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On the Record  Posts: 6779 Joined: 26 Jun 2008     | |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3331 Joined: 10 Feb 2008     | Yes it's been said before, but here I go anyway: |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2873 Joined: 25 Aug 2008  | It would obviously be a dancing kittycorn (half unicron half kitten:) wielding the mighty banhammer in one hand and the search bar in the other, it would attack with flaming attacks (religion, abortion, WW2 threads), sarky comments and zero punctuation quotes. It would be the Escapist made flesh. The only way to kill it and whittle down its postcount is through using brilliant thread attacks that encourage intelligent discussion, obey the rules and use perfect grammar. |
On the Record  Posts: 5491 Joined: 13 Aug 2008  | Archon. Also known as the CEO of the Themis group. Also known as the boss. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1425 Joined: 27 Feb 2009    |
I still don't get why he is so loved on this forum, dead hooker joke + pessimistic outlook on life = Escapist fame? |
BANNED  Posts: 11268 Joined: 3 Jan 2009     | Trying to resist saying Maxi, but I'd say maybe Neonbob or a Battle against all the old members of this site. User was banned for: Why do Many Girls take Pictures of Themselves?. (Permanent) |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2505 Joined: 6 Apr 2009    | The Red Guard attack you and you must beat them with only the aid of your faithful sidekick Xitel who is a harmless kitty. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3369 Joined: 24 Jan 2009   | My final boss would be my childhood. I would have to relive certain moments and make them right, make them how they should have gone. Now my final boss for the Escapist, hmm... I say that it would be a Dark version of myself. It would be wielding the Banhammer, and I would have to defeat it in order to transcend to the next plane of Internet existence. |
Press Junketeer  Posts: 473 Joined: 17 Mar 2009    | A mirror o.0 |
Nobel Laureate  Posts: 16101 Joined: 26 Dec 2008   |
I don't understand why people love or hate me. Topic: Probably Russ Pitts - superspy. |
Paperboy Posts: 15 Joined: 29 Jun 2009    | Either that or you must battle in wits with yahzee, you must do a more scolding review of yahzee than he does of you- the thing is that he knows completely nothing about you but you can deduce many things from his videos a crippletron would be the coolet boss to fight but the best idk probably a combination of so many it cant be listed |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 1425 Joined: 27 Feb 2009 |
Hehe an answer from the man himself :P |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1794 Joined: 23 Apr 2009     | Well, it would be a dopplerganger of myself, all my skills, but with an opposite set of views than me. We would then have a debate off |
Nobel Laureate Posts: 16101 Joined: 26 Dec 2008 |
Neonbob has more posts than I - though he has admitted he plays a lot of Forum Games, which contribute to that. I honestly dunno. Maybe people like rampant narcissism and unchecked egotism? |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3321 Joined: 20 Apr 2009    | There would be a boss rush of Max, Internet Kraken, Ultrajoe, Neonbob, Capt Oblivious, and several other forum posters. After that you'd fight the search bar and then the unskippable guys. After a health restoration, you'd fight your dark self in some sort of pre-climax where you finally deal with your personal faults that bothered you throughout the game, gaining some words of encouragement, a status boost, and the awesome sword of plot. And the final boss, you guessed it, is Yahtzee. You must defeat him with JRPG's and QTE. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1229 Joined: 7 Feb 2009 |
I think it's mostly that he posts a lot. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1180 Joined: 1 Jul 2009 |
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn my good sir, you have won. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 3086 Joined: 13 Jul 2008   | It would be a terrible challenge, and the ultimate sacrifice. The user would have to... Log off and never, ever return to The Escapist. Oh the horror.... |
Nobel Laureate  Posts: 20631 Joined: 22 Dec 2008 |
Ah, hell...I guess I'm never going to beat it, then. I think the entire staff would combine into one giant deity, and uberbanhammer any challenger. |
Master Archivist  Posts: 9233 Joined: 5 Mar 2009   |
No no, ive told you. The staff monster would just be a sub-boss. In the end you walk into an empty chamber and there in a beacon of light is the omnipotent baby you and Maxi concieved. HE is the ultimate boss and messiah of the escapist. |
