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Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2584 Joined: 28 Mar 2009     | |
Infamous Scribbler Posts: 533 Joined: 6 Nov 2008     | A Chinese government internet censor...er. Then you wake up in a strange place, full of sunshine and warmth. Suddenly you realise that these are truly the most realistic graphics you've ever seen. Its as if you could reach out and touch things... but wait, you can. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3204 Joined: 24 Dec 2008    |
Susan Arendt?, I can understand that, with her voice, she's like a Siren tempting you in a trance before she deals the final blow. Seriously there isn't a single person that will say a bad thing about Susan ever, she's a siren!. Kuliani, he's the boss that divulges too much information, then when you think you've beaten him he runs away to regroup and come backs stronger, he's unbeatable!. Alex_P and Baby_Tea are good cops. Jon Elthridge is like a Manhunt boss, sick and twisted, but does it for the amusement of others.
We've awoken her from her slumber, yes "we" it was a team effort! So mention the Mods names and they turn up, kinda like BeetleJuice, if you repeat none discussion points three times they turn and permaban you. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3204 Joined: 24 Dec 2008 |
Max is pretty good with the search bar heretics, Internet Kraken and Cpt Oblivious are the worst, they wield the power of Search Bar like a personal Mjolnir. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3768 Joined: 18 Dec 2007    | My Boss battle would go a little something like this... I find myself in a large cavern that seems to stretch beyond the realms of reality. Around my feet swirls the mist of the ancients, I recognize it by the sounds I hear in the back of my head when I move my body, like a beating drum in tune with my body. I begin to walk through the mist and to my horror realize where I am. "This is the chamber of the final trial, the resting place of the creature of mind's shadow" I proclaim to the thousands that stood here before I, the sounds moving through the cursed mists causing a tremor in the lost spirits. In my studies I have learned of this place, it is the location were each Internet transcended being is drawn to fight their final nemesis. It was only supposed to be a legend, I never in all my life expected to be here. The old sage warned that I would come here, now I know that I should have listened. Curse my ignorance! I walk further through the cavern; the Mist of the Ancients grows louder in my mind as I move. I try to remain alert but the beating in my mind is too powerful, driven to my knees I clutch my skull and gasp for air. Each and every movement, the beating of my heart or the flow of blood, causes more pain. The loudest noise blasts the inside of thought but still it remains a slow beat. The pain continues to grow until finally a thought from a time long ago enters my brain. That old sage is standing over me, whispering something into my ear. Four letters repeating. G... T... F... O... G... T... F... O... Not knowing what else to do I pour all my strength into forming the words. "Well done Fire Daemon, by reciting the holy phrase thou hast defeated the mini boss" Before myself a bridge crafted by light and beyond that a platform with a large red rock. At my feet are a shield and a sword. After equipping them I journey across the bridge towards the rock and what would most likely be the boss of The Escapist, possibly the entire Internet itself. I walk a long the bridge before coming to a platform made of white marble. It a long with the other stone is much larger than I originally thought. I walk up a single step when a suddenly a deep rumbling from the stone emerges and a lizard like head protrudes above. The stone moves and faces me, revealing four claws and a pair of wings. In my heart of hearts I know what it is and it fills me with despair. "It has been a long time... Fire" the creature said, pronouncing my name with utter spite. The dragon lunged, bringing its claws in a wide sweeping arc. Narrowly I stepped back, raising my shield and bringing my sword to bear. The dragon growled and left forth a burst of flame. The shield blocked the scorching heat but I knew too well that it could not withstand heat of this magnitude. I had only one chance and now was the time to act. Bending my thoughts I forced the flame in a new direction, firing into the air. This stunned the dragon and realizing this; I charged forward and slashed madly at the creature's front. It roared in pain and rose on its hind legs. A growl indicated another burst of flame but thinking fast I sent the fire into the back of the creature's skull. The dragon fell backwards and its tail started thrashing out madly as it struggled on its back. Realizing a chance to wound the beast. I hacked at the creature's tail. Three consecutive hits and it were severed. Screaming in pain the dragon lashed out with its rear legs, kicking me across the platform and throwing my sword across the room. The dragon arranged itself and stood before me, blocking the path to my blade. I lay on back and gazed into its cold eyes, realizing the inevitable. "You would use your abilities against me? I always knew you were a coward Fire". The dragon raised its claw and brought it back down again upon my shield and body. I heard a crunch and knew that bones had been broken. He looked down, smiled and peeled away the shield. I could see a glimmer of remorse in his eyes, a longing for things to have been different. "Do you remember the... the old... old times " I spluttered with blood. The beast looked sad for a moment; almost forgiving and then rage over came it, wanting nothing more than to have me suffer, as a result of its brief weakness. Giving into its hate it growled and then realizing what it had done tried to turn away but it was too late. Bending my thoughts I forced the small amount of flame in the dragon's mouth to beat against its skull, burning a hole into its brains. It tried to scream but the fire killed all sound. I knew that I wanted to kill me but the frenzy of death had its sway. I could feel the layer of bone burning away under the force of the constant assault. The beast looked at me for a single moment before falling to the ground, dead. I let my head fall back and sigh know that I had vanquished my foe. I felt my existence start to change and figured that I must be going back to my homepage. As that happened I felt my wounds heal and myself falling asleep, knowing that everything was as it should be. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2555 Joined: 9 Mar 2009    | Going by your set-up, Max seems like the most likely candidate. I mean, he has the most posts here, right? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1007 Joined: 19 Oct 2008    |
