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Copy Clerk Posts: 85 Joined: 12 Sep 2007  | |
Paperboy Posts: 17 Joined: 4 Jan 2008 | Funny ass hell..great review |
Anonymous Source Posts: 10 Joined: 24 Nov 2007 | i have to ask ElArabDeMagnifico: how do you know what Yahtzee likes/dislikes? I mean it just seems odd that you apparently know whats best for him and yet dont explain how you may know these things. Do you actually know him? or is this simply something that you are assuming/personally believe? p.s. dont take this as a slight against you, im simply stating my opinion, just as you stated yours. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 2 Joined: 21 May 2008 | Hahahaha... Oh man... That was one of the funniest ones in a long time. And Whoever said that it made them wanna seek this game out, I agree. It's kinda interesting because I'd heard of painkiller but never really looked into it. This makes me want to give it a chance. However, WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OLD REVIEWS. I still watched all the old ones, they were so damn funny. Where'd they go? |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 730 Joined: 9 Jan 2008     | I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?
You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, that way you'll only sound a dick in front of him. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 2 Joined: 12 Dec 2007 | Haha, Dead Alive. I wish I had seen that one, unfortunately my friend was only borrowing the DVD, so I only got to watch The Toxic Avenger and Killer Klowns from Outer Space out of that bunch. Seen a few clips though. Funny as hell. Anyway, I remember hearing about this game way back when. I remember something about a sequel, too. So they're good, huh? Maybe I'll check it out when I get the time, though I doubt I'll be able to find the PC version.. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 977 Joined: 29 Nov 2007    | Wonder if he'll start giving shout-outs to the indie scene, it's where he's from after all. 'Everyday Shooter' just hit Steam and it's as awesome as ever. One of the biggest things Lester Bangs ever did for music as a critic was give support to low key bands and push the real talent to the front of the parade. Here's hoping... |
Anonymous Source Posts: 8 Joined: 18 Nov 2007 | Haven't played it, but I hear it's got a serious case of "I Wish I was Serious Sam." Btw, new site = For the Lose. If I have to unblock all your adsites on my Noscript, you're doing it wrong. |
Paperboy Posts: 34 Joined: 12 Dec 2007   | runs on explorer |
Copy Clerk Posts: 62 Joined: 7 May 2008  | Good review; shame we had to wait nearly 3 extra hours for it. Since I enjoyed Black (another first person shoot-the-hell-out-of-everything-er) I might consider hunting that down. Nice to see that you can start with being positive games again too. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 2 Joined: 21 May 2008 | Endless forum blathering and noise aside, this game sounds awesome. The reasons for your praise resound well with me, especially since I'm playing a game that fits the criteria just nicely, albeit on a much smaller scale. The game I'm being all gushy over is Contra III, the pinnacle of "Blow Shit Up Or Die Trying" shooters of the old generation. Contra III is precisely what every game should be like: A) "Here asshole, here's an objective, go accomplish it." Games forget that I'm not here to prance around enjoying a carefully crafted story presentation whilst pressing buttons. I'm here to kick ass, solve puzzles, do something, and I want it to be interesting in the process, ya know? It seems the basic meat and potatoes of games, the objective, the challenge, and the cool stuff, are lost amidst 'innovation', 'thrilling next-gen graphics' and whatever other PR dribble comes out of developers' frothing mouths. And here you describe a game that is exactly what a game should be. An objective that isn't solvable by a retarded monkey and is solvable by means that are totally awesome and entertaining. Every game should have a gun that shoots lightning bolts and shurikens or the equivalent thereof. |
Paperboy  Posts: 42 Joined: 21 Jan 2008  | I'm a fan of games that allow you to kill enemies in fun ways, yes, but I find something wrong with myself when I start thinking "Oh geez, now I need to go through all this runny-gunny-shoot-'em-up crap just to get to the story stuff?" during a session of Half-Life 2. Nevertheless, good review. A little optimism is nice every now and then. |
Paperboy  Posts: 14 Joined: 19 Mar 2008 | What happened to the old reviews? Will they be re-added to the site later on? Hoping for a Fallout 3 and S.T.A.L.K.E.R Clear sky review this autumn. :) |
Paperboy Posts: 25 Joined: 8 Nov 2007 | Hooray for Painkiller, "kill everyone in the universe" FPSes are far too rare these days. Yeah, it wants to be Serious Sam, but it's not like we're drowning in the genre. |
Muckraker  Posts: 296 Joined: 14 May 2008  | If it's criticism Yahtzee wants, it's criticism he'll get. I feel that this weeks review isn't as good as some of the others; as Yahtzee says himself, he's not as funny when he's giving out praise. Jokes seemed a bit sub-par, which might have been all right if this was a constructive review of a game anyone's ever heard of*. Of course, I wouldn't want zero-punctuation to lose all concept of being a source of proper reviews, but let's face it, Yahtzee didn't become popular because of a deep level of game analysis. Ah well, still better than 95% of the internet. *Though it's nice to think of people buying the game just because of this review. |
