So, I got bored in History Class today and we were talking about haikus. So I mentally made Team Fortress 2 Haikus.

Scout:
BONK! Hey, knuckle head!
I'm talkin' to you! Say good-
Bye to your kneecaps!

Soldier:
MAGGOTS! You are weak.
cuh-rit! Sun-Tzu said that, and
I think he knows more.

Pyro:
MMM MMPH MMM MMM MMM
MMM-MMM MMM MM M MM MMM
MPH HUDDA HUDDA

I'll put the rest up later, but I want to see you make Haikus for other games or characters.

Bioshock:

Little Sister knows
Big Daddy will protect her
ADAM is the key

The sweat of your brow
Well, are you not entitled?
"Yes." - Andrew Ryan

Photographs say much
Learn to kill faster, better
No need to make sense

"Atlas shrugged", Jack said.
"When he poisoned my thinking,"
"I will have revenge."

KOTOR:
Bastila was hot
You could save her, or let fall
Don't take my girlfriend

Mission sucked... a lot
Her voice was horrifying
I never used her skills

Oh my God, that was
Un-be-fuck-ing-ri-dic-u-
-lous-awe-some (One word)

Lightsabers and droids
Never mix. Droids will explode,
And Jedi will laugh.

Spore:
No, seriously.
This game could have awesome.
Goddammit, Will Wright.

The Witcher:
Titties! Titties! Boobs!
Decapitation! Sword fights!
Titties! Titties! Boobs!

Gears of War:
Go! Shoot at Locust
Hide Behind Pillar, Don't Die
Hoo-ah, Bug Bitches!

Chainsaw threatens you
It's very sharp and scary
Blood is everywhere

Team Fortress 2:
I've got the flag, GO!
We're almost back to our base!
What's that red dot? BLAM!

Medic! I'm dying.
A rocket, a shotgun blast.
Just spray me blue, please.

We've got points A, B.
They can't stop us now, Blu Team!
Goddamn. Eight sentries.

At first no lightsaber,
But Jan gets kidnapped. Oh noes!
Kyle must kill Desann!

Iron Man (movie based game):
The controls are broke,
But appropriate I guess,
They make him seem drunk

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
"Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey!"
That stupid fairy will cry
Stuff her in a jar

Half-Life 2:
Half-Life 2 is fun,
-The rest of this Haiku will be released periodically in episode form-

Halo 3
Cortana looks good
But if she is an A.I.
Why add a butt crack?

Gears of War
Sorry, I just can't do this anymore.
I can't write a haiku about Cole Train.
I guess if you want to read a poem,
You'll just have to settle for a quatrain.

A poet I ain't.

mspencer82 your last line made me laugh.

I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

wilsonscrazybed:
I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

three lines, first and third line have 5 syllables, second line has seven syllables, doesn't have to rhyme.

for example:

Halo:

The Covenant sucks (5 syllables)
Kill those alien bastards (7 syllables)
Master Chief kicks ass (5 syllables)

Emperor Inferno:

wilsonscrazybed:
I have no idea about haiku, what are the rules of making a haiku?

three lines, first and third line have 5 syllables, second line has seven syllables, doesn't have to rhyme.

for example:

Halo:

The Covenant sucks (5 syllables)
Kill those alien bastards (7 syllables)
Master Chief kicks ass (5 syllables)

Thanks for clarifying.

wilsonscrazybed:

Thanks for clarifying.

I'm helpful and nice by nature, it was my pleasure. While I was writing that, I found myself thinking I hope no one beats me to this. Does that make me wierd?

Oblivion:
Along Cyrodil
monochromatic faces
repercussed voices

half-life 1:
Xen, Marines, blowout
kicking ass in an orange suite
that's how i'll go out.

BIG SPOILER WARNING
In Knights, you are Darth Revan.
I said to a friend.

Dragon Quest 8
Scepter always sealed
The jester in water healed
Dark Lord will not yield

FFVIII
Time is ancient yet
A moment can be compressed
Into a world threat

Brawl
It may not be eight
But can't be ever brought hate
Mario kill date

Shed a tear, won't you,
for Duke Nukem Forever,
forever delayed.

What is this feeling
got while playing Psychonauts?
Is it... happiness?

You are not worthy
to play anything else but
Daikatana. Ha!

Hey, these are fun.

mspencer82:
Iron Man (movie based game):
The controls are broke,
But appropriate I guess,
They make him seem drunk

This is my favorite one.

Far Cry:
Stalk through the jungle.
What was that? Shotgun. BAM! Die
Mutated monkey!

Assassin's Creed:
Interesting game,
Run on rooftops, stab the guards.
No! Fucking cutscene...

Tifa in bondage
Princess Peach riding Bowser
Stop wanking, fanboy!

Dante is badass
Nero's pretty cool, as well
His girlfriend sucks, though

Duke Nukem whenever
never to be seen on shelf
Duke Nukem whatever

Thousands of copies
Lining the shelves of pawn shops
It's Killer7

...and the obligatory Portal reference...

