Having roamed the Escapist forums for a while now, I am not unfamiliar with the occasional "Zombie Survival Guide" threads, but this article will explain why all the carefully detailed plans in the world will be unnecessary.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly_p1.html

When I saw the thread's title I was going to post that.

I choose to Believe! What I was programed to believe!

Yeah, well when the super zombies come, I'll be safe in my abandoned prison or gas drilling station, and you can mock them all you want. They'll still eat your brains.

But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

psh what if it's the rabies virus instead of an undead virus?

Ummmm... because zombies aren't real?

I mean, I like to plan for zombie invasions, because I know they will never happen.

Honestly, we don't need to debate this so seriously. ZOMBIES (at least, mass zombies on the scale that movies portray them) AREN'T REAL!

But... but...
*puts away shotgun*

The seventh reason is exactly why I'm not scared.

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

I know, right? L4D zombies are basically immune to all the dangers of being a zombie (apart from the obvious exceptions).

That's what I've been trying to tell ya!

pyrosaw:
The seventh reason is exactly why I'm not scared.

You should be.

Okay first of all the zombie thing is just for fun.
Second of all there have been guides (max Brooks's for example) that go on to explain why things like insects or rot doesn't effect zombie very well. yes its made up but so is the idea of a zombie so as long as it sounds reasonable why not go along with it. For example try asking a star trek nerd about warp drives and they'll spew out all kinds of non-sense but it makes sense in context of the fiction itself.

World War Z is a great counter to this article. I doesn't start with the zombies already in the millions. It starts with a Patient Zero and shows a logical spread of the disease world wide.

If your not into zombie's thats cool but let us nerds have our fantasies. Some people like to argue about wether Chuck Noris or Jesus Christ would win in a fist fight. I prefer to imagine which one of my cirlce of friends would make it in a Zombie Outbreak.

dark_taint92:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

Hmm I didn't realise the virus in L4D was airbourne, how is it that the survivors run around an infested city without being infected?

And yeah if the virus is airbourne, we are pretty much fucked, unless we own a filtered air tight bunker.

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

Ravinak:

dark_taint92:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

Yeah that article focuses on the droplet infection type and touch infection whereas L4D zombie and RE5 zombies have airborne viruses which would fuck us up big time because airborne viruses can get everywhere EVERYWHERE! so I'm not too bothered about zombies unless I start seeing tanks then I'll be scared

Hmm I didn't realise the virus in L4D was airbourne, how is it that the survivors run around an infested city without being infected?

And yeah if the virus is airbourne, we are pretty much fucked, unless we own a filtered air tight bunker.

The Survivors are

Mrhappyface 2:
I would be just a slightly more worried by the 28 Day Later/Left 4 Dead Zombies though.

Indeed while they do still have many of the problems listed in that article, it depends on how far their faculties degrade. For instance if they can still open doors.

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

It's too late! Complete, global saturation has been ensured!

isawdrones:

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

It's too late! Complete, global saturation has been ensured!

No all we have to do is open up the planes hatch and get lucky and land on a volcanoe...You can be Chris and ill be your Sheva thats how much you mean to me

Actually my zombie guidelines are to go on a small deserted island (preferably really cold)
Zombie can't exactly swim and they have no body heat (i hope)

Anyway there ware flaws in article like how they assumed they keep decomposing, they are some what living again so decomposition is unlikely. If someone drowned and was brought back to life they would continue to decompose. Also it acted like we all are hardcore killers, the only reason we are on the top of the food chain is because of intelligence, we suck at killing things unless trained otherwise.

And yes biting isn't the most effective way, but would you expect patient zero to bite you and anyone else at a random time. Its not like you are going to be armed and ready we the one or multiple zombies start going crazy.They are likely to infect loads of people. The article seemed to forget that they group up, if it were a couple zombies at a time that would be fine, but the make up hordes. And when hordes of zombies start running at you, your fucked, sure you could take out some but certainly not all of them. Also zombies have an undying thirst for flesh that cannot be quenched, however dogs with rabies bite when angry, so the comparison between the two are irrelevant.

Zombies not able to feel pain is more beneficial than it leads on, zombies will not huddle in the corner in pain with the rest of the humans, they will keep on coming by any means necessary. Yes zombies can't climb mountains, but the majority of the population are in cities far away from mountains, and not everyone on the world can climb mountains at the drop of a hat, some can't even climb a simple tree. They assume zombies can't see in the dark, but I call that bullshit! How many zombie attacks occur at night? The answer is almost all of them...besides they seem more nocturnal than anything! And this ability would give them an edge because (they don't have to sleep and)they can't hunt sleeping humans during the night, and pick off the survivors during the day.

Unless the world is prepared for an impossible event, we would all die.

I like how the zombies will be stopped...

Seriously, they do NOT fuck around

Just because it won't happen doesn't mean we should not contribute to conversations and threads.

I, and most people, know it cannot happen, but does that stop us from talking about zombies, playing zombie games, reading books/watching movies with zombies in them, etc.?

We like zombies, and we're not going to let reality stop us from liking zombies!

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

It's too late! Complete, global saturation has been ensured!

No all we have to do is open up the planes hatch and get lucky and land on a volcanoe...You can be Chris and ill be your Sheva thats how much you mean to me

B-BUT! I don't want watermelon biceps! Psh, fighting evil is for chumps. I'll be Jill if you be Wesker! MUAHAHA.

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:

Mr. Google:

isawdrones:
But what if it's not the slow zombies? What if it's a mutated Rabies virus like in L4D? What if UROBOROS IS RELEASED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE?!

NO NOT UROBOROS! Damn it Wesker!

It's too late! Complete, global saturation has been ensured!

No all we have to do is open up the planes hatch and get lucky and land on a volcanoe...You can be Chris and ill be your Sheva thats how much you mean to me

We would merely be post-poning the ineviteble!

Ironic Pirate:
Yeah, well when the super zombies come, I'll be safe in my abandoned prison or gas drilling station, and you can mock them all you want. They'll still eat your brains.

Sorry I just wanted to say how awesome your avatar gif is.

OT: I'd rather have suspension of disbelief. I plan on going into coma and waking up when the apocalypes is in full swing like 28 days later only with real zombies and not crazy rage monkey people. Nonbelievers like the OP are going to be the first to go when the Zompocalypse hits in 2012.

isawdrones:

B-BUT! I don't want watermelon biceps! Psh, fighting evil is for chumps. I'll be Jill if you be Wesker! MUAHAHA.

Yeah ud have watermelon biceps and id have watermelon boobs not the best combo so ill just go ahead and be wesker i mean i can dodge effin bullets!

a mad dodongo:

We would merely be post-poning the ineviteble!

NO! We can do it!

if it were real zombies(there are real, well, were real, zombies. it was a form of rabies in africa that killed you for maybe a minute, then when you came back to life, you reverted to you primal instincts. in other words, if you're hungry, you eat anything that moves. you can't use strategy, but you can heal, you can run fast, and you can use weapons like stones and sticks) then maybe it would be a little worse, but we already killed and cured that problem, so no worries. now, if it were spread maybe through air, we'd be screwed. and if you're immune to it, just go north or south to a cold place where they would freeze to death.

eh... It best to be prepared,and Im always prepared... *Cocks shotgun* Always.