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Most Inaccurate Lessons You Were Taught in School

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Nobel Laureate
Posts: 16124
Joined: 26 Dec 2008

Thaius:
Let's just say this: revisionist history is the only history taught in American schools. Seriously, it's freaking ridiculous.

Completely agreed.

Both sides in any conflict are whitewashed.

Rape of Nanking?
Never heard of it before!

What do you mean we marvelous Americans tossed Japanese folk into camps?
That's just absurd.

But all that aside, my history teacher would not shut up about God.
I swear to...Cthulhu, he had the biggest boner for Jesus you've ever seen.

He would go on and on about how (his) god created everything, while blatantly ignoring the "history" aspect of History class.

Don't misunderstand: Couldn't care less what silliness you believe in.
Don't care if you think Buddha is cool, or if Jesus is sweet, or if Mohammad is super-duper.
I don't even care if you're one of those filthy godless atheists (like myself.)
But keep it to yourself, you fuck.
I didn't wake up to listen to you preach your religion.

It's fine when you do it to people who came to a place where they specifically wanted to hear it.
But when you're preaching at someone who is literally incapable of leaving and who is there under false pretenses, it makes me want to hurt you.

Emphasis everywhere you guys.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 105
Joined: 21 May 2009

captainwillies:

Anarchy In Detroit:
I had a teacher who said she didn't believe in evolution. Pretty much sums you up as a stupid fuck to me. This was of course while she was teaching the required evolution curriculum... only to indignantly dismiss it afterwards. Whatever, at least she taught it right.

If she taught it the right way then there really is no problem. She can believe what she wants as long as she does her job.

I second that. It sucks for people who have to do/teach things they don't believe in - if she teaches it correctly then she should be allowed to believe whatever she wants afterwards. Doesn't necessarily make her stupid.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 105
Joined: 21 May 2009

MaxTheReaper:

Thaius:
Let's just say this: revisionist history is the only history taught in American schools. Seriously, it's freaking ridiculous.

...
But when you're preaching at someone who is literally incapable of leaving and who is there under false pretenses, it makes me want to hurt you.
...

You were there under false pretenses? I'm intrigued :P

Paperboy
Posts: 46
Joined: 10 Dec 2008

I once had a supply teacher for an RE(Religious Education) lesson who was trying to explain the importance of Asia, she told us that all religion comes from there and that it's the centre of the Universe. I'm not even kidding...

Nobel Laureate
Posts: 16124
Joined: 26 Dec 2008

Jaygee02:

You were there under false pretenses? I'm intrigued :P

I was there to learn some fuckin' facts, yo.
Not listen to someone monologue about how FUCK YOU IF GOD IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE HE CREATED EVERYTHING YOU'D BEST BE GRATEFUL, FUCKBAGS

If I wanted that I'd...
...I don't know what I'd do.
Because I do not want that.

Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 585
Joined: 6 Sep 2009

Elementary school. We were taught that the American Revolution "sounded the bell for freedom around the world" and "was fought for freedom" when in reality, it was a small colony in the middle of nowhere and what we were really fighting for was the idea that we didn't want to pay taxes to the Brits.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 105
Joined: 21 May 2009

MaxTheReaper:

Jaygee02:

You were there under false pretenses? I'm intrigued :P

I was there to learn some fuckin' facts, yo.
Not listen to someone monologue about how FUCK YOU IF GOD IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE HE CREATED EVERYTHING YOU'D BEST BE GRATEFUL, FUCKBAGS

If I wanted that I'd...
...I don't know what I'd do.
Because I do not want that.

I can sympathise with that. Class isn't the place to be arguing personal beliefs, whatever they may be. Although on the other hand I remember we used to do our best to get our accounting teacher off on a tangent to avoid doing actual work.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 813
Joined: 17 Feb 2008

Icehearted:

captainwillies:

Icehearted:

Finnboghi:

Pararaptor:

Icehearted:
Jr High. Modern American condoms were made of latex
or intestines. How friggin' romantic that must feel...

I call bullshit on the intestine condom idea. They tried to tell us about that in sex ed, but I know Tennis Racquet wires used to be made from cow intestines & that they'd fall apart if they got wet...

That would be because the strings are treated to a very special chemical cocktail that degrades in water.

Condoms were originally made from sheep intestines - and they still are.

