Final Fantasy 2 (4) for SNES

Tellah to Edward: "You spoony bard"

Can't believe no one else mentioned that one.

How about:
Skies of Arcadia:
"Hey Vyze, my cannon is bigger than yours!"

Baldurs Gate:
"You know what I always say? Always kill the mouthy one, that's what I always say."

Baldur's Gate 2:
"That's the problem with mercenaries, isn't it? They do all fine and well until someone shows up with a better offer."

Planescape Torment:
"Another comment like that and you'll be wearing your ass as a hat."

Zoidbergio:
Final Fantasy 2 (4) for SNES

Tellah to Edward: "You spoony bard"

Can't believe no one else mentioned that one.

It's a classic quote, the question is: is it funny/witty/intelligent?

"Would you kindly?"

Some of my favorites are Konami Games.. Very Good Writing..

like Castlevania LOI:

Dracula: But I am beloved by the Night..

Forgot the guy's name: I'll Kill you AND the NighT!!

~~~~
That one was funny/cool also
~~~~

Ninja : I've come from another world to do battle with you.

Snake : What is it? Revenge?

Ninja : It is nothing so trivial as revenge. A fight to the death with
you. Only in that can my soul find respite. I will kill you or
you will kill me... it makes no difference.

~~~~

That and
~~~~

Liquid: FOX...!

Snake: Die!!!!

Absolute Classics.. well a couple at least

Duke Nukem: Don't have time for touching myself.

All his lines are instant classics.

Forgot one from Anachronox:
"Do you know what the difference is between you, and the "you" five minutes ago? THE "YOU" FIVE MINUTES AGO HAD FIVE MINUTES TO LIVE."

Psychonauts:
Crazy Girl Scout Woman: AAARGH! I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!!
Raz: HAH! You CAN'T! That's what the goggles are for!

Raz: OK. I'm now inside the insane asylum......wearing a strait jacket......and talking to myself.

Ford: (after teaching Pyrokinesis) Now remember, never use this power unless it's for a very important reason. Or, if it would be really really cool! And if you're doing it to impress girls...make sure they're not wearing any hairspray.

Ford: (when you pick him up with telekinesis) Very good. Now go put me down easy and pick up something that won't blow up your head when you make it mad.

"Sorry, my beds are reserved for seamen." -Mirabelle Monet, proprietor of the Fo'c's'le, TES 4: Oblivion

I can't be the only one who just burst out laughing at that. Especially considering... well, you know.

I like this little villainy banter from Shadow Hearts 2, especially how it's singularly the highest camp moment of a villain who has tried nothing more than be totally evil the entire game.

(Spoilers some for Shadow Hearts 2)

Yuri: Hey, Rasputin, Bite me.

Rasputin: NO! It is YOU who shall bite ME!

"This is more than anyone can bear. But we WILL per-se-vere!" - All-Knowing Vortigaunt, Half-Life 2

"There was a time when they cared nothing for Ms. Vance. When their only experience of humanity was a crowbar coming at them down a steel corridor." - G-Man, Half-Life 2, Episode 2

"Tell me, Doctor Freeman. You've destroyed so much, what have you actually created?" - Doctor Breen, Half-Life 2

Seem: "You are still here?"
Jak: "Yeah. Thought I'd hang out for a while. Catch some rays."
Seem: "This is not a game!"
(Jak and Daxter both stare at the player, turn back) - Jak 3

Jak: "ARRRRGH! VEGER!" - Jak 3

Oleander: "Tell me, kid. Is your name Joey?"
Raz: "No."
Oleander: "'Cause I'm gonna call you 'Sloey-Joey'."
Raz: "My name's not Joey!"
Oleander: "What's that, Joey? I can't hear you! You're talking to slow! Hahahaha!" - Psychonauts

Coyote Bongwater: "Are you with us, man?"
Crptosporidium: "With you? You're bogarding the brain stems, I'm gonna have to kill you!" - Destroy All Humans 2

hahha "get over here" mortal combat or the sayings on diablo XD

wrshamilton:
All these points of data make a beautiful line,
Now we're out of beta, we're releasing on time!
Now I'm glad I got burned,
Think of all the things we learned,
For the people who are still alive.

still alive from portals, great game it was, and it didn't overstay it's welcome just like yahtzhee said

Curse of Monkey Island, right near the beginning, when I realized, hey, I'm gonna like this game:

Murray: You may call me Murray! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of hell will applaud me, as I stride through the gates of hell, carrying your head on a pike!
Guybrush: "Stride"?
Murray: Alright then, ROLL, ROLL through the gates of hell! Must you take the fun out of everything?

...

Speaking of talking skulls, Morte from Planescape: Torment was pretty damn funny, though I can't recall any good lines at the moment.

Actually, thinking about Curse of Monkey Island, I think A Pirate I Was Meant to Be is one of the most memorable, ah, musical numbers I've ever heard in a game...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-9my0tsutw

The fact that it was interactive only made it all the funnier.