I'm fairly sure that Neonbob has the most now. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2018 Joined: 2 Nov 2008   | I'd say that Indigo_dingo and Eggo return from the ban-graveyard. That would be the boss I'd expect (like the twin witches from Zelda... can't remember their names off the top of my head). Otherwise, maybe that collection of horrors, like a boss blitz from a shmup. Max, dingo, Susan, Search Bar, Eggo, etc. |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 793 Joined: 11 Jan 2009    | I'd take on Max... Here's how it'll go, Epic boss fights are usually in stages, first you'll fight your avatar then after you fight the leader which in this case would be the editors, after sewing your arm back together you'll battle Yahtzee riding a giant robot spider which also wears a Trilby hat. Then some QTE later, credits roll the love interest gets kidnapped again followed by sequel - Escapist 2: The rise of 4chan. |
Red Guard  Posts: 4930 Joined: 14 Oct 2007   |
You get extra points for effort.
Bring it.
I'm not a maniac, I'm just Chaotic Neutral. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3434 Joined: 28 Jun 2008  | Uh... No one? Is that allowed? I don't see myself having any enemies. Of course, that could just be what they want me to think. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2538 Joined: 13 Dec 2008   | I go with ME!!! Give me a W! Give me an A! No then... |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3945 Joined: 24 Jul 2009   | my boss would be.......The Evil Demon Of Getting Away From The Computer |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3781 Joined: 29 Dec 2007    | Fire thats one hell of a story, but now I wonder, did you mkae the thread just so you could post the story? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1186 Joined: 29 Jan 2009    | Here's a few possibilities... - NewClassic steps out from behind a I mean...I'd be terrified of any of these. EDIT- Don't let me forget a battle against Portal Maniac and his Firelance 3000. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3768 Joined: 18 Dec 2007 |
No I wrote the story after making this thread. I forgot to put my Boss in the OP and figured that it would be a perfect opportunity to write something, mainly just to kill boredom. There was originally no intention to write a story. |
Paperboy  Posts: 22 Joined: 22 Feb 2009    | Whatever the boss is ostensibly, its soul should be a religion thread- truly unbeatable. |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 77 Joined: 18 May 2009    | I think the makers of the shows on the Escapist [ZP, Unforgotten Realms, etc.] should be level bosses, and the search bar should be wielded by the great Forum Mods, just before the end. The final boss should be whoever started this whole website. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1657 Joined: 1 Oct 2008  | The Current defeater of the site, or a freaking mutant, made out of all the mods. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 3204 Joined: 24 Dec 2008 |
I'm afraid the twin witches from Zelda have reached the available quota for nominations already, see below for more information.
NilCypher?, haven't you seen LaCoil in action, she's getting stronger and stronger by the day, she's soon be just as powerful as Nil, and she's only 20 years old and monitoring this thread, be afraid. After seeing the NewClassic cake I have the urge to lick his face. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 419 Joined: 5 Apr 2008   | It would be a series of boss battles. Each more deadly than the last. First of course, the search bar. It knows it has been neglected for too long and is out for revenge. The only way to defeat it is by searching for a topic that doesn't already exist yet. Impossible you say? I never said this was going to be easy. Once the search bar has been banished into the realm of neglect to brood and plot it's revenge for another thousand years, you must face the trollers. Can you use nothing but logic to thwart their attempts to bring chaos to the internet? I told you this keeps getting harder. Now that the trollers are sitting in the corner wondering what "tertiary" means, the moderators have taken notice of your battle and plan to silence you forever. They can prevent every attack and remove you from existence with nothing but a thought. How can you match such power? You use the lessons you learned from the troller battle and apply logic. You state that the moderators are meant to prevent controversy yet by deleting peoples posts they only stir up more controversy so since they cause controversy and are meant to delete those who cause controversy, the moderators in their confusion delete themselves from existence. Next you must face Yahtzee. This is basically a fight similiar to the critic battle in Psychonauts. Yahtzee floats around on his flying demon shooting criticisms and dick jokes at you. To defeat him, simply write and throw bags full of fan mail in his direction and keep him occupied long enough while he deletes them all to pull off his hat and cut him off from his life force. Now, the Final Battle. This is unwinnable, has unavoidable attacks and will probably make you destroy your computer in frustration.... You must face.... my slow internet download speed! How do you defeat this boss? I have yet to figure that out yet. It is a never ending battle and the day it is finally defeated will be a glorious day indeed. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2142 Joined: 23 Jan 2008  |
Oooh.. Twinrova. I get chills, thinking about that battle. Koume and Kotake are kooky separated, but they make for one awesome boss when combined.
