Getting tired of (certain) women.

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Hello escapists,

This is kind of a hard and personal thing to talk about, but I do wish to discuss it.
It's about women.
Not all of them, off course, but most of them.

Here's the thing, I have Asperger's syndrome, am shorter then most people, and kind of a weirdo.
So I have always felled different from my peers.
But lately I have noticed that a certain type of female has some strange aversion to me.
I think we all know the type: average intelligence, pretty, big social life but intellectually starving. There is no way I want to be with people like them, but I am still nice and polite to them, because that is my nature.

But lateley, I've been noticing how many of them react to me. As if they think I want more then just a smile or a nod. Like I am some kind of sex guy that wants to get into their panties by being nice to them, you know what I mean?
A friendly smile on the street is usually greeted here, but not by these women. They just ignore you; stare straight ahead as if you weren't there. Since I started noticing this, I realised this happens daily!

Another example would be a collegue I worked with for 4 months. She missed her bus, lived in my area, so I offered to give her a ride.
She told me no, and when I asked why she told me she doesn't trust me very much, as if I am some kind of sicko.

And this goes on, and on, and on. So yeah, I have gotten sick and tired of that type of woman.
They believe the whole world is there just for them, and never apriciate anything guys like me do for them, ever.

Well, escapists, thanks for listening.
If you guys have an opinion about this (And this is the internet so you do), please discuss. Maybe I am wrong, maybe it is all in my head.. but I don't think so.

Bassik:
If you guys have an opinion about this (And this is the internet so you do), please discuss. Maybe I am wrong, maybe it is all in my head.. but I don't think so.

Well...uh...hm. Hm.

Okay...

1. This is textbook misogyny.
2. That's not unusual. Most guys, especially socially maladroit guys, will go through a phase where they exhibit textbook misogyny. You see it on this site all the time. It doesn't mean it's alright, or defensible, but it IS something you will likely grow out of.
3. You don't really know anything about these women, or their thought processes. You are projecting your own insecurities onto them.
4. Any time you try to make generalizations about "most of" any group, be it designated by gender, or race, or religion, or whichever signifier you choose, you are engaging in prejudice.
5. If you're finding that people tend to have a mistrustful attitude towards you, the BEST and ONLY thing you can do is try and figure out what it is ABOUT YOU that is causing this to happen.

Persecution complex senses...

Tingling!

These women don't hate you, they simply don't care about you. The same way that I don't care about 99.99999999999999% of the world's population.

Sure, I'm polite, sure I smile often and try to be as friendly as possible, but you know what happens when somebody doesn't show me the same courtesy? Nothing. I shrug it off and get on with my life.

The type of guy who takes it as a personal insult whenever a woman doesn't acknowldge their existence probably has some self esteem issues.

Also, serial killers and rapists. <--- Hyperbole

If you did all those things for dudes i imagine a few would react the same way those women do. It isnt gender specific. Be nice and pleasant and if someone doesnt want you to dont sweat it. If she doesnt want a lift you dont ask "why" just say "alright then" and smile and go about your day. It doesnt matter why they dont want to have these things. They just dont. Id suggest being friendly to people you know want and appreciate it. They are not "expected" to reciprocate your niceness as good and honest as it may be. They shouldnt feel forced to take your lift or wave back always, its just a thing. Be kind as much as you can and dont feel shot down when someone doesnt want it. It isnt a big deal and plenty of people do want you to act like this toward them. Just not some people. And thats alright.

I have a question for you. Why do you care? People will always think what they want and sometimes there is no changing it, plus it's not a big deal. No need to sweat the small stuff.

Bassik:
Another example would be a collegue I worked with for 4 months. She missed her bus, lived in my area, so I offered to give her a ride.
She told me no, and when I asked why she told me she doesn't trust me very much, as if I am some kind of sicko.

And this goes on, and on, and on. So yeah, I have gotten sick and tired of that type of woman.
They believe the whole world is there just for them, and never apriciate anything guys like me do for them, ever.

Wait she rejected your help and you still expect her to appreciate you? She could have rejected you so she wouldn't have to have any obligation to appreciate you (and being a creep would explain why she would hate to owe you).

Also you're reading too deeply into people ignoring you. I ignore everyone like that when I'm in the city. I've seen others do it regardless of gender, it's all in your head if you think they are targeting you.

