Who would me your enemy
Superman
10.2% (18)
10.2% (18)
The Doctor
25.4% (45)
25.4% (45)
Chuck Norris
12.4% (22)
12.4% (22)
Some random jedi
20.9% (37)
20.9% (37)
Standard superhero protagonist
20.9% (37)
20.9% (37)
Batman
8.5% (15)
8.5% (15)
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Poll: So, your a villain...

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So, you were just given the opportunity of being a super-villain, and can do pretty much anything.

But you have to choose a foe (Que poll), and come up with a way to counter their attempts to defeat them. What will you do?

My response: I'd go with the Doctor, and just not give him a monologue, and kill him there. Thrice.

I picked superman. Any idiot supervillain seems to be able to get their hands on kryptonite, and I'm definitely an idiot supervillain.

I wear kryptonite all over my body. Depending on how toxic it is, I might even get it injected into my veins. If human flesh doesn't stop kryptonite from hurting superman (i.e. if hiding behind a human wouldn't stop the kryptonite getting to him, in the hypothetical scenario where he would ever use a human shield) then I'll have a great big chunk embedded in where my appendix is now. I'll be like, Kryptonite-man. I will be all over that stuff.

Once Superman is neutralised... well, I don't want to kill him, because he's really good at protecting the Earth from bad guys other than me - if Darkseid turns up and Superman isn't still around, I'm even more boned than I'd be if I'd chosen Chuck Norris as my nemesis. So I'll just keep him secured in a dungeon, in about as much comfort as can be arranged while keeping him weak enough to not break out.

Besides the "everyone has kryptonite" angle, having Superman as my nemesis is a pretty good gig because he's going to try and save my life no matter what my evil plan was that he just thwarted (if he does thwart it).

I pick Chuck Norris.

As an evil scientist, I'd find out how to re-animate the body of Bruce Lee. Once the procedure has been declared a success, all I would need to do is have him patrol around my Fortress of Evil as a personal Body Guard.

Chuck Norris would be defeated after any attempt to get near me.

... Oh, and the world would love me for bringing back Bruce Lee.

I'm starting to wonder if I'd still be considered a villain after this action.

Chuck Norris,
Just so I bask in the wonder of his beard for the shortest of time!

Superman;
I'll just go down to my local kryptonite store, stock up on kryptonite aaaaaaand turn it into bullets...... LOTS OF BULLETS! So many kryptonite bullets that the kryptonite store will have to give me a free yogurt because i bought so much kryptonite!

Blobpie:
Superman;
I'll just go down to my local kryptonite store, stock up on kryptonite aaaaaaand turn it into bullets...... LOTS OF BULLETS! So many kryptonite bullets that the kryptonite store will have to give me a free yogurt because i bought so much kryptonite!

I really don't get why they haven't just armed a superhuman tactical squad with kryptonite ammo. Superman problem over in one night.

He might survive one kryptonite round with the matian manhunter around to phase it out. But riddle the guy with them, he's toast.

Chuck Norris. He's not getting any younger. And even Bruce Lee can't dodge bullets.

Abandon4093:

Blobpie:
Superman;
I'll just go down to my local kryptonite store, stock up on kryptonite aaaaaaand turn it into bullets...... LOTS OF BULLETS! So many kryptonite bullets that the kryptonite store will have to give me a free yogurt because i bought so much kryptonite!

I really don't get why they haven't just armed a superhuman tactical squad with kryptonite ammo. Superman problem over in one night.

He might survive one kryptonite round with the matian manhunter around to phase it out. But riddle the guy with them, he's toast.

I always find the simplest solution is often the best.

Honestly it seems like every dime-a-dozen supervillian can get his hands on Kryptonite at least once.

And Lex Luthor does it so reliably that Superman might as well wear a Hazmat suit to ever battle with him.

Standard superhero protagonist. Because in all honestly I would probably be a pretty halfhearted villain. My grand plan would reoccurring villain until me and him unite to take down a common foe greater than both of us then be the anti hero with villain tendencies.

i chose standard superhero protagonist, because it seems that most of them can be defeated fairly simply by not trying to torture them or overly dramatize or otherwise elongate their death. send the best guys, me included, to do a quick, quiet(ish), and deadly foray into the hero's resting location, and just put a bullet into his face, each lung, heart, kidneys, colon, small intestine, testicles and/or ovaries, liver, stomach, gall bladder, regular bladder, prostate, forehead, face again, another 20 into the heart and lungs each, and wire the entire body with explosives then carry it to a location where we can observe the blast safely, then blow the whole damn thing to kingdom come. we then monitor all lazarus pits within 2000 miles of the blast zone for any signs of resurrection.

I choose The Doctor. That way I could meet The Doctor.

Then I'd give up when he gave me the chance. Because no one is more clever than The Doctor.

He's always merciful enough to give you the chance, it's when you don't take it that he has no mercy.

I votes standard superhero protagonist because well, a proper villain can get rid of those really easily. No long speeches and just finishing the bastard off as soon as possible.

Then I thought about Chuck Norris. Dude be getting on in years. He's not as powerful as he used to be.

A corpse.

Because the most stupid thing a Super Villain does is to reveal themself. That and build up the most colossal ego. The true super villains who rule us today simply have not revealed themselves so that they cannot be opposed :P

more then likely captain i would build large amounts of coal plants and actively make global warming happen faster.

Some random Jedi, because statistically I would be most-likely to win against him alone.

I pick Superman. Go big or go home.

Ill just blast his ass with red sun radiation and stab him with a hunk of krytonite.

After that Ill replicate his DNA, take out the parts that are effected by those weaknesses, put the perfect DNA in my body, and control the universe.

Done deal.

