The most cynical thing you can think of.

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

So I was in the bathroom contemplating life and such when I started thinking of cynical things.
And the best one I came up with was. Donald trump just had us leave the Paris climate accord so that global warming would heat the earth enough so that Alaska would warm up and he could get the land cheap to make a massive golf course out of all of it.

What are some good ones you've come up with?

Flu shots. Year after year, they tell us how elusive a truly effective flu shot is due to rapid and varied mutations of the virus and how ultimately the shot is far from a guarantee that you'll not get sick, yet they still peddle this damn shot on us like it's damn near a civic duty. So let's see: we have myriad versions of a potentially deadly virus floating around out there, so naturally what we should do is inject small amounts of said virus into as many people (each with a different biological ecosystem) as we can and send them back out into the world under the pretense that they're somehow safer for it. Yeeeeeeah....... I can count the number of times I've personally had even a mild flu on one hand and I've never had a flu shot; yet I'd need several hands and feet to count the number of people I know who swear by the flu shot yet still get the flu every year; they've convinced themselves "it'd have been a worse flu had [they] not gotten the shot." To paraphrase a common adage: why cure the disease when there's so much money to be had in treating it?

Capitalism is working fine, and Donald Trump is late stage capitalism. The Super rich have made so much money and bought so many Representatives to write laws in their favor that the only thing left to do is take over the Government fully and implement pro-Oligarch rules and regulations. The Oligarchs won. Capitalism, as a system where private owners garner money and power for themselves, worked.

I suspect most VPNs sell your data to the highest bidder, be it a company or Government. Even the ones that claim to have servers in multiple countries more than likely just sell your information on the downlow anyway. You hear about it every now and then, that App that promised total protection was secretly storing everything and selling it, the US Government refusing to allow encryption services to do business with American customers without giving them a backdoor, security flaws 'accidentally' built into every Intel chip. Whole thing smells like a scam.

Fox is waiting for one of the Simpsons VA to die so they can finally cancel the show. No Suit wants to go down in history as the man/woman that cancelled the Simpsons, so they'll just keep making episodes until one of them kicks the bucket.

That we're all going to die someday, and that by and large, nobody will really care.

How does that rate for cynical? :P

WRPGs are just mix of sims and fanfic generator.

Video games are toys.

Morally gray characters are an excuse for people to be lazy, or make excuses for bad behavior.

Oof! If I wrote here the most cynical thing I can think of, I would get banned...

Ender910:
That we're all going to die someday, and that by and large, nobody will really care.

How does that rate for cynical? :P

That...

And then billions of years from now, the sun will expand into a red giant, and consume the Earth. By which point the human race will be long extinct, and also by that point, any trace of our civilization will be long gone. If intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe, it'll never know about us, because it's impossible to travel between star systems in any meaningful matter because of the light barrier. Then, 100 trillion years from now, the universe will have experienced heat death, there'll be a deep, empty nothingness, and nothing any life, anywhere thought or did, will mean anything.

I probably should have been more clear what the "most cynical thing you can think of" means, cause all you guys are bad at this. This is about taking something that happened and associating the most greedy, self-serving yet trivial thing you can to it.

Worgen:
I probably should have been more clear what the "most cynical thing you can think of" means, cause all you guys are bad at this. This is about taking something that happened and associating the most greedy, self-serving yet trivial thing you can to it.

OH! That's easy. Bruce Jenner came out as transgender to avoid steroid abuse charges and forfeit his gold medals.
When he first got divorced, his ex-wife claimed that during his Olympic career he had terrible mood swings, acne, and developed breasts. Those are common side-effects of steroids, as when the body over-dosses on Testosterone, it converts the excess into estrogen. Body builders at my gym have to have breast reduction surgery after a lifetime of steroids.

Another side effect is the body's natural testosterone production shuts down. The body basically assume there is an external source, so why make your own. And if you stop taking testosterone, like when an Olympic career ends, the body doesn't start back up.

