What would be considered "Too Picky/Selective" when dating (or in a relationship)?

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So something that I've seen brought up in the last few days a bunch on some sites (yes, I did wander into the the r/relationships sub and spent too much time on IMGUR this week, before you ask) is the idea of being "Too picky/selective" when dating or trying relationships etc.

To avoid poisoning the well so to speak, I'll ask it as a more generalized question (my personal stance in the spoiler);

What would you consider as "Too Picky/Selective" as it is concerned to dating/relationships etc.?

I don't believe in that sort of thing. If you're not attracted to someone, you're not attracted to them and you don't have to justify it. Of course what you shouldn't do is refuse someone you are attracted to for having certain traits you thought you dislike just out of principle. That would be stupid.

Anything that could probably be solved by talking honestly with them, but instead you just dump them.

Rule for no children is understandable, but then again that person could be widowed, as rare as that is when you're still young.

Smoking at home is an extremely bad habit, BUT if you really fall for someone you can look not past smoking but beyond it: as you want the best for your loved one, you would get them to quit. Personally I consider smoking a lesser evil compared to heavy drinking or being obese, because those two are harder to shake off. (Like, I could personally set the non-smoking example with no problems whatsoever, but I do have a drink sometimes and I also eat every day.)

I could make a super long list of "red flags" that I wouldn't want to have to deal with in a partner, but only some of them are actual deal-breakers. Not that I can say from experience, but I think I can suppress my ego to deal with something I don't generally appreciate even if it's something they would eventually want to see me try too. Not with everything, of course, but looking at it from the potential gf's perspective: I have quirks I'd like them to appreciate, (and traits to tolerate :^) and it's nigh impossible for somebody to do so for all of it from the start.

The situation in which you find one single impossible-to-ignore annoying trait in a person you otherwise are ready to love is a sitcom thing, I reckon. That in mind I'd say your question isn't an easy one to answer, as it is most often the whole type of person that I wouldn't be interested in.

No children is reasonable. And if you want to settle down, maybe no previous marriages. Exes always complicate things and always try to get into the new relationship.

Outside of that personal interests or hobbies should be discussed. Maybe no smoking inside, and always put the seat down, and no running off unannounced to play with the guys/gals all weekend long

See now I think asking a guy to not have children is totally unreasonable, but the smoking is completely reasonable. Smoking is not just something that affects the person, it affects how they taste, how their skin tastes and smells, second hand smoke on their skin, hair, clothing, vehicle.. It makes everything about them taste gross. Someone having previous relationships and sex is expected and if one has sex there is the possibility of children happening so I see that as unreasonable to be that as something that defines whether or not they are bad partner. I do not see that impacting whether or not I would have a relationship with guy, and see that as being too much to ask of either a male or female. If you don't expect them to be a virgin or to not have previous relationship that goes along with the territory. A child is part of their family, not something nasty you have to taste. Drugs, smoking, tattoos, beard/ mustache, Body Odor, excessive flatulence, bad manners, swearing, poor hygiene, incompatible sex drive, inadequate conversation, arrogance, superficial, bad sense of humor, or of course being a Trump supporter are all deal breakers on the other hand.

McElroy:
Rule for no children is understandable, but then again that person could be widowed, as rare as that is when you're still young.

Smoking at home is an extremely bad habit, BUT if you really fall for someone you can look not past smoking but beyond it: as you want the best for your loved one, you would get them to quit. Personally I consider smoking a lesser evil compared to heavy drinking or being obese, because those two are harder to shake off. (Like, I could personally set the non-smoking example with no problems whatsoever, but I do have a drink sometimes and I also eat every day.)

I could make a super long list of "red flags" that I wouldn't want to have to deal with in a partner, but only some of them are actual deal-breakers. Not that I can say from experience, but I think I can suppress my ego to deal with something I don't generally appreciate even if it's something they would eventually want to see me try too. Not with everything, of course, but looking at it from the potential gf's perspective: I have quirks I'd like them to appreciate, (and traits to tolerate :^) and it's nigh impossible for somebody to do so for all of it from the start.

