Make them play Duke Nukem as a warning that nobody steals our chicks and lives. Then take them to KFC to show them that we are so badass we are willing to put ourselves in extreme amounts of pain. Finally take them to the House of Commons so that they flee in terror and declare the entire planet a quarantine zone. Oh, and before they leave, I tack up a poster comparing Princess Di and Camilla Parker in their probulator room so that they know that we're far more degenerate than anything they can come up with.

kannibus:
Make them play Duke Nukem as a warning that nobody steals our chicks and lives. Then take them to KFC to show them that we are so badass we are willing to put ourselves in extreme amounts of pain. Finally take them to the House of Commons so that they flee in terror and declare the entire planet a quarantine zone. Oh, and before they leave, I tack up a poster comparing Princess Di and Camilla Parker in their probulator room so that they know that we're far more degenerate than anything they can come up with.

Or make them play Duke Nukem so they get addicted to it, and then make them wait for Forever to be released! The ultimate torture!

Models of really high-tech weopenry which we don`t have the tech for, so they would be convinced not to invade us

I'd probably show them the star wars kid on youtube and say "This is the one, that will destroy your entire race, you have been warned..." In reality though, I would probably show them music as well. I would find the person above me who said that first to quote him/her but I'm too lazy and I have leaves to rake.

robert632:
show them porn the internet.

Show them the internet and they'll blow up this entire world for the sake of the universe.

Shout at them like fucking crazy.
It worked in Districkt 9.

Tell them to get back in their ship and get the hell away from this doomed world!

Hi there.

We're humans.

We like to kill things. If you stay here, someone will kill you. Get out while you can.

Kollega:
Find a picture of Ratchet on the Web and ask: "Have you seen that guy before?"

In seriousness,i'd probably introduce them to our music - from classical to rock-n-roll. Music unites humans of different cultures,why won't it work on aliens? That's assuming,of course they already know the basest of basics - that we are carbon-based,breathe oxygen,our counting and measuring conventions,etcetera.

You sure about the music?

I would probably introduce them to the guys at CERN, or something.

Or Cambridge university :)

To a military parade in their honour, so that they may see our martial might!

Im getting paid to be a guide right?

I'd assuming the alien knows english, I'd show them wikipedia and let them educate themselves on human culture. Would probably do a better job than me at it, and I can go play a game meanwhile.

Rick Roll them until their heads explode.

To run away from us... very... very... very fast.

Via: Any movie with aliens in it. Particularly the ones where teh aliens mean us no harm but we want to kill them anyway.... hack them apart for science!

Oh god, if we showed them 4chan, they'd probably kill us all to put us out of our misery