Best Joke

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I know there is already a Worst joke thread but how about Best joke thread

Knock knock.

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

...ok... I'll bite.

Who's there?

poptart123:
I know there is already a Worst joke thread but how about Best joke thread

This thread is redundant--"best" and "worst" as it comes to jokes basically cover the same territory.

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

APRIL FOOLS.

Hey wait...

So a seal walks into a club....

Ago Iterum:

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA who?

Ago Iterum:

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

Oh. :( I get it now. HAHAHAHAHA

What did the hobo get for x-mas?
Hungry.
Also, obligatory "in before lock" post.

A pie walks into a pub and asks for a beer.

The barman tells the pie, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food".

super_smash_jesus:
So a seal walks into a club....

hehe oh thats mean

Studd_Jozz:
What did the hobo get for x-mas?
Hungry.
Also, obligatory "in before lock" post.

IBTL as well

Yegargeburble:

Ago Iterum:

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA who?

You already laughed, my job here is done.

Ago Iterum:

Yegargeburble:

Ago Iterum:

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA who?

You already laughed, my job here is done.

I..but...I didn'...Gah!

super_smash_jesus:
So a seal walks into a club....

Made my night. Hahaha.

How many Christians does it take to switch a lightbulb?

None. They think God will do it for them if they pray enough.

Ago Iterum:

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA Who?

Sorry repeat (non auto reload!)

2 pies are in an oven, one of them says "man it's getting hot in here" the other one says "oh my god a talking pie!!!"

A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Shapsters:
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Those belong in the "worst jokes" thread methinks

What kind of seashell tells you what's right or wrong?
Your CONCH-science.

What do you call a bird with a passion for acting?
Steven SEAGULL.

...Yes, I made those up myself.

Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

Ah, Rorschach....

When Arthur Davidson -inventor of the Harley Davidson- died, he went to heaven. One day he said to God 'You invented women right?' 'Yes that's right' God replied. 'Well I think your invention has some major flaws'. God looked irritated but kept quiet so Arthur continued, 'One there's too much inconsistency in the front end protrusion, two it chatters at high speed, three most of the rear end wobbles too much and four the maintenance costs are outrageous'. God thought about this and said 'You're right you know'. Arthur smiled smugly until god added 'But more men are riding my invention than yours'.

Socdk:

Shapsters:
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Those belong in the "worst jokes" thread methinks

You wish!

A guy orders a drink called a cricket.
On the way home from the bar the man sees a cricket and saids "Hey do you know that theres a drink named after you."
The cricket saids "Really? Theres a drink named Earl."

Cheesy Joke.

A robot walks into a bar orders a drink, lays down a bill. Bartender says "hey, we don't serve robots." robot says, "yeah, but someday you will."

More Fun To Compute:
A robot walks into a bar orders a drink, lays down a bill. Bartender says "hey, we don't serve robots." robot says, "yeah, but someday you will."

I lol'd.

A fat kid and an emo kid jump off a cliff at the same time. Who wins?

Society.

A man walks to the top floor of a ten story bar, he orders 5 beers, drinks them all then jumps out the window.

10 Minutes later the same man comes back, he orders 5 more beers, drinks them and jumps out the window again.

10 Minutes later he comes back, orders 5 beers, drinks them, then, as he has his foot on the sill, another man stops him. "Hey! I have seen you jump out that window twice now, how come you are still alive?"
"Well" replies the first man, "you see if you drink enough, the bubbles carry you softly so you flout to the ground"

The second man decides to give this a go so he buys 5 beers, drinks them then jumps out the window. He quickly falls to his death.

The barwoman turns to the first man and says: "you know, you can be a real arse when you're drunk superman."

what do you say when you dont want spaghetti?
spaghett-about-it

poptart123:

Ago Iterum:
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Terorists

*boom*

Shapsters:
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I don't get it o_O

Wanna hear the best joke ever?
Women's Rights.

image
(Ps if you can't tell I'm kidding, you're probably not smart enough to be breathing air that could go to someone more deserving.)

Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 bottles of lemonade?

He brought 7 up...

SnowCold:

Shapsters:
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I don't get it o_O

You know, because they are twins, if you've seen one(Jaun), you seen them all(Jamal). Its a pun!

Shapsters:

SnowCold:

Shapsters:
A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption.One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain, and they named him "Juan." Years later, Juan sent a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished She also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responded, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

I don't get it o_O

You know, because they are twins, if you've seen one(Jaun), you seen them all(Jamal). Its a pun!

Oh, I though it's some reference or something

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