So I think for decades Bruce had low-Testosterone, a host of mood swings, and an overdose of Estrogen, all associated with cheating during the Olympics. And as an athlete, he'd rather die than give up Olympic medals. So that's what he did, and Caitlyn was born. At this point no one would question Low-T or estrogen in her, because that's natural for women.

Xprimentyl:
Flu shots. Year after year, they tell us how elusive a truly effective flu shot is due to rapid and varied mutations of the virus and how ultimately the shot is far from a guarantee that you?ll not get sick, yet they still peddle this damn shot on us like it?s damn near a civic duty. So let?s see: we have myriad versions of a potentially deadly virus floating around out there, so naturally what we should do is inject small amounts of said virus into as many people (each with a different biological ecosystem) as we can and send them back out into the world under the pretense that they?re somehow safer for it. Yeeeeeeah??. I can count the number of times I?ve personally had even a mild flu on one hand and I?ve never had a flu shot; yet I?d need several hands and feet to count the number of people I know who swear by the flu shot yet still get the flu every year; they?ve convinced themselves ?it?d have been a worse flu had [they] not gotten the shot.? To paraphrase a common adage: why cure the disease when there?s so much money to be had in treating it?

The "effectiveness" in terms of the raw percentage that gets reported in the media really doesn't convey the whole story. That percentage is calculated by taking the number of people who go to the doctor and get diagnosed with the flu and taking the percentage of that group that had the flu shot. This misses out two important factors:

1.) Obviously, people who don't get the flu don't go to the doctor for flu, so the number is lower than it actually is.
2.) The vaccine reduces the severity of symptoms even if you still contract the virus. When you look at the risk of death or serious hospitalization due to flu, the effectiveness of the vaccine climbs closer to 90%.

And the herd immunity component also has to be taken into account. Disease doesn't spread linearly, 10% more immune people does not mean 10% fewer infected people, when you look at an SEIR model of influenza spread you see that even comparatively small increases in immunity (like the reported 30% effectiveness of this year's flu vaccine in the US) you see that has a very high rate of return on reducing the duration of the flu season and the total number infected. http://www.public.asu.edu/~hnesse/classes/seir.html

For instance, to use this tool, to simulate the effect of total coverage of a 30% effective vaccine in a population of 1000, set the parameter "susceptible" to 700 and "recovered" to 300, compare to 10% coverage (900 and 100 exposed) and 0% coverage http://www.public.asu.edu/~hnesse/classes/seir.html

In a representative democracy, people get the leaders they deserve.

Combustion Kevin:
In a representative democracy, people get the leaders they deserve.

That's dark, man.

Silentpony:

Worgen:
I probably should have been more clear what the "most cynical thing you can think of" means, cause all you guys are bad at this. This is about taking something that happened and associating the most greedy, self-serving yet trivial thing you can to it.

OH! That's easy. Bruce Jenner came out as transgender to avoid steroid abuse charges and forfeit his gold medals.
When he first got divorced, his ex-wife claimed that during his Olympic career he had terrible mood swings, acne, and developed breasts. Those are common side-effects of steroids, as when the body over-dosses on Testosterone, it converts the excess into estrogen. Body builders at my gym have to have breast reduction surgery after a lifetime of steroids.

Another side effect is the body's natural testosterone production shuts down. The body basically assume there is an external source, so why make your own. And if you stop taking testosterone, like when an Olympic career ends, the body doesn't start back up.

So I think for decades Bruce had low-Testosterone, a host of mood swings, and an overdose of Estrogen, all associated with cheating during the Olympics. And as an athlete, he'd rather die than give up Olympic medals. So that's what he did, and Caitlyn was born. At this point no one would question Low-T or estrogen in her, because that's natural for women.

Ehh, thats too conspiracy theorist. You need to do better.

Cut funding to public services under the guise of "cutting waste", then use declining effectiveness to advocate privatization and further austerity.

Also, selling 9 million copies of a videogame and having that not be enough. I mean, holy shit.

