Is yelling at children as bad as physical abuse?
It done loudly and all the time, yes.
15.6% (7)
15.6% (7)
It is really bad, but not as bad as physical abuse.
15.6% (7)
15.6% (7)
It is bad, but not really abuse.
17.8% (8)
17.8% (8)
Yelling loudly is fine so long as it isn't often.
13.3% (6)
13.3% (6)
Yelling is fine so long as it isn't that loud.
2.2% (1)
2.2% (1)
Yelling isn't bad, the kid should just do what they are told to do!
15.6% (7)
15.6% (7)
Yelling is just fine, and gets the job done easily!
11.1% (5)
11.1% (5)
Other (explain).
4.4% (2)
4.4% (2)
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Poll: Is yelling at children as bad as physical abuse?

I found this interesting article where some woman argues that yelling at your kids can be almost if not just as damaging to your kids as using physical violence.

Here it is: http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/view/95145

In case you can't be bothered to read the whole article I have made some highlights:

article:
As an adult, if one makes a request of another adult and he does not comply, does making the request in a raised voice motivate compliance? I think most of us will agree that it does not stimulate conformity but actually sets up an environment of resistance.

article:
The first negative effect of yelling at children is that it attacks their humanity and self-esteem, the belief and feeling each of us have about ourselves. Children need all the help they can get to maintain healthy self-esteems. Those who develop low self-esteems have trouble handling anxiety, finding solutions to common problems, get frustrated easily, are passive and withdrawn, and suffer from depression.

article:
The third detrimental effect of yelling is that it sets a dangerous standard for the way children interact with other children and adults, including authority figures. When children model this yelling behavior, it puts them in a difficult situation that can result in disciplinary action, especially in a school setting. Then, children are confused as to the reason they are punished for exhibiting the same behavior adults themselves display.

article:
the destructive effect of yelling at children is that it challenges or destroys their sense of safety. Children have an inherent right to feel that there are emotional and physical places they can retreat to where harm will not follow. When children do not feel safe, they perceive they have no power over what happens to them but frequently cannot put words to what they feel because their brains are still developing.

article:
Some sources take a position that constantly yelling at children is mental child abuse and is just as toxic and caustic as physical child abuse. Oftentimes, the sting of words and tones will last a lifetime.

Personally I am a bit split on the issue. On one hand I think there is nothing wrong with raising your voice a little (though not to the point of actually yelling) to quickly let whatever brat is misbehaving know that he should stop. But on the other hand I also believe that people who raise their voice at their kids at the sign of the slightest defiance fallowed by angry yelling (that would be people like my father.....I still hate that bastard in spite of already having moved away) in case simply raising their voice doesn't prove to be enough are just weak minded brutes.

Sure you may not be beating your kid or calling it bad names per see, but how is it that much better to treat your kid like you don't give 2 shits about its (or the rest of your family's in case you don't limit your yelling to just your child) thoughts or opinions if said thoughts/opinions are even remotely hostile towards the will of the parent?

Don't get me wrong, when a child is growing up it has to be taught that the parents are in control. But as the child grows older the parent has to start to show increasing respect towards it, and by respect I don't mean "by giving it whatever it wants or crap like that" but merely by acknowledging that its worthy of its parents time and that it deserves not to be yelled at and talked down upon for daring to raise even the slightest objection or for declaring any kind of disagreement with the parent. This can be made even worse if the parent makes a a habit of yelling away any criticism that may not actually be unfounded, like yelling loudly at your child for questioning why it should constantly bring you a slice of cake or a sandwich whenever the parent feels like having one which just so happens to be all the time (again, something that my father would have done >_>).

To the child the parent is a dictator, and thus it is important that the parent represents itself as a kind and a sympathetic one and not as a Hitler wannabe.

Those are thoughts on the issue. What are YOURS!

Discuss!

Depends on what is being said and for what reason.
I mean raising for voice to say something like "Clean your room NOW" is a simple way to shock or intimidate them into doing it with the implied threat that you are losing your temper.
However "Clean your fucking room you worthless little sack of shit! God I wish you were never fucking born!" is far, faaaaaaaaar worse than striking them.
So yeah, the volume of your voice is far less important than what you are saying.

Yelling at a child to get them to behave may not be a good thing to do but it is (usually) better than striking them.

That being said, I would probably never yell at my child. Threats are scarier if done stone cold without emotion.
If you do not do X then Y will happen to you. Simple cause and effect.

I don't think yelling is bad. I don't think smacking your child is bad. I was yelled at when I was a kid and did stuff wrong. I was also smacked as a child when I did stuff wrong. So was my brother, and he was a nasty little shit sometimes who stole from our parents and all sorts.

Now I'm a university student with a job, working towards a decent career. My brother is a sixth-form student working towards going to university, he also has a part-time job, and we're both well-spoken, decent young people. It's also worth mentioning we come from a normal, white middle-class background, and we've both got our GCSEs (I've also got my A-Levels, which my brother is currently studying for). We've turned out a hell of a lot better than the little twats on the estate near ours, who were given no discipline as kids and just left to run riot.