The situation in which you find one single impossible-to-ignore annoying trait in a person you otherwise are ready to love is a sitcom thing, I reckon. That in mind I'd say your question isn't an easy one to answer, as it is most often the whole type of person that I wouldn't be interested in.

Smoking is worse than being fat, and assuming you never abuse someone or drive drunk, is less bad than smoking. Smoking hurts the people around you, and should be considered assault if not attempted murder. Fuck smokers, fuck second hand smoke.

I don't find your requirements unreasonable tbh. Nowadays there are heaps of career-driven women who are 'married to the job' and aren't interested in starting a family. Just find someone like that.

Ive got a friend who doesn't want kids. She broke up relationships becuase of it. She did end up marrying a guy with a kid, but the kid was a teenager. She doesnt get that much ingolved with her step kid. So even if you find a divorced/ widow partner, doesnt mean you need to write it off.

My partner accepter that I was a smoker. She didn't want it around her, so she refused to move in til I gave it up. Even though we've been living together for a decade, I smoke one week a year. She goes on holidays to see her dad. Sometimes I smoke when I'm drinking at a pub and not with het. It's the compromise we made.

Paragon Fury:

I had similar issues with this one, it really killed back my options for along time. Eventually I decided "maybe children" (with discussions of marriage/"family is imporant" being a definite nope given the connotations) if only to net me a few more first dates and some fun. I ended up finding out that there are a lot of women who don't want to come out and say they don't want kids because of societal pressure, but are also not super into pounding something out of their nethers after 3/4 of a year of waiting.

Professional women in particular seemed to look at the damage it could potentially do to their careers and basically say "shitnope" but didn't want to say that because the older and typically more traditional women in their profession would look down on them for that. Dated a doctor who couldn't stand children but absolutely refused to admit it until we were completely private because she was afraid the nurses would start bugging her about it if they found out. It was privately hilarious for me as I watched her pretend to enjoy being near the urchins at bbqs and other gatherings. I could see the sweat forming when kids would crowd her asking her to look under a bandaid.

There were definitely also women who claimed "maybe children" and then in date 1 said they super want them, but didn't want to come off as being baby crazy due to the clock. Given my stance I never really held the approach against them.

As far as too picky goes for me: anything that a teenager would say in a breakup. Weird toes. Likes N'Sync unironically. Likes plaid ironically but not ironically enough.

Paragon Fury:
So something that I've seen brought up in the last few days a bunch on some sites (yes, I did wander into the the r/relationships sub and spent too much time on IMGUR this week, before you ask) is the idea of being "Too picky/selective" when dating or trying relationships etc.

To avoid poisoning the well so to speak, I'll ask it as a more generalized question (my personal stance in the spoiler);

What would you consider as "Too Picky/Selective" as it is concerned to dating/relationships etc.?

Dude, I used to date in Manhattan. I look at your list and I think you're really fine.

I legit knew a guy who got dumped by a girl because he ate Tofu and she thought soy was toxic. Perfect in everything, even in being a vegan. But he wasn't the right vegan.

The world is crazy out there. Be as open as you can with what you can deal with and be honest with what you can't. It might cut you off from a 3 billion women, leaving you with just 0.1% of like-minded and suitable dates. But guess what? That's still 3,000,000.

That's still a GREAT size dating pool.

Saelune:

McElroy:

Smoking at home is an extremely bad habit, BUT if you really fall for someone you can look not past smoking but beyond it: as you want the best for your loved one, you would get them to quit. Personally I consider smoking a lesser evil compared to heavy drinking or being obese, because those two are harder to shake off. (Like, I could personally set the non-smoking example with no problems whatsoever, but I do have a drink sometimes and I also eat every day.)

