Does anyone else not have any friends IRL?

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I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

Drathnoxis:
I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

Bolded important part for you. You maybe meet 1-2 people in life, that are worth the name.
Ofcourse, you can also just go about and pretend like everyone else. Lower your standards and be a drone yourself. Then after next 30 years go to the shrink to reinforce that what you do is the way to be and these thoughts you are having is just your *BS excuse to not take critical views of life and take responsibility of the findings* not intelligent individual having a thoughtful assessment of surroundings ;)

Either way don't let such things get you down mate. Start your own family maybe, if you have someone around to spend your life with?

You're totally overthinking it and you're pretty pessimistic about humans. It's easy to be like such and such shitty movie makes a bazillion dollars so most people must be stupid. Or the fact that you're constantly inundated with bad news of people screwing over others so it seems like most people are bad. But that's really not the case, whether it has been working with people at work or school, most people really are pretty good and even trustworthy if you just get to know them past the 1st impressions. There's always some hassle or work dealing with anyone (same goes for your family on you too), but it's usually pretty low. Lastly, gamers are pretty welcoming as I've worked GenCon 3 years now due to joining a local board gaming group and everyone in the group are all really great. A friend left their cell phone somewhere once at GenCon and he was fully confident that a fellow gamer would do the right thing and turn it in to the front desk and that's exactly what happened. Have faith in people because the ones responsible for the current state of things are a very small minority.

It's scary how to a T you've just described me. :P

I have two friends who seem to like being around me, and the rest are ok with me being around, though with my reputation of being a massive shut-in they don't really endeavour to meet up, outside of the occasional event invite (which I respectfully decline obviously). Also good prediction on the feeling jealous point, it hits like a truck sometimes.

So I can't really give much in the way of advice as to why some people like us just don't make many friends, other than not really grokking the whole going out thing, which frankly is the nadir of social interaction anyway. All I can say is that it makes you appreciate those few who seemingly would feel it if we suddenly disappeared (I live with my brother and it's just the best so I know what you mean about family).

...Or maybe we're just huge assholes, who knows? :P

Are we talking about friends here? Or lifelong romantic partners? Having friends isn't even close to as much effort as you're making it out to be. Just go to a local group that likes something you like, sit down and chat with someone for a bit about that thing you both like, and go from there. Friendship grows out of enjoying each other's company, not a search to have X amount of friends.

Kinda?

While I have 2/ 3 close friends but they have their cons (I have a couple more by their are just small talks on FB or liking their comments)-

While I still cherish my friends mention above (it better to have them and tolarant their flaws than to have no friends at all) than to have no friends at all, I just annoyed that I have to go to certain friends for certain discussions. I would loved to have a singular friend that I can talked to anything about

If we were to talked about friends in the actual area we lived in, then yeah no friends what so ever.

By all means I get along with my co workers but we got little in common since they are older than me and have different lifestyle (not into gaming or pc like me). At best is the assisting managers that likes Dr Who and disaster and horror movies (I'm not into Dr Who anymore or disaster movies but I let him know if any movie is up that relates to his interests).

Granted there was two co workers that did share my interest mainly gaming, anime and Youtube that I got along well with the most! I was way more chatty with them than any of my current co workers! Sadly there were there temporary and I wish we were friends outside of work. I still kinda keep in touch with them (one is my reference and the other on Steam) but yeah the friendship are lost.

By all means I'm not whining or blaming others on my lack of friends as I know full well my antisocial is the cause of it since I'm not the typed who would go to a bar or a social gathering aiming to make friends from it. I'm perfectly fine the way I am as I simply liked being indoor than out during the night unless it is to watched a film at night.

You're on a internet forum.

I do not intend to offend the inhabitants of this wonderful forum, but it would be incredulous to deny that such locations attract particular groups of people. While I won't go into depth as to what these people are like, they have a tendency to not be very gregarious or have a lot of friends.

I should not that I have no objective data or backing for my above statements; all I have is ancedotal observations.

