Well folks, 2009 is almost at an end. (OK, I know it isn't but bear with me here) And what a year it's been for music. The BRiT awards continue to speed downhill to the valley of shitiness, Speech Debelle won the Mercury Prize award, Them Crooked Vultures are proving that Super Groups don't suck and Oasis (quite possibly the biggest band of the last 18 years) finally had one spat too many.

Of course it wasn't all good news, music also started to run down the shitter. And if last year's wildly successful (for me anyway) thread was anything to go by, you lot have a lot to say about what's shit and what isn't. So, opening slightly earlier this year I present to you the Unofficial Official Escapist Worst Songs Of 2009 Thread.

This year there is a twist though. Instead of just listing what we all think is the worst song individually; why don't we, the Escapist forum, collectively decide on the absolute worst song of 2009? From now til November the 29th this thread will be used to offer suggestions on the worst songs of the year. At 6pm on November the 29th, the suggestion phase will shut and I will tally up the votes. The 32 with the most votes will then be written onto scraps of paper and randomly, one by one, be drawn out of a hat. This will create a scenario which will pit them against each other in 1v1 matchups starting on November 30th and each day we will lose one song until eventually we have decided on a winner to take home the prestigeous prize.

Sound simple? Maybe in how I've worded it it doesn't but let's just lay down the ground rules.

1] Only music released in 2009, obviously. Re-releases are allowed but, again, as long as they were released or charted this year. So we are all allowed to get the shotguns out on Lady GaGa.

2] I understand that the suggestion phase is a little early this year and may shut a little early. So if a song of quality that is so bad, so tripe, so utterly awful that it has to be thrown in, it will be. Just bring it to my attention.

3] Don't say "This Year's X Factor Winner" for four reasons. a)It's not out yet. b) It's akin to shooting fish in a barrel with a fully loaded Fat Man switched to automatic. c) It's guarranteed to be shit putting it at an unfair advantage and d) It's giving it way too much credit. "Hero" was nominated for the Best Single BRiT Award this year! Do we really want to give Simon Cowell the satisfaction that we are talking about him? Alexandra Burkre is fine to rag on by the way.

4] You must explain why you chose each song

So now that the intro is out of the way, let's kick off with some suggestions.

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow And to think that I was excited for the Black Eyed Peas to return.

Lady GaGa - Just Dance Annoying, pretentious, out of date shite that still fails to just roll over and fucking die.

Anything that brokeNCYDE have done, are doing and are planning to do in the future The Four Horsemen called. They said they'll be here just after tea time.

So then, ideas. Suggestions. Let's get the ball rolling.

I have no idea whats new and not, I've been avoiding MTV for a long time.

But I guess if Sonic Syndicate or Three Days Grace has released anything new I am sure that it sucks. Nu-metal bands are just crappy. Especially their music. Syndicate makes cluster-fuck music that's dull and has been done better and Three Days Grace never makes new music, they just make songs that sound the same like their other songs.

I don't watch TV and I'm glad I'm not exposed to this horseshit.

Well, Noting that all the new stuff I've heard was Lady GaGa, Disney, and rap, there's so much terrible music that I simply can't choose one song to be the worst.

Hmmm. Tough decision. Boom Boom Pow was many times more annoying to me than anything brokencyde put out, because they got more airtime than those odd emo kids.

But as for hemorrhaging of the auditory canals, brokencyde takes the cake.

G1eet:
But as for hemorrhaging of the auditory canals, brokencyde takes the cake.

Do not say I didn't warn you.

Oh god, just about everyone I know likes them.
You can't really hear anything in their songs, just some guy seemingly attacking his own throat.

But, I'd have to say that this is my worst song of 2009.

I hate Esmee Denthers, or what her name is....
I hate her music, because i hate her voice. Is that reason enough?

G1eet:
OHGOD

[/thread]
I cried manly tears while eagles screamed.

Eminem's Relapse album. Oh, how shit every single song I encountered in that album was. I guess Eminem's return wasn't has glorious has I expected it to be.

The only 2009 CDs I have are Black Clouds & Silver Linings by Dream Theater, Pray for Villains by Devildriver, and I Told You I Was Freaky by Flight of the Conchords. And all of those songs are good. But whenever I turn on the radio I hear some pretty terrible music but not enough to see who wrote it and what it's called. I stay away from that.

Party in the USA, anyone?

jackanderson:

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow And to think that I was excited for the Black Eyed Peas to return.

Lady GaGa - Just Dance Annoying, pretentious, out of date shite that still fails to just roll over and fucking die.

Quite funny you should mention those. Now if I hear these two on the radio I'll pretty much turn it off. However if they're played whilst clubbing and socialising they really get the dancing going; the words easy to learn and the beats easy to dance to.

So as listening aids I'd say they're crap, but their ability to get a room full of people moving is pretty damn good. That being said there are much better dance songs (MGMT!) out their but I don't think these are quite worse song material.

I'm going to go for Beyonce (now I would've said single ladies; a song about the joys of being single when she's married to Jay-z but that's 2008). So I'm going to go for sweet dreams by her; it's this whole fake "empowering women" thing when all she does its dance provacativly whilst barely wearing anything.