Smoking is worse than being fat, and assuming you never abuse someone or drive drunk, is less bad than smoking. Smoking hurts the people around you, and should be considered assault if not attempted murder. Fuck smokers, fuck second hand smoke.

Save your rant and read my post again in the context of the thread. This is not about public health.

McElroy:

Saelune:

McElroy:

Smoking at home is an extremely bad habit, BUT if you really fall for someone you can look not past smoking but beyond it: as you want the best for your loved one, you would get them to quit. Personally I consider smoking a lesser evil compared to heavy drinking or being obese, because those two are harder to shake off. (Like, I could personally set the non-smoking example with no problems whatsoever, but I do have a drink sometimes and I also eat every day.)

Smoking is worse than being fat, and assuming you never abuse someone or drive drunk, is less bad than smoking. Smoking hurts the people around you, and should be considered assault if not attempted murder. Fuck smokers, fuck second hand smoke.

Save your rant and read my post again in the context of the thread. This is not about public health.

I think being concerned for your own health is not a picky concern in whether you date someone.

Saelune:
I think being concerned for your own health is not a picky concern in whether you date someone.

Which is why you get them to quit smoking. Just like you get your fat partner to exercise, depressed partner to seek treatment, or a soon-to-be alcoholic partner to take it easier. I say it's the easiest of those, because every non-smoker sets the example and everyone in our society is supportive of quitting.

Paragon Fury:

Common ground on the second of those is very important. Kids are a big deal; if you don't want them and you prospective partner does, you absolutely should not waste their time. I have friends both male and female who have been kept hanging for years by a partner with the prospect of children, only to be left with nothing. This has particularly serious for some of the women strung along to the point of rapidly declining fertility. It's callous and selfish to exploit someone for relationship jollies on false pretences.

You can of course still date willing partners with different views, just so long as you make absolutely clear what the score is. If you both want to start a relationship knowing it has an inbuilt expiry date coming up when having kids becomes important... well you're both adults.

* * *

"Picky" for me suggests unreasonably high standards and triviality; rejecting people for things that don't much harm a successful relationship.

I'm not sure there's that much you can define as "picky" in advance. If you hate partners smoking, you just do; relationships are personalised and we all have a little list of individual deal-breakers. I would define "picky" more from a pattern of that person's behaviour in turning down prospective partners or ditching them, or that their list of deal-breakers is suspiciously long and full of stuff that seems trivial. I might also suggest that being "picky" is often about relationship anxiety: the person is worried about something much deeper such as the risk of emotional pain or fear of intimacy. Thus a trivial fault provides an excuse to sabotage the relationship and remove the threat.

I dunno. I suspect I would be pretty open minded... or rather, I'd like to think I would be. But we all have hangups, and it's very individual.

Let's pretend I'm back on the market and looking for love!

Picky... hmmm... like, I don't like the idea of dating a woman who is physically stronger than me. It's not carved in stone, but it's just how I feel- I guess that one could be considered too picky. Smoking doesn't really bother me, on the other hand - I've dated smokers in the past, and I'd likely not want them to smoke around my kid (and my better half vapes now when the kid isn't around). And as for kids from a previous relationship, well, a woman having a child would not be a deal breaker for me anymore- I think by having one of my own, I've gained a better perspective on what it is to be a parent (and although I wasn't too keen on kids earlier in my adult life, I have also come around to liking them). It's important to know that these things can change as you grow older and experience more of life.

In my experience, in people's heads they are picky than, in reality, they really are when they meet someone who has an attractive personality and who they are physically attracted to.

There's nothing wrong with having a couple of non-negotiables (eg. smoking, kids, existing debt, a hobby in common, fitness, employment, education, height/weight, etc). Everyone is entitled to those. What is probably unreasonable/too picky, is when a minor flaw puts someone off an otherwise great partner. That is *not* to say that such a thing is wrong however; the heart wants what the heart wants (and the same rule applies to the loins as well).

But while I wouldn't dispute someone's right to say they were turned off from a match because of some petty, inconsequential thing, I would think it was a petty, inconsequential thing and they're missing out on what could've been something special for it.

