July/August Review Arena: Your Favourite Game.

Welcome to the July/August Review Arena Quarter Final! Thanks to your efforts, we've cut a bloody swathe through half of the entries, but there is still much work to do. With barely a moment to catch their breath, we're shoving our contestants back out into the ring.

However, this time, there is a twist. Rather than whole reviews, we are looking at closing statements, conclusions, if you will. Each review has been pared down to its very last paragraph. The twists don't end there though, no sir! Each one will also be anonymous!

That's right, no names, just words.

You have until 5pm GMT on Monday 8th September to cast your vote.

F.A.Q.

Q: How do I vote?
A: Use the poll!

Q: I thought you said polls were for cowards?
A: That was hyperbole. As the entries have been made anonymous, a poll is fine.

Q: Can we vote for ourselves?
A: I'd prefer that you didn't, but there isn't a great deal I can do to stop you.

Q: Can I post up my vote?
A: You can if you want, but it's the poll that counts this time round.

Q: Can we tell people which entry is ours?
A: Certainly, that way people will know which entry has been disqualified.

Q: Disqualified! Isn't that a little harsh?
A: Perhaps, but the point of this round is to remove as much personal bias as possible, although some are easier to identify than others.

Q: How many people will go through from each heat?
A: The top two will advance to the semi-final. Will it be you? WILL IT?

LET THE VOTING BEGIN!

Contestant 1
Sonny? Tommy. Vice City is mine now. Not yours, after you sent that idiote to off me, but mine. I've got clubs, strip joints, cars and all the mercenaries & weaponry I need. And it was so enjoyable, I wish I could do it again.
You want Vice City? Take it from me.
*click*
Get the boys. Now.

Contestant 2
To wrap this up, the game is short and sweet to make me value it over Opposing Forces. Just playing as the lovable Barney Calhoun is enough for the price tag alone. So while Half Life may be the main course and Opposing Forces the desert, Blue Shift would be the little cupcake on the side. Underappreciated but mouthwatering delicious. Grab yourself a copy!

Contestant 3
There once was a game from Japan,
About a jumping Red Man.
With mushrooms he grew stronger, flowers made his life last longer,
and coins earned him many a fan.

Contestant 4
The sweet, sweet icing atop Psychonauts' moist, delicious, multi-layered cake is the humor. Never before have I played a game so clever-- so genuinely funny. The hilariously absurd environments and character models are so well-crafted and detailed that it seems almost criminal that I only paid $12.99 for them. The expertly written script combined with top-notch voice acting makes every moment of the game a treat-- one that I enjoyed thouroughly from start to finish.

Contestant 5
EDIT: Oh, and it has several scenes with half boob and butt. GO! BUY!

Contestant 1.

I hate closing paragraphs that announce themselves (referring to Contestant 2). I recall Contestant 3 opened and closed with the same paragraph. Contestant 4 is the close second in this heat, and Contestant 5 isn't a paragraph by any stretch of the imagination (and the all capped "EDIT" doesn't exactly help.)

Once again, I vote for Contestant 1.

I think Contestant 5 got a raw deal here. I'd like to see his conclusion, not an edit.

Half-boob...half-butt...

.5 + .5 = 1

BUT! Multiply that by the number of words in contestant 5's paragraph

14 x 1 = 14...

...ermm, okay, how about dividing that by Contestant number 2

14 divided by 2 = 7

BUT THEN you subtract that by contestant number 2

7 - 2 = 5!!

It's a conspiracy

Vote goes to number 5.

Ho ho, I'm so clever arn't I?

If I was in this heat, and I'm not saying I am...

How can we tell who's winning/losing without voting? Or is that the point?

Vote goes to number 4... I didn't think it was close, even.

I'm not going to say a word.

Number 5 for sure...=)

I voted for #3 but now want to vote for 2, ah well I'll deal with it.

Also why is everybody voting for #5?

I voted one, great ending.

Knight Templar:
I voted for #3 but now want to vote for 2, ah well I'll deal with it.

Also why is everybody voting for #5?

because butts and half-boobs are awesome?

#4 for me.

It just seemed to be the best conclusion in general.

#1 - Was pretty creative, but not as good,
#2 - Was also pretty good, but still wasn't as good,
#3 - The limerick didn't flow,
#4 - Would have sold me Psychonauts if I wasn't already a Tim Schafer fan; and
#5 - Simply wasn't a conclusion.

Contestant #4. I find that a decent closing statement is important, for not only should your review be consistent throughout, but you have to cater for those damned "tl;dr" lot who ignore the rest of the review/article and skip right to the bottom line.

I honestly can't choose between them, thus I abstain from the vote.

But for half a boob, I choose number five. Yes, I'm aware that my voting criteria are about as shallow as a piece of paper.

Honestly none of them are either good or make sense alone, so #5 wins.

EDIT:

I vote for contestant 2, and am in no way hinting at who any of the entries are.

I speak not of my vote, just know that a concise and clear summation is what swung my vote, wherever it may have landed.

EDIT:

Nothing to see here people... move along, move along.

Someone on this thread, and I'm not saying who, is treading a very fine line...

The votes have been tallied and contestant 1 and contestant 4 received the most.

But who are these mystery contestants?

They are none other than The_root_of_all_evil and HSIAMetalKing.

Congratulations!