenty of stingers in MGS2. He'd fall flat on his ass for a few minutes, but then would just keep regenerating.
and i'm sure you shot revolver ocelot in the face plenty of times in MGS1 (i sure did), but for the most part, unless someone physically DIES in a cinema, they haven't died in the storyline. and yes it would be "teh awesomez" if there was a cinema of vamp being reduced to generic meat chunks.
"big boss?? how can it be? i killed you in Zanzibar!" "you did. but i was equipped with.... food."
No, you didn't shoot him the face. You are a liar. Snake only aimed for the torso throughout all of metal gear solid. There was no first person aim!
And it's not only food...it's spaghetti and meatballs!
Aries_Split: I'd hit him with plenty of stingers in MGS2. He'd fall flat on his ass for a few minutes, but then would just keep regenerating.
and i'm sure you shot revolver ocelot in the face plenty of times in MGS1 (i sure did), but for the most part, unless someone physically DIES in a cinema, they haven't died in the storyline. and yes it would be "teh awesomez" if there was a cinema of vamp being reduced to generic meat chunks.
"big boss?? how can it be? i killed you in Zanzibar!" "you did. but i was equipped with.... food."
No, you didn't shoot him the face. You are a liar. Snake only aimed for the torso throughout all of metal gear solid. There was no first person aim!
And it's not only food...it's spaghetti and meatballs!
in the gamecube version there was. and i'd get headshots every time he poked out his little pony-tailed head
As rants go, this was actually very well written and thought out. Kudos.
I've never played MGS, but I have looked into the story, and from what I've seen it's nowt but pure soap opera. Obviously without playing the games I can't say this with entire certainty, but the synopsis' I've read and the cutscenes I have seen lend me the opinion that MGS is simply Eastenders with guns.
A truly good storyteller knows the effect you can have when you don't say something just as much as the effect of when you do. Hideo Kojima, as far as I can tell, not only likes to tell you everything, but then likes to tell you it again just in case you weren't listening the first time around.
j-e-f-f-e-r-s: As rants go, this was actually very well written and thought out. Kudos.
I've never played MGS, but I have looked into the story, and from what I've seen it's nowt but pure soap opera. Obviously without playing the games I can't say this with entire certainty, but the synopsis' I've read and the cutscenes I have seen lend me the opinion that MGS is simply Eastenders with guns.
A truly good storyteller knows the effect you can have when you don't say something just as much as the effect of when you do. Hideo Kojima, as far as I can tell, not only likes to tell you everything, but then likes to tell you it again just in case you weren't listening the first time around.
That's completely not true. I've never felt force fed information, because I feel once you get into the storyline, you gobble every little bit up.
j-e-f-f-e-r-s: As rants go, this was actually very well written and thought out. Kudos.
I've never played MGS, but I have looked into the story, and from what I've seen it's nowt but pure soap opera. Obviously without playing the games I can't say this with entire certainty, but the synopsis' I've read and the cutscenes I have seen lend me the opinion that MGS is simply Eastenders with guns.
A truly good storyteller knows the effect you can have when you don't say something just as much as the effect of when you do. Hideo Kojima, as far as I can tell, not only likes to tell you everything, but then likes to tell you it again just in case you weren't listening the first time around.
That is exactly what I get when I hear of MGS's story telling.
j-e-f-f-e-r-s: As rants go, this was actually very well written and thought out. Kudos.
I've never played MGS, but I have looked into the story, and from what I've seen it's nowt but pure soap opera. Obviously without playing the games I can't say this with entire certainty, but the synopsis' I've read and the cutscenes I have seen lend me the opinion that MGS is simply Eastenders with guns.
A truly good storyteller knows the effect you can have when you don't say something just as much as the effect of when you do. Hideo Kojima, as far as I can tell, not only likes to tell you everything, but then likes to tell you it again just in case you weren't listening the first time around.
That's completely not true. I've never felt force fed information, because I feel once you get into the storyline, you gobble every little bit up.
Maybe so, but just because you enjoy hearing something doesn't remove the fact that they tend to repeat themselves. A lot.
I've been saying for awhile now that, while the actual plot of the Metal Gear series was okay, the delivery was bad, and at times was borderline laughable.
I'm on a mission to stop Liquid from getting the Rail Gun. He's obviously already here, so time is of the essence. I defeat Crying Wolf and....
"Hey Snake, time for another bedtime story. This one's about Crying Wolf."
I'm not kidding. I think that's a direct quote. Dude, I'm in a hurry here! I know that Kojima only knows how to write "plot dump" style dialogue, but he could at least wait until a more appropriate time.