From Halo 3 on Legendary:

[I switch from Rifle to Gravity Hammer]

Marine: Dude, is that your cell phone!?

The Halo dialogue seems to get better the harder the difficulty is set.

From the Jak series, all said by Daxter...
"You can call me... Orange Lightning! Za-za-zing!" (later, a monk says "You and Orange Lightning are not welcome here.")
"Fish in a barrel, baby! Fish... (whispers) inabarrel."
(reading contract) "...billboard rights, game rights - GAME RIGHTS?!"

From Escape From Monkey Island...
(Guybrush is about to kill himself) "Goodbye, cruel adventure game... eh, forget it."

'We do what we must, because we can.' -- Aperture Science motto, Portal

'Didn't we have fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit and I said 'goodbye' and you were like 'no way!' and then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'? -- That was great.' -- GLaDOS, Portal

'Save myself? From death? Is that why I've come here? I'm not afraid to die. At times I've welcomed death.' -- Alice, American McGee's Alice

The Jabberwock: You've kept me waiting, Alice. Have you never heard that punctuality's a virtue?
Alice: You and my dentist's assistant have much in common.
The Jabberwock: You're habitually late, aren't you? Between your dim-witted daydreaming and your preening vanity the hours just fly by; there's barely time for anything else.
Alice: That the best you can do? Hurl second-rate insults? They don't hurt...
The Jabberwock: Your family was expecting you to come to them, weren't they? Perhaps they thought you might warn them of the danger... being close to the source as you were. But they waited in vain, didn't they and died for their trouble.
Alice: We were all asleep. It was an accident... I...
The Jabberwock: You selfish, misbegotten, and unnatural child! You smelled the smoke. But you were in dreamland taking tea with your friends. You couldn't be bothered. Your room was protected and spared while your family upstairs roasted in an inferno of incredible *horror*!
Alice: Noooooooooooooooo!

-- Alice and The Jabberwock, American McGee's Alice

'Only the insane equate pain with success.' -- Cheshire Cat, American McGee's Alice

'You're wrong, dammit! And I can prove it.' -- Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney

'I've done my best, I have no regrets.' -- Bridge Battler, Pokemon R/B/Y

And then my favourite:

'Time passes. People move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition. Young love will become deep affection. The clear water's surface reflects growth. Now listen to the Serenade of Water to reflect upon yourself.' -- Sheik, Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time

So memorable I had to screenshot it! The talking chicken in Baldur's Gate.

Image 1: http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/5816/chicken1kz2.jpg
Image 2: http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/747/chicken2rv9.jpg
Image 3: http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/5849/chicken3hf3.jpg

So... Many... Bad... Puns! And you can keep it up for a bit longer too!

Speaking of Baldur's Gates Quotes

Tiax: The day comes when Tiax will point and click!

But enough of BG. Planescape: Torment also has some great quotes.

Vhailor: When the injustice is great enough, Justice will lend me the strength needed to correct it. None may stand against it. It will shatter every barrier, sunder any shield, tear through any enchantment and lend its servant the power to pass sentence. Know this: there is nothing on all the Planes that can stay the hand of justice when it is brought against them. It may unmake armies. It may sunder the thrones of gods. Know that for ALL who betray Justice, I am their fate... and fate carries an Executioner's Axe.

The Transcendent One: DOES HE REALLY MATTER TO YOU?
Annah: He matters MORE to me than life!
The Transcendent One: THEN... DIE.

Generic Elderly Hive Dweller: I'll bet ye've got all sorts o' barmy questions! (She mimics your heroic stance) Greetin's, I have some questions... can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is?

Nordom: I think, therefore I am... I think.

What can change the nature of a man?

These two jump out at me from recent games.

"It also says you're adopted, so that's funny too."

-GlaDOS (Portal, PC)

You hear that one toward the end, and I just loved that one, it was so passive-aggressive and nasty, and just had great delivery. I played the end a few times just to hear some of the lines there. Portal has a lot of great lines, though.

"On behalf of the grateful Fatherland, and glorious struggle, honour and blood, I present this Iron Cross"

-German Nararator, Company of Heroes (PC)

Not a real fan of the Germans in that game, but the delivery of that line is perfect after you achieving the third level of veterancy for units in a given category. The line is delivered so somber and low, I just thought it was great. The voice acting in that game is also top notch, cursing everywhere, but it mostly fits the game.

"It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum...damn, I'm all out of gum" - the duke.

"This is how dumb you sound; 'hullo!', that's you, that's how dumb you sound."

Portal

Ratchet: "There's no way a Lombax would invent something that rediculous."

Clank: "Oh really? What about your nuclear powered rocket sled? Your anti-matter bathroom buddy? And let us not forget about your electro-shock undergarments you invented last fall."

Ratchet: "Stunderwear."

Every single line from Planescape: Torment was a gem, but this one always got a giggle out of me whenever i had been standing still for too long:

Morte: C'mon chief, let's shake a leg... Well, *You* shake a leg...