Or Brittany Spears; Any song really but womaniser holds a special level of hatred for having the least imaginative lyrics of all time.

JRCB:
Party in the USA, anyone?

She has no talent whatsoever. That song make me cry on the inside. :'(

All of it except for Greenday's 21st Century Breakdown album.

Anything by Lady Gaga, and any track thats just a 1980's song with "dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh dumsh" in the background

Any Miley Cyrus has released.
My reason? Every time I hear her shrill voice, I get an instant migraine. And thats not an exaggeration.

05rutterb:

JRCB:
Party in the USA, anyone?

She has no talent whatsoever. That song make me cry on the inside. :'(

I wouldn't say no talent she can actually sing to be fair; although I know what your saying its generic catchy garbage that promotes itself to the world where music is really just background noise nowadays.

FallenJellyDoughnut:
All of it except for Greenday's 21st Century Breakdown album.

Really? I personally found it rather weak compared to earlier albums, and much preferred American idiot. Because if they're going to try a protest type album (which to be honest I don't think works overly well for them - keep in mind I'm massive fan) that should at least focus it at one target e.g Bush administration in AI. The latest one they're just vaguely mad at everything and they just jump around the place; that being said 21 guns live is my new definition of epic

all of the above except fallenjellydoughnuts suggestion. I Dislike greenday. I do like the new BeP single tho.

There are TOO MANY bad songs to pick a worst.

I used to think it was Uncle Jonny by The Killers - I hate the song, but that wierdly made me love the band even more.

Then I listened to Poker Face and Gotta Feelin'.

How wrong I was.

Miley Cyrus - Hoedown Throwndown.

First time I'd ever screamed at someone for putting it on, even fell out with the lass that got everyone listening to it because of how terrible it was.

La Roux - In For The Kill This woman sounds like a cat in a bag being drowned in the River Thames whilst a mega phone is taped to it's gob.

popdafoo:
The only 2009 CDs I have are Black Clouds & Silver Linings by Dream Theater, Pray for Villains by Devildriver, and I Told You I Was Freaky by Flight of the Conchords. And all of those songs are good. But whenever I turn on the radio I hear some pretty terrible music but not enough to see who wrote it and what it's called. I stay away from that.

This! DT can't do no wrong in my book. They are way too epic for words. My tat is there logo. As for the worst. Lady Gaga, anything on disney that sings, and whatever mtv plays.

jackanderson:
La Roux - In For The Kill This woman sounds like a cat in a bag being drowned in the River Thames whilst a mega phone is taped to it's gob.

See another song that you're meant to dance to. It's all about the beat, now you may think this means its a bad song. I just thing you're using them the wrong way if I'm honest.

Although I actually love La Roux; to listen and dance to.

Oh and I wanna mention the Jonas Brothers as contenders; pick a song any song

Birthday Sex and that Hanna Montana song get my vote.

On a side note is Lady Gaga really all that bad? I haven't heard all her music but she seems better the 90% of the other garbage on the radio (I know thats not saying much but yeah)...and at least she actually sings and isn't auto-tuning all her music...or have I just missed the songs that make everyone on the internet hate her?

Don't make this more complicated than need be. The obvious answer is "anything played on anything touted as popular radio."

jackanderson:

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow And to think that I was excited for the Black Eyed Peas to return.

.

This gets my vote. I hated this song

Lady Gaga's awful.

Funnily enough when Cartman sang Poker Face it was fantastic - it must just be that pretentious bitch when she sings: "Oh look at me I'm so hideous and I dress like a freak show! Love me for my shitty little cup and saucer I take around everywhere!"

JLS - Beat Again When will the British public tire of seeing vapid pretty boys who can't sing perform fucking awful love songs?

Dizzee Rascal & Armand Van Heldon - Bonkers Endless fucking noise. Make it stop!

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling I was hoping Boom Boom Pow would be one of those shit lead singles on an album that'd be great. Then I heard this. Then I burned my copies of Monkey Business and Elephunk.

By the way: I don't hate all Rap/Hip-Hop. Case in point: Jay-Z.

I don't recognize anything anybody has posted here. Yay me and my good musical taste.

love game, has to be the worst song in the past decade

jackanderson:
La Roux - In For The Kill This woman sounds like a cat in a bag being drowned in the River Thames whilst a mega phone is taped to it's gob.

i will kill you for that...
2009 has had nothing but great music i heard someone say bonkers thats a tune!

Hiphophippo:
Don't make this more complicated than need be. The obvious answer is "anything played on anything touted as popular radio."

Ah but we are looking for a single song.

OT: I recognize very few of these, so I have no idea

jackanderson:

Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow And to think that I was excited for the Black Eyed Peas to return.

I was forced to listen to this song on repeat during the holidays by my friend's little sister and it makes me want to kill things. It's the Fergie bit that winds me up; I had to ask aforementioned sister what the hell "I'm so 2008, you're so 2000-and-late" was supposed to mean, and even when I knew my response was "BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE".

I prefer to dwell on the good releases of the year. Rammstein's new album saved my soul.

Poker face.

Girlfriend, by Kabbage Boy, I know it's meant to be bad, but it's so hilarious.