Standby: Just because you can understand the storyline doesn't make it a good one.
Maybe you don't like it, but I think it's amazing. That's my OPINION. Stop trying to govern what others think.
It didn't seem like he (or she?) was trying to govern anything. S/he just stated the simple fact that just because it is understandable doesn't mean it is good. I think you're getting a little overly emotional over this.
Look how you replied to j-e-f-f-e-r-s! You want to talk about opinions, but when he gives you his, you want to say it is untrue. And I positive he didn't mention anything about being forced fed information. No offense.
So the few rockstars among us with enough disposable income to splurge on Sony's big bad black box have finally had the opportunity to have one last series ending romp as old fan favourite Solid Snake. The game delivers, by most accounts, a fantastic ending to a great series and has sold very well despite the PS3's lagging market penetration. There's few complaints on the gameplay front, aside from the fact there just 'isn't enough of it' and the story seems to be getting just short of universal acclaim so surely I'd be hard pressed to find fault in this wonderful example of human endeavor? Wrong. How long have you been on the internet?
Now before you load up your email client and flex your fingers in anticipation of a ten thousand word email that explains both exactly why I happen to be wrong about Metal Gear Solid 4 and that I also happen to fuck pigs, hear me out. MGS4 is good yes, and the story is better than most games that centre on grizzled soldiers murdering people but it's not 'that' good. And I intend to tell you why.
1: Oh woe is Snake!
One of the reasons the fans have stuck with MGS so long, even when it seems the developers hate us, is that Snake just happens to be a profoundly likable character. He's tough yes, grizzled in a medium rare kind of way but he's also rather well educated and erudite for a man who's essentially a state sponsored serial murderer. He's also sporting a quirky sense of humour so it's not unusual to hear him throwing out the odd one liner inbetween sessions of intense philosophical debates and stealthy neck breaking.
Now from the very first screenshot of MGS4 it was rather obvious that Konami were going for a rather tragic slant. One look at Snake who now looks more like a high school math teacher than the enstubbled hero of old and it was clear that things were perhaps not going to end entirely well for our razor shy protagonist.
What we didn't expect however was for Konami to express a kind of pathalogical hatred of Snake ensuring the entire game centre around him being miserable.
This picture essentially sums up the whole game.
Now having Snake contract vague clone disease-itis was a good idea. It adds a layer of pathos to the game. Snakes deteriating health means that even if he wins, he still loses. But Konami begin pushing the whole melodramatic misery thing very hard very quickly. Just as we're warming up to the fact Snake is going the way of your great grandmother it's also revealed that even if old age doesn't get him he's going to have pop himself anyway thanks to a dubious bit of pseudo science involving nanomachine death viruses. Then he accidentally kills his mum. The game reaches a retarded fever pitch of melodramatic misery however during the scene where Snake finds himself being mother fucking microwaved while his girlfriend is stolen by a character known most for shitting himself.
One of these tradgedies or perhaps a combination of two would have had quite an effect but the part where Snake is turned into an elderly hot pocket just made me feel like I was being manipulated. Like they were poking Snake with pins just to make me cry. Worse is, the story never really explains why Snake has crawl his way through the tunnel of burning pain. I mean snakes survives the whole ordeal and even goes on to go 12 rocky style rounds with brother on top of a nuclear submarine and win so why exactly couldn't we have sent Raiden through there? In fact that would make perfect sense, I mean not only does Raiden not feel pain so he wouldn't have to crawl the last 100 meters at a glacial pace while he bursts into flames but you'd also get to watch the blonde little bastard cook like poptart which would make the whole thing worthwhile.
2: Sad death scenes for everyone
One of the best scenes in Metal Gear Solid was the death of Sniper Wolf. It was interesting counter point to the rest of the game and it's the first I recall in gaming where I've been presented with the idea that killing another human being is actually a bad thing. The scene worked because it was such a suprise, a few hours earlier you saw Sniper Wolf go all Full Metal Jacket on Meryl and you're thinking she's a complete bitch but when you do finally put a stinger on her rectum she responds with a well written monologue that explains why she did what she did and it was very moving. It's good to see Konami has learnt from this but I'm thinking perhaps they missed the point as nearly every character in Metal Gear Solid 4 gets their own drawn out tragic death scene regardless of whether they were particularly tragic or not.
All of the bosses in the game just happen to be hot chicks with super tragic pasts. There's supposed to be a serious point in there about how war has terrible effects on everyone who encounters it but it's kind of lost in a clumsy competition to see who can come up with the most ridiculously tragic backstory and the whole thing just comes off as cheap and manipulative.