Bassik:
Snip.

Why do you think women have to smile or nod at you?
I walk down the street with a blank look too, I probably wouldn't even notice some random dude smiling at me.
And why would I want to?
If I'm going somewhere, its cause I have stuff to do, I dont only live to smile at dudes on the street. You are making assumptions about women you dont even know while bitching about women you don't know making assumptions about you
Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

I'm trying to be nice and not just point out that this is silly man-child bitching, but then again I just did.

BloatedGuppy:

Bassik:
If you guys have an opinion about this (And this is the internet so you do), please discuss. Maybe I am wrong, maybe it is all in my head.. but I don't think so.

Well...uh...hm. Hm.

Okay...

1. This is textbook misogyny.
2. That's not unusual. Most guys, especially socially maladroit guys, will go through a phase where they exhibit textbook misogyny. You see it on this site all the time. It doesn't mean it's alright, or defensible, but it IS something you will likely grow out of.
3. You don't really know anything about these women, or their thought processes. You are projecting your own insecurities onto them.
4. Any time you try to make generalizations about "most of" any group, be it designated by gender, or race, or religion, or whichever signifier you choose, you are engaging in prejudice.
5. If you're finding that people tend to have a mistrustful attitude towards you, the BEST and ONLY thing you can do is try and figure out what it is ABOUT YOU that is causing this to happen.

At first I wanted to write an angry response on how wrong you are, but then I stopped and thought for a while. And I think you are right.
I do have a problem with women (Not with guys, guys are great), and I don't want that. How can I change my way of thinking?

Thank you, and everybody else for your replies. You helped me face an issue that should not be ignored.

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

Bassik:

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

Bassik:
I do have a problem with women (Not with guys, guys are great), and I don't want that. How can I change my way of thinking?

Perhaps you should seek out counselling. Did something happen to you when you were younger?

Phasmal:

Bassik:

Also, have you considered that you might just be acting kind of creepy? Do you go around smiling at dudes?

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

What... acknowledging each others existence takes like a second, and most people do it here. I thought all small towns and villages were like that?

Anyway, so I guess I have some problems to sort out. Any ideas? Is this serious enough to seek counselling or do you guys have some experience?

Bassik:

Phasmal:

Bassik:

Smile, nod, greet... it's normal here.

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

What... acknowledging each others existence takes like a second, and most people do it here. I thought all small towns and villages were like that?

Nope. Its pretty commonplace to walk around doing your own thing and not even look at other people when you are out doing something.

As for your second question, I would ask yourself why you feel entitled to women's attention and why it bothers you when you dont get it.

Bassik:
At first I wanted to write an angry response on how wrong you are, but then I stopped and thought for a while. And I think you are right.
I do have a problem with women (Not with guys, guys are great), and I don't want that. How can I change my way of thinking?

Thank you, and everybody else for your replies. You helped me face an issue that should not be ignored.

You probably don't like ALL guys, right? Some guys are jerks. You judge them on an individual by individual basis, based on what their actions and values say about their character.

So all you really need to do is stop thinking of women as "women", stop attributing their behavior (or the behavior you're projecting on them) to gender, get to know them as people, and judge them based on what kind of people they are. Just like there are great men and shitty men, there are great women and shitty women.

And honestly, recognizing that you're bitter is a good place to start. Like every confirmation bias, if you want to hold on to misogyny, you're going to find lots of reasons to justify why you should. But at the end of the day, all that bitterness and anger and resentment is just going to make it hard for YOU to make meaningful connections and friendships and relationships with women. It's just a toxic thought process that makes your life harder.

Bassik:
What... acknowledging each others existence takes like a second, and most people do it here. I thought all small towns and villages were like that?

Never presume motivations. Some people are shy, some people might be frightened or nervous, some people might be preoccupied. I was walking, stunned, through the Skytrain station the day I learned my Dad had died, and some random stranger gave me shit for not smiling.

Never, ever assume that because someone isn't giving you attention that it says anything about their character. Everyone is living their own lives.

BloatedGuppy:

Bassik:
At first I wanted to write an angry response on how wrong you are, but then I stopped and thought for a while. And I think you are right.
I do have a problem with women (Not with guys, guys are great), and I don't want that. How can I change my way of thinking?