Xprimentyl:
Flu shots. Year after year, they tell us how elusive a truly effective flu shot is due to rapid and varied mutations of the virus and how ultimately the shot is far from a guarantee that you?ll not get sick, yet they still peddle this damn shot on us like it?s damn near a civic duty. So let?s see: we have myriad versions of a potentially deadly virus floating around out there, so naturally what we should do is inject small amounts of said virus into as many people (each with a different biological ecosystem) as we can and send them back out into the world under the pretense that they?re somehow safer for it. Yeeeeeeah??. I can count the number of times I?ve personally had even a mild flu on one hand and I?ve never had a flu shot; yet I?d need several hands and feet to count the number of people I know who swear by the flu shot yet still get the flu every year; they?ve convinced themselves ?it?d have been a worse flu had [they] not gotten the shot.? To paraphrase a common adage: why cure the disease when there?s so much money to be had in treating it?

Healthy people should not be bothering getting flu shots. Influenza vaccines are primarily intended for the elderly, people with otherwise compromised immune systems and health care staff (as to minimize the risk of transferring the flu to a patient), the former two groups because they stand a much higher risk of suffering severe complications and even death from the flu. The flu alone is estimated to kill thousands of elderly people just in Sweden every year and we're talking millions of people worldwide.

On top of that influenza is not actually one disease but a catch all for a large group of viruses that exhibit the same symptoms when introduced to the human body. Which is why vaccines need to be administered every year, because first you have to figure out which influenza virus is going to be the dominant one (and in some cases these estimates have been off, resulting in largely pointless vaccinations for that year) and then produce and administer that particular vaccine.

The tl dr is that people with poor immune system should always get a flu shot and that it isn't as simple as just "curing influenza".

Mainstream media does pieces about the poor and disadvantaged to make the regular folk dislike them more, which in turn paves the way for more cuts in welfare.

trunkage:

Combustion Kevin:
In a representative democracy, people get the leaders they deserve.

That's dark, man.

Give it some time and It'll turn downright dystopian.

Oh, but I got a sweet drop of optimism to go with that, if ya want:
Human history has proven we always go back and forth between bouts of advancements and stagnation, there'll be another promised land again.... just not the United States next time around, maybe.

There's a whole lot of cynicism in the 10 commandments. "No other god but me" really, how self serving is that? "No graven idols," that's basically "see above motherfuckers." Same with #3 & blasphemy. "Remember the Sabbath" nice wording there, make sure to keep it vague so we can co-opt other religion's holy days. "Honor Mother and Father..." ok, DO that one... unless they are douchbags. And the rest, way to try and take credit for social contract norms that had been around since before the time of Hammurabi. So ONE out of 10 isn't completely self-serving. Whoever sent those down is a total dick.

Worgen:

Silentpony:

Worgen:
I probably should have been more clear what the "most cynical thing you can think of" means, cause all you guys are bad at this. This is about taking something that happened and associating the most greedy, self-serving yet trivial thing you can to it.

OH! That's easy. Bruce Jenner came out as transgender to avoid steroid abuse charges and forfeit his gold medals.
When he first got divorced, his ex-wife claimed that during his Olympic career he had terrible mood swings, acne, and developed breasts. Those are common side-effects of steroids, as when the body over-dosses on Testosterone, it converts the excess into estrogen. Body builders at my gym have to have breast reduction surgery after a lifetime of steroids.

Another side effect is the body's natural testosterone production shuts down. The body basically assume there is an external source, so why make your own. And if you stop taking testosterone, like when an Olympic career ends, the body doesn't start back up.

So I think for decades Bruce had low-Testosterone, a host of mood swings, and an overdose of Estrogen, all associated with cheating during the Olympics. And as an athlete, he'd rather die than give up Olympic medals. So that's what he did, and Caitlyn was born. At this point no one would question Low-T or estrogen in her, because that's natural for women.

Ehh, thats too conspiracy theorist. You need to do better.