Paperboy Posts: 31 Joined: 14 Nov 2007 |
Let's see. Wednesday, round about noon. Yep. A tidal wave of traffic pouring in to see Yahtzee vent himself over a new game. I'd like to say that's the only time that The Escapist has problems, but this is the only time of the week I even come here. Seriously. Does anyone else ever look at The Escapist any other time of the week? I mean besides to watch ZP reruns. |
Paperboy  Posts: 35 Joined: 14 May 2008 |
I have NoScript, and it runs only allowing escapistmagazine.com, warcry.com and quantserve.com through. I might try taking quantserve.com off and see what happens. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 4 Joined: 23 Jan 2008 | Nothing can beat the bee-hands of Bioshock. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 7 Joined: 16 Jan 2008 | Huh. I missed the game the first time around. I recall it was released right before my switch from PC to Mac. Now that I switched from Mac to PC, I guess I'll give the game another try, especially since the Gold Pack's 9.99$ on Steam. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 112 Joined: 7 Sep 2007 | Go back to the old player please, first it was audio lagging behind and now it's sound switching between stereo and left ear only. |
Paperboy Posts: 12 Joined: 19 Mar 2008 | I feel slightly dissapointed that there wasn't any references to all-county cocksucking championships, or tropheys there abouts. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 60 Joined: 13 Nov 2007 |
Ctrl+f5 worked for me on firefox... movie didnt load before, hope this helps :) |
Anonymous Source Posts: 3 Joined: 21 May 2008 | Dude, that was sweet. But, yeah, you have to get the latest player to run before you can see this. It seems the installer wasn't bundled with the runnable. Here's the steps: [FlowPlayer is a flash player. You do not need to download or install it] |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 98 Joined: 30 Apr 2008 | It's on steam for 10$, the video trailer makes it looks like a serious sam clone, a game I loved. So for 10 bucks even if its not as good as Yahtzee says its not a huge loss |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 7 Joined: 11 May 2008 | I loved the comment at the end about not reviewing Mariokart for the Wii. Yartzee, I completly agree with you! |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 57 Joined: 12 Dec 2007 | nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ok i better stop now before i get banned Yahtzee has dropped the C-bomb Crikey. British accent = cool sophisticated cynical great now I'm going to have nighmares |
Paperboy Posts: 26 Joined: 21 Nov 2007 | Awesome retro, makes me want to play the game again. I really liked the gun that fired bullets and rockets though. |
Anonymous Source  Posts: 5 Joined: 21 May 2008 | Another wednesday made funnier! :) Agreed on the shuriken/lightning gun - that was the badassest-est weapon ever.. The story was tolerable, though you had to be sleep-deprived or worse for it to make sense. |
Paperboy Posts: 26 Joined: 24 Apr 2008 | Painkiller is one for the phew FPS i enjoy and still play every now and then. I just miss the old days were it was just get from a to b through Massive group of monsters Z using what ever weapons you want. If they left the story line at that and the cut sences out i would love this game so much. Thanks Yahtzee for taking the time to route around for a game in the dry period of gaming caladers for a lovely if not small gem. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 61 Joined: 19 Mar 2008 |
Touche. By the way he forgot to add 'Stop trying to use the smartest sounding vocab you can in an attempt to be like Yahtzee' |
Paperboy Posts: 34 Joined: 12 Dec 2007 |
NO!... Don't flame him... your only proving his point! |
Copy Clerk Posts: 62 Joined: 7 May 2008 | Although Serious Sam is a similar concept, it's far worse for being monotonous, slow (especially when you have to walk 2 miles to get to anywhere), and uninspiring. 95% of battles in that were just shooting large swarms of the same enemy with enevitably a shotgun. |
Server Administrator  Posts: 289 Joined: 27 Sep 2004    |
Yes, all the old reviews will be added. The issues today were due to a mixup with the caching code and the new sections of the site. Everything should be quick now. |
Paperboy Posts: 32 Joined: 31 Jan 2008 |
Oh yes, definitely. I think it was one of the best and most original interpretations of hell I've seen in any media. :> Surprising review, but accurate. Painkiller boils the genre down its core parts and pulls those off fantastically well. Just...you know, don't expect anything else. |
Anonymous Source Posts: 4 Joined: 14 Nov 2007 | I'm using IE7 and I cannot get the video to work. Does this have to do with the new format? This is the first time I can't get the video to work. |
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Ahh, it's reviews like these that remind me that I'm also an old sod wishing games were "90s fun" again, like Doom and Quake and Painkiller where all you do is collect frags and have fun doing so. Then again, stuff like Resident Evil 4 shows that you can have *that* AND *intelligent game design/storytelling/AI* AND *great visuals* so: long live progress!