Branston Pickle!

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Oh I don't waaauauauauaaant a pickle...

Daystar Clarion:
Men can't cook.

It's a scientific fact.

Huh. I always figured I was a lesbian in a man's body. You just confirmed it. I can cook, and despite loathing the trappings of fashion, I enjoy a new pair of work boots.

Also, I tend not to like spreadable stuff from a jar, be it glass or plastic. For that matter, I don't like bread ('cept for the liquid kind, and that's good for ya. Barley bread, man!).

DeanoTheGod:

Batou667:
I like Branston pickle. In a ham and cheese sandwich it's the food of the gods. Similarly, you can't go wrong with a bit of Marmite on toast to wake you up in the morning!

I have never once in my life tried Piccalilly (sp?). Can anybody describe what the heck it is, or do only OAPs eat it, as I suspect?

My mate at school used to call it Grill-a-Sick... I think it was a homage to how it tasted as well as looked. Personally I haven't touched it due to its rather nasty appearance!

I also don't understand why they don't just cut out the middle man and call Coronation Chicken, 'Curry Sandwiches', as that is what it tastes like!!

Piccalilli is basically mixed pickled veg in a mustard pickle. Good with meat or cheese, much like Branston but hot & sour instead of sweet & sour.

I'm disappointed that no-one's mentioned the newest British tracklement: Reggae Reggae Sauce.

Lectori Salutem:
You are now my favourite Escapist member. Period.

I accept all kinds of blood sacrifices, and you may worship me on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Sunday is no good for me.

Phlakes:
You silly Brits. Everyone knows the only way to go is drinking Bovril straight.

"But Phlakes," you non-British fellows say, "what exactly is Bovril?"

Well, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say "meat extract spread"? Because it's that.

So it's marrow paste? Because that's what came to my mind. Does that resemble shark fin soup in flavour/texture, because that's what I'm picturing. White, goopy, sticks along the lining of your throat and you're pretty sure it's shark fin soup, but it might also be wallpaper paste or condensed jizz and, provided they salted the wallpaper paste, you really wouldn't be able to tell.

OT: Never tried Branston Pickle and don't care to. Was, however, made to laugh out loud at the claim that only women can cook on account of the fact that I've never met a woman who could cook worth a damn. To be fair, my mother and aunts learned to cook from their mother whom I've seen manage to burn potatoes she was boiling. "That doesn't make sense. How do you burn something while you're boiling it?" I don't know. I genuinely don't fucking know, but she managed it.

.............

...Of course! It all makes sense now! The secrets of the universe have been revealed to me! Also, everyone in this thread might want to duck in about 18 seconds.

Iv never had the stuff...It looks pretty nasty...Although I shall try it sometime, for the good of a greater sandwich! Got to admit, nothing beats Egg and Bacon!...Also...I can cook...

/me Is Worried.

This is easily the best thread yet to grace the Escapist, we need more of this humour around these parts. 4chan has been lacking in the funny for awhile so it's nice to see this place taking up the slack when it comes to forums actually funny to be on.

All you have to do is replace britain with Australia and branston pickles with VEGEMITE and suddenly the truth is revealed.

Reet72:
All you have to do is replace britain with Australia and branston pickles with VEGEMITE and suddenly the truth is revealed.

Nice try mate.

It ain't gonna work though.

I bring you

Nothing tops it, not even your measly British spreads.

Berenzen:
I bring you

Nothing tops it, not even your measly British spreads.

Oh god, that looks awful.

I bet it's that nasty North American bacon as well.

Daystar Clarion:

Gammayun:
Branston pickle propoganda, quick marmite supporter we must rally against this. The evil that is braston pickle must not win this day.

Marmite is terrible. This is a fact.

Branston is entirely benevolent as we all know, not like that spreadable faecal matter of marmite.

I propose making a fellowship to destroy the foul demon that is marmite at the source, wherever that is.

Daystar. You have my spreading knife.

Also necessary

You know, I've always been too scared to try it because it reminds me so much of Marmite. Mind you... I've never tried Marmite either; I'm too scared too. To be brutally honest, I blame Zippy.

It's all Zippy's fault. It has always been Zippy's fault! And maybe a bit of Paddington Bear's too.

Berenzen:
I bring you

Nothing tops it, not even your measly British spreads.

I know I'm colour blind (sort of), but oh good god, is that stuff orange?!

Daystar Clarion:
Oh god, that looks awful.

I bet it's that nasty North American bacon as well.

That is orange isn't it?!

Hipsy_Gypsy:
You know, I've always been too scared to try it because it reminds me so much of Marmite. Mind you... I've never tried Marmite either; I'm too scared too. To be brutally honest, I blame Zippy.

It's all Zippy's fault. It has always been Zippy's fault! And maybe a bit of Paddington Bear's too.

'the hell?! Did you just equate Branston Pickle with Marmite on the fear level?!