The worst example of this is of course the fact Vamp gets his own tragic death. Yes. Vamp. The guy mostly known for murdering Otacon's teenage sister in Metal Gear Solid 2, dies very slowly and we're expected to feel sorry for him because he's immortal. It's madness. Kind of like playing through Wolfenstein 3d only to find once you've killed Hitler you have to listen to him tell you about how he 'only wanted to be loved'
It's worth noting however that the only character in the game who actually isn't as much of an asshole as he appeared to be, good old Revolver Ocelot, does not get his own tragic death scene. Perhaps they ran out of violin solos.
3: Meet the new character, same as the old character
The Metal Gear universe is populated by a diverse and intriguing cast of characters but is not apparently populated by a decent pension scheme because those fuckers keep on coming back year after year no matter how god damn old they get.
Meryl was conspicously missing from MGS2 so her return is welcome but bringing back Mei Ling as the captain of a WW2 battleship pushes coincidence to uncomfortable extremes. It's only slightly short of having a scene where Snake needs to take a bus and finding out the driver just happens to be Vulcan Raven.
Konami's refusal to introduce new characters reaches epic levels when it's finally revealed who the mysterious Patriots are and the whole thing stinks to high haven. Big Boss' turning into a kind of bad guy we can handle. But when did Paramedic turn from a Japanophile who knows more than a healthy ammount about the taste of frogs into a comic book mad scientist? And how exactly does Major Zero turn into the MGS equivalent of the Emperor from star wars?
The worst offender is of course the inevitable return of big boss who's remarkably well preserved for a man Snake has killed twice.
The worst part is he pops out just when you think "Hey they really showed some restraint" during the credits.
4: Like a Hollywood block buster, in the worst way
When a game is touted as 'Like a Hollywood blockbuster' it can mean a few things. If it means high production values and good voice acting. Great. If it means retarded plot elements and cop out endings. Not so great.
In true Hollywood style most of the game takes place genericsville. Sure there's a reason why the opening mission is set in the 'middle east' instead of say 'Iraq' and it's the same reason Call of Duty 4 is set in generic middle eastern country-istan but it's kind of silly when Snake is told to look for the remains of big boss in 'Eastern Europe'. Oh there's only 10 countries in Eastern Europe. I suppose I'll start with the Ukraine and work my way up.
I can actually mark the exact moment where the game made the jump from over the top to retarded. It was when Snake, the snarky english Babe cum scientist, the black token character and his pet monkey took part in a thrilling car chase involving backflipping robots and mother fucking zombies.
A large portion of the game looks like this.
The game is also fond of trying to use one scientific principle to explain all the weird shit that happens. Nanomachines become less of a radical technology advancement and more of a kind of magical device that can let people do anything, kind of like how the internet was presented in 90's movies.
The ending takes a pure unadulterated dose of Hollywood cheese too. One of the games most powerful visual metaphors was Snake's rapidly depleting cigarettes and how they tied into how much time he had left. You just knew when Snake knocked back that last cancer stick it was probably about time for his mouth and that .45 to have a meeting. Then, in one of the clumsiest bits of symbolism ever Snake decides to quit smoking, doesn't pop himself in the mouth and instead goes off to 'live as a beast' with his bestest buddy Otacon.
Personally I would have sucked on the .45.
Super Extra Bonus!
5: Shit. Someone call the Samaritans.
MGS4 characters, probably despondent over the lack of pensions schemes and the fact they'll have to keep working till they're murdered by terrorists or killed by a mutating nanomachine virus are all raring to hurl themselves off bridges.
Raiden attempts to sacrifice himself no less than three times throughout the game. First by fighting a dude we've already established can't be fucking killed until you get a sad piano theme going, secondly by attempting to stop a fucking giant boat from crushing Snake who is too fucked to move because he has a headache and finally by attempting to fight off approximately a million ninjas despite the fact he has no god damn arms.
Other characters too suffer from suicidal urges. Naomi's suicide is unexpected purely because it makes no sense. We've just beaten vamp and you've started a relationship with Hal 'everything I love dies' Emerich so why did you... oh yeah, that's probably why.
Finally Big Boss. What the fuck? He's finally free of his 'coma'. Freed I might add by the tireless efforts of Revolver Ocelot and at the expense of hundreds if not thousands of lives and what does he do? Go to Perkins for the senior specials? Go see the dark Knight? No marches straight towards Snake, the one man who can kill him just by talking to him. Way to go boss!