Thank you, and everybody else for your replies. You helped me face an issue that should not be ignored.

You probably don't like ALL guys, right? Some guys are jerks. You judge them on an individual by individual basis, based on what their actions and values say about their character.

So all you really need to do is stop thinking of women as "women", stop attributing their behavior (or the behavior you're projecting on them) to gender, get to know them as people, and judge them based on what kind of people they are. Just like there are great men and shitty men, there are great women and shitty women.

And honestly, recognizing that you're bitter is a good place to start. Like every confirmation bias, if you want to hold on to misogyny, you're going to find lots of reasons to justify why you should. But at the end of the day, all that bitterness and anger and resentment is just going to make it hard for YOU to make meaningful connections and friendships and relationships with women. It's just a toxic thought process that makes your life harder.

Thanks mate. Harsh words, but soft hands don't heal, you know?
I got some thinking to do.
I don't want to be that guy, I hate that guy. Suspecting I might be him is reason enough to take a good look at everything.

Never presume motivations. Some people are shy, some people might be frightened or nervous, some people might be preoccupied. I was walking, stunned, through the Skytrain station the day I learned my Dad had died, and some random stranger gave me shit for not smiling.

Never, ever assume that because someone isn't giving you attention that it says anything about their character. Everyone is living their own lives.

Well I never looked at it that way... sounds reasonable to me. Oh man, I may be kind of a dick.

Nope. Its pretty commonplace to walk around doing your own thing and not even look at other people when you are out doing something.

Where do you live, North Korea?

Bassik:
Thanks mate. Harsh words, but soft hands don't heal, you know?
I got some thinking to do.
I don't want to be that guy, I hate that guy. Suspecting I might be him is reason enough to take a good look at everything.

Well, that you're even worried that you might be "that guy" is a sign of character. Off to a good start.

Bassik:

Nope. Its pretty commonplace to walk around doing your own thing and not even look at other people when you are out doing something.

Where do you live, North Korea?

I live in the UK, close to a city, its rather busy.
If I spent all day smiling at dudes, I'd get nothing else done.

Really mate don't take it personally.
See attractive women are under siege by guys who want some thing or another constantly, all that unwanted attention makes them very defensive about their personal space, pushing it to the point where they downright exude menace so people would avoid them.

I myself am a decent looking guy and even so if I step up to a girl out of the blue she will give me a stare so volatile it could split the atom, heck even the posts in this thread are heating up rapidly.
Women just live on the ragged edge so don't make any sudden movements or someone could loose an eye.

Daystar Clarion:

These women don't hate you, they simply don't care about you.

And Clarion has it.

I ignore near enough everyone I walk past in a public place. Not because I feel like being ignorant or they look funny but simply because I have things to do and i'm concentrating on that.

Phasmal:

Bassik:

Phasmal:

On the street?
How do you get shit done?

I can tell you, as a woman, its more annoying to have some random dude come up to you and start talking to you. Just cause I'm a lady doesn't mean I have to give a shit. (People always talk to me at bus stops. I hate it).

What... acknowledging each others existence takes like a second, and most people do it here. I thought all small towns and villages were like that?

Nope. Its pretty commonplace to walk around doing your own thing and not even look at other people when you are out doing something.

As for your second question, I would ask yourself why you feel entitled to women's attention and why it bothers you when you dont get it.

Thus we have the problem illustrated. For some (the OP and myself, for example) it's only natural to offer a brief nod of acknowledgement when passing another person in the street, while for others, such as Ms. Phasmal here, it seems unnecessary and intrusive. The nod is misinterpreted as unwanted attention (if it's even noticed at all), while the lack of a response is seen as being deliberately ignored. Neither party is really in the wrong, it just means that you have different ideas of what is expected in that situation. It's likely that plenty of the girls who haven't nodded or responded back simply don't do that in general.

Also, to Phasmal's second question, I don't think it's specifically a "I feel entitled to the attention of women" as a "I feel entitled to (what I feel is) common courtesy." It's the same bit of annoyance you might get if people didn't say 'thank you' when you let them borrow something, or didn't bother to hold a door open when you were only a little behind them. If it started to happen on a regular basis, it might start bugging you. I imagine the OP is attributing this specifically to women either because he's paying more attention to their responses, or that guys might feel more open about responding back, since they'd be less likely to think it's 'unwanted attention.'

