From one night stand into a relationship?

As the title suggests I am wondering if this has happened to people and how likely is it to happen?

A weekend back I met someone at a club and it seemed like it was going to be a one night stand. Sure, nothing wrong with that. However, after the whoop-de-doo, we got talking and found out we had a lot in common and actually enjoyed each other's company quite a bit.

Now it's been over a week since we met the first time and we've been keeping in touch quite a bit. Phone calls, text messages and we have even agreed to meet again soon. It puzzles me, however, because I don't know whether this other person is only looking for a sex buddy or someone more serious. (As you don't usually keep any kind of contact with your one night stands.)

Anywhos, the question from me to you is, has something like this ever happened to you or to someone you know? And how did it work out for you if it has?

And just so you know, no, I don't have sex with anyone who comes across and I don't want to be thought of as a slut of some kind... This is just life.

EDIT: It seems like I didn't make my point as clear as I meant to. I like this other person a lot and I would enjoy it very much if this turned into a long-term relationship. The situation being what it is though, I have never entered into a relationship with someone I've had a one night stand with. Hence my question of what do you think of it.

UPDATE: Thanks to all who wished me good luck! Apparently it has worked: as it turns out we're meeting each other on Friday and I'm going to be introduced to some friends/family members. :O

Ahh, see. That only happened because the guy was not properly educated in the correct etiquette of one night stands.
If you are still there when the girl wakes up then you have failed.
You are meant to come and go, as it were.

I could not even fathom sticking with someone who does one night stands. I mean, eww. They would not be the type of person you would want to waste time getting serious with.

Closest I have ever come is banging a co worker.
And that went bad, very, very, very bad.

sanomaton:
and how likely is it to happen?

(Charisma/10) + your current level - mods = % chance of event happening.
By "mods" i mean "modifications" like environment, mood, clothing, age disproportion, drinks and all that stuff. "Mods" value can't be bigger than 10. Good luck !

Relationships built or catalyed on sex never last. Trust me I'm really good at sustaining loving relationships and I have no idea what I'm saying.

Technically if she wakes up and you're still there, you automatically fail the one night stand.

Well, my room mate introduced me to the man she who's pants she was trying to get into. She was quite interested in the opposite sex. Anyway. It transpired that about a week later he ended up in our room, and she went out. One thing led to another and we did the deed. That was in'98, and we were married in 2000. It is possible to do things completely backwards and utterly wrong and still end up with something awesome. It is alot like winning that 64 million dollar lottery though.

I am speaking to you as someone who has essentially had a one night stand that lasted 15 years. We've had ups and downs, as any couple will, but I would not take those years back and still look forward to growing old(er) with this person.

Having said that, I dont think it's very likely or necessarily a good thing to expect to happen but if it is already happening, why not see were it goes?

Would be a shame for you to miss your soul mate because you have some crazy hang-up about one night stands and the people that do them.

Food for thought- sex is just a bodily function.
You can have sex with someone and not be in love with them.
You can love someone and not have sex with them.
Maybe not everyone can seperate love and sex but it can make things easier than letting your heart get tangled up with your genitals and following the resulting hot mess blindly.

I think it's is a cultural thing.

In my homecountry it is more or less considered weird to start dating someone you haven't had (drunken monkey) sex with. That's is how relationship usually starts.

I never had a serious relationship, just a few months here and there. But life is to short to pass up.

My advise is "Do what ever makes you happy and feel right". If you enjoy eachothers company, even for the briefest moment, then go for it. Who care what happends tomorrow or what the big plan is. You have anything better to do (no pun intended)

Cheshire the Cat:
Ahh, see. That only happened because the guy was not properly educated in the correct etiquette of one night stands.
If you are still there when the girl wakes up then you have failed.
You are meant to come and go, as it were.

I could not even fathom sticking with someone who does one night stands. I mean, eww. They would not be the type of person you would want to waste time getting serious with.

Closest I have ever come is banging a co worker.
And that went bad, very, very, very bad.