She's not quite 20, no. Where do you get these ideas? Anyway, I don't think Nuke would mind that. Much. |
Muckraker  Posts: 307 Joined: 4 Oct 2008 | Cpt Oblivious. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1186 Joined: 29 Jan 2009 |
I'm afraid I haven't seen this NewClassic cake. Would you kindly post a link to it? No lack of faith in Ultra or Lab, only timing. When I was looking at locked threads and bans religiously (pray, then look) as a way of teaching myself what not to do, Wil and Nil were all there was on the Red Guard. Nil seemed to bite a bit harder. |
Red Guard Posts: 4930 Joined: 14 Oct 2007 |
Honestly, I have no clue. It's not like I bother hiding my age or anything.
Who's No Shit Boy? |
Pulitzer Laureate  Posts: 877 Joined: 4 Dec 2007   | I should be it, I mean look at me, I have been here longer than almost anyone >.> |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2092 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | For me, there wouldn't be a boss battle. I would just be a massive internet Ragnarok. The battle would begin with two powerful users fighting eachother with several hundred other users coming to they're aid. Eventually, every Escapist would be involved in the brawl. Trolls would come out of the hiding, Grammar Nazi would slaughter they're enemies with Mozilla Firefox, Flames would burn across the website, Internet Kraken would crush newcomers with the Search Bar, and the over 5000 post users would fight eachother in epic flame duels to the death. Then the moderators would arrive, crushing trolls and flamers with the mighty Banhammer. However, they would be overwhelmed when the armies of \b\ arrive and unleash waves of trolls riding upon flaming winged horses upon the forums. Then, the Video Contributors would appear from the heavens, and begin the purge of the forums. In the chaos, threads would become unlocked and the Report button would shatter, rendering the Banhammer useless. Yahtzee would die fighting Anonymous, who would swallow him whole and damn him to a world of stupidy. Graham and Paul would fight of armies of trolls, only to encounter a hacker who has made himself unbannable. Max and NoMoreSanity would die by killing each other at the exact same time. After the Great Flame War, the Escapist would be destroyed, and the surviving users, moderators, and video contributers would created a new website to call home. |
Muckraker  Posts: 237 Joined: 7 Jun 2009    |
If you fire a homing missile at his eyebrows, while his sprite image is blinking red all you have to do is throw a bob-omb into his wide, mouth-open wailing face. Repeating this process until his health is at 30 percent, at which point he will morph into his final form, 'Max The Leper'; avoid coming within close proximity of his berserk-like flailing and continually toss his own minions at him until he bears down to charge at you, wait until he's inches away and then jump. If you timed it right you should land directly ontop of his head, causing him to blink red again, repeat the bob-omb swallowing procedure until he's dead. Congratulations, you've won the Master Sword and have saved EM from the tyrannical overlord of an otherwise peaceful Hyrule. Piece of Cake. |
Muckraker Posts: 237 Joined: 7 Jun 2009 |
Once you conquer it, you will remain forever where you are? |
Copy Clerk  Posts: 72 Joined: 5 Aug 2009 | I think the boss would be the Janitor. No one would suspect him, and he has access to all the files and video games. He can train in secret and move unseen through the office! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2030 Joined: 7 Sep 2008  |
This is a clever ruse for an endgame boss for your ZP game isn't? Clever, but I won't fall for it, EDIT: Ok that's it, I need to stop playing Diablo 2. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2377 Joined: 23 Jul 2009   | my boss would be *insert well picked final confrontation* and I would *insert likely outcome* bacause *insert funny picture for peole to laugh at* genius. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 518 Joined: 6 May 2009    |
Whatchu talkin' bout? |
On the Record  Posts: 6532 Joined: 8 Nov 2008  | Susan fused with her Pony, in the form of a CentaurPony. Once you defeat her, you will have access to all the wonders of the Escapist. All the other mods are just mini bosses. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3263 Joined: 3 Aug 2008  | Me because I have a whip and I'm not afraid to use it ;] |
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No. Max wielding the Search Bar.
No..He's just a guy.
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