Do you screw with telemarketers?
Why would I do that?
7.3% (31)
7.3% (31)
Every time.
19.7% (83)
19.7% (83)
Sometimes.
25.6% (108)
25.6% (108)
Telemarketers don't call me.
21.8% (92)
21.8% (92)
No.
13% (55)
13% (55)
Yes.
3.3% (14)
3.3% (14)
I did once.
8.1% (34)
8.1% (34)
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Poll: Screwing with telemarketers

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I know we all dislike when you get a call from the telemarketing swarm, and I was wondering if you would like to share your strategies of getting back at them if at you do anything at all.
Usually I don't screw with telemarketers as I have better things to do with my time, but I do enjoy thinking up ways to yank their chain around a bit.

I'd love to, but here in Blighty the only telemarketing calls I ever get are machines, so there's no point. And I don't have a landline in my new flat, and they never call my mobile, so... :(

Just answer all their questions with "And then" - i occasionally mess with one, but its very rare.

Having a private number ftw I guess. As such, I have no experience.

every time, and they call like 4x a day, it's better than the comics in the paper XD

Never fucked with them myself, but I always find it funny when people do:

I've only done it once, and it was glorious. I copied a youtuber and just kept saying 'yes'

Some guy was talking about a time share in Orlando and I started blurting nonsense like how my dad my brother my mother my sister and a host of fictional family members had died when a telemarketer called them asking about a time share in Orlando. It was quite funny to hear his response:

"Huh,I'm sorry, wha-, no I didn't. No no sorry sir, no please don't, no don't kill yourself, no."

and then to really freak him out I had set my computer to play a gunshot.

Funny because telemarketers don't call me anymore. Almost miss toying with them.

TheMehKingdom:
Some guy was talking about a time share in Orlando and I started blurting nonsense like how my dad my brother my mother my sister and a host of fictional family members had died when a telemarketer called them asking about a time share in Orlando. It was quite funny to hear his response:

"Huh,I'm sorry, wha-, no I didn't. No no sorry sir, no please don't, no don't kill yourself, no."

and then to really freak him out I had set my computer to play a gunshot.

Funny because telemarketers don't call me anymore. Almost miss toying with them.

That was glorious.
And welcome to the Escapist!
Stay the hell out of the basement.
Have a wonderful time!
OT: With telemarketers, I know they're just trying to do their job, but it's so fun to mess with them! I just put the phone up to my dog, and he does all the barking. And apparently when I was a baby, my dad would put the phone up to me and I would just blurt baby noises on the phone.

Julianking93:
Never fucked with them myself, but I always find it funny when people do:

That reminds me of the Onyxia Wipe audio.
OT: I mess with them every now and then. Since I do impersonations, I either go with 7/11 store clerk or stereotypical Chinese person. Does keep me entertained when I get very bored.

Insanum:
Just answer all their questions with "And then" - i occasionally mess with one, but its very rare.

AND DEN!
Lady, if you say And Then one more time...
AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN!!
Ahh. Classic.

God yes. I just can't pass it up. It's all about "I'm sorry can you repeat the question please?" See how many times you can ask that whenever they say a really long revised statement.

Not often, don't get too many calls from them anymore, and when they do call I've usually gt better stuf to do. My best strategy is to just pick up and not say anything, not always good, but great when it is.

Never gotten a call from one, which makes me sad as I kinda want to screw with them.

QXR2:
I know we all dislike when you get a call from the telemarketing swarm, and I was wondering if you would like to share your strategies of getting back at them if at you do anything at all.
Usually I don't screw with telemarketers as I have better things to do with my time, but I do enjoy thinking up ways to yank their chain around a bit.

I rarely answer the house phone but there have been a few occasions. I tend to wait until about halfway through the call and then say "IT'S YOU! GIVE ME MY MONEY YOU SON OF A BITCH, I GONNA COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE AND BREAK YOU LEGS WITH A PLUNGER, YOU OWE ME MONEY!" Then hang up.

once I was on my laptop at the time so I answered and...

Well....

I played this...

Only if it is for something incredibly stupid, like asking for a survey or the like.

Psh, I have more fun when those jehovah's witnesses come to my door. hahaha

lewism247:

QXR2:
I know we all dislike when you get a call from the telemarketing swarm, and I was wondering if you would like to share your strategies of getting back at them if at you do anything at all.
Usually I don't screw with telemarketers as I have better things to do with my time, but I do enjoy thinking up ways to yank their chain around a bit.

I rarely answer the house phone but there have been a few occasions. I tend to wait until about halfway through the call and then say "IT'S YOU! GIVE ME MY MONEY YOU SON OF A BITCH, I GONNA COME ROUND YOUR HOUSE AND BREAK YOU LEGS WITH A PLUNGER, YOU OWE ME MONEY!" Then hang up.

once I was on my laptop at the time so I answered and...

Well....

I played this...

this one would be pretty good as well

I say I'm under 16/18 and get the hell out of there, works like a charm.