Wait let me get this straight; starting a long-term relationship with someone you had a one-night stand with is stupid because they are the type of person who has one-night stands... Doesn't that mean that you're a bad bet too because you are also the type to have one-night stands?

That kind of logic never made sense to me. Maybe you can explain it to me? *honestly confused*

trollnystan:
Wait let me get this straight; starting a long-term relationship with someone you had a one-night stand with is stupid because they are the type of person who has one-night stands... Doesn't that mean that you're a bad bet too because you are also the type to have one-night stands?

That kind of logic never made sense to me. Maybe you can explain it to me? *honestly confused*

I have been thinking about this exact same thing. It doesn't always necessarily mean you have one night stands with every single person you see and find attractive, you may not even do that often either. But will the other person see it like that because you had a one night stand with them?

Sex is an important part of a relationship but not the most important part (at least to me). It's difficult to see where things will go, especially after such an event as a one night stand but whatever happens happens...

Jarimir:
I am speaking to you as someone who has essentially had a one night stand that lasted 15 years. We've had ups and downs, as any couple will, but I would not take those years back and still look forward to growing old(er) with this person.

Having said that, I dont think it's very likely or necessarily a good thing to expect to happen but if it is already happening, why not see were it goes?

Would be a shame for you to miss your soul mate because you have some crazy hang-up about one night stands and the people that do them.

Food for thought- sex is just a bodily function.
You can have sex with someone and not be in love with them.
You can love someone and not have sex with them.
Maybe not everyone can seperate love and sex but it can make things easier than letting your heart get tangled up with your genitals and following the resulting hot mess blindly.

Inspiring message, thank you. :)

Valagetti:
Relationships built or catalyed on sex never last. Trust me I'm really good at sustaining loving relationships and I have no idea what I'm saying.

I know this to be a fact as I've lived through a relationship like that, however, it doesn't always have to be so. I'm talking about a one night stands here, sex doesn't have to "ruin" the possibility of a long-term relationship. It's just one part of nature.

trollnystan:

Wait let me get this straight; starting a long-term relationship with someone you had a one-night stand with is stupid because they are the type of person who has one-night stands... Doesn't that mean that you're a bad bet too because you are also the type to have one-night stands?

That kind of logic never made sense to me. Maybe you can explain it to me? *honestly confused*

Indeed. And that would be a good point except for the fact that I am not trying to start a relationship with myself.
I am not going to cheat on myself or have unprotected sex with someone I just met and then go home and give myself a STD.
In short, I can trust myself but I could not trust someone else like that.[1]

[1] Speaking in the terms that I was someone who would have a one night stand.

It seems to me to be a version of the "I Win" game. If they go out hook up and the girl is gone before they wake up "I win". If they hook up and the girl is there the next day, then she is being "clingy" and she is gross and needs to go away. You get to tell her that and she feels like a heel and leaves and never talks to you again "I win".

You get all the casual sex you can get and no commitments or even having to explain yourself beyond the phrase "there must be something wrong with that person".

I always thought that a person willing to make and consumate a connection all in one night to be a fairly open minded and liberated person. Being that I am the same way I would find this sort of thing appealing. This, however, DOES NOT overshadow any other character flaws that they may have.

Perhaps this is a way for some people to be dirty, scummy liberals at night only to wake up the next day miraculously the same hardcore raging conservative they were the previous morning. No evidence left hanging around (hopefully). And being drunk has always been a convienient device of plausable deniability...

PS. I believe we were discussing a hypothetical hypocrit who engages in one night stands yet looks down on anyone else that has them as someone that could never be faithful or disease free, EVER. All they would have to do is look in a mirror to see that same person.

Not necessarily directed anyone posting here, we simply dont know you well enough to be making that judgement.

Jarimir:
PS. I believe we were discussing a hypothetical hypocrit who engages in one night stands yet looks down on anyone else that has them as someone that could never be faithful or disease free, EVER. All they would have to do is look in a mirror to see that same person.

Not necessarily directed anyone posting here, we simply dont know you well enough to be making that judgement.