Anyone who rejects me is too picky/selective. /s

On a more serious note; everyone has their own standards. What would be considered too picky for one person is perfectly reasonable for another. This discussion is bound to become just comparing our own standards with each other, or what society considers standard in a relationship. Frankly, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you search long enough, you'll find someone who meets your standards and vice versa.

PS: Smokers are a no-no.

CaitSeith:
If you search long enough, you'll find someone who meets your standards and vice versa.

As I recall someone (Michael Stipe, maybe?) putting it, paraphrased, "Anyone can pull as long as they lower their standards far enough".

Having had a ton of crumby relationships before, one even ending in divorce... Well, if there's anything I've learned... Shit... Just make sure your partner has a decent credit score. There's nothing worse than being emotionally attached to someone who is financially irresponsible.

Also, today's my 8 year wedding anniversary! I finally hit the jackpot on this last one.

Cycloptomese:
Also, today's my 8 year wedding anniversary! I finally hit the jackpot on this last one.

Wishing you congratulations and many happy returns of the day!

Sounds like you're overthinking it.

I'm going to say health nazis.

I'm an ex-smoker, and the last type of person Iever want to become is oneof those reformed smokers. You know the type. Frankly those people are pretty fucking grating. The type of people that pretend your moral worth somehow comes down to because you enjoy a fag every now and again? Also doesn't help when the last one I met was on antidepressants and painkillers yet seems to be moving around just fine at the party, and didn't seem to register the irony.

Apparently some people are so miserable they want to make others feel guilty for whatever vices at the end of the day aren't real vices.

Of which leads me to my next point .... people more often than not overthink stuff like this.

I like to think as a person I've changed over the years I've been alived. I was an angry gutter rat in my teens, and 17 years later I'm a different person. Sure, in a Freudian sense you could probably attach a number of neuroses to some abandonment issues because I had garbage parents. And they're certainly bigger problems than whether I was a smoker or not. Like an insatiable compulsion to check my finances every week. Rigourously ... because a part of me never wants to remember the nuances of using cardboard as insulation again, and just how often you can sleep on it before it's too crushed to actual help keep your precious bodyheat leeching into the ground.

Overall everyone is a bag of 100 cats tearing at eachother and at the seams, and making a bloody mess of things.

Everything important about a person is bigger than whether they enjoy a cigarette or a glass of wine.

And it damn well pays to remember that... not simply to being a better person, but a more careful person. Because no one 'perfect on paper' ends up being seen that way longterm.

Given that's pretty much everybody already a bag of 100 cats making abloody mess of things wherever they go, to quantify in the first place what you actually want in a partner can never be so important as the true mess of neuroses that already exists there ... just lurking, waiting for conflict.

People are overthinking it ... in short.

My partner will have to live with the fact that even if we share an abode, it's going to be in my name. I"ll pay for it. But it's mine. Not ours. That roof is mine. I bled for one. It's mine. MY roof. Just like it's my money. Mine to command.

And it's neuroses like that that are bigger than any cigarette. Some people will gel with that and won't mind a partner that ruthlessly sits ontop of their money like Smaug ontop of the treasure hoard. You know ... they take care of their bills, I take care of mine, and if we ever split up itwill be financially neat and tidy.

Of course some people might find that a turn off that a person's trust may only go so far, and will certainly not go so far as to leave one emotionally and financially endangered in the worst possible scenario.

Also, I hate cooking. I loathe it. The only kitchen utencil I know how to use is the microwave and the kettle.

That's it. If you're sick, I'll heat canned minestrone for you. I am not going to cook. I own precisely one saucepan and it came with the apartment.

You could be a world class chef, and make me the greatest dinner in the world, but do be prepared by the fact that I often eat uncooked rolled oats outof a glass and fresh fruit for breakfast. My tastebuds think takeaway Indian food is the best possible dinner that can be. I am not going to be able to recognize or understand your genius in the kitchen.