To sum up, it's probably mostly in your head, and probably not too big a deal all things considered. Try not to paint all women with the same brush.

That's just people, dude.
I noticed that once I got to the less 'cute' side of teenage people will go and do their own stuff. No point holding a grudge or generalising, just get on with your life.

Suicidejim:
Thus we have the problem illustrated. For some (the OP and myself, for example) it's only natural to offer a brief nod of acknowledgement when passing another person in the street, while for others, such as Ms. Phasmal here, it seems unnecessary and intrusive. The nod is misinterpreted as unwanted attention (if it's even noticed at all), while the lack of a response is seen as being deliberately ignored. Neither party is really in the wrong, it just means that you have different ideas of what is expected in that situation. It's likely that plenty of the girls who haven't nodded or responded back simply don't do that in general.

I feel I should also add that I didn't grow up in a super-friendly place and smiling at people in the street would not have been a wise idea, you just keep your eyes to yourself. That and the fact that as a lady you're encouraged to kind of be afraid of random dudes coming up to you/smiling at you.

Suicidejim:

Also, to Phasmal's second question, I don't think it's specifically a "I feel entitled to the attention of women" as a "I feel entitled to (what I feel is) common courtesy." It's the same bit of annoyance you might get if people didn't say 'thank you' when you let them borrow something, or didn't bother to hold a door open when you were only a little behind them. If it started to happen on a regular basis, it might start bugging you. I imagine the OP is attributing this specifically to women either because he's paying more attention to their responses, or that guys might feel more open about responding back, since they'd be less likely to think it's 'unwanted attention.'

Yeah, I didn't word that well but thats basically what I meant. Why the response of women matters/why he notices it more.

Pretty much had the same thing happen to me, but I wasn't doing the talking. Alot of women thought they could say whatever the fuck they wanted to me because I have a shaved head and wear glasses. It was funny when I would call them on it, they would just stare at me like a cunt deer caught in the headlights.

I am an obsessive people watcher... I love watching social interactions, especially if there is someone else to discuss it with...

This is something seen often amongst the self-rightous, 'fit but my god don't you know it' types, who just seem men as people who oggle at them, and obviously all want them... its saddening.

Unfortunately the smiling and nodding in the street culture is also on the decline at a rapid pace... and it was only around in some cultures to begin with! Some places, for instance Poland when I visited, it was deemed rude to speak to someone you didn't know off the bat... or even to have any interation as you passed.

I may be wrong, but from conversations I have had with Danes, Swedes and some Finnish lads, Scandinavia seems to have a similar culture... where you have better luck meeting girls through freinds of freinds, and just approaching a girl in a bar is considered not normal...

I like to smile and acknowledge people in the street too, but quite often find it is not recipricated... maybe it is because I am also from a pretty rural town!

Bassik:
snip.

1. mabye you come across as a little weird

2. if you dont need to interacti with them in anyway then its better to just forge it

3. I think when I was younger I kind of had it drilled into my head to be "wary" of guys..epecially if they are overly nice to you..like they could be "creeps" or somthing, obviously this is stupid but I dont know...perhaps a similar thing is going on here

Shawn MacDonald:
Pretty much had the same thing happen to me, but I wasn't doing the talking. Alot of women thought they could say whatever the fuck they wanted to me because I have a shaved head and wear glasses. It was funny when I would call them on it, they would just stare at me like a cunt deer caught in the headlights.

what exactally do they "say"?....no really Im facinated by this

Vault101:

Bassik:
snip.

1. mabye you come across as a little weird

2. if you dont need to interacti with them in anyway then its better to just forge it

3. I think when I was younger I kind of had it drilled into my head to be "wary" of guys..epecially if they are overly nice to you..like they could be "creeps" or somthing, obviously this is stupid but I dont know...perhaps a similar thing is going on here

Shawn MacDonald:
Pretty much had the same thing happen to me, but I wasn't doing the talking. Alot of women thought they could say whatever the fuck they wanted to me because I have a shaved head and wear glasses. It was funny when I would call them on it, they would just stare at me like a cunt deer caught in the headlights.

what exactally do they "say"?....no really Im facinated by this

Pretty much just ask me horrible questions that makes me want to punch them. A good example is when I came out of the bars to have a cig. It was raining outside and this women asked me if neo nazis could survive in cold weather.