Chuck Norris, cause thrugh all his "greatness" hes still succeptible to a well trained and paid hitman/assassin. and barring that I think a pipebomb set up in his house would do well enouh really. plus the guys like 70, so even if I did nothing I could just wait 20-30 years and nature will do my work for me.

I picked the Doctor. Not because i'm a fan of the show, because i'm not, but because I (as a villain) would have no interest in physically besting my opponent, nor killing them; I want to out smart them.

And all your other options are meat heads not exactly known for the intellectual prowess.

I'd definitely not go into it looking to kill the hero. That's an excellent way to get yourself killed. Of course, the best policy is to take pains to not make any enemies - if no one knows what you're doing, no one will try and stop you - and if someone's in your way or finds out, you have a long and protracted discussion on why they should join you - if you can't convince someone else you've got good ideas, you probably shouldn't be operating on them. And then if they don't come around, you either agree to stop if they might pose a legitimate threat, and turn to more legal pursuits for a while, or if they're not a threat, they take a cement bath.

Probably the worst option to pick on this is Chuck Norris - Superman, the Doctor, and the Jedi would all offer quarter. With Superman, you'd probably come back from the dead in a month or two, should you actually die. The Jedi, and your standard protagonist, are generally stupid and foolable, as is Superman to a lesser degree. Chuck Norris would just kill you.

The "Incredible" Hulk

As to how I'd deal with him, I'd never antagonize him one bit, would indeed avoid letting him know I exist, I'd just take steps to get him mad at my enemies/rivals. Incredibly dumb brutes make for great unwilling assets.

If he becomes too difficult to handle, I'll let him take a little tumble into a live volcano then cool the surface of the lava behind him (to the point where the consistency is like cold molasses, not quite solid). Doesn't matter if it fails to kill him right away, he can't punch his way out, and can't stay mad forever.

Or I could go the easy route, pick aquaman, and just shoot the wuss in the face when he tries to interfere with my land based operation.

Facing the Doctor is probably the coolest thing I can think of.

the doctor cause ever since he has been around in this last decade or so i have wanted to murder the guy acting as him.

For real it would be the Doctor. I'd be the Brains from Futurama, mercilessly trying to collect every last bit of knowledge in the universe and the doctor, being the last Time Lord, would be my ultimate prize. I'd spend the whole season trying to manipulate him from the shadows, only revealing my identity for the finale. But then at the last minute i'd have found a way to work myself into a replaceable part of the universal timeline, so that killing me would cause irreparable damage to reality. Then I'd become like the Daleks were in the original run, the standby villain who pops in every few episodes with a new outlandish scheme to enslave humanity. For shits and giggles.

But if I was going for lawls, i'd pick Superman. Just so I could corner him with my hunting rifle and have the following dialogue:

Me: Looks like this is the of the road Soups
Superman: Please DVS, You know buckshot can't hurt me

I choose the Doctor so that I can unleash my incredible RSC powers of overly thespy acting at him. No wait scratch that I think I'd be more Scorsby than Harrison Chase.

I went with Chuck Norris because he is a really old man with a bunch of stupid bullshit jokes made up about him, if he came after me, he'd probably break a hip and I would just shoot him in the face.

Standard superhero protagonist. That way when he and his motley band of allies have their special good-guy finding yourself thematic heroic monologue, I can have my stealthed assassins slit their throats and then feed their corpses to the transgenetic sloths.

GigaHz:
I pick Chuck Norris.

As an evil scientist, I'd find out how to re-animate the body of Bruce Lee. Once the procedure has been declared a success, all I would need to do is have him patrol around my Fortress of Evil as a personal Body Guard.

Chuck Norris would be defeated after any attempt to get near me.

... Oh, and the world would love me for bringing back Bruce Lee.

I'm starting to wonder if I'd still be considered a villain after this action.

I can find no fault at all with this, and would gladly pay monies to see it happen!

For all the "supposed" badass of Chuck Norris, still doesn't compare to Bruce Lee! He ran out of challengers on earth, so had to move on to the afterlife to kick ass.

The Doctor. I would lure him into a place where I separate him from his companions and the TARDIS. I would then send the TARDIS into a sun. The Doctor would be trapped in a maze consisting of deadlocked, wooden doors on which his sonic screwdriver would not work. I would then send his companions back in time to wherever they came from. The Doctor would be forced to circle the mass, solving puzzle after puzzle for eternity or until he died from lack of food or water. There would be recycled air pumping through vents to small to fit in. Also this station would be separate from the one I was on and both would transfer through time at random intervals and to random places as long as the area was generally uninhabited.

Probably a Jedi. They create such a fuss over a few missing planets.

some loser Jedi would be mine, and they would fall before me.

why?

Jedi suck that's why -.-

bunch of emotionally repressed chumps

Any mortal. And I would deal with them Dresden Files style. With a high powered rifle at 1000 metres.
The first my enemy would know of my intentions would be a few seconds after it travels through their chest and explodes out their back taking their lungs with it.

That or a hot super chick and I would be known as the Pervinator. I would use my high tech equipment to spy on her in the shower and launch daring raids to steal her dirty underwear!

Some Jedi... put one of these on his shoulder and watch him turn even more emo :)

Military spending... it's there for a reason ;)

No matter how big and manly you are, these things will be quick to remind you that you are in fact, a little girl.

Jedi ought to be easy enough. What can a single random Jedi do? It's not as if they're all as good as the main character ones we see. Also if I defeat them I get a lightsaber. That would be awesome.

I picked Chuck Norris, who will not be able to defeat my army of super zombie Bruce Lees. Also, good villain strategy is to never give your enemy time to think of a plan to defeat you and always stay to make sure that your enemy is dead instead of assuming that they're going to sit still and die.

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