So don't get angry at me when I can't seem to appreciate beyond your effort and effort alone whatever culinary delights you have prepared ...

------

Seeing where I'm going with this?

Discovering all these things about a person is a bit harder than a checklist will allow.

It seems that I've met the "woman of my dreams".

We go out on a date.

I discover that she likes Pepsi.

I like Coke.

It's over between us.

Cycloptomese:

Also, today's my 8 year wedding anniversary! I finally hit the jackpot on this last one.

Congrats.

My 8 year anniversary was last week too.

Addendum_Forthcoming:
I'm going to say health nazis.

I'm an ex-smoker, and the last type of person Iever want to become is oneof those reformed smokers. You know the type. Frankly those people are pretty fucking grating. The type of people that pretend your moral worth somehow comes down to because you enjoy a fag every now and again? Also doesn't help when the last one I met was on antidepressants and painkillers yet seems to be moving around just fine at the party, and didn't seem to register the irony.

Apparently some people are so miserable they want to make others feel guilty for whatever vices at the end of the day aren't real vices.

Throughout my youth I noticed that straightedgers were some of the most sanctimonious, obnoxious people around. This one dick I knew was an RA in my uni residence and basically a power-tripping nerd who was anti everything. He wore all black because he didn't engage in petty pursuits like fashion, talked down to anyone who had ever pirated anything and converted to being muslim I'm 100% convinced to be a rebel. And of course he was vegan. He used to be really shitty to anyone who drank at all and would pull that moronic "I don't want to alter my brain chemistry" garbage. I was like "You have a girlfriend, you fuck on the reg, what the hell do you think that is?" The supremely stupid thing is he used to like, use language associated with drug use to describe what few habits he had. He once talked about getting a "chocolate hangover" after eating too much vegan chocolate. Honestly, you can't make this shit up. People like that can get fucked.

That said, the older people get the less dickish they seem to be. I've made friends more recently who don't drink and they see it as a personal choice and never shame those who do.

As for me and dating, unless someone has some hardcore problems or is just....I don't know, dull or a constant moaner or supremely high maintenance, I'll give them a chance. Unfortunately, being that I'm a professional expat, you end up stuck with a lot of damaged people who moved away from home because they are trying to escape their problems or because they couldn't hack it in the real world. Or maybe I'm the damaged one. Either way, the dating pool is less than ideal. I just like people who are chill and like to enjoy themselves and aren't insecure. Seems reasonable, no?

I refuse to date anybody who'd stoop to dating me.

...Or so I thought for several years. Now I'm married with children, so that's cool.

"Too picky" would be making "deal breakers" out of things that you yourself are guilty of.
For example, you want your date to be fit and healthy while you are borderline obese.

Having high standards is perfectly fine but you have to adhere to those standards as well, otherwise you're just a hypocrite.

Vanilla ISIS:
"Too picky" would be making "deal breakers" out of things that you yourself are guilty of.

I'm a man, but I won't date men. ;) Too picky!

My list of requirements beyond the obvious emotional compatibility and attraction that I would expect anyone to have is as follows:
Lives close enough that I can see them when I need to, is removed enough from me that I can not see them when I need to.
Emotionally stable.
Financially independent from me.
Enjoys performing oral sex.

Chewster:

Throughout my youth I noticed that straightedgers were some of the most sanctimonious, obnoxious people around. This one dick I knew was an RA in my uni residence and basically a power-tripping nerd who was anti everything. He wore all black because he didn't engage in petty pursuits like fashion, talked down to anyone who had ever pirated anything and converted to being muslim I'm 100% convinced to be a rebel. And of course he was vegan. He used to be really shitty to anyone who drank at all and would pull that moronic "I don't want to alter my brain chemistry" garbage. I was like "You have a girlfriend, you fuck on the reg, what the hell do you think that is?" The supremely stupid thing is he used to like, use language associated with drug use to describe what few habits he had. He once talked about getting a "chocolate hangover" after eating too much vegan chocolate. Honestly, you can't make this shit up. People like that can get fucked.

