Why is it that attempts to make friends always seems awkward?

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Tonight, I'm not doing anything. There are plenty of shows to be watching on Netflix, but doing that for hours on end just makes me feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I hate going to bars (mainly because of the smoke and the music being too loud to make conversation), but it doesn't seem like there's many alternatives. I tried going to coffee shops for a bit, but it seems like people who're reading a book or on their computer generally don't want to be disturbed, even though that's exactly what I did to pass the time.

However, meeting people online almost seems like it's creepy. I mean, there are local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever. But I feel like if I were to message people from those groups instead of waiting two weeks for the next meetup, I'd give off a creepy vibe or something. What's wrong with just being bored and wanting to talk to someone who shares my interests?

ImBigBob:
Tonight, I'm not doing anything. There are plenty of shows to be watching on Netflix, but doing that for hours on end just makes me feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I hate going to bars (mainly because of the smoke and the music being too loud to make conversation), but it doesn't seem like there's many alternatives. I tried going to coffee shops for a bit, but it seems like people who're reading a book or on their computer generally don't want to be disturbed, even though that's exactly what I did to pass the time.

However, meeting people online almost seems like it's creepy. I mean, there are local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever. But I feel like if I were to message people from those groups instead of waiting two weeks for the next meetup, I'd give off a creepy vibe or something. What's wrong with just being bored and wanting to talk to someone who shares my interests?

I know what you mean, I can't even fathom going up to a complete stranger that I have no relation with so I can become pals and hang out with them. If you really want to the best thing I could think of is attending some sort of class or event at like a rec center or something so you actually have a reason to talk to them.

That's why most people make new friends at school, work, or among neighbors.

The friends I have just kind of "happen", I don't actively seek them out, people that share my interests and that I get on with just tend to stay in my life. It seems kind of "forced" to do it any other way than that, that might be why it's awkward, it feels like you're trying and that things should be going better than they are etc, rather than natural 'chemistry'.

yeah..freidnship generally happnes through mutual interest or circumstance...its easyer that way

ImBigBob:
Tonight, I'm not doing anything. There are plenty of shows to be watching on Netflix, but doing that for hours on end just makes me feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I hate going to bars (mainly because of the smoke and the music being too loud to make conversation), but it doesn't seem like there's many alternatives. I tried going to coffee shops for a bit, but it seems like people who're reading a book or on their computer generally don't want to be disturbed, even though that's exactly what I did to pass the time.

However, meeting people online almost seems like it's creepy. I mean, there are local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever. But I feel like if I were to message people from those groups instead of waiting two weeks for the next meetup, I'd give off a creepy vibe or something. What's wrong with just being bored and wanting to talk to someone who shares my interests?

Wait... Wait... Wait...

I hate going to bars (mainly because of the smoke

Where the fuck do you live?

I'll be there in like, half an hour...

Smoking in Bars! Oh how I've missed it... I'm sick of going into my drinking hole and being able to smell the B.O of the fat slags who think they can pull of Hotpants.

Oh, also, don't try to make friends - nobody likes desperate people. Friends kinda just happen - be casual.

That's another thing I don't get. Why does simply wanting to make friends make me desperate? Who DOESN'T want to make friends? What's wrong with just asking someone if they want to hang out?

ImBigBob:
That's another thing I don't get. Why does simply wanting to make friends make me desperate? Who DOESN'T want to make friends? What's wrong with just asking someone if they want to hang out?

I don't know, I haven't seen anyone that did that and thought, "Man that guy is desperate", though I must say that when someone approaches me to try and make friends it's really intimidating, it's a little weird to have a stranger approach you just to talk, and yeah it's really weird because I would like to make friends but talking with strangers it's a little unnerving, the worst part is when they introduce themselves and try to shake your hand, somehow I always manage to screw that up.

Remember when you were a kid and you could just ask anybody you meet "Hey, do you wanna be my friend?" You try that now you get maced...

I dunno, I'm not good at making friends, even when I'm in places I should be completely comfortable in, I have trouble talking to people (last year I was at a comic book convention, and I still felt like I was an outcast from everyone there.)

The last friend I made was when a friend of mine dragged me to Karaoke, and we only got to chatting because when somebody sang the Ghostbusters theme, he and I both noticed that we were singing Ghost Nappa from DBZ Abridged.

Maybe that lends more to the "friends just kinda happen when you're not looking for them" school of thought so...I dunno.

But yeah, it can be weird to make friends. Sometimes you just get lucky with it.

I think it seems awkward to make friends, because you're trying to make friends. It's normally easier if it just happens, which is normally why it happens at school or work. You develop relationships with people while working to accomplish some goal, not just focusing on the development itself.