I think you've seen me mention it a couple of times in relevant places. I have absolutely no IRL friends at all.
Or even close acquaintances. Or anyone I meet regularly at all that would fill a social role.
Nor any internet friends either.
It's been this way for about 10 years now I think.

I had a best friend from 1st class to 4-5th class, until another "friend" moved in and poached on that.
The best friend moved away after 6th class, sadly.
That poacher remained until 9th class and made me do a lot of stupid things.
The group we were in then all chose different schools after 9th class, so I got out of that.
After 9th class I got closer to at least one person, but when we got out of school a few years later we stopped hanging out.
We are still distant acquaintances, on good terms, but we have wildly differing tastes.
After school I started hanging out with a few years younger cousin of mine, but he too turned out to be untrustworthy.
Only interested in himself and doing things entirely his way and on his terms. A pure narcissist.
It was harder to break off and get away, but I finally managed to get out of that draining relationship.

I've always been a lone wolf and have absolutely no problems being on my own for extended periods of times though.
It can go months without me even seeing another person now, except for family due to living arrangements.

I've been let down by a lot of people so I have huge trust issues, but I can't deny that movies with solid, dependable friends (or a best friend) hit me right in the feels.
I feel like I could really devote myself to a true friend and be there for them in times of need, if I felt they would do the same for me.

And as you said, not seeking pity. Maybe empathy or understanding though. ,)

It may surprise people, but I actually do have friends. I'm part of a larger gaming club, I teach martial arts, I have tons of game-night friends for Arkham horror, betrayal at house on the hill, cards against humanity, etc...
I just started dating a lovely young woman, and my brother and I are reconnecting on Sundays over Borderlands 2 multiplayer.

It's harder to make new friends than to keep old ones, true, but parties and game nights are a great way of meeting people with similar interest. If you like being alone, then that's all well and good, as long as you're not lonely.

Do you play any games, like bored games or card games, something where you can be face-to-face with people? Is there a local hobby store you can go to on Friday night and see if anyone needs 1 more player for their game?

Ah yes, I don't have any friends because I'm smarter than everyone else and I don't want to make any effort to be social.

I've been hanging out with the same guys since high school, we're a pretty close group of friends.

Man, y'all are depressing, god damn. I am not mr. super popular, but I do have friends, both offline and online. I am not an especially social person, but I do tend to get along well with people IRL most of the time, so making friends has never been super difficult. And I have definitely gotten better at socializing with age.

BreakfastMan:
Man, y'all are depressing, god damn. I am not mr. super popular, but I do have friends, both offline and online. I am not an especially social person, but I do tend to get along well with people IRL most of the time, so making friends has never been super difficult. And I have definitely gotten better at socializing with age.

^

Also, forums are actually the best form of social media that began to die out with the destruction of TOTSE.

I've got a reverse problem. Well maybe it's not really a problem. I've got friends that I've known since high school. Several guys... When I see that it's them calling, if I don't have at least 45 spare minutes I don't bother picking up the phone because we're going to have a lot to talk about. We don't see each other as much as we used to because we all grew up and now have lives but that in no way diminishes the friendship. We all got together last year to go watch Rogue One. I think we may be doing the same for The Last Jedi.

On the other hand, I have zero online friends. I just kind of chime in here every once in awhile.

I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

Drathnoxis:
I'm not trying to get pity, I've just been thinking about my life a lot after Doki Doki Literature Club and feel like talking and I'm wondering if anybody else here is like me.

I think it's been around 8 years since I've had someone I'd call a friend in real life, or online either actually. I hang out with a couple family members a lot, so It's not like I'm alone or anything. I'd say I feel content most of the time.

