Granted, it's written in braille. With braille pictures...somehow.

I wish for the ultimate paradox.

Granted, it is so perfect that Stephen Hawking kills you to protect the universe and take your idea.

I wish to be invulnerable.

Granted, but you get aids and lose your invulnerability due to the lack of an immune system.

I wish for some FRIED CHICKEN!

Granted, but chickens rule the world so you are subsequently tried and executed.

I wish to make a pie.

Granted but Pie is the new Cake (pie is a lie)

I wish for a machine to type for me.

Granted, it breaks down a lot.

I wish for a remake of Morrowind.

Granted. Heres Oblivion, just without fast travel.

I wish for the Van Buren project (old fallout 3) to be made.

Granted but you can't play it.

I wish for a pony (must be the 50th one to do this by now)

Granted, but the pony is made of PURE STEEL and is covered in OVER 9000 spikes.

I wish for a cactus that can talk.

Dommyboy:
Granted. Heres Oblivion, just without fast travel

OOH! It has Levitation, right?

Granted, the cactus also loves to hug you a lot.

I wish for an adrenalin rush.

This just in Valve is now bankrupt! The sudden shock of Adrenalin kills you.

I wish for gitmo to be released.

Granted, but it turns out to be filled with an error that stops it working or doing anything.

I wish for a new conversational topic.

Granted, VALVE IS BANKRUPT? OH NOES!

I wish that Double Fine was more appreciated as a game developer.

Granted, they get a rabid poorly spelling fanatical fanbase who see you as an outsider.

I wish for doom untold!

Granted, but it just sucks. Its so terrible that it makes people think about commiting suicide in the future.

I wish for Ultrajoe to be elected as the new El Presidente!

Granted but he actual does what he says he will.

I wish for a hat that is not not not not not not red.

Granted, you get a pair of socks.

I wish for fair game and computer prices in Australia.

Granted it what the companies think is fair.

I wish for maple syrup eh?

Granted, but it burns with the fires of an untold hell

I wish for retribution.

Granted, you are now entitled to 40 years of community service.

I wish that Halo fans were less obsessive so I could appreciate the games more.

Granted except the obsessive ones are called "l337 Halo gods"

I wish Yahtzee would bring back the old opening sequences.

Granted. But his reviews are now him with a bottle of scotch, moping about how he has no girl friend.

I wish for witty American comedies.

Granted You know have access to Colbert Report but it is canceled

I wish for nothing.

Granted you get nothing, including oxygen.

I wish that I was never tiered and never had to sleep.

Granted but then you get mauled to death by a panda.

I wish I had an Automatic wish making machine.

Granted but all the things it wishes for make you die in a horrible painful way

I wish that I could run at 100MPH

Granted but thenm you trip and horribly graze your knee.

I wish I could have more than one wish.

Granted you can't use the second one

I wish licensed games didn't suck.

Granted, now they blow

I wish that the destructive frequency of chav skulls to be around 120 bpm.

Granted, but they implode by themselves, depriving you of the pleasure of taking them down yourself.

I wish that apples became pear-shaped.

granted, now you can't tell the difference as their color changes to.

I wish I had my own companion cube that would never betray me and I wouldn't be forced to kill it.

granted. it kills you by accident with no malicious intent.
i wish for a self-cooking pizza

Granted, it re-heats itself in your gut.

I wish that the internet would always be working at top speed, forever.

granted. it only exists as MS DOS and random bars of binary

i wish i could pour lava out of my hands

Granted. It pours out onto your crotch.

I wish Coca-Cola was cheaper.