I know exactly what you mean though. I'm currently trying to get closer to this cute girl in my physics class, who I've had maybe eight words with in person ("Hi *her name*" and "Hey can I borrow a pencil"), almost completely over facebook. Really awkward.

ImBigBob:
That's another thing I don't get. Why does simply wanting to make friends make me desperate? Who DOESN'T want to make friends? What's wrong with just asking someone if they want to hang out?

mabye its a "saftey" thing you know?

I mean when you go trhough certain levels of mutual interests...like school, work, clubs or groups its kind of like a filter

the random stranger on the street is at the bottom of that filter, because in our minds ramdom strangers are "weirdos" or could be crazy people

now OBVIOUSLY crazy people exist everywhere....but in your physics class you can rule out the guy you sit next too as some crazy hobo....

I never have a hard time you just be friends with people who are friends with your friends when you want to expand you circle or go to a place where you have stuff in common with people then talk for a whiles get to know them get to a point in which your both chilled the fuck out and then ask them if they want to hang again some other time. If you can't be perfectly comfortable they prolly arn't either so don't ask

If you're going to school or have a job, why not try making friends there? Especially if you're in school, it's easy to join groups with similar interests.

Befriending some stranger at a bar who has nothing to do with you does seem a bit awkward, especially if s/he is comfortable with the number of friends s/he has and isn't specifically out looking for new ones.

Meeting up with people online isn't that bad, as long as you're sure that there's no danger to it and you've known the person for a while, it could be fun.
But yes, making friends can be hard, I do know where you're coming from, it seems like being in education or work is the easiest way to find the means to communicate with people though.
Hope things work out for you one way or another, I think you need to just put yourself out there and admit there's a chance at rejection.

Don't try to make friends, just talk. Talk to co-workers, talk to classmates, friends of friends, family acquaintances. Just talk! That's all there is to it!

Acquaintances are made. Friendships happen.

I have to hang out with my coworkers at work. I chose to hang out with them after work.

I usually make friends by being introduced to by my other friends,, I don't go to bars much but that may change when all my friends are 18.

I've never made a friend on purpose. I have plenty, and they all happened over time and on their own. When you force it, try to make it happen, it usually falls apart or becomes awkward.

Just go with the flow, OP. Live your life, BE HAPPY, and friends will come on their own.

My captcha: "The all-new Chevy Sonic." Not trying to sell me anything by any chance, are you? Talk about subtlety.

ImBigBob:
[bored]

However, meeting people online almost seems like it's creepy. I mean, there are local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever. But I feel like if I were to message people from those groups instead of waiting two weeks for the next meetup, I'd give off a creepy vibe or something. What's wrong with just being bored and wanting to talk to someone who shares my interests?

Doesn't seem awkward to me. I assume you have interacted positively with some of the people in the "local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever", so much so that you have a means of contacting them.

It doesn't seem weird to me to say to one of those people "Hey [insert name here], I'm kinda bored right now. I was thinking of getting some of the [shared activity group] people together for a hangout. If you aren't busy, would you like to join us?" if you're looking for face to face interaction, or a "Hey [insert name here], I'm kinda bored. You busy right now?" and follow up a yes answer with a conversation about your shared interest and follow up a no with a "No worries, see around."

Only really talented people can do that it seems. The only reason I have multiple friends is because I had one such talented friend who put in many awkward situations involving friend making until I eventually found people to hang out with xP. I'm very grateful for that...

Anyway... now, if I see someone who looks like they could be my friend... I just sit down next to them and explain to them why I think we should talk. Most of the time it's awkward... However, eventually I find someone who shares enough interests that I can talk to. When it is awkward... I just think... "Who cares about this person's opinion... I barely know them..." and then I move on.

It might just be you that feels awkward. I just talk until I can't think of anything else to say, by that time they know all about me, and then I start with the questions.

Don't "try" to make friends. If a person is worthy of your friendship it'll just happen naturally.... and if it doesn't happen naturally get a pet.

Because fuck humans.

It is weird, I've approached women on the bus or just like in a shopping center and gotten phone numbers off em and dated em, but making friends is awkward as fuck that way.

Most friends you will find by accident. There is no point in a forced friendship.

No offense, but you do seem like a quite awkward person.
As oh so many people have said in this thread, you don't LOOK for friends, you just find them.
Imagine it yourself if you were sitting at a bar and some bloke just sits next to you an says:
"Holy shit! You use a coaster too? Wanna catch a movie or something?"

Meh, personally I wouldn't put too much thought into friends.
Right now I have two friends who I'd take a bullet for, if you'll pardon the cliche.