So yeah, yelling is fine. Smacking is fine. And this is from someone who's been through those, and is all the better for it too. So yeah...

EDIT: Okay, so after reading the above post, I just want to clarify, that although I stand by my statement 100%, swearing at a kid isn't fine. No, if you're yelling then be loud and be firm, but there's no need to use offensive language that you wouldn't use to someone else in normal conversation (even if you're angry at that person). So swearing is a definite no-go area, as far as I'm concerned.

My mother rarely yelled and never hit. But she was very, very abusive. It was the psychological warfare that did it.

If there's a bright side, I've learned from the best how to intimidate people and break them down to hollow shells of themselves, which is occasionally useful (particularly if I've just been cheated on) but is otherwise kind of a shitty skill to have.

Children are fucking annoying. Of course it's fine.

In the words of John Marston:
"If I punish my son, he resents me. If I show him why what he did was wrong, he'll learn."

Swearing at kids is definitely an issue. Yelling calmly is alright, as long as it's not an angry yell, just a firm one.

Grilled Cheesus:
the volume of your voice is far less important than what you are saying.

I don't agree.

This may be true for teenagers but for small children who may not yet comprehend why the word "shitvagina" is worse then "turd" the psychological impact of using bad words probably isn't anywhere near as great as that of being yelled at angerly. Also note that a part of the dehumanization process isn't just being yelled at once in a very mean way, but becoming use to being yelled into submission in general whenever the parent feels like the child isn't doing or behaving the way it wants. No really mean or crude words are really needed to make this sort of thing abuse. Its not about the actual words, but the implications the parent is making towards the child.

I almost never spank my daughter, and she only gets yelled at when she's already irate. But neither is used often, as I'm too busy coloring cinderella or running around outside to make time for yelling and spanking. This shit is beyond ridiculous. The punishment method used shouldn't be focused on so much, it's all the other parenting skills that are important. Pay attention to them, talk to them, play with them, enjoy your time with them, and they'll turn out just fine.

smearyllama:
In the words of John Marston:
"If I punish my son, he resents me. If I show him why what he did was wrong, he'll learn."

Showing the kids what they did wrong is important but so is punishing them. Other wise they won't learn.

Depends how you yell at them. Also, how you hit them.

Technically, any form of yelling or physical striking is assault.

I once heard Dr. Phil say that yelling is worse than spanking, and that was the second stupidest thing I ever heard him say. In fact, that's when I stopped listening to ANYTHING he had to say.

As a survivor of both physical abuse and yelling, I guarantee that the hitting did more damage.
That being said, it is possible to yell at a child in such an angry or threatening way that it's probably just as damaging (especially if they're cowering with no place to go and you're right in their face). But that is not the usual way parents yell at children.

As someone who has worked with children, I can honestly say that yelling is completely unecessary.
I dont exactly know where it would cross over to abuse but its not needed.
All yelling really accomplises is the child will learn to yell back.

Loudness matters less than what you are saying.

Being loud is sometimes needed, but is often just a sign of frustration.

There is no way just being loud is as bad as physical abuse.

Children are not just little adults so any comparision to inter-adult behavior is silly.

Honestly I think its worse. Yelling only shows you cannot control your anger. Proper use of physical punishment requires some thought and patience. Of course this has to do with discipline.

Once it becomes abuse they are both wrong and the parent should be beaten with a rubber hose. Yeah yeah, two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes they do.

Yelling isn't bad, but if you're yelling at your kid all the time then eventually they will stop caring when you do. My parents only yelled at me once or twice in my memory and I get on great with them, but I know people that have horrible relationships with their parents and never obey any rules, because all their parents do is yell at them, which became the norm, and stopped having any impact.

Punishing too much, too often is just as bad as not punishing at all.

OT: Physical abuse is totally not needed, it teaches the child nothing, and is not constructive or useful in any way. Think back to when corporal punishment was used in schools. They'd frequently physically abuse students for stepping out of line, but do you think that stopped them doing it again?

What's importaint is what is said, and while how it is said does influence the message, it tends to be less importiant.

A person like me would argue that a parent who yells at their child constantly is more likely to be hateful, and that the "yelling=abuse" argument is more a casual relationship between the two rather than yelling itself having a more adverse effect.

EDIT

Hardcore_gamer:

smearyllama:
In the words of John Marston:
"If I punish my son, he resents me. If I show him why what he did was wrong, he'll learn."

Showing the kids what they did wrong is important but so is punishing them. Other wise they won't learn.

You're mistaken, and gravely so. Learning is easier when you emphasize what one should be doing, instead of what they shouldn't. I'd think this is common sense; if your only way to learn right and wrong is through trial and error, you're going to be screwing up almost constantly, which means you're punishing your child almost constantly, or they're staying as far away from you as they can.

I don't think shouting, yelling, screaming, swearing et cetera ever helps. If they do something wrong the first time, correct them and teach them, second time onward punish them, NOT out of anger, a smack if that works, never too hard, and only once you have calmed down. Although telling them to do extra dished or clean the purple paint off the ceiling will probably reinforce the message a lot better...

But swearing or shouting of any kind, or in fact any punishment of anger, is bad.

 

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