For those who are allergic to latex, they make condoms from intestines to cover the latex intolerant.

I had a lot... Can't remember any off the top of my head, though.

Wait, so that wasn't inaccurate?! I've never typed "omfg" but OMFG! Prevent pregnancy by depositing male fluids (sorry mods, best I could think of at the moment) into the entrails of a dead animal?! No really, how the hell is that even remotely romantic or arousing to anyone? Hell, I'll even throw my faith in on this one and ask if this constitutes bestiality since an animal was used in the process of conducting the sexual act.

Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but right now my mind has officially been blown.

The ancient Egyptians used baby alligator skulls as condoms I'm not surprised.

They also use the equivalent of primitive toilets to give birth to their children. We're supposed to be an evolved people, preferably capable of safely engaging the the sexual arts without having to resort to sheathing our man-handle in the eviscerated guts of another mammal.

Rolled up sheep guts sounds more like a third-world shantytown snack than a means for safe copulation. All this time I thought Mr. S was full of it.... *shudder*

going back to the bestiality though technically because the sheep is dead it can constitute necrophiliac bestiality but of course its non-consensual so again its necro-bestiality-rape on a technicality :D

Nobel Laureate
Posts: 16124
Joined: 26 Dec 2008

Jaygee02:

I can sympathise with that. Class isn't the place to be arguing personal beliefs, whatever they may be. Although on the other hand I remember we used to do our best to get our accounting teacher off on a tangent to avoid doing actual work.

I wouldn't mind arguing.
Or even debating.

What he was doing was preaching.
Worse, he was treating his personal beliefs, which have absolutely no proof to back them up, as verifiable fact.
And if you disagreed?

OHO YOU WERE SO FUCKED

Copy Clerk
Posts: 77
Joined: 5 Jun 2009

Oh, and I just remembered this:
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that Washington never told a lie.
I learned that soldiers seldom die.
I learned that everybody's free.
And that's what the teacher said to me.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that policemen are my friends.
I learned that justice never ends.
I learned that murderers die for their crimes.
Even if we make a mistake sometimes.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned our government must be strong.
It's always right and never wrong.
Our leaders are the finest men.
And we elect them again and again.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
What did you learn in school today,
Dear little boy of mine?
I learned that war is not so bad.
I learned of the great ones we have had.
We fought in Germany and in France.
And some day I might get my chance.
That's what I learned in school today.
That's what I learned in school.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 804
Joined: 17 Feb 2009

Icehearted:

captainwillies:

Icehearted:

Finnboghi:

Pararaptor:

Icehearted:
Jr High. Modern American condoms were made of latex
or intestines. How friggin' romantic that must feel...

I call bullshit on the intestine condom idea. They tried to tell us about that in sex ed, but I know Tennis Racquet wires used to be made from cow intestines & that they'd fall apart if they got wet...

That would be because the strings are treated to a very special chemical cocktail that degrades in water.

Condoms were originally made from sheep intestines - and they still are.

For those who are allergic to latex, they make condoms from intestines to cover the latex intolerant.

I had a lot... Can't remember any off the top of my head, though.

Wait, so that wasn't inaccurate?! I've never typed "omfg" but OMFG! Prevent pregnancy by depositing male fluids (sorry mods, best I could think of at the moment) into the entrails of a dead animal?! No really, how the hell is that even remotely romantic or arousing to anyone? Hell, I'll even throw my faith in on this one and ask if this constitutes bestiality since an animal was used in the process of conducting the sexual act.

Maybe I'm looking at this wrong, but right now my mind has officially been blown.

The ancient Egyptians used baby alligator skulls as condoms I'm not surprised.

They also use the equivalent of primitive toilets to give birth to their children. We're supposed to be an evolved people, preferably capable of safely engaging the the sexual arts without having to resort to sheathing our man-handle in the eviscerated guts of another mammal.

Rolled up sheep guts sounds more like a third-world shantytown snack than a means for safe copulation. All this time I thought Mr. S was full of it.... *shudder*

You all have missed the best part: Recipes for contraceptives that involve anything from honey to oh dear god but alligator dung *deep twitch*. At least the sheep-skin/intestine condoms are cleaned. How the fuck do you clean alligator dung for insertion?!?

