This stray cat won't leave me alone

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Right now he's sitting on my porch begging for food and whenever I go out he follows me around relentlessly unless I hop on a bus or other form of automobile transport

You've been adopted, take him to an animal shelter or take him in. They're your only options now...

Give it food? :S

Shoot it. Wait, that's probably illegal. Yell at it.

You have been awarded a free kitton from the higher powers! Thou shalt accept this gift of divinity!

Seriously you could just kick it to make if f*ck off

I kinda used to have the same problem, truse me they wont leave you alone. I moved so i didnt have a problem after that obviously. follow fix-the-spade advice, thats all you can do now

Inarticulate_Underachiever:
Right now he's sitting on my porch begging for food and whenever I go out he follows me around relentlessly unless I hop on a bus or other form of automobile transport

Cat + C4 = problem solved!

Naa, the cat has taken a liking to you. Why not keep it?

EDIT: Also if you do keep it you will have an animal sidekick who follows you around! You would end up being Ash Catchem.

Animals are living breathing things. I wouldn't take it into your house, but leave it out some food and drink every now and again. I found out, strangely, that Cats like Mini Cheddars, but not alot of them.

Level up, you now have the familiar feat.

To cancel it please use a water pistol.

give it to a shelter or find someone who wants a cat.

Maybe itīs trying to warn you about impending danger; youīre simply misinterpreting itīs sad kitty cat stare. Or the cat itself is plotting your demise. Either way, rough times ahead.

Take it in. Cats are the shit, man. You barely even need to take care of them. Just feed them when they're hungry and they'll chill and be your buddy.

Inarticulate_Underachiever:
Right now he's sitting on my porch begging for food and whenever I go out he follows me around relentlessly unless I hop on a bus or other form of automobile transport

Id take it in, if it's male make sure its snipped or it may spray. but my male cat is awesome. Most shelters or humane societies will do the snipping for free. Feed it til you can find a place that will do it for free or reduced price then get it done and take it in!

Exit out of the escapist page and find a picture of a dog on google images, shoove the picture in the cat's face, problem solved.

Maybe its like the cat from Catwoman(terrible movie) and hes gonna give you super powers :S

Rejoice! You are chosen to be the main slave of one of our big rulers. Obey and worship, there is no choice, there is no free will.

PS: On a more serious note, get it spayed/neuterd, feed it from time to time. Maybe, after a while, he'll crawl on your lap sometimes, and become a nice new friend. I adore my cats (gee, like you wouldn've noticed yet :P), they're great company. Everyone who says that cats can't give love, are big fat liars.

Give your mum fur gloves for mother's day....

Ever played "Blinx" for Xbox?

Hit it with a very pointy rake!

Footbaaaaaawl!

That must be annoying, but if the cat doesn't look like it has been dead for weeks, you could somehow use it to pick up chicks.

Take it in or find a home for it.

I've already got a cat (who doesn't like the aforementioned stray) so taking it in isn't an option.

I guess I'll be taking it up to the animal shelter tommorow.

if you can handle having a pet in the house, I suggest you take in the cat. However, if you don't have the time, patience, money, or room to take care of the cat, bring it to a shelter. IF you leave it outside, it could get injured and eventually killed. If you take it in, you'll most iikely spend quite a bit of money to get it checked for diseases (FIV, mild case of rabies, etc.) and because it has spent so much time outdoors, it is highly possible that it is a carrier of certain diseases. However, if you bring it to a shelter, the cat will get medical treatment if necessary and a check up. As well, the cat will be well fed and there is a higher chance of adoption there. If you are ready for the cat, by all means take it in. Hope this helped.

Inarticulate_Underachiever:
I've already got a cat (who doesn't like the aforementioned stray) so taking it in isn't an option.

I guess I'll be taking it up to the animal shelter tommorow.

That would probably be for the best so they may snip it and find it a home.

Your best bet is to call the animal shelter when you see the stray cat and hang out with it as the animal shelter comes to you to pick it up. It is their job to pick up stray animals after all.

crush up a light bulb really fine and put it in a can of tuna and feed it to the cat, then about thirty minutes later go for along walk...it it follows you it won't survive the trip and you will be free of the stray cat

I would take it in, havent you played Postal? Cats are a good "tool".

If cute, keep it. If ugly, let it starve.

Aww. This happened to me once when I was living in Belgium.
We gave it food.
Then one day it came and dumped a litter of new born kittens on us.
We kind of adopted them and built them a little nest box in the winter.
Take it in or take it to a shelter.

elemenetal150:
crush up a light bulb really fine and put it in a can of tuna and feed it to the cat, then about thirty minutes later go for along walk...it it follows you it won't survive the trip and you will be free of the stray cat

And that's just evil. It's not the cats fault it's homeless and hungry.

Inarticulate_Underachiever:
Right now he's sitting on my porch begging for food and whenever I go out he follows me around relentlessly unless I hop on a bus or other form of automobile transport

If I were you, I wouldn't cross it's path. It probably don't bother chasing mice around. It just slinks down the alley, looking for a fight, howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night, singin' the blues while the lady cats cry, "Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy."

And now I have officially become my parents. You're welcome, over-30s.

He's yours now.

Oh, sorry. I forgot how cats work. Your his now.

He's decided your his new owner, that's what cat's do. It's what my cat did. You've now got two options. Take him into your home, or to an animal shelter.

Why are all these people suggesting cruelty towards the cat? I remember when this place used to not be like the rest of the internet. It used to be full of kind, intelligent human beings who would give genuine advice when asked. What happened to us, Escapists? When did we become /b/?

Inarticulate_Underachiever:
Right now he's sitting on my porch begging for food and whenever I go out he follows me around relentlessly unless I hop on a bus or other form of automobile transport

Adopt it and give it a home? It sounds friendly enough.

Evilbunny:
Why are all these people suggesting cruelty towards the cat? I remember when this place used to not be like the rest of the internet. It used to be full of kind, intelligent human beings who would give genuine advice when asked. What happened to us, Escapists? When did we become /b/?

That kindness was replaced by sarcasm and ego stroking I'm afraid, with new members and old members drawing a line making it a very us and them type site for a while. On one side the older members, with superiority issues, and the new guys with superiority issues and no understanding on how to piss people off. Not saying all were involved, but the effects of the conflict linger, as you can see from the posting style.

Or they're dickheads, but whatever.

And I say If you hate cats take it to the pound, or keep it. You only have two options (That aren't assholish *glares at c4 guy*) so pick one and move on, possibly to getting an actual pet you like. I recommend dogs, bears, eagles or goldfish.

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