http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html

I just found this while surfing on Cracked today. I can't really bring myself to argue with it. Number six in particular.

His flaw in at least the first one is that, except for possibly Wii Sports, Wii Play, and SMG, all those games also have online multiplayer, which slightly negates his point.

Edit: And GH2.

Yeah offline multiplayer should always be available, despite how much I hate it (but I do like Wii Sports but overall, offline multiplayer gets annoying for me, not that online is perfect, but I just don't enjoy offline as much.)

Also, I didn't mind the quicktime events in RE4...only because when you died - it was awesome.

(hey, thanks for the wrench, Bioshock).

Ironic seeing as that the best weapon in Bioshock was the wrench (with powerups).

Also, RE4 did it best with escort missions, because Ashley wasn't an IDIOT, and when she got kidnapped, it was just to give you a break.

and also I agree/disagree with WWII games, because, you can still make WWII fun, all you have to do is stop making it so "gung-ho america" and maybe let us fight as Russians, or Japanse, or hell, HOW ABOUT THE NAZI'S!?!?!

also after reading that, I now have more reasons to hate EPIC games, yay!

Anyway, awesome find, I love cracked, they make better points than Yahtzee does.

lol it's nice to see that cracked.com is catching on around here. Though not really meant to be taken seriously it's got some fun facts that everyone should know. Remember it's all opinionated.

So on topic, I'm not sure I completely agree with where they are even coming from let alone the choices they have made. They say not to go on and on about bad games and why they are bad. Yet they are just nit picking the good games to death. All games, classified good or bad, all have something someone somewhere would change. So blargh to them. BLARGH! -.-'

*in an angry mood tonight*

All right, Cracked! I'd forgotten about them. One of my favorite humor sites.

thebobmaster:
His flaw in at least the first one is that, except for possibly Wii Sports, Wii Play, and SMG, all those games also have online multiplayer, which slightly negates his point.

Edit: And GH2.

His point wasn't that online multiplayer is bad; his point was that there's no excuse for online multiplayer if there's no off-line multiplayer.

ElArabDeMagnifico:

(hey, thanks for the wrench, Bioshock).

Ironic seeing as that the best weapon in Bioshock was the wrench (with powerups).

Yeah, that was kinda cool about Bioshock. Also--it's okay to make me use the revolver instead of the BFG if I can electrocute people and walk up to them while they're paralyzed by convulsions and put that revolver to the back of their head.

Nitpicking aside, though, GREAT article. Funny AND insightful/eloquent.

Wow, I really, really disagree with some of the things that the author wrote. The stuff about WWII games, yes, but otherwise no. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy a bit of padding in my games. You know, to break up the balls-to-the-wall-hardcore-intense parts that feel bland and unexciting when the entire game is made up of them. See, you need to play piano at times to appreciate the power of forte, and in Shadow of the Colossus, I actually kind of enjoyed the 20 minute colossus-hunts. You know, for the whole atmosphere & character-connection thing? What the game is about? Oh, plus space marines are badass. You know Turok. He wasn't a space marine until recently. I've played Turok once and I know this. While I agreed with some parts of the article, the rest seemed like the author was shouting "Hey! Look at these common game mechanics! I don't like them and will give examples of them regardless of whether they were utilized effectively or not!", but that's just my opinion.

... Fuck. I just realized that this was half-parody. Oh well, I'm an idiot. They used too many examples of good games though.

And finally, in closing, yes, someone really needs to do something about epic games.

I've always wondered why the game developers couldn't kill two birds with one stone, and load the fucking thing during the cutscene.

But yeah, they're right. I found it real frustrating that the only thing that actually worked against a Bouncer was the fucking electrogel, which required everything short of Atlas's Ballsack to make, and gave you maybe three squirts. Especially when I was coming up against these things all the time, and they decided I, as opposed to the crazy man with hooks for hands, was the clearest threat to his darling Little Sister. And again, the load times in that game were fucking torture.

Some games do give you a highly satisfying ending, while some just whet your appetite for the sequel. So far, my Ps3 has kept stabbing me in the back. Four of the five next-gen games I've finished - Assasins Creed, Resistance : Fall Of Man, Ratchet and Clank : Tools of Destruction, and The Orange Box have left me with a end like crashing into an invisible brick wall - Abrupt, random and rather painful. Only Heavenly Sword gave a great ending.

I know this is cracked, but I have a hard time agreeing with a list that says Mass Effect, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Elder Scrolls: Oblivion IV, Halflife 2 are examples of bad gameplay

yea they have a few moments that could be improved but come on..

Oh yes commandment #5!!
Thanks for the post Metalix, it's an awesome list.

Although I think my brother might have a melt down if they ever even dreamed not making WWII or any space marine games - my fiance and I swear those are the only games he plays.

Bodb:
in Shadow of the Colossus, I actually kind of enjoyed the 20 minute colossus-hunts. You know, for the whole atmosphere & character-connection thing? What the game is about? Oh, plus space marines are badass. You know Turok. He wasn't a space marine until recently. I've played Turok once and I know this. While I agreed with some parts of the article, the rest seemed like the author was shouting "Hey! Look at these common game mechanics! I don't like them and will give examples of them regardless of whether they were utilized effectively or not!", but that's just my opinion.