EDIT: My wife's response: I am so glad I had my tubes tied.
EDIT: OT: I went to a 7th day Adventist boarding school. As a Christian I can say these guys missed the point almost completely, but did a better job than most denominations that completely misunderstood Jesus. At least they got the peace and loving your neighbor parts right.

Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 602
Joined: 13 Dec 2008

skyfire_freckles:
I was spinning a globe during free time in second grade, looking at all the continents, when I suddenly realized that Africa and South America would fit together almost perfectly. It made me think about what my dad had said about earthquakes, so I went to my teacher and explained my theory: that once upon a time, the continents had all been together once, but earthquakes had broken them apart over time.

She said, "No, of course not," like it was ridiculous. Then she went on to say that the world had always been just the way it was, and would never change.

What the hell?

Aha, I guess someone hadn't heard of continental drift...

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 804
Joined: 17 Feb 2009

MaxTheReaper:
*snip*
I don't even care if you're one of those filthy godless atheists (like myself.)
But keep it to yourself, you fuck.
I didn't wake up to listen to you preach your religion.

It's fine when you do it to people who came to a place where they specifically wanted to hear it.
But when you're preaching at someone who is literally incapable of leaving and who is there under false pretenses, it makes me want to hurt you.

Emphasis everywhere you guys.

You have my apologies on behalf of Christians everywhere. Too bad 99%+ are deeply lost or complete fucktards.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 77
Joined: 5 Jun 2009

Almost all history classes before college give the impression of history as one big logical progression, from the unhappy and unfair past to the completely and utterly perfect present. The suggest that the victories of the current ideas about morality and economy--basically, "Everyone's equal" and "Capitalism wins"--were inevitable, and will last forever. It's as though the textbook writers see the whole thing as a big story, and they decided to remove all tension, moral ambiguity, and give the whole thing a nice big happy ending.

Not that I'm bitter, or anything.

Nobel Laureate
Posts: 16124
Joined: 26 Dec 2008

Captain Blackout:
You have my apologies on behalf of Christians everywhere. Too bad 99%+ are deeply lost or complete fucktards.

It's cool.
There are dicks in every belief system - or non-belief system, as the case may be.

...What I'm saying is, groups are like people - they all have at least one ass (possibly more)

Beat Writer
Posts: 164
Joined: 24 Dec 2008

My science teacher said once that an antiparticle combusted on contact with a particle. He was a biology teacher though, and I think he might have just been simplifying things a bit as we are in grade 10.

Infamous Scribbler
Posts: 532
Joined: 22 Jan 2008

captainwillies:

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1044
Joined: 22 Feb 2009

captainwillies:

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

What are you fucking retarded? I just said I got it from my mum who is not only GREEK but who taught YEAR 12 CLASSICS for 10 years. Maybe you don't know what Classics is? It is basically Ancient History, Myths and Legends. Basically she knows what she's fucking talking about when it comes to this and I confirmed it with her before writing that, they did often have multiple Gods for the same thing because Athena's brother Aries is also the God of War.

Oh and I also did the subject in years 10 and 11 and guess what they taught me...

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 813
Joined: 17 Feb 2008

BlueMage:

captainwillies:

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

hmmmm i feel that there may be a loss of communication because of semantics somewhere in these posts/replies. Very well! may i request some sources and references on this knowledge.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 119
Joined: 21 Mar 2009

i think my 2nd grade teacher told me onec that 4+1=6.

But i think it was something to do with what we were doing.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 119
Joined: 21 Mar 2009

captainwillies:

BlueMage:

captainwillies:

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

yeah. so? were did she get that info from? western history books often get things wrong. Besides Athena can't be the goddess of victory because "Nike" was the Greek goddess of victory/triumph look it up

Actully Nike was a Roman goddess but thats if i remeber a couple of years back.

No, Nike was the personification of victory. Calling Nike a goddess would be a stretch. Although feminine in aspect, she didn't have the powers normally attributed to the Olympians.

Yes, I fancy myself an amateur classical greek mythology scholar.

hmmmm i feel that there may be a loss of communication because of semantics somewhere in these posts/replies. Very well! may i request some sources and references on this knowledge.

Beat Writer
Posts: 155
Joined: 24 Jan 2009

"we are here to take care about the children and teach them" Pff bigest lie ever i'm told by teachers.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 813
Joined: 17 Feb 2008

LooK iTz Jinjo:

What are you fucking retarded?