I don't really know why I don't make friends like everybody else seems to. I don't really like going out, so I don't meet people, and it always takes me a really long time to feel comfortable enough around someone to start opening up. I'm always worried too that I might like them more than they like me and put more effort into the relationship than them so I keep distant for that reason too. When I think about it, it just seems like it would be a huge task to find someone acceptable and then such a bother constantly maintaining the relationship and spending time with them and it feels exhausting. So I don't even know if I would want friends if the opportunity fell into my lap because it feels like it would be so much work. And also I don't like to share too much about myself in case I leave myself vulnerable. It would be embarrassing if I was friends with someone who had lots of other friends, and I only had them, it'd make me look kind of pathetic. It might make me feel jealous too, that I'm only friends with them, but they aren't, again like I care more about the relationship than them.

I like spending time alone though, so it works out alright.

Anybody else similar? I know I've seen a couple of you mention it before.

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

ProfMcStevie:
I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

I'm pretty outgoing and brash (not in an edgelord, "look how unfiltered I am" sort of way, just in a "I don't care" sort of way) so yeah, I have friends. It can be hard as an expat though. I've seen many people come and go over the years, some of whom were unremarkable and just passing though but some of who I still talk with today, through social media. I also like to go out and get blotto sometimes though so it's never hard to make new friends, I find. That said, there are a couple of chumps I still hang out with from the old days whom I'd trust with my life, even if we don't see each other as much as we'd like. I'm also still close friends with a couple people from high school, though we don't talk too often.

It's strange though because I do sometimes find myself vacillating between wanting to be social and wanting to be left alone for a while and sometimes I have a strong desire to make new friends and others I'm content to not. Oddly, whenever I feel like staying in or just being left alone, if I force myself to go out to whatever I was invited to, I rarely regret having gone. It can be difficult though, and I've fallen out of touch with a good many people I've met over the years, which I always sort of feel a bit guilty about. One thing I've definitely learned over the years is to not run my mouth when I'm angry or annoyed with someone. If I'm pissed about something, I'm best left alone for a while lest I say something I'll regret. It's better if I just keep my mouth shut until I get over it.

I say, you do you. If you wanna make friends, go do it because they aren't gonna come to you but if you're happy on your own then just be on your own. Not that big a deal.

I went through a period without friends for awhile. Rather low point in my life, eventually leading to thoughts and acts of self-harm. Took a year and a bit to pull me out of that, and even during my 'recovering' period, I treated people like shit and didn't really get what I deserved for it. It was until much later that I realized what an ass I had been to people who cared about me, including family, and a girl I had dated at the time. I was pretty young though (15-16 or so) but a drastic change of scenery fixed that (boarding school in a different country).

I won't tell you what was the magical turn around with my outlook on people because honestly I don't know. But in my years of experience (I'm 35), I realized that there are a lot of people out there not worth your time, unless you are networking for work, which I honestly cannot bring myself to do, because that's the ultimate in fakeness. And I have to do that enough in my day job as it is. But the few that are worth the trouble, ARE worth the trouble. They're the ones who won't judge you, always have your back, are always happy to see you, never pissed when you cancel, and most importantly don't ask for anything in return. Find the right people, and you'll find that you won't be worried about the relationship because they aren't, and you are just on the same level, regardless of common interests and so on. Like giving gifts, you should give them because you want the person to have it, not because you are expecting something in return. If you like the person enough to put effort into it, then that's all you should be concerned with. If they aren't reciprocating, then fine! If that bothers you though, then that's obviously not the kind of person you are into, and you shouldn't be wasting precious time and effort.

I have about 4 REALLY good friends, plus 1 best friend (it would be plus 2, but one passed away 10 years ago in an accident). I don't get along with people too easily and I hate social gatherings, especially with family. But my close group of friends are so much fun, there's not much else I look forward to in life than hanging out with them, cruising around, watching movies, playing games, drinking beer and just talking shit.

---

Marik2:

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

Outside companionship? What do you mean by that?

Drathnoxis:

Marik2:

I lost contact with acquaintances from high school, and I don't care about Facebook or social media.

I'm perfectly happy not having outside companionship.

Outside companionship? What do you mean by that?