Alright after the "what the game is about?" sentence, I lost you, but I do want to add this-

Games like SotC and Crysis, do exploration RIGHT, games like Oblivion, do it completely wrong (but get praised for it anyway).

EDIT: btw before I get flamed for saying Crysis did exploration "right" - the reason I say that is because it wasn't solely for "panning" gameplay, the open-ended areas of crysis made it special, and added to the fun (unless you were a boring person with no imagination and just wanted to walk forward and pull the trigger).

A funny read. Brought up some good points. I particularly liked the last step.

Indigo_Dingo:

But yeah, they're right. I found it real frustrating that the only thing that actually worked against a Bouncer was the fucking electrogel, which required everything short of Atlas's Ballsack to make, and gave you maybe three squirts.

Trust me, there are all *kinds* of ways to defeat the Big Daddies. Use your imagination. Half the fun is figuring out a strategy and perfecting it. It's almost reminded me of a fighting game where you string together buttons to make a combo. Only there was no game magic involved--it's all about your own timing and execution and invention.

Which I don't think was an accident in a game like BioShock.

Bodb:

... Fuck. I just realized that this was half-parody. Oh well, I'm an idiot. They used too many examples of good games though.

Actually, it's not parody at all. They picked good games *intentionally*. Read the first paragraph:

We are here to condemn Grand Theft Auto IV, and other equally great games, not out of hatred, but out of love. For it does no good to point out the flaws in bad games as bad games by definition cannot be saved.

Squarewave:
I know this is cracked, but I have a hard time agreeing with a list that says Mass Effect, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Elder Scrolls: Oblivion IV, Halflife 2 are examples of bad gameplay

yea they have a few moments that could be improved but come on..

I don't think the list was arguing they had bad gameplay *as a game* but rather that they were *great* games with, like you said, "a few moments that could be improved."

Cheeze_Pavilion:

Indigo_Dingo:

But yeah, they're right. I found it real frustrating that the only thing that actually worked against a Bouncer was the fucking electrogel, which required everything short of Atlas's Ballsack to make, and gave you maybe three squirts.

Trust me, there are all *kinds* of ways to defeat the Big Daddies. Use your imagination. Half the fun is figuring out a strategy and perfecting it. It's almost reminded me of a fighting game where you string together buttons to make a combo. Only there was no game magic involved--it's all about your own timing and execution and invention.

Which I don't think was an accident in a game like BioShock.

Big Daddys are fine, but when they get up to the level that less categorises "body guard" and more categorises "mobile fortress" it becomes a lesson of pain. And I didn't mean just the Electrogel, but you know. Only the really expensive and hard-to-find weapons will allow you to kill them without dying so many times you begin to wonder why you aren't stepping over your own corpse.

Cheeze_Pavilion:

Squarewave:
I know this is cracked, but I have a hard time agreeing with a list that says Mass Effect, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Elder Scrolls: Oblivion IV, Halflife 2 are examples of bad gameplay

yea they have a few moments that could be improved but come on..

I don't think the list was arguing they had bad gameplay *as a game* but rather that they were *great* games with, like you said, "a few moments that could be improved."

Agreed. I think Mad said it better, with their list of the worst 25 things about Video Games "Games that offer 60 hours of gameplay, when 50 of those are just retracing your steps."
And then they were using GTA III as an example.

Then again, Twilight Princess did allow us the "warp to anywhere on the map" factor from Majora's Mask, so it really shouldn't be put in that category.

Indigo_Dingo:
Big Daddys are fine, but when they get up to the level that less categorises "body guard" and more categorises "mobile fortress" it becomes a lesson of pain. And I didn't mean just the Electrogel, but you know. Only the really expensive and hard-to-find weapons will allow you to kill them without dying so many times you begin to wonder why you aren't stepping over your own corpse.

Oh, I don't think so at all, not when in combo with the Plasmids.

Cheeze_Pavilion:

Indigo_Dingo:
Big Daddys are fine, but when they get up to the level that less categorises "body guard" and more categorises "mobile fortress" it becomes a lesson of pain. And I didn't mean just the Electrogel, but you know. Only the really expensive and hard-to-find weapons will allow you to kill them without dying so many times you begin to wonder why you aren't stepping over your own corpse.

Oh, I don't think so at all, not when in combo with the Plasmids.

O.k., now I'm curious. What combo of Plasmids and regular weapons (first form, no upgrades and no grenade launcher) can you use to take down a Bouncer?

Indigo_Dingo:

O.k., now I'm curious. What combo of Plasmids and regular weapons (first form, no upgrades and no grenade launcher) can you use to take down a Bouncer?

PM'ed you as not to take the discussion off-track (and to hide spoilers).

I love his offline multiplayer point- I get really fed up with the song and dance made by reviewers when console games have online multiplayer. I play on a PC and a Wii, I've been playing online since Quake. I buy consoles so I can have friends round for them to humiliate me.

Very good list that, I'm always suprised when one of those is quite that well thought out...