I promised you cake
But it's more fun to kill you
I am still alive

Librarian Mike:

...and the obligatory Portal reference...

I promised you cake
But it's more fun to kill you
I am still alive

I've never even played portal and I think Glados is a c**t. i see reviews on TV and hear people talk about it and I think, geez, what a bitch.

Also,

Mephisto, you're weak
my sorcereress will destroy
you with fire and ice

Diablo, you wimp
my necromancer will slay
you with undead horde

Baal, you're a sissy,
my barbarian will kill
you with sheer brute force

Tyreal, you suck
this whole thing is all your fault,
all characters, KILL!

Sorry, Diablo is one of my fave's

This is awesome in a strange sort of way. :P

Emperor Inferno:
[quote=Librarian Mike post=9.73420.798388]
Mephisto, you're weak
my sorcereress will destroy
you with fire and ice

I -love- to be a nitpicker but i can't be here because I'm not sure about it - however i will bring it up. I'm pretty sure you've got the syllables wrong in the last line there, i think, i -think- that fire has two syllables. Not too sure though.

--Doom 3--

What is going on
A creature is behind me
holy sh*t an imp

For Kingdom Hearts (or every single Final Fantasy game......or JRPG, for that matter):
Sora's got spiky hair.
So do all the rest, I guess....
But that's anime.

For Starcraft:
Protoss are badass,
Terrans are all from the South,
Zerg infest my life.

For Sins of a Solar Empire:
There's no Campaign Mode,
But, forgive this shortcoming,
Because it's epic.

I shall come up with more; give me time.

I lose at my life
Stupid computer beats me
Civilization

I think "Civilization" is 5 syllables, but I'm not sure. Probably depends on your regional accent. And "fire" is 1 syllable (as far as I can tell, anyways).

Drive! Crash! Drive! Crash! Win!
Burnout and all the sequels
I lose my license

Some words have ambiguous syllable schemes. Perhaps my poetry is broken.

A trio for Fallout:
War never changes
The world has ended in fire
I come from the vault

Rad scorpions suck
Across the desert I go
I need more ammo

"Bloody mess" for me
Makes this game more exciting
Chunky bits fly far

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.53461#379853
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.54678#393790
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/362.67475#598944
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/366.69207

I choose you! Mudkip!
Yes, it's that old RPG,
We call Pokémon.

I chose Charmander,
So faithful and powerful,
An awesome ally.

Almost five-hundred,
Of these things now to battle,
capture and exchange.

Online play? Hurrah!
Battle foreign Pokémon,
Your country or mine?

Platinum's out soon!
Japan already has it,
Those lucky bastards.

Might I also add,
The series has gone a bit...
Stale, over the years.

I have written these,
Haikus about Pokémon,
What a nerd I am.

Execudork:

I think "Civilization" is 5 syllables, but I'm not sure. Probably depends on your regional accent. And "fire" is 1 syllable (as far as I can tell, anyways).
Chunky bits fly far

I've actually got a bit of conviction on this one:
unless you're a redneck (pronounced: 'fyhr,' or 'faaar') then i think it's fy-uhr, there's a tone change, there's a break, i reckon it's two. But, as you said, it's all just 'as far as i can tell'

Cloaked, He Infiltrates
He Paints the Precious Target
Zerg Hive, Ground Zero

I... think that's right?

Far Cry, killing fish.
with machete, makes red cloud
Let's go a' fishin'

The Escapist
Wilsoncrazybed
and Nilcypher own the escapist
now fear the banhammer

This is the first Haiku I've ever done, don't laugh...

urprobablyright:

Emperor Inferno:
[quote=Librarian Mike post=9.73420.798388]
Mephisto, you're weak
my sorcereress will destroy
you with fire and ice

I -love- to be a nitpicker but i can't be here because I'm not sure about it - however i will bring it up. I'm pretty sure you've got the syllables wrong in the last line there, i think, i -think- that fire has two syllables. Not too sure though.

It doesn't. Me and my friends had a similar discussion a long time ago, and we asked our English teacher. One syllable.

Reaperman Wompa:
The Escapist
Wilsoncrazybed
and Nilcypher own the escapist
now fear the banhammer

This is the first Haiku I've ever done, don't laugh...

I won't laugh. I like it- it very much describes what I call, "The Escapist Condition", and there is much strife and turmoil within it that enhances its poignancy.

(that was not sarcasm, just a lot of reading into the thing)

Here's one for DOOM 3, albeit a slightly different one than urprobablyright created:

Demons are scary,
No creature should move that fast,
.....Unless it's from hell......

Gordon Freeman is
A man who is free to do
Not very much it seems

(For anyone who is unsure, a syllable is almost always a vowel and the surrounding letters.)

never played portal
still think Glados is a bitch
What!? Cake's a lie? NOOOOOO!!!

My suit, tie and guns
Make short work of my contract,
But I am still bald.

Metal Gear, Metal
Gear, Metal Gear, Metal Gear,
And the fanboys drool.