Talking to people in person. I only hang out with my family.

Also your post is full of over thinking things. I just rolled my eyes reading it.

Jamcie Kerbizz:
Bolded important part for you. You maybe meet 1-2 people in life, that are worth the name.
Ofcourse, you can also just go about and pretend like everyone else. Lower your standards and be a drone yourself...

Sounds like a 'you' problem, to be honest.

I mean, I don't have that very many friends ... but then again I know plenty of people I call 'associates', and a fair few number of them would be pretty good friends I imagine. I regularly get invited by workmates at uni to go to a barbecue, or to go to the pub with, or people I meet at my LGS wanting to have a late night meal with, or maybe a beach party, or random strangers I'll strike up a conversation about anything ... from sports, motorbikes, politics...

People are people, and your average person is perfectly affable, decent, has your average sorts of responsibilities, particularly as you get older in life.

If you're going to assume people in general are garbage, well maybe it's not them with the problem.

I don't consider it very 'drone-like' to not just assume I can't connect with people. That sounds pretty depressing to be honest. I mean, sure ... I've known people that seemingly want to hurt me when I came out to them. But then again, I've met heaps of people that don't care, either. The world is a pretty big place with a whole lot of people. You're kind of missing out not taking a gamble on other people being worth your time.

Besides, socializing has profound psychological benefits.

Silentpony:
It may surprise people, but I actually do have friends. I'm part of a larger gaming club, I teach martial arts, I have tons of game-night friends for Arkham horror, betrayal at house on the hill, cards against humanity, etc...
I just started dating a lovely young woman, and my brother and I are reconnecting on Sundays over Borderlands 2 multiplayer.

It's harder to make new friends than to keep old ones, true, but parties and game nights are a great way of meeting people with similar interest. If you like being alone, then that's all well and good, as long as you're not lonely.

Do you play any games, like bored games or card games, something where you can be face-to-face with people? Is there a local hobby store you can go to on Friday night and see if anyone needs 1 more player for their game?

No, I'm not really into that kind of stuff. I couldn't go to something like that alone either, it would be so awkward!

I wasn't really looking for advice with this thread, but thanks for the thought.

Kenbo Slice:
Ah yes, I don't have any friends because I'm smarter than everyone else and I don't want to make any effort to be social.

Was this directed at me? I don't recall ever saying it was because I was smarter than anyone else. I just spoke about my social anxiety.

Marik2:

Talking to people in person. I only hang out with my family.

Also your post is full of over thinking things. I just rolled my eyes reading it.

Maybe it is, but that's how I am. It's a bit of a sensitive subject and I wanted people to be able to open up a little, so I had to be the first one to be honest. Sorry if baring my soul made you feel uncomfortable, but it's a subject I've wanted to bring up for a while now.

Vendor-Lazarus:
I think you've seen me mention it a couple of times in relevant places. I have absolutely no IRL friends at all.
Or even close acquaintances. Or anyone I meet regularly at all that would fill a social role.
Nor any internet friends either.
It's been this way for about 10 years now I think.

I had a best friend from 1st class to 4-5th class, until another "friend" moved in and poached on that.
The best friend moved away after 6th class, sadly.
That poacher remained until 9th class and made me do a lot of stupid things.
The group we were in then all chose different schools after 9th class, so I got out of that.
After 9th class I got closer to at least one person, but when we got out of school a few years later we stopped hanging out.
We are still distant acquaintances, on good terms, but we have wildly differing tastes.
After school I started hanging out with a few years younger cousin of mine, but he too turned out to be untrustworthy.
Only interested in himself and doing things entirely his way and on his terms. A pure narcissist.
It was harder to break off and get away, but I finally managed to get out of that draining relationship.

I've always been a lone wolf and have absolutely no problems being on my own for extended periods of times though.
It can go months without me even seeing another person now, except for family due to living arrangements.