Infamous Scribbler  Posts: 625 Joined: 14 Jun 2008   | Yahtzee, he'd criticise you to death. Only one I can really think of, because lets face it, children on the internet don't make good bosses |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 4945 Joined: 22 Feb 2009  | Archon, CEO of the Escapist. Though he's got nothing on me *flex* |
Nobel Laureate Posts: 20631 Joined: 22 Dec 2008 |
Dammit! |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1435 Joined: 4 Feb 2009   |
Grammar nazis are everwhere. As with the original nazi inhabited game, Wolfenstein, it can only be Hitlers head in a jar as the final boss. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 4945 Joined: 22 Feb 2009 |
"I'm sorry, your a hero, but you have to leave." |
On the Record  Posts: 5058 Joined: 3 Jan 2009  | I don't understand why having a high post count is such a competitively contested activity. You could make 20 000 posts and still not have really said anything interesting or valuable to the community. |
Muckraker  Posts: 263 Joined: 11 Mar 2009  | All of the banned members will rise from the grave once more, and every troll, flamer, and advertising bot that has ever posted on the Escapist will go after you. You will be left behind accidentally in the chaos as all of the sane members of the site run to a special safehouse. They will realize that they left a friend behind too late, for you will be in the gaming discussion building with no way out. You use report buttons as weapons to get out of the building. As you're running from the zombie hoard, you get one final private message. It is from the other members of the Escapist. They tell you that the only way to destroy the invaders is to get the ultimate weapon: the search bar, which is defended by rows and rows of undead trolls. When you finally get to the search bar, you are able to free the other Escapist members so that the army can be defeated. When you have sent all of the invaders back to the world of the banned, you will be respected by all. Yeah, I know, it's not a supermod creature of ultimate doom, but I'm trying to be creative here. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1609 Joined: 18 Mar 2009   | I'd say you would have to defeat all of the moderators, then after a great battle, you ascend to the moderator status, obtain one of the legendary banhammers, and rule over all. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2142 Joined: 23 Jan 2008  |
Muahahahaha. I approve of this latter idea. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1933 Joined: 31 Jan 2008 | My Boss Fight would be against Old Joe. He would reveal himself once I have defeated all the current mods. Then he stands, banhammer in hand. Epic, simply epic. |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 2018 Joined: 2 Nov 2008  |
My bad, didn't read that post. I like my idea better, though. [edit] Just because quota may have been filled doesn't mean the idea is any less awesome. If anything, I feel validated now. :D
I know, it's pretty awesome. Thanks for the name, though. Once I had posted that, I had to bounce to my job and I didn't have the time to look up their name. |
Paperboy  Posts: 30 Joined: 20 Jul 2009    |
Now the thing is, are we talking Monty Python rabbit, or just plain rabbit? There's a big differance here lol |
Vault Legend  Posts: 2205 Joined: 30 Jul 2008    | NewClassic shrugged off his coat, ends and shoulders completely shredded, blood apparent on every part of the body. His weapon, now a slashed-up mess of leather-binding and pages, was once a self-printed hard-bound book reading "The Cockney Thread." Huffing out a cloud of dust from his contrast and brightness dials, he sat down and degaussed himself. The darkness of the room was visibly less purple, though that did little to make him feel any more at ease. "Nuke!" Nuke turned, seeing Wilson and LaCoil covering his flank. There was a mess visible code in the air. "sixpack" and worse was drooping from the walls and spilling onto the floors. Characters of every font and color littered the room, even piling in some places as everything seemed to just come apart. Nuke didn't like it, but he knew that he didn't want just Wilson and LaCoil sitting on it. nilcypher had his own problems to deal with, and the cataclysm already claimed Alex_P, BabyTea, and Ultrajoe. Although he couldn't fault them for losing to the mess. It's not very often death falls fast and hard. It took a mountain of shrapnel to pierce Ultrajoe's armor, but enough of the stuff killed just about everyone. Nuke himself was lucky that he didn't bite the bullet as well. And he had to watch BabyTea sink to the floor with "Line 12" poking out from both sides of his chest. It was quite disparaging, but