Point taken and I see what you mean by your post. Just for clarification, though, I don't look down on people who have one nights stands, I see it only natural and a part of nature. If two persons feel the urge to engage in sex wihtout feelings, then go for it! I know I do.

My question regards more your views upon this kind of situation, entering a relationship with someone you had sex with before knowing more about them. As in does sex ruin the possibility of a good relationship?

Well if you like her, keep in contact with her, ask her out properly, that sort of thing. Let go of what happened before, and if you both enjoyed yourself it can only be a plus I guess. I mean, at least you know you're sexually compatible. If you're now finding out you have compatible personalities; good for you.

Jarimir:
Food for thought- sex is just a bodily function.
You can have sex with someone and not be in love with them.
You can love someone and not have sex with them.
Maybe not everyone can seperate love and sex but it can make things easier than letting your heart get tangled up with your genitals and following the resulting hot mess blindly.

Sounds very inspirational, but it ain't so clear-cut, with the whole hormone spiel and all. Love too, is technically just a bodily function.

At the risk of sounding condescending, I answered this thread initially explaining that I am in a relationship that has lasted 15 years as a result of a one night stand that turned into 2 nights, that turned into a week, that became a month and so on. It took about 3 months before both parties could agree that this was something official and lasting.

I dont think that is typical or even wise to enter into a one night stand with those expectations. But, I am testifying that it is at least possible. ^.^

Cheshire the Cat:
Ahh, see. That only happened because the guy was not properly educated in the correct etiquette of one night stands.
If you are still there when the girl wakes up then you have failed.
You are meant to come and go, as it were.

I could not even fathom sticking with someone who does one night stands. I mean, eww. They would not be the type of person you would want to waste time getting serious with.

I never understood this. Sexually active means they aren't a legitimate partner? Why not? Some of my best relationships have been with people who were pretty damn active.

OP:

Well, if you like her, why not stick it out and see where it goes? Again, i've had a one night stand turn into a two year on off relationship. Its been quite a ride and i'd do it again any day in an instant if I had the choice.

Not saying it'll be the same for you, but not doing it = nothing lost, nothing gained. You only have gains to make by pursuing it.

Do it, i got one of the happiest relationships in my life outta a one night stand! Lasted years!

I've never got into a relationship with a one night stand .... and i've had many.

As an ex soldier the relationship thing was a bit out of the question at the time so I liked to "spread the love" as it were.

I have met women who I slept with more than once sort of a 2 night stand but not relationship wise.

The woman i'm now married to I was originally trying to pull for a one nighter but she wasn't going for that. She made me wait a couple of days.

I don't think it really matter how you get into a relationship as long as you both like each other. If it feels alright to you go for gold.

dogstile:

Cheshire the Cat:
Ahh, see. That only happened because the guy was not properly educated in the correct etiquette of one night stands.
If you are still there when the girl wakes up then you have failed.
You are meant to come and go, as it were.

I could not even fathom sticking with someone who does one night stands. I mean, eww. They would not be the type of person you would want to waste time getting serious with.

I never understood this. Sexually active means they aren't a legitimate partner? Why not? Some of my best relationships have been with people who were pretty damn active.

OP:

Well, if you like her, why not stick it out and see where it goes? Again, i've had a one night stand turn into a two year on off relationship. Its been quite a ride and i'd do it again any day in an instant if I had the choice.

Not saying it'll be the same for you, but not doing it = nothing lost, nothing gained. You only have gains to make by pursuing it.

This is what I'm planning to do, however, the comment you quoted pretty much summarises my concerns. We both agreed to having a one night stand (not agreed, but ya know how it goes...) and it makes me wonder if this person in my situation thinks something like that of me.

I find it ridiculous to deprive myself from sex with someone I enjoy being with but there are a lot of people who find that irresponsible OR as if that makes me more prone to cheating on them, which I don't do and why the hell would I. That WOULD be irresponsible and just plain mean.

