ziggybogidou: There Once Was A Buggy AI Who Decided Her Subject Should Die As the Plot Was Uncovered, The subject Discovered; That sadly the cake was a Lie.
Oh wow, that was epic. I'm definitely going to use that somewhere xD
There was this one limerick that was posted as a greeting on the Unix server at my dad's office way back in the day. I still remember it:
"There once was a young lady from Hyde, Who ate a green apple and died, While her lover lamented, The apple fermented, and made cider inside her inside."
Sometimes you just want to have more And what I want is more God of War With quicktime events that don't really suck And a protagonist who's bad but makes me still give a fuck It is a series that I hold close to my heart You'll be hooked by those games from the moment you start
I assume were meant to post our own funny poems then. Well I'm not very good at things like that, so instead I shall share a ready made one with you. It's a personal favourite of mine.
It's a bit long, but your thread title does say funny poems, so I shall take advantage of that.
"It's called the 11:69 express and was written by Ronald Bagnall and William S. Robinson in 1906. It's about a train crash, with a sense of humour, well if you have that sort of mindset, the writters sure did.
You'll want a railway story while you wait for the London train, It's a story I've never told yet, so I'll tell it to you again. I was only a guard at the time, sir, on the London and Smash'em line, But I shan't forget the mishap to the eleven sixty-nine.
'Twas a terrible foggy night, sir, and a day I shan't forget. The fog was a kind of Scotch mist sir, and the train was somehow wet! When all of a sudden I heard, sir, the sound of a mighty crash. I busied myself with the injured and helped myself to their cash.
For the coaches were all of a heap, sir, though why I cannot tell. And the passengers lying around us were none of 'em looking well. They slept their last sleep on the sleepers, we could hear the sleepers snore. It's a sight I've never seen, sir, and shall never see before.
For the line was a mass of hats, sir, and blouses all over the place Whilst one of the passengers' noses was in the middle of his face. I saw a sweet young lady in a mashed potato state, And her final words were, 'Doctor! Is my hat on straight?'
We stumbled across the driver, and I thought that he was dead; For his body and legs were missing and we couldn't find his head. Then the two of us lifted the engine and placed it on the line... But here's your late train early sir, the eleven sixty nine.
This is "This Be The Verse" by British poet Philip Larkin:
Philip Larkin: They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself.
It's a little deppresing, but funny and thought provoking none the less
There was an old fellow of Brest, Who sucked off his wife with a zest. Despite her great yowls He sucked out her bowls And spat them all over her chest.
There was a young man of Nantucket Who's dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin if my ear was a c*** I could fuck it.
Both of these are from a book by Norman Douglas called 'Some limericks', there are more but they are even more dirty than these and typing them will get be banned
I just made this poem up on the spot. Let's hear some other funny poems! Preferably self made and short (no epics please :p)
My teeth are made of candy,
My blood is a fine wine,
My piss tastes like shandy,
And my ass smells of pine.
My body is a temple,
Every smooth and shady bit,
But the only part that people notice,
Is the fact that I talk shit! :D