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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1774 Joined: 22 Mar 2009     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1306 Joined: 17 Jun 2008    | -Knock knock =) |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 959 Joined: 1 Jan 2009     | Heres a twilight literary joke I made up: Why Did Bella get a boob job? Because shes a FLAT CHARACTER! ahahahahaahah |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3580 Joined: 8 Feb 2009     |
eh. Its not even my joke, its my friend's sister. I'd probably change it to goldfish. |
Paperboy  Posts: 42 Joined: 31 Mar 2009     | (I...just...don't get this one...I really want to, but can you explain it? By the way, what's BIG, red, and eats rocks? Is it bad luck if a black cat crosses your path? What does a 500-lb gorilla eat for lunch? What does a 1,000-lb canary eat for lunch? |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 66 Joined: 26 Mar 2009     | Whats red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. Whats blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disquise. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 224 Joined: 5 Apr 2008    | Ok. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 66 Joined: 26 Mar 2009 | Whats the difference between a mouse and an elephant? Oh, about 500 pounds! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2245 Joined: 5 Jan 2008   | This is a Russian joke...told by my grandfather. Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest when the Big Bad Wolf jumps out in front of her. He asks: -"What are doing out here, you stupid little f**king b*tch? Little Red Riding Hood says: -"I'm not a stupid little f**king b*tch! I'm going to my grandmother's with a basket of goodies to give her." Big Bad Wolf nods and replies: -"But where is your basket?" Little Red Riding Hood smacks herself on the head and says: -"Oh, dear, I forgot it at home! What a stupid little f**king b*tch I am!" ... Seriously that's the punchline. There's a better Russian Little Red Riding Hood joke that I have, but this one is lame. |
Copy Clerk Posts: 66 Joined: 26 Mar 2009 | Thats a pun, right? |
Paperboy  Posts: 44 Joined: 14 Sep 2008  | two elephants and a symbol fall off a cliff... boom boom tish |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2633 Joined: 30 Sep 2008    |
Unless this joke is supposed to be funny on some wierd level that I am not getting... An elephant weighs vastly more than that... |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 898 Joined: 24 Sep 2008     | What are the signs of an abused child? An incredible understanding of the phrase: Shut the fuck up. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1181 Joined: 11 Sep 2008   | What do you call a scallion MC? A Rapscallion!!! I made it myself. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 868 Joined: 11 Jan 2009   | You hear about the magic tractor?? It turned into a field. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 825 Joined: 18 Aug 2008   | want to hear a dirty joke? |
Copy Clerk Posts: 66 Joined: 26 Mar 2009 | thats why its a bad joke, duh |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1774 Joined: 22 Mar 2009 | So, Little Red Riding Hood is on her way to her grandmother's house with a basket full of goodies, and can't help feeling like she's being watched. Sure enough, she looks over her shoulder to a fallen log, where she sees a pair of wolf ears sticking over. She calls out, "Oh, big bad wolf! I see you!" The wolf runs off. Riding Hood begins walking again, and after about five minutes, feels a familiar presence. She looks around again, and sees the wolf's tail sticking out from behind an old oak tree. She calls out, "Oh, big bad wolf! What a lovely tail you have!" The wolf runs off. Running behind on schedule, Riding Hood takes up a light jog on the way to her grandmother's house. After a few minutes, notices the wolf's snout sticking out from behind a pine. She calls out, "Oh, big bad wolf! I can see you!" The wolf shouts back, "Would you stop doing that?! I'm trying to take a shit!" |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2063 Joined: 11 Jan 2009 | A guy walks into a bar: Guy: Do you serve Americans here? |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 410 Joined: 26 Mar 2009  | Frank: Wha are you doing? |
Copy Clerk Posts: 66 Joined: 26 Mar 2009 | this one is ok, |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 651 Joined: 6 Feb 2008   | Any number of dead baby jokes comes to mind here, but I like to think I'm above those, so here's my next worst: What do you get when you cross an elephant with science? --> I don't have a damn clue. |
On the Record  Posts: 5546 Joined: 16 Dec 2008     | You know, people say that you're over the hill, but I say that will never happen, not in the car you drive! You have the wisdom of an owl, the grace of a swan, and the eye of the eagle. This man is for the birds! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1699 Joined: 16 Mar 2009   | if you mean worst like most fucked up then it's either what would Martin Luther king be if he was white? or What did the blind quadriplegic child get for his birthday? if you mean worst as in groan inducingly bad then Hey you heard they're making a sequel to crackdown? its called crack up it's supposedly a very funny game. |
Paperboy  Posts: 17 Joined: 30 Mar 2009   | I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 192 Joined: 29 Mar 2009   | A man walked into a bar carrying a shoebox and walked up to the bartender. He said, "If I can show you something you've never seen before would you let me drink here as much as I want when ever I want for free?" The Bartender replied, "Well you can surely give it a shot, but I warn you. I have seen a lot things." So the guy takes the lid off the shoe box and inside is a six inch man playing a small piano. The bartender is shocked and says, "Well that is definitely something I have never seen before. Alright you can drink here when ever you want and as much as you want for free. Just I want to know where you found the six inch man." The Man replies, "You see I found this Genie who granted me one wish and the poor guy thought I wished for a six inch pianist." Sorry its crass but that's all I can come up with right now. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1288 Joined: 14 Aug 2008    | In Russian drama what is the difference between comedy and tragedy? In a tragedy everyone dies, in a comedy everyone dies laughing. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1052 Joined: 3 Dec 2007  | What nationality are you when you go to the bathroom? European! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4347 Joined: 9 Jul 2008  | What about Holocaust jokes? Does it help that I'm Jewish? I'll assume no anyway. Though that's an injustice to my people. We had to suffer through the Holocaust, I'd like to think we atleast earned the right to joke about it. But instead I'll just share my favorite joke of all time (which isn't a Holocaust joke, it's a Hitler joke, and thus isn't offensive to anybody, and if you are somehow offended by this amazing joke then as I said I'm Jewish so piss off): Why did Hitler kill himself? I love that joke. My second favorite joke is a Polish joke but I'm not Polish and I don't want to offend anyone and it doesn't really fit the topic of this thread, it's really funny but isn't particularly bad so I'll restrain myself. There's also atleast one really funny Holocaust joke I really want to tell (one I learned on this site actually) but as I said I'm restraining myself from Holocaust jokes. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2996 Joined: 13 Aug 2008  | Some of my favorite jokes are pick-up lines. The other. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 427 Joined: 20 Feb 2009  |
It's not rape its just suprise sex |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3617 Joined: 7 Aug 2008 | What do you call a fly with no wings? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2892 Joined: 6 Mar 2008 | A man walks into a bar. He has a dog with him that's wearing an eyepatch. The man says to the bartender "ask me about my dog." Unfortunately, the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the other end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 359 Joined: 30 Jun 2008   | What's the difference between a duck? |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 494 Joined: 5 Mar 2009    | pro is the opposite of con. so what is the opposite of progress? |
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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and WalMart?
WalMart is a retail store. Michael Jackson is an entertainer.