Cheshire the Cat:

trollnystan:

Wait let me get this straight; starting a long-term relationship with someone you had a one-night stand with is stupid because they are the type of person who has one-night stands... Doesn't that mean that you're a bad bet too because you are also the type to have one-night stands?

That kind of logic never made sense to me. Maybe you can explain it to me? *honestly confused*

Indeed. And that would be a good point except for the fact that I am not trying to start a relationship with myself.
I am not going to cheat on myself or have unprotected sex with someone I just met and then go home and give myself a STD.
In short, I can trust myself but I could not trust someone else like that.[1]

Nice dodge there. I'll be more specific. Why should anyone - other than you - want to have a steady relationship with you when you're - judging from your first post - the type to have one-night stands? Would you totally understand if the gal/guy you liked and wanted to go out with said, "Sorry, heard you've had one-night stands. Not interested."

If the answer to that last bit is "yes", then awesome. If not, then aren't you being a bit hypocritical?

[1] Speaking in the terms that I was someone who would have a one night stand.

You don't know what's going to happen and you don't know her intentions. You can't know at this stage. So stop trying to figure out what's going to happen - go for it and see what does happen. Honestly it's the only realistic thing you can do. If it works, yay, if not, then less yay. But it's the only way you'll know

InfiniteSingularity:
You don't know what's going to happen and you don't know her intentions. You can't know at this stage. So stop trying to figure out what's going to happen - go for it and see what does happen. Honestly it's the only realistic thing you can do. If it works, yay, if not, then less yay. But it's the only way you'll know

This is very true and I'm sort of glad you pointed it out. The point of this topic though was that I wanted it to be more universal, as in what do people think of a situation like this and how it has worked out for them.

The only sensible thing to do here is get on with it. Just play it by ear and see how it goes and where you end up. It may go horribly wrong, it may last a few weeks, it may take up the better part of your life.
The whole one night stand thing is irrelevant. If anything you've removed alot of the pressure that usually makes dating worse and slightly awkward.
So as i say, just run with it. Accept the fact she may not want the same as you, but at the same time, dont give up hope. Hope it works out. :D

Xifel:
I think it's is a cultural thing.

In my homecountry it is more or less considered weird to start dating someone you haven't had (drunken monkey) sex with. That's is how relationship usually starts.

I never had a serious relationship, just a few months here and there. But life is to short to pass up.

My advise is "Do what ever makes you happy and feel right". If you enjoy eachothers company, even for the briefest moment, then go for it. Who care what happends tomorrow or what the big plan is. You have anything better to do (no pun intended)

Same here (in Australia/New Zealand). The concept of dating and dating rules is pretty foreign to me. I thought that's just what people in American movies do. Every girl I have ended up in a relationship with started off with a drunken fuck. Good times.

OP: No reason why you shouldn't be able to make this work if you want to. My last one night stand turned into a successful marriage going on 10 years now with 2 kids.

Sure it happens, and it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. Just because you had sex in the first 24 hours you met doesn't mean that your relationship will forever be governed by it - you just found this person attractive. It's natural. It's a plus. People seem to think that sex is something magical and strange - it's not, it's carnal. It's fun, but not some weird mystical rite where timing is crucial.

Sounds like you and this girl have a serious connection. Keep hanging out, keep having fun, and if you're wondering what her stance is on it - ask her. It's better to know from the start if she's interested in you in a serious way, that way the likeliness of you ending up hurt later on will be smaller.

I see no reason at all why this can't be a happy relationship if you're both on the same page. I wish you luck!

sanomaton:
One-Night-Snip

My sister met a guy in a club years ago. Although I don't actually wish to think about the details, they definitely had sex. A week later they went on a date after the guy contacted my sister, but my sister could not remember the guy's name.

5 years on, they're happily married and he's practically been adopted into our family.

Another example: I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years. We met in the last week of our 1st year of university because we were both a little horny and wanted some sex without any ties. We saw each other every night until we all went home for the summer but I wasn't satisfied with just sex. I told her as much and now, over two years on, I'm just over a week away from moving in with her.