Woooooooaaahhhh hold up there boy. (reported)

LooK iTz Jinjo:
I just said I got it from my mum who is not only GREEK

yeah so my mum was born in Greece too. and she agrees with me. my mum vs your mum ;)

LooK iTz Jinjo:
but who taught YEAR 12 CLASSICS for 10 years.

cool story bro did she teach in Greece? or in the west?

LooK iTz Jinjo:

Maybe you don't know what Classics is? It is basically Ancient History, Myths and Legends. Basically she knows what she's fucking talking about when it comes to this and I confirmed it with her before writing that, they did often have multiple Gods for the same thing because Athena's brother Aries is also the God of War.

Oh and I also did the subject in years 10 and 11 and guess what they taught me...

i guess they taught you the wrong thing.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 52
Joined: 27 Jun 2009

My 1st grade teacher said that there was no life before cavemen.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3821
Joined: 6 Feb 2008

...that electrons orbit around a nucleus like planets around the Sun. Chemistry wouldn't be nearly as fun if that were true.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3235
Joined: 13 Jan 2009

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

As for what I got told well... That all video game violence is evil and we should not be allowed to play games at all. This was by my english teacher in a letter home to all parents of students in his class after explaining it to us and having a heated argument with about half the class.

if memory serves, she isnt the Goddess of War. Ares is The God of War (no, i didnt get that from playing God of War) and Strife.

Pulitzer Laureate
Posts: 813
Joined: 17 Feb 2008

IronicBeet:
My 1st grade teacher said that there was no life before cavemen.

surely she just meant human life? (even though she'd still be wrong to a certain degree).

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1413
Joined: 27 Jul 2008

Shadowtek:
that being a nice person always pays off in the end.... yea, right.

I can actually vouch for this one.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 52
Joined: 27 Jun 2009

captainwillies:

IronicBeet:
My 1st grade teacher said that there was no life before cavemen.

surely she just meant human life? (even though she'd still be wrong to a certain degree).

No, she meant that cavemen were the first beings on earth. I know, pants-on-head-retarded.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 3235
Joined: 13 Jan 2009

i havent encountered anything real bad yet that i can remember, but im pretty sure i could replace our teacher if we´re ever to have Greek Mythology as a subject.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1044
Joined: 22 Feb 2009

Christemo:

LooK iTz Jinjo:

captainwillies:

Athena was the Greek goddess of war/victory. WRONG she was the goddess of wisdom. what makes it even worse is the teacher was greek :(

Actually she was both :P (Yeah my mums Greek and taught yr12 Classics for 10 years) Athena was the Goddess of War and Victory as well as being the Goddess of Wisdom, you were both right :).

As for what I got told well... That all video game violence is evil and we should not be allowed to play games at all. This was by my english teacher in a letter home to all parents of students in his class after explaining it to us and having a heated argument with about half the class.

if memory serves, she isnt the Goddess of War. Ares is The God of War (no, i didnt get that from playing God of War) and Strife.

While your memory serves you correct that Ares is the God of War, his Sister ATHENA is also the goddess of war.

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 2035
Joined: 9 Aug 2009

In year 4 (I was about 8) we had a teacher who left, and then this old bat covered for a while before we got a decent one. Only problem was she was a complete bible basher, so when a friend of mine asked something along the lines of: "Why are sheep covered in wool?" instead of giving the answer any rational person would she replied: "Oh, because God made them that way, that's why."

NO. Just describe evolution very simply you old witch!

Gone Gonzo
Posts: 1180
Joined: 21 Oct 2008

Wow the American education is pretty fucking terrible by the sounds of it.

I mean I had teachers who were arseholes, but at least they knew the subjects they were teaching.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 55
Joined: 7 Oct 2009

My school is pretty decent, but they still teach that there are 3, and ONLY three, states of matter. Plasma doesn't wink out of existence as soon as you enter the damn building.

Copy Clerk
Posts: 82
Joined: 6 Jul 2009

That black people have smaller brains than white people, and are naturally more violent and prone to commit crimes simply because of their race....
Oddly enough, this was from a substitute teacher talking about segregation in the US, and went on to talk about how it wasn't as bad for blacks as the jewish run media likes to point out.
Never had her again, I think/hope she was fired.

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