you get an empty bottle of wine. I was hiding in the vending machine and drank it.
So, I seem to have put myself in the vending machine.

you get a corkscrew.

i put a dent in the machine. (haha play on words)

You get a repairman that you now owe $250 in services.

I put in 6 pennies that I found in my pocket.

They fall out of the coin return. Vending machines don't take pennies.

I put in correct change.

the machine spits out the change with a note that says "damn you, I don't want your pennies"

I put in a walrus

You get a bucket, and a note saying, "If a walrus comes looking for this, don't give it to him, ok?"

I put in a mango.

you get a plunger.

i put in a I.O.U. note

you get a note from the I.R.S.

I put in viagra

You get raped by the vending machine.

I put in a bag of human fat.

you get mc donalds

i place in a magnet

You get a lawsuit claiming that it could harm small children.

I put in a moment of revelation (yes, I like abstract concepts).

you get a comic epiphany.

i put in a 8-track. (lets see if anyone under 18 knows what that is ) :)

You get a note stating "TOO BAD".

I put in a 4-month old aborted fetus.

The machine makes a muching noise, then ejects a plastic bag filled with lighter fluid at you.

I put in the best years of my life.

You get divorce papers

I put in readers digest, and a new copy fo national geophraic... in spanish!

You get an comic book.

I put in about Three-fiddy.

You get a ferret with a fez!

I put in Portkins.

You get a note, saying "Thanks for ridding the world of him."

I steal Portkins's ferret with a fez, and put it in.

you get a wet fish

i put in a cat... and then run

You get a Portkins, thanks for getting me out of there, man.

I put in Klagermeister.

You get sued

I put in a watch

you get a sundial.

I put in a towel.

You get a beach.

I put in a quantum computer.

you get owned.

I put in (insert ironic prop here)

You get a punch in the face for being a smartarse.

I put in a smartarse.

The Machine makes a series of munching noises, then spits out the golem parts so it can savour the bread. You get the joy of knowing you caused all this.

I put in lost time.

You get more lost time back.

I put in a woodpecker.

you get an erection

I put in faith

You get hope

I put in Science

You get every explanation for everything that may ever happen and they crush you.

I put in the Useless Information Society.

Wow, I had no idea this would go on for so long... Sorry for not contributing more. <_<;;

You get the Useful Information Society.

I put in my computer that for some reason has both 512Mb of RAM and 0Mb at the same time (according to crucial.com, anyway...)

You get crucial.com's apologies for the inconvenience.

I put in all of my hopes and dreams.

You get crushed by reality.

I, COR 2000, put in COR 2000.

You get a small beaver coming out and puching you in the privates for creating a paradox.

I put in toenail clippings

You get a voodoo doll.

I put in UltraJoe's mighty WH40k RP