I've been let down by a lot of people so I have huge trust issues, but I can't deny that movies with solid, dependable friends (or a best friend) hit me right in the feels.
I feel like I could really devote myself to a true friend and be there for them in times of need, if I felt they would do the same for me.

And as you said, not seeking pity. Maybe empathy or understanding though. ,)

I couldn't exactly remember if you were one of the ones who had mentioned it before, but I thought you were. We seem to have quite a bit in common though, I think we are two of the only people here who still don't use Steam, and for basically the same reasons.

But yeah, it's just nice to see that there are others who are in the same boat. If you feel like talking about this more, send me a PM.

Drathnoxis:

Vendor-Lazarus:
-snipped meself!-

I couldn't exactly remember if you were one of the ones who had mentioned it before, but I thought you were. We seem to have quite a bit in common though, I think we are two of the only people here who still don't use Steam, and for basically the same reasons.

But yeah, it's just nice to see that there are others who are in the same boat. If you feel like talking about this more, send me a PM.

Wow, I didn't know you were among the few non-steam posters here as well!
I think there might be 2-3 more but I'm terrible with names and remembering theirs is out of my scope just now.
Yeah, steam is a bit of a bug-bear with me and I probably mention it a tad more than proper..
To look at the bright side of it, it's good to know I've made some impression at least!

I might just send that PM, soon-ish.
I'm pretty open but, since not everyone is so inclined, some questions and answers deserve some breathing space.

I've almost always been like that since I'm fairly antisocial, I'm pretty geeky though so once I had a chance encounter with some people playing D&D I started playing with them and that sort of got solved, I got way over my head though and that lead to some awkward situations including almost involuntarily having sex with a taxi driver but I've learned how to approach things now more or less, I just act like my usual dickish but helpful self and people just gravitate towards me.

Other than the D&D group I don't think I'd consider any of them close friends though.

Yep, right here.

I haven't had any friends since high school, and considering I'm 35 now it's been a while. I was born in a relatively large family, so I can't complain too much about being lonely. But it does suck. I just don't feel comfortable around other people who aren't immediate family.

The blame lies squarely with me, since I'm too tangled up in my own anxieties and perceived inadequacies to ever form a proper connection. There's also the issue that I have a hard time reading the mood, processing the information, and following the conversation when I'm directly conversing with someone. Small talk is a nightmare for me.

I have 1 "true friend". The only friend I would trust my life to. All the others are either just acquaintances, or friends that I just like hanging out with every now and then. The former consisting of about 30~40 people, and the latter consisting of about 5~8 people I think.

It all depends on your definition of "friend" I guess.

Silentpony:

ProfMcStevie:
I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

ProfMcStevie:
Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

Not saying this is your situation, but if you don't want to be friends with anyone within reasonable distance of where you live because of their 'flaws', then maybe you should consider that the problem is you, not them. Being friends also means compromising on what you do or don't accept. As said before, they have no obligation to 'fix' their 'flaws' for you.

I'll state again, I'm not saying that's your situation. I just quoted you because I thought to write this after I read your post.

---

I was like this for a while. After uni I was unemployed, living long distance with my GF, and only had my immediate family and my pet fish for company. The one friend I had kept from uni fitted into the "with friends like these..." category, and I didn't see him too often if I could help it. If like me, you are an insular person who doesn't go out much, doesn't meet like minded people in work, and have moved away from your original circle of friends, you can end up not knowing anybody.

That changed a bit when I got a job and moved in with my missus. I didn't make many friends through work (and the ones I made are too insular to go out with), but meetup.com changed things a lot. I used it to find a local boardgame and RPG group, joined an RPG, and I've stayed friends with those guys since. They're not close close, but then again I don't get chance to see them every day. Basically, if you're lonely and in a new place, I can't recommend meetup.com highly enough for finding people with matching interests.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a bitch.

I do have 'friends' but they are kinda my brother's friends who I play DnD with. Been thinking of trying to look for places that play DnD publicly to meet people though, since I like DMing and lots of people dont, but finding such places is not easy, and might require me going into the city to do, and dragging DnD stuff around isnt always the easiest, certainly not on NYC subways. And I dont trust to invite strangers into my house.