That said, the older people get the less dickish they seem to be. I've made friends more recently who don't drink and they see it as a personal choice and never shame those who do.

As for me and dating, unless someone has some hardcore problems or is just....I don't know, dull or a constant moaner or supremely high maintenance, I'll give them a chance. Unfortunately, being that I'm a professional expat, you end up stuck with a lot of damaged people who moved away from home because they are trying to escape their problems or because they couldn't hack it in the real world. Or maybe I'm the damaged one. Either way, the dating pool is less than ideal. I just like people who are chill and like to enjoy themselves and aren't insecure. Seems reasonable, no?

I get you. The type of people where you want to look them in the eye, crack open a bottle of wine/pack of cigarettes, and just pour a glass/light up... not breaking eye contact, just in the hopes they'll leave? Yeah. I know the type. Do you also have a problem with the 'oblivious tech junkie'?

The people that literally feel the need to post on Facebook that they're having 'lunch with friends' while you're with them. The people that claim they're having difficulties getting a job, you google them and their city of residence, find their Facebook or Twitter feed... and just *show them why*? With pictures of them likely Twittering when they should have been working, starting online fights, and pictures of them drunk and reckless?

It might be because I am a former teacher, but mobile phones are anathema to my patience when you're trying to converse with someone.

Addendum_Forthcoming:
I get you. The type of people where you want to look them in the eye, crack open a bottle of wine/pack of cigarettes, and just pour a glass/light up... not breaking eye contact, just in the hopes they'll leave? Yeah. I know the type. Do you also have a problem with the 'oblivious tech junkie'?

The people that literally feel the need to post on Facebook that they're having 'lunch with friends' while you're with them. The people that claim they're having difficulties getting a job, you google them and their city of residence, find their Facebook or Twitter feed... and just *show them why*? With pictures of them likely Twittering when they should have been working, starting online fights, and pictures of them drunk and reckless?

It might be because I am a former teacher, but mobile phones are anathema to my patience when you're trying to converse with someone.

No, I feel that for sure. Teaching in private acadmies it was a nightmare because it was all business and taking little Miho's phone away meant an annoyed call from a parent/walking revenue stream. Public school is easier because the kids have to go and so their complaints don't matter and now that I'm at uni, who cares? If my students use their phones for stuff other than the occasional translation, I just give them a shitty participation grade.

But I know the type. I'm visiting a friend in Shanghai now and yesterday we screwed up our subway stop twice because he was messing around on his phone and not paying attention. He's better when not on public transit though, so I kind of forgive him for it. He's also a fair bit younger than me, which I think tends to be a factor.

My only vice with smartphones is taking pictures, even when I never post them to any social media (I still have my 2009 California trip pictures on an old laptop somewhere). I tend to take a lot of photos and if I've been drinking, I sometimes go on a tear if there are lots of people around and I remember I have a camera and I end up photographing everying and ignoring everyone. My ex, on the other hand, took tons of pictures sober but never drunk, posted them all to Facebook (even if blurry or they had poor composition) and then would delete them all off her phone right away. Different strokes, I guess.

Chewster:

No, I feel that for sure. Teaching in private acadmies it was a nightmare because it was all business and taking little Miho's phone away meant an annoyed call from a parent/walking revenue stream. Public school is easier because the kids have to go and so their complaints don't matter and now that I'm at uni, who cares? If my students use their phones for stuff other than the occasional translation, I just give them a shitty participation grade.

But I know the type. I'm visiting a friend in Shanghai now and yesterday we screwed up our subway stop twice because he was messing around on his phone and not paying attention. He's better when not on public transit though, so I kind of forgive him for it. He's also a fair bit younger than me, which I think tends to be a factor.