Shawn MacDonald:
snip[quote/]

Pretty much just ask me horrible questions that makes me want to punch them. A good example is when I came out of the bars to have a cig. It was raining outside and this women asked me if neo nazis could survive in cold weather.

thats....pretty odd...gues she thourght you were a neo natzi

It's just a people problem you have...you just need to get out more and meet more people, and you'll learn.

But you can't just expect everyone to be polite to you.

Right...

Here's what I think is happening.

OP isn't a psycho misogynist who looks like he's about to rape people. I doubt the OP even has problems with women beyond the usual for someone with Asperger's Syndrome and as such a certain degree of social awkwardness.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the OP. There's also nothing wrong with the women he's encountering.

You ever notice how when you discover something for the first time you then suddenly start seeing it ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE? Like one day you notice how many people are wearing red shirts and then suddenly every street you go you see red shirts. Freaking everywhere.

Nothing wrong with a smile or a nod when making eye contact on the street. It's friendly to return it. It's perfectly fine if they don't, but it can feel a bit rude at times.

This is a very simple case of confirmation bias. The perfectly natural tendency of all human beings to favour information that supports their beliefs. It's not something anyone does consciously, it just happens. To all of us. Realising it's actually happening is usually all that's needed to fix it.

So OP no worries, nothing's wrong. Just try to actively pay attention to the women who don't react in that way.

To many of the other posters: stop dramatizing things so much. Not every story has a villain and a hero. Sometimes simple things just happen.

BloatedGuppy:

Nope. Its pretty commonplace to walk around doing your own thing and not even look at other people when you are out doing something.

Where do you live, North Korea?

Where I live, Chicago, it is entirely normal to completely ignore and forget everyone you see. (As I see maybe 6000-7000 people on my schools campus alone, not even counting the number of people on the train, or walking on the street off campus)

Vault101:

Shawn MacDonald:
snip[quote/]

Pretty much just ask me horrible questions that makes me want to punch them. A good example is when I came out of the bars to have a cig. It was raining outside and this women asked me if neo nazis could survive in cold weather.

thats....pretty odd...gues she thourght you were a neo natzi

Piss poor excuse to be rude. Alot of the times women see the glasses and assume I am not going to get in their face. It is not odd at all, people say rude shit all the time to strangers based on their looks.

My advice is this: see them for the cattle they are, laugh, repeat as desired.

Intellectually devoid should be a huge deal-breaker for anyone in a relationship unless you just want a warm 'love' pillow. If you encounter these people in public, engage with them on as minimal a level as you can. They aren't worth they air they breathe.

If you work at it (establish what you want out of a partner in a relationship and what you can give them) look in the places these kinds of people tend to be, work on your approach and get lucky, you'll find someone who is worth more than the whole human race.

EDIT: It's outright laughable that anyone is crying 'misogyny' to this. OP not only stated that not all women are subject to this in his experience, but as many of us are aware of, the average person can be a complete fucking tool, male (drunken wailing good-ol-boy) or female (braindead blonde caked in dorito dust).

Bassik:
[snip.

I'm not a "woman"...Im a person...you know?

also an itneresting article http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html

It's all true, but it's also good to keep in mind that guys will ignore women they do not find attractive as well. In fact guys are much worse about it than girls, and women who aren't gifted in looks have to work really hard to get noticed (whereas guys can offset an ugly face easily by going to the gym and keeping up with personal hygiene).

I'm not going to pretend I don't hate "nice guys" like you. So you are really polite and by that you mean talk shit behind people's backs.

If you have to ask hy you get those reactions. My guess is that you aren't very good at smiling and are way too quiet around people. That can be fixed by practicing in front of a mirror and actually talking to people.

I wouldn't recriminate someone for not taking a ride with you. In fact, if I had a daughter I would have taught her to stay away from guys that offer rides. It's like the number one creepiest thing you can do.

Your main problem is that you actually view women as an alien race that acts and thinks in an alien way. If you got used to treating women as normal human beings it would be much easier to interact with them and that uneasiness and paranoia you feel around them will fade with time.

If you're really a nice guy it shouldn't matter how the treat you back. Most of the OP reads like "why won't these women acknowledge me being nice", which isn't how being nice works, no matter your intentions.

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