I have friends in far away places. I still consider them friends, even if I don't see them often. People have said that a sign of a true friend is one that you can go years without any contact with, but when you do meet again you can just pick up where you left off.

I don't really have any exclusively online friends - I just chip into conversations here and there (like right now).

Also, OP, I don't think friendship is supposed to be work. What you're describing sounds like the work required in a romantic relationship - friends shouldn't require frequent attention from you. I mean, you can even PICK your friends (kinda), so although there are people out there who want to hang out with their friends all the time... you don't have to be friends with those people in particular. And hey, if you find people who's company you like, then you may find that you actually do want to spend time with them.

I have plenty of friends. 6 or so ones I've known since grade school, and one or two I met in CEGEP or University. And a bunch I met through my city's LARP scene.

But you'd be forgiven for thinking I have none, because I rarely see them or even game with them these days. Adult life makes you really freakin' busy. :(

I still meet my old friends every once in a while and we really enjoy each other's company, but hot damn is it hard to plan anything because people have work, appointments, girlfriends/wives, youtube channels to run, etc etc.

Having friends isn't so hard, especially once you've known them long enough that the friendship is taken for granted and a every-other-month "Yo, wanna hang out at my place? We'll play Smash and board games and order sushi!" get met with a "Yeah, sure, why not?"

Now, if you never ever go out anywhere or participate in local social groups, yeah, that'll make things hard. But it's still doable. :)

Auron225:
People have said that a sign of a true friend is one that you can go years without any contact with, but when you do meet again you can just pick up where you left off.

Yup, this is legit. It's also important for adult friendships because my god people get busy.

Saelune:
Social Anxiety Disorder is a bitch.

I do have 'friends' but they are kinda my brother's friends who I play DnD with. Been thinking of trying to look for places that play DnD publicly to meet people though, since I like DMing and lots of people dont, but finding such places is not easy, and might require me going into the city to do, and dragging DnD stuff around isnt always the easiest, certainly not on NYC subways. And I dont trust to invite strangers into my house.

Good DMs are hard to come by and should be treasured! I'm sure there are a dozen and a half gaming clubs in New York that would kill for a good DM for a campaign, especially if you're good with voices and provide mead. I've been working on my Ork voices for a deathwatch d100 game I want to DM

ProfMcStevie:

Silentpony:

ProfMcStevie:
I'm plenty sociable, I just don't want to with the people in my vicinity. Getting along, being civil and so on is no issue I just don't want to put up with the flaws of the people that would be credible to be a friend. For instance one seems nice but he drinks and smokes a lot and I can't stand the smell when they do so I just kinda smile and crack a joke but never consider or treat them to what I would equate with a friend.

I think you're missing the point of friendship a little. Your friends, or at least people who you want to be your friends, have no obligation to change themselves to fit you, to fix their 'flaws' like drinking. Friends aren't people who do whatever it takes to please you, friends are people worth having around despite their flaws. People who, yeah okay they smoke, but they also have a great sense of humor, love MST3K, love card games, and love just hanging out having the funs.

Sincerely I request you don't be so annoyingly pleasant about the idea of a friend, everybody has something they won't tolerate and I don't ask people fix these things I simply choose not to be friends with someone as such.It is the same as any relationship you choose to maintain, it is a balance of flaws and pros and if some of the flaws are things I can't abide by I will choose not to pursue anything other than maybe an acquaintance at best.

Annoyingly pleasant? About friends?! This isn't Teen Titans, I ain't Starfire and you ain't Raven.
I'm just pointing out that you can be friends with someone who smokes or drinks, simply be asking them not to do that in front of you. Most people, certainly anyone worth being friends with, will be all 'oh sure, I won't smoke in front of you'. Although they might still have a beer, as that doesn't endanger your health.

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