So to answer your question...yes, it can work out all good in the end. But obviously it all depends on the people involved and the way in which you approach the situation. Don't come across too eager or you might scare them away...but likewise, don't play it too nonchalant or they'll assume you're not interested.

Wow, I love it when I go into Dear Deidre mode.

Tips_of_Fingers:

sanomaton:
One-Night-Snip

My sister met a guy in a club years ago. Although I don't actually wish to think about the details, they definitely had sex. A week later they went on a date after the guy contacted my sister, but my sister could not remember the guy's name.

5 years on, they're happily married and he's practically been adopted into our family.

Another example: I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years. We met in the last week of our 1st year of university because we were both a little horny and wanted some sex without any ties. We saw each other every night until we all went home for the summer but I wasn't satisfied with just sex. I told her as much and now, over two years on, I'm just over a week away from moving in with her.

So to answer your question...yes, it can work out all good in the end. But obviously it all depends on the people involved and the way in which you approach the situation. Don't come across too eager or you might scare them away...but likewise, don't play it too nonchalant or they'll assume you're not interested.

Wow, I love it when I go into Dear Deidre mode.

Congratulations with the moving in! Sounds pretty fly to me. :) And I know how your sister must've felt because I couldn't remember this person's name either when they called me... Slightly awkward! However I'm terrible with names so it was "justified".

And I'm glad to see this type of thing isn't completely unheard of, as I thought at first!

A friend of mine hooked up with a girl a few years back and they became friends with benefits so to speak, Now they are getting married in April next year! You never know where anything might lead!

Depends on both of you really.

Personally when I'm single if you're attractive and seem happy to sleep with me I'll happily oblige. Sex is fun and if other people have hangups about it that's their problem.

Because I have this attitude I don't consider girls who have the same one to be sluts, or not worth dating or whatever. As long as you're both interested in a relationship, why not?

And if you're wondering what they're after.. ask them. If they say no, eh, well it was a one night stand, oh well!

sanomaton:
As the title suggests I am wondering if this has happened to people and how likely is it to happen?

A weekend back I met someone at a club and it seemed like it was going to be a one night stand. Sure, nothing wrong with that. However, after the whoop-de-doo, we got talking and found out we had a lot in common and actually enjoyed each other's company quite a bit.

Now it's been over a week since we met the first time and we've been keeping in touch quite a bit. Phone calls, text messages and we have even agreed to meet again soon. It puzzles me, however, because I don't know whether this other person is only looking for a sex buddy or someone more serious. (As you don't usually keep any kind of contact with your one night stands.)

Anywhos, the question from me to you is, has something like this ever happened to you or to someone you know? And how did it work out for you if it has?

And just so you know, no, I don't have sex with anyone who comes across and I don't want to be thought of as a slut of some kind... This is just life.

EDIT: It seems like I didn't make my point as clear as I meant to. I like this other person a lot and I would enjoy it very much if this turned into a long-term relationship. The situation being what it is though, I have never entered into a relationship with someone I've had a one night stand with. Hence my question of what do you think of it.

don't see why it'd be a bad thing to start a relationship this way. probably make things less awkward as you know what eachother look like naked.

ask him n see what he thinks of such things

Mr Ink 5000:
don't see why it'd be a bad thing to start a relationship this way. probably make things less awkward as you know what eachother look like naked.

ask him n see what he thinks of such things

That's very true! (And as an update, I am apparently meeting him and his friends tomorrow so things are looking pretty good so far. We'll see what happens.)

It worked for my ex. It could work for you, too. 2 years strong.

Also worked for an old flat neighbour in first year. I believe they're still going, so that would be a 3 year relationship.

And undoubtably it works for many others, too.

All my relationships have started with a one night stand...try before you buy. If it's any good for both of you, why wouldn't you want want more practice? Seems like the best way to start a relationship in my opinion. Get all the nervous bits over with before you try for more.

sanomaton:
...we got talking and found out we had a lot in common and actually enjoyed each other's company quite a bit.

There you go.

Initial attraction followed by physical and neurochemical compatibility.

 

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked