If Michael Bay dirrected...

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Considering how people reacted to Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles, I thought I'd start this thread. Pick any remake or adaptation that shouldn't be in Bay's hand (which would be most of them), and refer to what hilariously stupid changes he would make.

I just thought of a Perfect one:

Michael Bay's "Courage The Cowardly Dog"

Courage is an Alien Dog from the Moon (Which is why he's purple), Eustace and Muriel are a recently married couple in their mid 20's, with Eustace being a Dick and Muriel being a slut, and a bunch of Terrorists, Government officials, Thieves, and Eldritch Abominations are coming to attack them in their home in the middle of a desert, because Courage's people put an ultimate weapon on the site under their house. Courage beats the living crap out of them (With Plenty of Explosions) while Eustace and Muriel constantly bicker, argue, and then have sex, not knowing the danger their in. Eventually, Eustace and Muriel will eventually become a happy couple, and Courage will except his roll as their Dog, even though Eustace will still be a dick to him.

Yeah...

Star Wars Episodes I-III. It would be interesting to watch. Could he possibly make them WORSE?

Palfreyfish:
Star Wars Episodes I-III. It would be interesting to watch. Could he possibly make them WORSE?

I feel like he'd replace every force move with force explode, and replace all the blasters with grenade launchers. There wouldn't be any dialogue, just explosions. Surprisingly though, the good guys never get hurt, and you never see the blown apart bodies of the bad guys or by-standers, they all just disapear behind the explosions.

War Horse- The horse is actually a prototype mechanical tank-horse that can transform and shoot rockets. Why do think the horse was so great?

Eragon, imagine him given Saphira (the dragon) some gatling guns attack to her wings and there a explosives everywhere so whevenever she breath out fire will ignite them.

Palfreyfish:
Star Wars Episodes I-III. It would be interesting to watch. Could he possibly make them WORSE?

Yes. I mean the prequels are bad, but Bayformed? *Shudder*

- - -

OT: Bay remakes Gattaca. In the real version, the protagonist, Vincent has to pretend to be someone else to avoid genetic prejudice, with all of the attendant character development and social commentary about genetics and the law of unintended consequences.

That's too complex for Bay. So instead, Vincent simply walks in, shoots everyone, blows shit up, nicks a rocket and succeeds in flying off to Titan, while Uma Thurman ends up being dragged around for most of the film in a bikini or something, and then gets it on with Vincent in the rocket.
They then get into a big space dogfight with the CEO of the company after they find out that the CEO has been turning people into starfish FOR SCIENCE!!! or some other nefarious plot.
They then save everyone and Vincent becomes President of the Hole Wurld.
Fin.

Or.... Vincent is genetically engineered to have 3 cocks and ends up becoming an inter-planetary pimp or something

Give him Open Water.

If a film ever needed explosions and shooting it was that film.

Anything by Shakespeare. I would find it amusing, watching a modern action director try to "stick" to the original play without deviation.

Scarim Coral:
Eragon, imagine him given Saphira (the dragon) some gatling guns attack to her wings and there a explosives everywhere so whevenever she breath out fire will ignite them.

I'll be honest. That would be so much better than the movie we got.

Alduin Silas:
Anything by Shakespeare. I would find it amusing, watching a modern action director try to "stick" to the original play without deviation.

You asked for it =P

I want to see him take on wallace and gromit.

Luftwaffles:

Excuse me while I go kill myself.

Alduin Silas:
Anything by Shakespeare. I would find it amusing, watching a modern action director try to "stick" to the original play without deviation.

Othello- More or less a blaxploitation movie with plenty of explosions.

Romeo and Juliet- Romeo and Juliet have sex the whole time, superimposed with gang violence between the Capulets and the Montegues. At the end Romeo and Juliet's bedroom explodes.

Hamlet- (The sudlilty of Hamlet's inablilty to make a decission is way too above Bay) Most of the movie is Hamlet and Ghost Hamlet shooting their way through the castle loby scene from the Matrix style, but with more explosions. Polonius gets shot trying to take cover behind a curtin, Ophelia gets caught in the cross fire, shot thrown through a window, and lands in the moat--the moat is also on fire. Claudius and Laertes get in a shoot out with the two Hamlets in the thrown room. Meanwhile, Fortinbras starts his seige on the castle. Gertrude gets hit by a stray bullet from Claudius. Hamlet kills Laertes, and shoots Claudius execution style. Fortinbras then breaches the throne room and shoots everyone before blowing up the whole castle.

You can tell which ones I've read more recently.

@Trigger, Luft etc.
Ok, I change my mind, and my next time travel will be fifteen minutes into the past to stop myself writing the previous post.

A remake of Micheal Bay's Transformers movies, directed by Micheal Bay himself.

According to the exponential law of Micheal Bay pyrotechnics, the film should essentially be just stock footage of 1950s nuclear tests.

Michael bay directs the live action adaptation of Gurren lagann. What could possibly go wrong? It would probably be the exact same except replace every mention of spiral power with "'MERICA FUCK YEAH!"

Edit: Ooh, Ooh I got another one! The digitally remastered director's cut of Dangeresque One: Dangeresque Too? Oh god nobody's going to get that reference.

Twelve Angry Men. It's about a jury who have trouble reaching a unanimous verdict... BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO BUSY FIGHTING OFF THE ALIEN HORDES!!

Also, it will be called The Furious Eight and the Foxes. Eight men (who are jacked with shaved mini-mohawks and tribal tattoos) and four horny MILFs.

Also one of the guys has a machine gun for a dick.

Also there is no court case.

Street Fighter or Tekken or Mortal Kombat or Dead Or Alive.

Amethyst Wind:
Street Fighter or Tekken or Mortal Kombat or Dead Or Alive.

That would be fun. Every character that isn't white would be a stereotype and Guile would show up, regardless of wheter it was Street Fighter or not, and would defeat everyone.

My turn: Michael Bay directs a remake of Silent Hill. A group of Spec Ops forces enter the town, fight off the monsters, fuck the nurse monsters, and then blow it up with a nuclear bomb.

A movie adaptation of 'Splosion Man

Should be right down his alley, shouldn't it? Except he'd probably get rid of all the puzzles...

casablanca.. i picture inglorious bastards/expendables where a time travelling american cyborg commando team blow up casablanca thereby killing alien hilter and winning the war for america

Clerks.

It would be the exact same movie, but the window would be uncovered, and there would be this epic battle going outside

Honestly, I'd like to see him do a live-action movie version of Dragonball Z, for two reasons.

1: Half of that show is just a lot of explosions.
2: He can't possibly make it worse than Dragonball Evolution.

MASTACHIEFPWN:

Excuse me while I go kill myself.

... why? It's from Last Action Hero, and quite obviously a joke. A pretty good one at that.

Schindler's List.

He'd market it as a serious drama, we'd see it as a comedy.

My Little Alien Pony: Explosions are Magic.

Scarim Coral:
Eragon, imagine him given Saphira (the dragon) some gatling guns attack to her wings and there a explosives everywhere so whevenever she breath out fire will ignite them.

That.... actually sounds really awesome. I want this to happen, right now!!

Make Saphira a kind of flying battleplane thing!!! Like some sort of helicopter gunship!!!

Avatar.

Instead of the RDA being a metaphor for western expansionism, it would just be the US (Space) Army. The Na'vi would be terrorists directly responsible for global warming, and Quaritch would win.

It would also have to be in 4D, and Jake's Avatar body would be a humanoid mecha with rocket launchers for limbs.

Mass Effect 3.

Oh wait.

But more seriously: Fallout 4 will be 'directed' by Bay and will be set, instead of the wasteland, during the war itself. And it'll mostly just be cutscenes of nuclear explosions. But in a series-reworking twist, it won't be America being nuked. Instead it'll be every other country in the world leaving America the only one standing.

A live action version of Pokemon.
Given what he did to transformers and what he's probably going to do to TMNT, it can't be to long before he finds his way to my childhood.

Luftwaffles:
I want to see him take on wallace and gromit.

Hah. "EXPLOSIONS! Gromit."
Also, where the fuck did you come up with that username?

Hmm... Michael Bay's... Uh... Death Note. Instead of the default death being heart attacks, it's heart EXPLOSIONS! Also Ryuk is an alien.

Noswad:
A live action version of Pokemon.
Given what he did to transformers and what he's probably going to do to TMNT, it can't be to long before he finds his way to my childhood.

I hope not. That's my childhood's Final Frontier.
I bet he's watching us right now. Just writing all these films down so he can ruin them.

Should we really be just throwing ideas around like this? What if he finds this thread and takes "inspiration" from some of the posts.

Ah, well...Oh, what if he was put in charge of a Doctor Who movie?

He would probably make the Doctor a wise-cracking, pompous, ex-military douche.
.
.
.
...*shudders* I don't want to think about this anymore.

The Lord of the Rings.

The One Ring Would've been a mini computer/nuke.. the Ents would all have cannons crafted into their chests...and Helms Deep would have Machine Guns all around the walls and would have had Giant Robots climbing the walls.

A new series of Firefly

Oh... I depressed myself

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