One I met at a party, tried to chat up, failed miserably, then became good friends with.

The other? Long story involving fiance's, relationships and other friends. But to put it simple, I'd personally go against the army's of Satan himself, armed with nothing but a toothpick and a small squirrel, If it meant keeping her safe.

In my experience, Life just happens, friends are part of life, ergo, they just happen.

The trick is not to try. If you're naturally bonding with them, chances are it's going to be great.

Kaleion:
I don't know, I haven't seen anyone that did that and thought, "Man that guy is desperate"...

But even if you don't think it yourself, you can't help but think that other people might think that about you if you tried. At least I do anyway. Striking up conversations with completely random people outside of school or work is definitely something I'm trying to comprehend.

I usually just joke about something relevant to the situation. I'm not actively trying to make a friend, but...well, I have an ego. And I like being the funny guy. But a good joke can lead to conversation. Sometimes you walk away with a new acquaintance. Sometimes that acquaintance becomes a friend.

Talking to random strangers is awkward itself then again I'm not the type who goes around making friends so I guess I'm in the same boat you are.

ImBigBob:
Tonight, I'm not doing anything. There are plenty of shows to be watching on Netflix, but doing that for hours on end just makes me feel like I'm not accomplishing anything. I hate going to bars (mainly because of the smoke and the music being too loud to make conversation), but it doesn't seem like there's many alternatives. I tried going to coffee shops for a bit, but it seems like people who're reading a book or on their computer generally don't want to be disturbed, even though that's exactly what I did to pass the time.

However, meeting people online almost seems like it's creepy. I mean, there are local meetup groups for anime/games/scifi/whatever. But I feel like if I were to message people from those groups instead of waiting two weeks for the next meetup, I'd give off a creepy vibe or something. What's wrong with just being bored and wanting to talk to someone who shares my interests?

Meeting and becoming new friends with people I found is only awkward if you force it, go to a place where people are actively discussing a topic/hobby you enjoy, and talk to them, as others have said, it's less about making them as it is finding them, if you feel like it, you can debate with them about things or a current item that they enjoy and you don't (and vice versa) if all goes well, you both enjoy the talk/debate, you leave happy, you can even agree to meet up sometime later to hang out, and that's really all that's required, you both need to be active, talking to somebody interested in something else is almost always going to start and end awkwardly, or at least, that's how I found it.

Online is a little different, this is more spontaneous, and I'd only recommend trying to befriend somebody if you see them often around places you regularly visit, other than that it's the same process.

Gatx:

Kaleion:
I don't know, I haven't seen anyone that did that and thought, "Man that guy is desperate"...

But even if you don't think it yourself, you can't help but think that other people might think that about you if you tried. At least I do anyway. Striking up conversations with completely random people outside of school or work is definitely something I'm trying to comprehend.

Well I guess so, but I don't know I've never tried it, I mean if I can't find something to talk about with the people I know, What could I possibly say to a stranger? Besides I tend to block off when talking to strangers and then I can only answer by nodding and shaking my head, so it would just be very weird if I just approached some random person said hi and didn't say anything else, I do wonder if they'd think I'm retarded or something if I were to do that.

ImBigBob:
That's another thing I don't get. Why does simply wanting to make friends make me desperate? Who DOESN'T want to make friends? What's wrong with just asking someone if they want to hang out?

I make do with my handful of friends. I don't hang out that much, but when I do, its fun times.
I suggest either trying to meet new people at work/school/etc. or try to hang out with people who share your interests online. I would rather hang out with someone I have fun with online, than try to meet people who might share my interests. Besides, going out is expensive damnit and I don't have money to burn whenever. It was always annoying when my friends wanted to go to clubs across the city. Clubs are annoying and more expensive than bars, but bars are actually fun.

I am the victim of forced friendship, I got stolen away from a bunch of my friends at a bar, by a pretty metal-head girl and literally forced to sit with her and her mates (not that im complaining if pretty girls ask me to do something it happens!) eventually some of my friends came over, warily at first but by the end of the night we were all buddies and most of us still are.

All becuase I was wearing a Proper big floppy wizard's hat.

Moral of the story? If you want friends fast, buy yourself a hat!

Making friends is not something you're supposed to consciously attempt. It's something that naturally emerges when you interact with people with whom you have some form of compatibility.

Going to a local anime/games meetup is a good way to start but don't be too forceful about it, just keep going there for a few times, maybe talk to someone, offer your views on things. If you see it going well then maybe invite someone over to your place to play or watch something. It's a slow and gradual process and you can't be "hey, wanna be friends" to a stranger and expect for that to work.

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