My only vice with smartphones is taking pictures, even when I never post them to any social media (I still have my 2009 California trip pictures on an old laptop somewhere). I tend to take a lot of photos and if I've been drinking, I sometimes go on a tear if there are lots of people around and I remember I have a camera and I end up photographing everying and ignoring everyone. My ex, on the other hand, took tons of pictures sober but never drunk, posted them all to Facebook (even if blurry or they had poor composition) and then would delete them all off her phone right away. Different strokes, I guess.

The big problem I have is the university is pushing all of us to get a Facebook and Twitter ... for no fucking reason. Well there is a reason, because they want to pretend as if people having 24/7 contact with you is somehow 'putting our best face forward' ....

Fuck off... seriously, our 'best face' would be 'these are my office hours, only these times, and it is your responsibility to treat that contact with respect as you would any professional relationship' ... Not to have lecturers and course co-ordinators get constantly beeped at whenever they turn on their phones because some shithead couldn't be bothered to print off a course outline and their laptop is about to die in the library.

Social media is the least bit social.

I remember one job interview I went to years back, the panelist went; "Odd... I can't seem to find much about you online."

As if that was somehow fucking alien a concept of a person wishing to remain a private individual...

My answer was simple enough; "I'd much keep my professional life and personal life separate. You can't do that very often online... so one must win out." And for some reason they were impressed by that answer. The simple fact that, no, I'm not the type of person that will just sit there Twittering or responding to Facebook, rather I'll be working.

But now I can't even do that .... the technojunkies want me to be as pathetic, OC, and utterly irrational as them and get a 'personable Facebook profile' because of my professional conduct.

So I personally loathe it. I really--really do. It has cut the IQ of humanity by half. Now I get it, not all industries. Media personalities obviously have a certain degree of social exposure. Artists, what have you. But that blurring of theline between private and public individuals shouldn't be broken arbitrarily. Your example of the Shanghai commuter-- totally get where you're comingfrom.I see people get bumped into at Central because they're checking their phones. Almost getting hit by cars and buses at Railway Square because they are constantly looking at their phones.

Phones are no longer fucking phones... they're just social media portals. Hell, I was in one relationship where Facebook was just always in browser on their Samsung Note. It's kind of fucked up.

What the hell do these people do when they can't broadcast to the world that they exist every 10 minutes? Sit there and whimper?

I've got two "deal breakers" in my dating profile:
1. Smoking - This should be self-explanatory. No one likes tar on the breath... And those that say that they do are probably trying to quit
2. Already having kids - While I'm undecided on whether or not I want any of my own, I can at least say that the other person already having kids is a huuuuggeeeee wrench to throw into things.

And an unspecified one of needing to test clean for STDs. More people don't have them than do, so this is just good sense.

Am I too picky? I dunno, but it'd be just too much of a stretch to get around the above.

//Lives in an area where it's customary to marry very young and have as many kids as possible... LOTS of divorcees with "baggage" here... Roughly 50% of the single people my age are divorced.

Lil devils x:
See now I think asking a guy to not have children is totally unreasonable, but the smoking is completely reasonable. Smoking is not just something that affects the person, it affects how they taste, how their skin tastes and smells, second hand smoke on their skin, hair, clothing, vehicle.. It makes everything about them taste gross. Someone having previous relationships and sex is expected and if one has sex there is the possibility of children happening so I see that as unreasonable to be that as something that defines whether or not they are bad partner. I do not see that impacting whether or not I would have a relationship with guy, and see that as being too much to ask of either a male or female. If you don't expect them to be a virgin or to not have previous relationship that goes along with the territory. A child is part of their family, not something nasty you have to taste. Drugs, smoking, tattoos, beard/ mustache, Body Odor, excessive flatulence, bad manners, swearing, poor hygiene, incompatible sex drive, inadequate conversation, arrogance, superficial, bad sense of humor, or of course being a Trump supporter are all deal breakers on the other hand.

I mean, I assume the point is not wanting to raise kids. That is kind of pretty big in affecting the life of someone's partner too?

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