Whats the line though? Your OP is Donald wanting to melt Alaska to get better real-estate property...I mean, isn't that the plot of a GI Joe episode?

Breakfastman is an agent of Defy media devaluing the forum so this site can be eventually closed down without any fuss or protest.

wizzy555:
Breakfastman is an agent of Defy media devaluing the forum so this site can be eventually closed down without any fuss or protest.

...who?

altnameJag:
Also, selling 9 million copies of a videogame and having that not be enough. I mean, holy shit.

This one irks me a lot more than I'd like. 9 million...(well, okay, it was 7 million it later turned out, but still!) 7 million copies sold...that means the game made over 400 million dollars. Are they going to tell me their game's development + advertising was so expensive that making over 400 million on a single game was "disappointing"? I call bullshit. And if it's not bullshit, then they REALLY need to take a look at how they run their business, as apparently they see "hemorrhaging hundreds of millions on an ultimately uncertain product's development" as "standard business practices".

If you wish to be a part of any group larger than a couple hundred your presence or participation in that group, or lack therof, is minimal enough to to make a difference whether you take part or not. This applies to protests, rallies, voting, arguments, and so on. Unless you can affect large numbers of people en masse at once, like by being famous with a massive fanbase, you won't really make a difference.

sanquin:

altnameJag:
Also, selling 9 million copies of a videogame and having that not be enough. I mean, holy shit.

This one irks me a lot more than I'd like. 9 million...(well, okay, it was 7 million it later turned out, but still!) 7 million copies sold...that means the game made over 400 million dollars. Are they going to tell me their game's development + advertising was so expensive that making over 400 million on a single game was "disappointing"? I call bullshit. And if it's not bullshit, then they REALLY need to take a look at how they run their business, as apparently they see "hemorrhaging hundreds of millions on an ultimately uncertain product's development" as "standard business practices".

Yeah, if that's not bullshit, it certainly needs to be bullshit.

That there is no afterlife, when you die, what happens after is just blackness, and silence, and nothingness.

Samtemdo8:
That there is no afterlife, when you die, what happens after is just blackness, and silence, and nothingness.

Meh, that doesn't feel...cynical.
Cynicism would be that church leaders know their Religion is bullshit, there is no afterlife, and have tricked countless generations of scared people into giving up money, power, influence, freedom and ultimately their lives for a brief, fleeting belief in an afterlife so that they, the church leaders, could have better, more decadent lives on Earth with the resources of the huddled massess.

That all it would take to set back civilization for a decade is to bring down the internet and mobile phone networks for a month and most of the Western world would either start displaying signs of acute withdrawal, and those that aren't afflicted are too old to fix a society on the fasttrack to crumbling into disrepair.

That the threat of nuclear war is soon upon us, and that all life as we know it will swiftly end in a fiery inferno and nuclear fallout. Top that.

CrazyGirl17:
That the threat of nuclear war is soon upon us, and that all life as we know it will swiftly end in a fiery inferno and nuclear fallout. Top that.

Mutually assured destruction is very difficult because only the most careless, nihilistic, "fuck the world/fuck humanity" kind of person would do it. Trump is far from nihilistic.

A Meteor will not have such hesitations.

The Super Volcano in California will not have such hesitations.

People always want rules that only apply to others.

The only reason why automation and AI development is moving so fast is so that the 1% doesn't need us to work for them anymore and they can finally send in the drones to wipe us out.

A Mario movie by the studio that made Minions.

21st century helicopter parenting is increasing child mortality rates in the first world by manifesting in the form of anti-vaxxer hysteria

The Internet in general and social media in particular are fostering a perpetual indignation machine in which narrative triumphs over reality, dogma masquerades as "conversation", achievable goals fall a distant second to remaining in a constant state of foaming-at-the-mouth outrage, and action is dissipated by fatigue and ever-diminishing attention spans.

And those who pick the flesh from the vulnerable for their own benefit are largely perfectly happy with this state of affairs; as long as those who yell and scream remain behind the fence, they barely bother them at all.

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here