If you haven't played it(and you should), Morte is a floating skull.

And i wish i could remember the old lady's rant about the "Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum."

*EDIT* oh, look at me, the berk who needs to learn to read more carefully, thanks madman, i love that one!

DaneJ8:
Ratchet: "There's no way a Lombax would invent something that rediculous."

Clank: "Oh really? What about your nuclear powered rocket sled? Your anti-matter bathroom buddy? And let us not forget about your electro-shock undergarments you invented last fall."

Ratchet: "Stunderwear."

Hahaha, never heard that one, which R&C game is it from? Brilliant. Stunderwear.

I loved nearly every line of dialouge by Cole in GoW.

I know he was just a giant sterotype but boy was he funny.

DUKE NUKEUK

Balls of steel
Blow it out your ass
Eat shit and die
Its time to kick ass and chew bubble gum and im all out of gum

Skies of arcadia had a ton of funny lines(lol rape scene in jail) but i forget the exact words.

raankh:

Hahaha, never heard that one, which R&C game is it from? Brilliant. Stunderwear.

S'from the new one, Tools of Destruction.

Double the Gun - Double the Fun - Serious Sam 2

Soldier: General why there's potatoes instead of real granades?
General: Because real granades are much more valuable than you comrades... Call of Duty 2

From Bioshock, found in a couple of recordings by men hoping to get lucky with a woman named Angelina who apparently...knows her way around:

"I hear this aint Angelina's first time to the Tea Garden."

Also from Bioshock, by a Little Sister:

"Chocolate is better than grapes, Chocolate is better than grapes, CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN GRAPES!

Atton Rand, from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II, immediately after receiving a communique from an antagonist, threatening some sort of destruction unless the party meets him:

"Well, at least it's not a trap."

from mass effect:

Wrex: i will kill fist.
c-sec officer: do you WANT me to arrest you?
Wrex: I want to see you try.

almost all lines by wrex are awesome :) hes so violent :D

"Please assume the Party Submission Position or you will miss the party."

jriesen:
Actually, thinking about Curse of Monkey Island, I think A Pirate I Was Meant to Be is one of the most memorable, ah, musical numbers I've ever heard in a game...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-9my0tsutw

The fact that it was interactive only made it all the funnier.

Oh wow, that is all kinds of awesome. WHY did I never play that game? :(

Oblivion had some realy great stuff, a shopkeeper asking if Necrophelia is allowed in Cyrodil definately made me laugh.

"Ahhhhhhh, its the demon"
"You killed my brother, again!"

- Grunts in Halo 2

The Dialogue from Grim Fandango is amazing, but not when taken out of context.

"We need more vespene gas"
"In the name of Aiur"

- Starcraft

warcraft 3 has some classic unit sounds ;P

"My life for Aiur.... i mean nerzhul" -Acolyte

"NANANANANANANANANANANANNA(batman theme) HAH ME!" -troll batrider

"hey what are these letters burned on my ass?" -Tauren

"i have been chosen, by the big metal hand in the sky!" -priest
"Scalpel, spunge, Magic wand!" -priest
"Side effects may include, dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, watery tension, painfull recilage, hallucination, dementia, psychosis, coma, death and hallatosis, magic is not for everyone, consult your doctor before use" -priest

"free rides, for the ladies" -keeper of the grove

"wings, horns, hoofs, what are we saying, is this diablo?" -illidan
"I see... absolutely nothing" -illidan (he's blindfolded)

"(insert jamaican accent)Oh we gonna get along just fine" -ice troll

"(lots of creaking noises followed by explosion)oooh... gonna need a new hamster" -Goblin Tinker

"you are the weakest lich, goodbye" -lich

"Myo Bladeh can cut through armor, ande still cut a tomato(attempted japanese accent XD)" -Orc Blade Master

"NOO, Shaken not.. (explosion)" -goblin Alchemist

"they came from... behind!" -dwarf gyrocopter

"Do not run, we are your friends" -goblin Sappers (kamikaze unit)

"i'll attract the enemy with my human call.. I'm so wasted! i'm so wasted!" -dryad

"He wasn't fuzzy was he?" -Druid of the Claw

"(greusome noises and a scream) drop the villager... drop it.. drop it! (another scream)" -DragonHawk Rider

"my blood cries out for the vengeance of my peoples blood, Which can only be repayed with at least twice as much blood or maybe three times as much blood, like if you went to hell and it was full of blood and that blood was on fire and it was raining blood and maybe that would be enough blood, eehh... but probably not" -Blood Mage

"hi... my name is roy.. I'm.. a magic addict.... (insert talking group lame voices) hi roy..." -Blood Mage

"I smell magic in the air... or maybe barbeque..." -Spell Breaker

"ITS A COOKBOOK, A COOKBOOK!" -Troll Witchdoctor

"When you care enough to send the very best... send someone else" -Night Elf Runner(messager)

"this... is... my...BOOMSTICK!" -Dwarf Rifleman