Granted. You do a Brooklyn accent so well that no one can actually understand you.

I wish I could dance reasonably well.

Granted, now all you know how to do is dance.

i wish i had time distortion abilities.

Granted but you can't change what ever you do.

I wish I was able to breath in outer space.

granted, but that can't save you from re-entry burn.

i wish i didn't have a headache now.

Granted! you have syphalis instead.

i wish i was an inch taller.

granted, but you're just as wide as you are tall.

i wish i could kill people with one punch.

Granted, but now everything you touch shatters and/or dies.

I wish I could win a Nobel Prize for something.

Granted, except Chuck Norris kills you.

I wish I could jump as high as I wanted and land safely.

granted, but this doesn't make you invulnerable to 1700rpm ceiling fans ^_^ BZZZZZT

i wish i had eaten lunch today.

Granted, but it sucked > pickle and liver sandwich.

I wish that the next person to post a good afternoon.

Granted, but he is stuck at work.

I wish I could win a Nobel Prize for something.

granted, but it was for inventing something bad like nobel himself did.

i wish i had a giant pizza

Granted, except you die from a terrorist attack on your house.

I wish that the world were all red.

Granted, but you're now colorblind.

I wish I was dead.

Granted, but you are Undead and brought back as a vampire.

I wish I was able to breath fire.

granted, but your body can't handle it, and your face melts.

i wish i didn't have to go to jury duty

Granted except now you are the judge.

I wish I was a CEO of an Oil Company.

granted, now george bush invades you.

i wish people next to me didn't speak so loudly.

Granted, now you can not hear a word anyone is speaking.

I wish I had a beautiful woman for a wife.

Granted but she(he?)is a transvestite.

I wish I had free access to WoW.

Granted, but you play it so much that you forget to eat and die...

I wish i had more soda

Granted but all of it is Zima.

I wish for 1000 more wishes.

Granted, but the trunk that delivers them dumps them on you and kills you.

I wish I had my own planet that I could live on.

Granted, but the planet does not have oxygen so you suffocate.

I wish I had 1 billion US dollars given to me and nothing bad happened what-so-ever

Granted, but you can not spend the money until you die.

I wish I had every game console and games for the consoles.

Granted, but there are no power outlets in your house.

I wish I had a prehensile dick.

granted but it only wants to grab other prehensile dicks.

i wish i was bulletproof

Granted, but you then die in a fiery car wreck.

I wish I was immortal.

granted, then you get AIDS, resulting in perma-AIDS.
(plz note that immortal means you cannot DIE)

I wish I could see through walls.

Granted, but your stuck in a community for overweight nudists.

I wish I could breath underwater.

Granted, but now you can't breathe on land.

I wish I could turn invisible.

Granted, that bus never saw you coming lol.

I wish I had a tank.

Granted, but... well, gas is about $4 a gallon so...

I wish I was stronger.

granted but everything in the world is a ton heavier

i wish i had ten arms

Granted, but now you keep hitting yourself.

I wish I had telekinetic powers.