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July/August Review Arena Quarter Final - Round 2


Who should advance to the semi-final?
Contestant 1
9.1% (3)
9.1% (3)
Contestant 2
30.3% (10)
30.3% (10)
Contestant 3
12.1% (4)
12.1% (4)
Contestant 4
27.3% (9)
27.3% (9)
Contestant 5
21.2% (7)
21.2% (7)
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nilcypher
Honorable Mention: Escapist Film Festival
Posts: 1749
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

July/August Review Arena: Your Favourite Game.

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Welcome to the July/August Review Arena Quarter Final! Thanks to your efforts, we've cut a bloody swathe through half of the entries, but there is still much work to do. With barely a moment to catch their breath, we're shoving our contestants back out into the ring.

However, this time, there is a twist. Rather than whole reviews, we are looking at closing statements, conclusions, if you will. Each review has been pared down to its very last paragraph. The twists don't end there though, no sir! Each one will also be anonymous!

That's right, no names, just words.

You have until 5pm GMT on Tuesday 9th September to cast your vote!

F.A.Q.

Q: How do I vote?
A: Use the poll!

Q: I thought you said polls were for cowards?
A: That was hyperbole. As the entries have been made anonymous, a poll is fine.

Q: Can we vote for ourselves?
A: I'd prefer that you didn't, but there isn't a great deal I can do to stop you.

Q: Can I post up my vote?
A: You can if you want, but it's the poll that counts this time round.

Q: Can we tell people which entry is ours?
A: Certainly, that way people will know which entry has been disqualified.

Q: Disqualified! Isn't that a little harsh?
A: Perhaps, but the point of this round is to remove as much personal bias as possible, although some are easier to identify than others.

Q: How many people will go through from each heat?
A: The top two will advance to the semi-final. Will it be you? WILL IT?

Q: How are you defining 'very last paragraph'?
A: I'm calling the block of text after the final carriage return the 'very last paragraph'. This means that some people have more than others and some people will have something that they didn't really consider to be their conclusion.

Q: Will winning this contest help me get into Harvard?
A: Nope. Nor will it get you a high-powered job in the city or help you discover the cure for cancer. This is just for fun!

LET THE VOTING BEGIN!

Contestant 1
Cue thrill ride of elemental awesome told through amazing action plat forming, and you get the same amazing game play from this games predecessor. The story, while fragile with all the "convenient" twists, creates an atmosphere unrivaled by any game. The games boasts a dual ending option that requires some true Prince of Persia-ing, oh yeah, I just made it a verb.
The game offers much to the hardcore gaming lot, if you're a casual gamer, you'll miss the depth and the amazing combat.

Contestant 2
Despite all its flaws, Oblivion is a rare game that shows the care the developers paid to every detail, to make it the most polished, deep, and lifelike game I have ever played, and probably one of my favorite games ever. I give it my most profound and enthusiastic recommendation.

Contestant 3
That damn voice is everywhere. Even when I sleep I hear her... Wait. Did you hear that? Polito? Polito! Are you there? Answer me, dammit! Shit...! Okay then you sons of bitches, I'm waiting for you... Come and get me.

Contestant 4
These genetic upgrades are what make combat so diverse and entertaining, they let you light enemies on fire, re-enact the bee-hive scene from My Girl and throw bottles of whiskey at their heads (Why don't you love me daddy?!?!), you can also only carry a few around at a time, which makes it so that you have to strategize depending on the situation. Another thing that makes the combat fun is gene tonics, which give you minor upgrades in combat and in other things (Bow-chicka-wow-wow). The developers have been touting their so called moral choice system from day 1, but in the end whether you harvest or save little sisters really comes down to if you're an achievement whore, or if you're impatient. The funnest thing about the little sisters is fighting the big daddies that guard them, they're the only really challenging enemy of the game and it requires all you've got to beat them. Most of the boss fights are laughably easy, especially the last one, and the addition of instant reviving vita chambers makes it so that there are no consequences for your actions. The endings are polar opposites making you either feel awful or like a sissy. All in all though, I enjoyed Bioshock and would recommend it to everyone here.

Contestant 5
* originally "Star Control 2"
** open source
*** Toys for Bob
**** An expanded version may be played online.

blackadvent
Beat Writer
Posts: 225
Joined: 16 Nov 2007

Oh, 5 REALLY got the raw end of the deal here.

the monopoly guy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2659
Joined: 8 May 2008

Is contestant 5's ending really his ending? or just a reference key sort of thing.

Anyway, I'm going with 2. 3 could have been really good, but it just didnt..."flow".

mjhhiv
Press Junketeer
Posts: 483
Joined: 22 Jun 2008

I voted for 3... Though it's tough to judge based on conclusions. And the fact that some people (contestant 4) get substantially more content included than others (contestant 5).

nilcypher
Honorable Mention: Escapist Film Festival
Posts: 1749
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

the monopoly guy:
Is contestant 5's ending really his ending? or just a reference key sort of thing.

Anyway, I'm going with 2. 3 could have been really good, but it just didnt..."flow".

I am treating "last paragraph" as "the words after the final carriage return".

PurpleRain
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4207
Joined: 2 Dec 2007

4's got my vote. But c'mon. Someone has to vote for 5 just out of pity.

RAKtheUndead
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1145
Joined: 23 Oct 2007

4's got my vote. But c'mon. Someone has to vote for 5 just out of pity.

Done.

the monopoly guy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2659
Joined: 8 May 2008

RAKtheUndead:

4's got my vote. But c'mon. Someone has to vote for 5 just out of pity.

Done.

tool

That was very nice of you.

I liked 3, but it could have been better.

Decoy Doctorpus
King of the Yetis
Posts: 1878
Joined: 15 Jul 2008

I voted for 5 because I know I'm going to get bum raped when it comes to this round too.

To be honest I don't think this is particularly fair. Number 5's entry is his addendum not his conclusion.

The_root_of_all_evil
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4640
Joined: 13 Feb 2008

3, for the same reason I have my avatar. Creepy.

The Iron Ninja
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2968
Joined: 13 Aug 2008

Five. I know that somewhere, somehow, that sentence might be used in context and actualy make sense.

Knight Templar
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1258
Joined: 29 Dec 2007

Contestant 2

Maybe I'm bias for oblivion but I like that ending, because it is a ending.

EDIT: 5's got three votes so don't vote out of pity, unless you like that review.

nilcypher
Honorable Mention: Escapist Film Festival
Posts: 1749
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

Decoy Doctorpus:

To be honest I don't think this is particularly fair. Number 5's entry is his addendum not his conclusion.

That's the peril of using footnotes.

Lord Krunk
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2501
Joined: 3 Mar 2008

I voted 2.

If I didn't already own Oblivion, it was the closest to selling me.

Altorin
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1946
Joined: 16 May 2008

wow, #5 got even a worse deal then I did last round

I almost managed to pull through a 2nd place finish...

I'm going for number 2.

It occurs to me that if any of my other reviews were going through this stage, I'd lose every time - all my final paragraphs have my name in them, and are just a preview for what's coming next, lol

Jackcameback
Anonymous Source
Posts: 2
Joined: 8 Sep 2008

i votd fur 4, but ti seems unfiar taht some ppl get longer intries them others

NewClassic
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1247
Joined: 30 Jul 2008

Once again, I'm going to fail to mention who I voted for. The succinct summary is what swayed my vote, though.

Although, I have to agree with everyone else, Contestant 5 really drew the short straw.

the monopoly guy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2659
Joined: 8 May 2008

NewClassic:
Once again, I'm going to fail to mention who I voted for. The succinct summary is what swayed my vote, though.

You voted for 4.

Just guessing.

The footnote thing is pretty unfair, since the contestants didn't know that would happen.

The_root_of_all_evil
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 4640
Joined: 13 Feb 2008

the monopoly guy:

The footnote thing is pretty unfair, since the contestants didn't know that would happen.

The Worst Witch was out 20 years before Harry Potter.

nilcypher
Honorable Mention: Escapist Film Festival
Posts: 1749
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

the monopoly guy:

The footnote thing is pretty unfair, since the contestants didn't know that would happen.

With regard to the footnotes, is there any reason you can think of that the information could not be integrated into the review itself? If I start pulling out text other than that after the final carriage return, this round stops being about the quality of the review's structure and becomes a contest of my editorial decisions.

the monopoly guy
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2659
Joined: 8 May 2008

The_root_of_all_evil:

the monopoly guy:

The footnote thing is pretty unfair, since the contestants didn't know that would happen.

The Worst Witch was out 20 years before Harry Potter.

Um...what?

nilcypher:

the monopoly guy:

The footnote thing is pretty unfair, since the contestants didn't know that would happen.

With regard to the footnotes, is there any reason you can think of that the information could not be integrated into the review itself? If I start pulling out text other than that after the final carriage return, this round stops being about the quality of the review's structure and becomes a contest of my editorial decisions.

Well when you put it that way...

wilsonscrazybed
Red Guard
Posts: 1754
Joined: 16 Dec 2007

nilcypher:
If I start pulling out text other than that after the final carriage return, this round stops being about the quality of the review's structure and becomes a contest of my editorial decisions.

Ooh! That sounds like a fun contest!

Spartan Bannana
Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2900
Joined: 27 Apr 2008

I gotta ask, is contestant 5 really getting that many pity votes? It's footnotes and it's actually in third

nilcypher
Honorable Mention: Escapist Film Festival
Posts: 1749
Joined: 21 Feb 2008

The votes have been tallied and I can exclusively reveal that contestant 2 and contestant 4 have emerged victorious!

As for their identities, why they are none other than Xaido and Spartan Bannana

Congratulations!

 
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