Telemarketer-Hello, may I-
Me: this is the Rogers customer service line, please wait while I get a correspond-
*telemarketer hangs up*
Not the best one, but usually works.
As for pure amusement, sometimes I do an accent that is really hard to figure out. When they ask me to repeat what I said, I shout into the telephone with the same accent.

I hang up. Why bother fucking with a script?

I do heckle telemarketers. I don't know if anyone in here has seen the movie "1408" with John Cusack in it, but there is a scene that works perfect for a telemarketing situation.

Pretty much, John gets a call from the evil room and it says "We've killed your friends...every friend is now dead." in his hilariously menacing voice.

So one day, after a rash of calls from the same bloody people over and over, which began to drive me a tad overboard that week, I decided I'd just take up the phone this one last time and say in a very gritting smoker's cough voice, the quote above and drag out the last word until I lost my breath just to see how long he'd hold on.

TM: Hello may I speak to------
Me: We've killed your friends...
TM:...Wait, what? Excuse me?
Me: Every friend is now deeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd...
TM:.....
Me:.....
TM: *Click*

I was shocked, he made it until the end of the word dead. Never got a call from those people since.

Somthing funny happend to my dad with a telemarketer.

They called at about 6:00 pm and he told them that he was busy and could not talk and hung up. They called back at 7:00 and the woman on the pgone told him that what he did was not very nice. He was having dinner so he told her,"just go away!" and hung up. Then at 7:10 pm the phone rang. He wan to pick it up. As soon as he picked up the phone, somone shouted "GET FUCKED" and hung up.

That whole story is true. I think I win.

No but back home in Lusaka I would watch and laugh as my older cousins messed with them.

I don't get telemarketer calls anymore (good riddance), but when I did...oh boy, did I ever get telemarketer calls.
Like, 15-20 a day. Never bought anything from them though.

So, I devised a number of possible responses.
My favorite one was when I would count backward from 10 like when you lose your last life in an arcade game.
If they didn't hang up by then, I'd say "MISSION FAILED" in the deepest tone I could manage.
The responses ranged from confused, to angry, to laughter.

One time I screamed "fascist" at the top of my voice, i have yet to receive any further "TM" calls.

my grandmother one time got a "TM" call and said that "she was married to the president of the united states." the "TM" got so embarrassed that he hung up right a way and she has yet to get a single "TM" call

I have to put this in all caps just so the 'tard who do this will see it.

I USED TO DO TELEMARKETING TO FEED MY FAMILY OR THEY WOULD STARVE IN THE PAST. I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF THAT JOB AS MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO WHO DO WORKED THERE. I QUIT AS SOON AS I COULD AND WHILE YOU PUT UP WITH A PHONE CALL TO MESS WITH THEM, YOU AT MOST WASTED FIVE MINUTES. TRY BEING THEM FOR EIGHT HOURS DEALING WITH SHITHEADS WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO BUT MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER.

I'm not saying hear them out, I hardly ever do but please understand that they are doing something that most of you probably aren't doing (I am not saying ALL, just those assholes who think this crap is funny.) and that is working instead of leeching money from their parents. Way to make them proud, now grow the hell up.

My dad once programmed his modem to call the call center every few hours or so.

What's really fun is calling your friends and pretending to be a telemarketer

When I do get a call, I offer to sell them my bike or laptop

I do sometimes. I'd do worse, but honestly, I wouldn't want to get into real trouble.

When they call I do, and they call all the time. But I dont have a set thing that I say. I just mess with them with the first annoying thing that comes to mind.

I just wait until a lull and firmly but politely say I'm not interested in the product they're offering, citing reasons if any exist.

Really, they're telemarketers. No matter how badly I screw with them it won't be a meager fraction of how sucky just being a telemarketer is.

No I don't, it is incredibly disrespectful to do so. They have to make money some how, and I bet that a lot of them aren't exactly well off financially and may be in tough times. As far as I understand their job, every minute wasted is another minute they don't get paid. I politely tell them I'm not interested and hang up. It's not a nice job and I hardly doubt many of them are in it by choice. I don't give them grief.

And I never understood why people get so angry at them. How is it even an annoyance? If it does bother you, just ask to be taken off their customer list.

Them: "Hello, is [insert name] available?"

Me: "I'm sorry, he was burned in a terrible fire."

Them: ".... I.. er.. I'm sorr-*click*"

Usually goes something like that.

TheMehKingdom:
Some guy was talking about a time share in Orlando and I started blurting nonsense like how my dad my brother my mother my sister and a host of fictional family members had died when a telemarketer called them asking about a time share in Orlando. It was quite funny to hear his response:

"Huh,I'm sorry, wha-, no I didn't. No no sorry sir, no please don't, no don't kill yourself, no."

and then to really freak him out I had set my computer to play a gunshot.

Funny because telemarketers don't call me anymore. Almost miss toying with them.

ok that's funny you win in my book

O.T. I never did but my sister does it constantly and she just says random things and she even play the sucide help hotline (the funny one not the actual one)and one time my dad picked up the phone and scream into it as loud as he could I think get a lion sound effect and make it sound like I'm getting attacked by a lion

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