My flamethrower is seemingly itching to burn something/one! =P

Marmite is British ingenuity at it's best. In an effort not to waste anything, after brewing proper beer, Marmite is what's left in the tank.

SckizoBoy:
Snip

Please forgive me! I think it's the colour; they're both the same colour and I'm just a bit hesitant to try either of them! I might some day, mind you. Some day!

Hipsy_Gypsy:
Please forgive me!

Perhaps I might... some day! -_-

I think it's the colour; they're both the same colour and I'm just a bit hesitant to try either of them! I might some day, mind you. Some day!

Seriously, though, they couldn't be more different. Branston has chunks in it FFS! And the good stuff is ever so slightly sour. Marmite is... the analogy in my head is a tad too grotesque... particularly after having watched the QI vid above! *brrr* >_<

Hoplon:
Marmite is British ingenuity at it's best. In an effort not to waste anything, after brewing proper beer, Marmite is what's left in the tank.

There's a reason why that stuff isn't in the beer...

Branston pickle is the god of all sandwich additions. Especially to cheese sandwiches.

Drat! Once again you have made a thread containing marvelous wonders from the British kingdom, making me once again feeling left out, and hungry, curse you Daystar!

*angrily consumes Swedish meatballs*

Going by the pictures, Marmite looks disgusting =P

2004, you could almost say.

*puts on shades*

We were in a bit of a pickle.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

But seriously, you should probably be recording history or something.

Read this thread while eating 4 beef/ham/cheese/branston pickle sandwiches.

Carry on sir.

The statement who says men can't cook.
I am taking the assumption that you have never been in a professional kitchen before.
it is a complete cucumber fest in there usually.

dex-dex:
The statement who says men can't cook.
I am taking the assumption that you have never been in a professional kitchen before.
it is a complete cucumber fest in there usually.

They may look like men, they may sound like men, they may even claim to be men.

But think about.

Have you checked to see if they have penises?

This is probably the best thread I've seen in a while. Goddamn pickles... T_T

Abandon4093:
2004, you could almost say.

*puts on shades*

We were in a bit of a pickle.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

But seriously, you should probably be recording history or something.

It would be like normal history.

But with Blackjack.

And hookers.

Karhukonna:
This is probably the best thread I've seen in a while. Goddamn pickles... T_T

Thank you sir :D

I was gonna reply 10 minutes ago but then I imagined I was eating Branston Pickle and I-
Sorry, drifted off again, must have been thinking about that Branst-
Fuck it, I'm going to stop fighting and just accept the Branston goodness! To the kitchen!!!

Branston Pickle?

Sorry, my American face has never had one in it.

I do like Pickles though. Send me some would ya?

Hookman:
I was gonna reply 10 minutes ago but then I imagined I was eating Branston Pickle and I-
Sorry, drifted off again, must have been thinking about that Branst-
Fuck it, I'm going to stop fighting and just accept the Branston goodness! To the kitchen!!!

That's quite a problem you have there.

I'd prescribe a cheese sandwich, stat! With plenty of Branston!

Daystar Clarion:
things and stuff

Allow me to comment on your attempt at humor with the following statement:

You make "Meet the Spartans" look like "Naked Gun".

And as for that thing in the jar that you like so much - meh...

HardkorSB:

Daystar Clarion:
things and stuff

Allow me to comment on your attempt at humor with the following statement:

You make "Meet the Spartans" look like "Naked Gun".

ans as for that thing in the jar that you like so much - meh...

Is that a good thing?

I'm going to assume it is. My feelings can't take another beating.

Daystar Clarion:

HardkorSB:

Daystar Clarion:
things and stuff

Allow me to comment on your attempt at humor with the following statement:

You make "Meet the Spartans" look like "Naked Gun".

ans as for that thing in the jar that you like so much - meh...

Is that a good thing?

I'm going to assume it is. My feelings can't take another beating.

Watch both movies to find out :)

HardkorSB:

Daystar Clarion:

HardkorSB:

Allow me to comment on your attempt at humor with the following statement:

You make "Meet the Spartans" look like "Naked Gun".

ans as for that thing in the jar that you like so much - meh...

Is that a good thing?

I'm going to assume it is. My feelings can't take another beating.

Watch both movies to find out :)

I'm aware of the differences, and I accept that my sense of humour isn't for everyone.

Until I come into power...

Berenzen:
I bring you

Nothing tops it, not even your measly British spreads.

Ugh, that looks like vomit in a jar, and this is coming from someone who loves Marmite. I'm trying to imagine what that would taste like and all I can think of is chewy vomit.

Colour-Scientist:

Berenzen:
I bring you

Nothing tops it, not even your measly British spreads.

Ugh, that looks like vomit in a jar, and this is coming from someone who loves Marmite. I'm trying to imagine what that would taste like and all I can think of is chewy vomit.

We have found a common enemy.

We must put aside our differences and join forces to eradicate this mockery of bacon.

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