BTea had saved his life, at the cost of his own. Bad idea, Nuke had said, they could've used your Ban Teapot. All he had was the report button and his almost ruined Cockney novel. Even still, he'd go on for BTea's sake at the very least. Ahead of them, it seemed like more of the same. Code coming apart, faceless shadows that attacked on sight. None of it seemed to make sense. Why did the cataclysm come? And more importantly, where the hell was the Staff? Nuke pressed forward, meeting the first shadow in a pirouette-style spin, ducking under a claw-like slash and burying the report button into the side of the creature. He rolled, feeling the presence of Wilson behind him. The walls shuddered as Wilson's might tore the shadow from reality. LaCoil was also at the wings, tearing apart shadows with rhythmic blows. As they fell, the shattered into jumbled alphanumerics. Aimless characters spilled everywhere as they fought harder and harder against the surge. Nuke felt useless, only able to stagger the creatures rather than vanquish them completely. Wilson and LaCoil were doing the heavy-lifting. Ah well, he couldn't help anything but press on and do what he can. Claws flashed from overhead, and Nuke's chest exploded in a splotch of red. His shirt got shredded to tatters, and his tie was torn apart. "Damn," Nuke said, "I liked this tie." Then the pain set in. Good God, the pain. Wilson and LaCoil both looked at one another, holding a conversation unheard by Nuke. Working relationships make communication almost psychic, and they didn't need to speak to know what the other was really saying. Whatever it was, it was pretty clear they disagreed. Nuke just slumped, interior of the monitor pooling with blood. If he had enough energy to turn his neck, blood would've dripped from his vents. He made an ambitious effort, letting the liquid spill aimlessly onto the floor. The floor was bare concrete, and was stained instantly. Didn't matter to present company, and he doubted the Staff would care too much about this individual blood stain with the rest of the gore and worse everywhere else. Assuming everyone survived this to have to clean up. Whatever the hell this was. Wilson sighed, and turned to advance. LaCoil looked at the wounded Nuke, as if willing him to get up and move with them. Nuke heaved in reply, spilling more blood from his monitor and chest. He could probably get up given enough rest, but there was very little chance he'd be able to move immediately. LaCoil assessed as much, and even realized that getting up would be temporary. Without treatment, that wound would kill him. She turned to look at the fleeting Wilson, cussed loudly, and turned to follow him. Nuke nodded approvingly, and laid down to die. A sharp foot rebounded off of his monitor. "Darnit," Nuke muttered, trying to force his opticals to focus, "can't a man die in peace these days?" Nuke raised his monitor, blood spilled out of the vents in buckets, and he was really, really dizzy. The form above him was unmistakable, though. The crab poking at his degauss button was a dead give-away. "Do me in?" Nuke struggled to think. His brain responded by not helping at all. "But, the Triumvirate, FeNinja. We're supposed to be allies." BabyTea stumbled, the "Line 12" code now dislodged and slammed into FeNinja's throat. He fell, landing onto the floor, and bleeding out multicolored code. Gerald crawled over to FeNinja, pincering gingerly at his fallen comrad. BTea's foot crushed it instantly. The sides exploded in font, size 8. "Good save," Nuke muttered, in no better shape than BTea at this point. BTea slumped to a seated position, and examined Nuke's chest. "Nasty, but I think you'll live with enough care." Nuke got up, feeling awkward. A sense of power nagged at the back of his head. His chest closed up, but his tie was still broken. He looked at BTea, now lifeless on the floor. As if it was calling to him, Nuke felt a stirring in his pocket. Lifting his red pen, the tip expanded to the size of a small handgun barrel. The clip morphed, shaping itself more like a shouldermount than a pen clip. The barrel continued to expand. Good Lord, Nuke thought, it's a freakin' Ban Cannon. BTea's mod account felt fundamentally wrong, almost like he was breaking the rules by using it. Which he was, in a sense, but it meant he would get to live and help the three remaining mods. Four now, Nuke thought grimly. He'd have to remember to call BTea's wife personally. He had a lot of ground to cover, especially with Wilson's breakneck pace. He dispatched a rogue shadow, firing a concentrated blast of ban at the creature. The creature took the blow face-first, and fell apart in blood-red letters and numbers. Nuke tried not to think about the blast being shaped like the Beatles' Yellow Submarine. Nuke almost felt like he was catching up until he realized he'd made a wrong turn. Ahead of him, he saw a silhouette. "No," Nuke whispered, fearing the worst of what he thought he saw. The red pen helped, though, and at least three of who-knows how many exploded violently, tearing gashes, holes, and worse into the remaining shadows. Shrapnel, Nuke thought through the pain, handy. The shadows were dispatched in quick order, and Puppet had disappeared completely. He probably left, for which Nuke was grateful. Had he stayed, he'd've been completely unable to kill his Puppet. Probably couldn't have even hurt him. "Oh, Puppet... What happened to us?" He felt his wounds healing themselves, but he still have a bit of a limp hobbling along his previous path and moving to catch up with the two mods. His joints ached, but he made good time getting back anyway. When he reached the final chamber, he saw the door was guarded by three people. All of them, sadly, were familiar. "Hey Nuke, it's been taken care of. Go back home, and don't worry about it anymore." Wilson's face seemed professionally bland, looking both at and past Nuke at the same time. "No," he said to the three ahead of him, "I won't have it. We're all here for a reason. Barring money, is there a single reason for the forums to close?" Wilson reacted like a professional, the ban slamming into Nuke like a freight train. The monitor faded, but the BanCannon picked him right back up and brought the world again to focus. Just as nilcypher had proven a long time ago, mods could unban themselves. Wilson tried again before realizing his mistake, and it gave Nuke enough time to knock him out too. If it weren't for the unfair advantage, he'd've been taken out. Thank goodness for unfair advantages. The final chambers wasn't what it seemed at all. It was an exit. The double doors led to a blood-red skyline. Didn't seem realistic, but the Eye of Archon seemed to peer into his very soul. When contrasted by the Eye, even the apocalypse looked normal. It all just felt utterly wrong to Nuke. This isn't how it should've been. It really isn't. It wasn't right that the forum was going away. It wasn't just Themis' business, it was the users' home. A big, gaping, boarding school on the internet. In the distance, Nuke could see a man in the distance. He was familiar, Kuliani shuffling listlessly away from the Eye. He saw me, half-smiled, and seemed as if he was just walking away. "Heya Kuliani." Nuke said, glancing at the Eye in the sky. "Out of a job?" The white shirt was stained with blood, enough to turn red completely. The tie had ripped apart and fallen off completely, and the limp was gone in favor of a previously unseen gash across the back of his leg. It was sheeted in dried blood, and seemed to twinge with every step. Nuke wondered if men like Kuliani would want to complain like his mind seemed to with every single step. Nothing mattered but getting to the end of this whole thing. Nuke reached the far end of the pass, shirt now completely red, clung to skin by dried blood. The offices of Themis was warm, the grass was green, and somehow... The sky was blue here. He went through the front doors, and looked around the relatively posh office. Inside, Ultrajoe was sat down at a posh sitting chair. LaCoil was reading a magazine labeled Home and Garden, a magazine which Nuke knew was a false cover. On closer inspection, it was a magazine labeled Metalhead Monthly. nilcypher watched me, probably curious as to whether or not he had actually tricked me into thinking someone like me could knock him out. Kuliani himself was kicked back in a really posh chair, skimming a script of some kind. From what little eavesdropping Nuke could manage, it seemed to be labeled as a script for a future "Escapist Show." He nodded jovially at me. BabyTea and Puppeteer Putin were laughing about something, likely at his expense, in the far corner of the lobby. Wilson was leaning against the reception desk, watching me with an unreadable expression. He pointed to a calender, date marked on it as April 1st. "A bit of a light-hearted joke, but with an important message." That's not even right, Nuke thought to himself, my boss is my own inability to not take this forum faaar too seriously. |
Beat Writer  Posts: 209 Joined: 23 Jul 2009    |
The old members would win. *rolls eyes* I just want to see all the blood covering the walls from the struggle. ^_^ |
Gone Gonzo  Posts: 1754 Joined: 22 Jan 2009    | It would be TH. He always changes IPs, so he would be a difficult boss. |
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yeah, all you have to do is poke him =D
OT: a boss hmm? maybe all the mods band together making one super boss? :/ who knows~